Find A Light
by letsdosomeliving
Summary: Maybe there will be light again. Maybe, someday, someone will step into her life and shove all the darkness away again, show her what life had to offer, other than pain and heartbreak. But until that happens, she would stay where she is. Safe from every light that tries to help her. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**_Find A Light_**

It was a burning sensation, a ball of fire boiling up in her stomach, tying it in knots before shooting like a racket up to her chest, to burn and squeeze all life out of her heart. Her lungs seemed to constrict, making it impossible for the oxygen she so desperately needed to fight through. She wondered if it was possible to die from this horrible pain eating at her. It sure felt like she was dying in that moment and maybe, she would even welcome death with open arms, but then, her mouth automatically opened up wide, gasping for air, and her lungs took in as much as they could.

A shame, really, dying would have made her happier.

Tears only increased, wetting her cheeks, dripping down onto the destroyed papers and mingling with the blood seeping out of her hand. She flexed her fingers and her nails bit into the cut, causing even more blood to trickle out of the wound. The searing pain that aroused and radiated from the deep cut in her palm up to every one of her fingers and only stopped at the tip of her nails was almost a relief for her. She _wanted _to hurt, she wanted to be in as much pain as… as _she _was when that black SUV crashed into her car. Her brain didn't want to imagine what went on in her head that night, she just wanted to suffer as much as she did. The front door opened, she could hear the lock turning, but she didn't turn around from her spot on the floor. She didn't care who it was, it wasn't _her_, she would never come through that door again. The person behind her stepped in and took a sharp breath, the door quietly clicking shut. Quiet and hesitant footsteps started to approach her trembling form until they stood right next to her. One glance sideways towards the person's shoes was enough for her to know who it was.

He crouched down, his mouth releasing a small sigh. "What happened here?" He didn't get an answer. It was clear what had happened, wasn't it? He only had to take a good look around the apartment, she really didn't think it needed an explanation. "Jade, you're bleeding." Her brother's hand shot out and softly grasped her wrist before Jade could even think about pulling her hand out of his sight. "Sweetheart, what did you do?"

Instead of answering his question, she took a shaky breath and shot him one of her own. "How did you get in here?"

"I got the spare key from the landlord. We were all so worried about you." His eyes wandered down, settling on the ripped papers splayed all around Jade, and his heart clenched when he realized what it was. "You… You shouldn't have ripped these. You two spent so much time on-"

"There won't be a wedding," Jade spat and turned her head towards her brother, shooting him a hard glare, "I don't need them anymore, Aiden." Fresh tears started to trickle out of her eyes as she grabbed two handfuls of the shreds before letting them fall to the floor again. "She's gone," Jade quietly murmured and tiredly looked down at the remains of their wedding preparations, "She's not coming back."

Aiden opened his mouth to comfort his sister but nothing worth saying came to his mind. He wished he was more eloquent, more like their mother who _always _knew what to say. But most of all he wished that he could somehow turn back time so that his sister's fiancée wouldn't end up in that horrid car crash. With knitted eyebrows Aiden pressed his lips together and for the first time since he stepped into the apartment, he saw how bad Jade really looked: dark rings under her bloodshot eyes, cheeks blotchy with dried tears and her red nose stood out like a shining light in the darkness on Jade's sickly pale skin. Her body shivered a little and Aiden wondered if she was cold, despite that it was a cloudy but pretty warm August day. "Jade, I…" A hesitant hand reached out and descended onto her back, slowly starting to rub up and down. Jade flinched but other than that, she showed no reaction. "You should… eat something. Go take a shower. And I'm pretty sure you didn't sleep the last few days, did you?"

Jade didn't answer him, continuing to stare blankly ahead. "At least get up. Come on," his arm snuck around her body and he hoisted her up to her feet, without any resistance from Jade. "We have to clean that wound up. Don't want you to get an infection, right?"

Again, she stayed silent and with a sigh, Aiden led her over to the sofa, careful not to step on the various things and shards littered on the floor. He glanced down when something red caught his eye: a large shard of glass from a picture frame, Jade's blood lining the edge of it and slowly seeping into the cream colored carpet. At least he knows know why Jade was bleeding. He made a note in his head to remember to try to get the blood out of the carpet later, or even bring it to the cleaner's. His teeth began to nibble at his lip and when he turned back to Jade, his sister sat on the sofa with her eyes fixed on the blank screen of the TV and her cut hand limply lying in her lap. "Okay, um… I'm just going to get the first aid kit. It's in the bathroom, isn't it?"

This time, he at least got a nod out of her. _Baby steps_, Aiden thought to himself as he quickly walked into the bathroom, snatched the first aid kit out of the cupboard under the sink and almost jogged back into the living room, almost in fear that Jade would do something stupid if she'd be alone for too long. She didn't react much when he bandaged her hand, only wincing a little when the disinfectant came down on her wound.

"So," Aiden spoke after a long silence, "did you eat something today? I could cook something for the two of us."

Aiden actually didn't expect an answer, but to his surprise, Jade's croaky voice cut through the quiet living room in a quick response. "Not hungry." The young man nodded, his hand clasping together in his lap as he racked his brain for something else to say or do. When a loud sigh left Jade's lips, his eyes turned back to her. "It wasn't supposed to happen," she shakily murmured. She swallowed and shook her head. "She wasn't supposed to get into that stupid accident. Had she been more careful…" A shake of the head and a sharp inhale. "It's not _fair_, Aiden."

"Life… isn't fair, sweetheart," Aiden sighed and wrapped his arm around Jade's body, resting his chin on her shoulder. It was a stupid thing to say to her. He realized that right after the words left his mouth, but Jade didn't seem to mind as she let her body sink into his side. A sob rippled through her throat, her eyes squeezed shut and her uninjured hand tightly grabbed a chunk of her sweatpants.

"Why does everyone leave me?"

The pained words clawed at Aiden's heart, tore it in half and all he could do was gather his sobbing sister in a tight hug and squeeze his eyes shut to prevent his own tears from escaping. "I'm never going to leave you, Jade. I promise," he whispered and couldn't keep his mind from wandering back in time. He saw their father standing in the doorway of their home, his cold green eyes flicking from a seven year old Jade to his own fourteen year old self, his mouth spitting out a simple "Goodbye," before he turned on his heels and walked out of the door, forever disappearing from their lives. His brain fast forwarded seven whole years and stopped at the sight of his younger self holding his little sister in his arms as both of them stared at the grave of their mother. And then he thought back to only two days ago when he watched a screaming Jade being dragged out of the hospital room, where just a few moments ago, the love of her life passed away.

It really _wasn't_ fair. Jade didn't deserve it, not any of it. Not a scumbag of a father. Not the death of her mother which resulted in her needing to grow up faster than she would have liked, because Aiden wasn't able to support them both enough, struggling to bring up the money for the both of them even with juggling two jobs at the same time. And she sure as hell didn't deserve to lose the person who gave her the most hope, who made sure that she'd never give up no matter how hopeless life seemed. But there was no way out, no way to undo everything. There simply was no reset button.

And as Aiden tightly held onto his desperate sister, he couldn't stop his own tears to trickle down his stubbly cheeks. He didn't really know how long they sat there on the couch and to him, it really didn't matter. He wished he could take everything away from her, every pain, every heartbreak and every single bad memory. He'd love nothing more than to make her feel better because it wasn't just killing Jade, it was killing him too, seeing his sister, the girl he practically raised all by himself after their mother's death, at the brink of a complete mental breakdown. It amazed him sometimes, how one person could have so many facets and how fast they could change because of one thing. His normally so strong sister who didn't let anyone stomp her down, who always got back to her feet after everything life threw her way, was now – once again – completely and utterly broken.

Eventually, Jade's sobs subsided and turned into little gasps before her exhaustion finally got the best of her. Aiden carried her to bed, quietly tucking the blanket around her form. It reminded him of the time when their mother passed away, when he would sit by her bed until her cries faded and sleep overcame her. Back then, he hoped that Jade would never get into a situation like that again. He hoped that she would never have to feel that kind of pain again.

Obviously, his hopes were worth nothing.

With a sigh, he got up from his kneeling position by Jade's bed and tip toed out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible. When his eyes traveled over the messy living room he puffed out a long breath.

_Let's get to work._

* * *

_A/N: Very important note: Aiden is not a psycho in this one ;P  
_

_I had this idea a few days ago but was hesitant to write it down because... well... I only have a rough outlining of what I want to happen here and I get very easily distracted and uninterested if I don't have a concrete plan for my stories. But let's see where this goes. Also, if you haven't noticed: I really like killing off people in my stories.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_**3 years later.**_

Cat huffed and crossed her arms as her eyes fixed themselves on the black haired woman across from her. "You know, you really aren't making it any easier for me."

A quiet chuckle left Jade's lips and she slowly leaned back on the couch in the Valentine/Shapiro living room, her eyes sparkling in amusement as she let them roam over the various pictures of dresses and patterns strewn out on the coffee table in front of her. "I told you, Cat. I will wear any color you want. With the exception of pink."

"But look, Jade!" Her hand shot out to grab a soft pink pattern, almost shoving it into her best friend's face. "This isn't really pink! It's like, a really, really soft pink! Washed out almost. You can't even _see_ the pink!" The redhead's eyes were wide as she looked at Jade. "And you would look _so _pretty in it, I'm sure of it."

Jade raised an eyebrow and lifted her hand to pry the pattern out of Cat's fingers. With her lips pursed, she let her fingers run over the soft material, slowly nodding her head as if she really considered wearing a dress in that color before flinging the material to the side. She looked up at Cat with a smirk on her lips, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. "Nah. I think you have to choose a different color for me."

Cat's lips formed a pout at Jade's words and she turned around, letting herself fall down on the couch next to Jade. "You're being really difficult."

"Ah well. You know me. That's my thing, being difficult." Jade smirked and turned her head towards Cat who stared straight ahead, her eyebrows drawn down. The pale woman's face quickly morphed into a frown. "Cat." Jade's elbow lightly nudged the little redhead's ribs. "You knew I wasn't going to agree wearing," she paused and moved her gaze to the pictures of dresses all in different shades of pink, wrinkling her nose, "_that._ It was a condition, remember? I wouldn't have agreed to be your maid of honor if you hadn't promised me not to stick me into anything pink. Or anything remotely close to that."

"I know." Cat sighed loudly, then turned to face Jade, a small smile starting to form on her lips. "I just thought I could convince you. But I promise I'm going to find you a good color."

Jade nodded and let out a laugh. "You know, _you _are the one getting married and still you do everything possible to make _me_ feel comfortable."

"Well, at least now you see that I would do anything for my best friend," Cat shoved Jade's knee and giggled, "Even rearrange my wedding." Jade smiled and watched as Cat began to gather the pictures together, neatly stacking them on top of the table. The sudden feeling of heaviness on her left hand caught Jade's attention and her smile began to fall when her fingers touched the smooth surface of the silver ring on her ring finger. Numbness arouse inside of her, encaging her heart, just like it always did when she thought about her. There had been a time when she couldn't think about her at all, where everything her thoughts would result into were hour long crying sessions, where the pain would get too much for her to handle. More than once did Jade think about joining her dead fiancée. It would have been so easy. Slitting her wrists, taking an overdose of pills, letting herself fall from the roof of her apartment building… it all had crossed her mind but never had she _truly_ considered it.

"Maybe you should take it off."

Jade's eyes blinked dazedly as she lifted her eyes from the ring on her finger and her gaze fell on Cat's face, complete with a sad smile and sympathy radiating from her eyes. Almost instinctively, Jade flexed her hand, making a fist as if she was afraid that Cat would rip it off all of sudden. "No. No, I… I'm not taking it off."

Without losing her smile, Cat moved closer to Jade and gently cradled her fist in her hands. Giving it a light squeeze, Jade's hand relaxed. "Lia surely would have been a big help to me. She would have gotten you to wear a pink dress."

Jade laughed and looked down at her and Cat's hands, shaking her head. "No, she wouldn't have. If anything, she was a _horrible _persuader."

"Yeah. That's true." Jade lifted her head to see Cat looking at a spot on the floor with a soft smile playing on her lips. As she looked at her redheaded best friend, a feeling of gratitude washed over her when she thought back to the time just after Lia's death.

"_Jade."_

_Cat's voice echoed in her ears, her cold hand pushing the hair out of her face. She called again, a little louder this time but Jade refused to react. Silent tears threatened to escape, so she squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, her fingers almost numbing from her tight grip on the blanket thrown over her body. It still smelled like her and if she just closed her eyes tight enough, she could even feel the warmth of her body behind her. _But it's not real, it's not real. She's dead. _Jade's face relaxed, a few tears finally able to roll down her cheeks and Cat's voice sounded again._

"_Jade, we… we just want to make sure you're okay. Please," she pleaded, her voice thick with her own tears, "Please open your eyes."_

_Jade hesitated for a few seconds but then decided to follow Cat's request. Her heavy eyelids fluttered open, more tears running down her face as she looked at Cat. Behind her, Robbie was standing in the doorway of her bedroom with his hands tightly clasped together and the corners of his mouth drawn down. Jade's mouth released a shaky breath as she closed her eyes again before reopening them shortly after when Cat shakily spoke again. "Aiden called. We… we were _so_ worried, Jade." She stopped and bit her lip, trying to hold her tears in. "Are you okay?"_

"_What kind of stupid question is that, Cat?" The redhead flinched at the venom dripping from Jade's ice cold voice, the harshness of her tone and the glare of her eyes cutting through Cat's heart despite the lacking intensity Jade would normally have. She bit her lip again, her eyes rapidly blinking, causing a couple of stray tears to roll down her face and drip down her jaw._

"_I'm-I'm sorry. I know that you're not okay. _Of course_ you're not okay, I just didn't know… what to say and…" Her sentence ended with a deep breath and a shake of her head. Robbie came closer, his hand finding a comforting place on Cat's shoulder as he crouched down beside his girlfriend. Jade ignored Cat's sadness, asking in a quiet voice "What time is it?"_

"_It's seven," Robbie answered her just as quietly, "We cooked. It's been two days already. You really have to eat something."_

_Jade turned on her back, her eyes staring at the white ceiling above. "I don't want to eat anything."_

_Cat's eyebrows furrowed. "But Jade, you-"_

"_I don't _want _to eat anything!" Her voice cracked slightly but Jade's loud words caused Cat to shrink back anyways. Robbie frowned, shifting his eyes from his frightened girlfriend to Jade. Biting his teeth together, the curly haired man stood up, softly grabbing the edge of the blanket in both of his hands. "But you _will_ eat, Jade." With one swift movement Robbie pulled the blanket out of Jade's hands and away from her body. Jade's eyes flew to Robbie in bewilderment. "I know you're hurting. I know you miss her. But Lia sure as hell wouldn't want you to act like a bratty child," he said firmly and then held his hand out. "Let's eat something. We will leave you alone after, we promise."_

_Jade's eyes suddenly softened and she thickly swallowed before hesitantly grabbing Robbie's hand, letting him pull her out of bed. As Robbie pulled her to her feet, she almost fell, but just in time Cat shot up from the floor, her arm tightly wrapping around her waist. Hesitant eyes moved towards Cat, seeing a slight smile shot her way and her chin flicking towards the doorway. With Robbie and Cat on either side of her, Jade slowly padded into the living room and immediately the delicious smell of food wafted up her nose. Her stomach growled loudly and without any resistance she let Cat lead her over to the kitchen area, sitting down on one of the bar stools, while Robbie started to fill a plate with food. Cat sat down next to her, her hand hesitantly reaching out to touch her arm. When her hand finally touched her, Jade turned towards her, receiving a small smile. _

"_We're here," she softly said, "We'll make you feel okay again."_

And they did that. Robbie and Cat made her feel okay again. It wasn't even close to how she felt when Lia was still alive, but… it was something. She was okay. That's all she'd ever get and she accepted that for the most part.

"Jade?"

Jade quickly snapped out of her memory, feeling Cat shaking her arm. "What? What did you say?" She looked back at Cat who looked at her worriedly. When she realized that Jade was okay, she relaxed and let go of Jade's arm.

"I just wanted to know if you'll go with me and look for a better color. I wanted to go to the boutique on Saturday and I think it would be better if you'd come with me."

"Oh." Jade frowned at the idea of mingling with hundreds of other people, probably even running into people she knew. God, how she hated people. But at last, she nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"Great!" Cat smiled brightly, then her eyes widened and she opened her mouth in an 'O' form. "Hey, did I tell you that Robbie's friend is coming on Saturday?"

"No, what friend?"

**…**

"So… New Jersey, huh?"

Tori nodded and tightly smiled at her sister, who sat across from her with her eyes narrowed into thin slits and her glossed lips pursed. "That's like… really far away. About what? 3000 miles?"

The younger Vega pushed out a long breath, her eyes moving downwards to look at her fingers running over the rim of her cup. "Yeah, a little less but… yeah."

A loud sigh brought Tori to look back up at Trina. "Tor, I'm sure you'll find a job around here. I don't really think it's necessary to move to New Jersey." The decision to go to New Jersey hadn't been an easy one to make and the look Trina sent her at this moment surely didn't make it any easier on Tori. She had thought it through and sure, maybe she would get a job in Los Angeles if she'd just kept looking but… maybe it was time to stand on her own feet, not relying on her sister and parents. She was twenty five and she was able to look after herself. Not to mention she'd have to be stupid not to be thrilled about the fact that the Performing Arts School she applied at as a vocal coach hired her straight from the spot.

"I know, but this is a great opportunity for me. And it's not like we're not going to see each other ever again. It's really not _that _far away." Tori's words didn't seem to ease Trina's worry about her little sister, the frown on her face only deepening. "I'm just worried. You're my baby sister and you move into a completely new city. You'll be alone and I don't like that."

"Robbie and his fiancée Cat live in New Jersey. So I won't be alone." Tori shot her a reassuring smile. "Besides, I'm an adult, Treen. You don't need to look out for me." She reached over the table, taking Trina's hand in hers and giving it a tight squeeze. "I'll be fine."

With an overdramatic sigh, Trina's face loosened up a little. She rolled her eyes, then shot Tori a pointed look. "But you do know that New Jersey isn't always sunny, right? I mean it rains and snows and rains and snows…"

The sound of Tori laughing finally tickled a smile out of Trina. "I'm sure sometimes even New Jersey gets a little sunshine."

Trina just shrugged and shifted her eyes until they fell on the waiter a couple of tables away. Lifting her hand and snapping her fingers, she called for him to come to their table. "Well then I guess there's nothing more for me to say, is there?" Tori shook her head with a smile while Trina paid for their coffees. A big sigh left the older Vega's mouth as she got up from the table and looked at her sister with her head tilted to the side. "Okay. _But,_" her eyes narrowed and finger pointed at Tori who was in the middle of putting her jacket on, "We are going shopping before you leave on Saturday. Can't let you go to a new state with your old wardrobe."

Tori frowned, pulling her hair out from under the collar of her jacket before following Trina out of the café. "What? Why, what's wrong with my wardrobe?"

"Nothing's _wrong _with it. But you gotta be prepared. New York isn't L.A., it's different." With a quick click of the little remote on her keychain, Trina's car beeped quietly and both sisters got in.

"New Jersey."

Trina froze for a second before shooting Tori a confused look. "What?"

"I'm moving to New Jersey, not New York."

"Pfft," Trina waved her hand dismissively before turning the key, the engine roaring to life, "Whatever. Same thing."


	3. Chapter 3

"_Blue or green?"_

_Jade lowered the eyeliner and craned her head to look over her shoulder at the two dresses her fiancée was holding up. Her narrowed eyes flicked from the blue to the green dress. "Green one," she decided and turned back to the mirror. The blue dress was quickly thrown onto the bed as Amelia swung Jade's choice in front of her, tilting her head as she looked at the piece of clothing. With a quick nod, she made her way to the bathroom but stopped in the doorway of the bedroom to look at Jade, who was still busy applying her makeup. _

_The black-haired woman abruptly stopped her ministrations when she spotted Lia staring at her out of the corner of her eye, her eyes quickly flicking over to her. "What?"_

_Amelia shrugged, smiling as she tightened her fingers on the dress. "I just love you so much."_

_Jade's lips lifted in a smirk."Oh, you little softie, you." She turned back to the mirror, her tongue poking out to run over her lips, before a smile broke out on her face. "But I love you anyways."_

_Biting her lip, Lia walked over to Jade and squeezed Jade's shoulder, urging her to scoot the chair back a little. She sat down on her lap, her one arm lightly wrapping around Jade's shoulders while her other hand still held the dress. "Can you imagine? We're going to get married." Her hand softly ran through Jade's hair. Smiling, she pressed her lips against hers. "I'm so glad you said yes," Lia whispered against Jade's lips, a squeal escaping her mouth when Jade lightly pinched her leg._

"_Oh please. I couldn't possibly have said _no_," Jade began, pulling away and flicking amused eyes over Lia's face, "You probably would have hit me or chained me up and let me starve to death until I said yes."_

"_I would have not!" Jade raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth but Lia began talking again."No, no, no! Shush! Or I'm going to revoke my proposal."_

_Jade pretended to ponder about that possibility for a little while. "Would I get to keep the ring?"_

_Lia laughed. "Of course not."_

"_Oh," Jade sighed overdramatically and pressed a quick kiss to Lia's cheek, "I guess I'm going to keep my mouth shut then."_

"_Good." Amelia playfully patted Jade's head before sighing loudly and shaking her head. "You really destroy every sweet moment we have together. Or we _could_ have."_

"_That's not true. I just don't want you to get all mushy on me. We have our sweet moments." She smiled at the way Lia bit her lip and narrowed her eyes, and gave her leg a squeeze. "Come on now. Get ready. Cat will kill us if we're late. Especially since it's our engagement party."_

_With a long sigh, she stood up, languidly walking out of the bedroom, a smile appearing on her face as she heard Jade jokingly shouting after her. "And you better look pretty! Or _I'm _the one calling it off!"_

"Blue or Green? What do you think?"

When no answer came, Jade turned around, only to see that Cat had disappeared. "Cat? Hey Cat!"

"I'm here," the redhead sung and popped her head up from behind a long rack of colorful dresses.

"What do you think," Jade repeated and held both dresses up to get Cat's opinion on them, "Blue or Green? I like both." The petite woman smiled brightly and skipped over to Jade, a light cream-colored dress hanging over the crook of her elbow. "They're both pretty," she said and shifted her gaze back and forth between the two dresses in Jade's hands, "But we don't need them."

Jade's eyebrows shot up, her hands lowering. "We don't?"

"Nope. Look!" Her hand shot out to grasp the dress off of her elbow, letting it dance in front of Jade with an openmouthed smile. Jade watched amusedly, her eyes roaming the dress. "That?"

"Yes! _Exactly_ that! The color, the design, the cut… it's perfect! Will you wear it?"

"Sure."

"Oooh, yay!" Jade laughed when the redhead threw her arms into the air, one of the biggest smiles imaginable lighting up her face. "That means everything can stay the same, we don't have to change a thing! Your dress still compliments the color scheme of our wedding."

"Yeah and see? A pink dress really isn't necessary." Jade smiled at the content expression on her best friend's face before sighing and taking a look around the boutique. "Can we go now?"

Cat nodded, carefully hanging Jade's dress back over her elbow. "Yes, of course. Let's go."

**…**

After about ten meetings between her ribs and other people's elbows, Tori finally managed to get her bags from the conveyer belt. Heaving them down with a groan, she looked out for any sign of Robbie. Her curly-haired friend was nowhere to be seen so she pulled out her phone, turned it back on and dialed his number. It rang two times before Robbie picked up.

"_Hey there, Tori! Did you land?"_

"Yes. I just got my luggage. Where are you?"

"_I'm standing right outside. Do you want me to get you?"_

Tori sighed and bit her lip, looking at the signs to find the exit. "Um, no. Just stay where you are. I'm there in a minute."

"_Okay. I'm on the lookout for you."  
_

Tori hung up and quickly grabbed one of the carts, loading her luggage on them and following the signs that led her to the main exit of the airport. A gust of wind blew right in her face as she stepped out, the slightly cold September air wrapping around her body and making her shiver. She narrowed her eyes and looked around, but Robbie was still nowhere to be seen.

"Look who it is!"

A loud voice sounded in her ear, cold hands touching her sides, making the brunette jump. Tori whirled around to see Robbie standing in front of her, grinning from ear to ear. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" She looked at him incredulously but soon breathed out a laugh and held her arms out. Robbie's grin didn't falter as he stepped into Tori's hug, his own arms tightly wounding around his old best friend. "I really missed you," Tori murmured into his shoulder. She pulled back and smiled, scanning him up and down. "Look how much you've grown," Tori quipped and playfully reached her fingers out to pinch Robbie's cheeks, "You're a man now!"

"I was _always_ a man!" He acted offended, his mouth hanging open and his eyebrows crunched. Tori just laughed at his antics. "Sure you were. Are we ready to go now? It's freezing here." As if to prove her point, Tori's body shivered when another gust of wind blew around her. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at Robbie who already busied himself with pushing the cart with Tori's luggage towards his car. "Well, it's fall. It gets colder now." Tori nodded and walked beside Robbie, keeping her arms around herself. Robbie looked over at her, a smile playing on his lips. "You probably should have put on a thicker jacket," he said, his eyes flicking down to the blue cardigan she wore, "You're not in L.A. anymore. It's a _little_ bit colder."

"Yeah, thanks for the tip," Tori grumbled and looked at Robbie, poking her tongue out. "You sound like Trina."

"Ah, the good old Trina. How is she doing?" They stopped at a dark blue car and after Robbie unlocked it, he started to load Tori's bags into the trunk. Tori sighed and began rubbing her arms. "She's fine. Of course she dragged me into a million stores before I flew here, saying that I need to accommodate to the New Yorker style." She rolled her eyes and Robbie laughed, slamming the trunk shut.

"And? Are your 'L.A. clothes' now history?"

"No," Tori chuckled, shaking her head, "Trina was the only one who really bought herself anything. She completely abandoned me in every shop."

Robbie laughed again and after they brought the cart back, they climbed into the car and made their way to Robbie and Cat's apartment. "And it's really okay for you and Cat? I mean, I could check into a hotel or something."

Robbie tsked, lifting his hand and waving it dismissively, his eyes never leaving the road. "Of course it's okay. For both of us. You and Cat will get along great, I'm sure about that."

Tori smiled and rubbed her cold hands together. "Speaking of Cat… How are the preparations going along?"

"Really great," Robbie nodded, taking a left turn, "She's actually at some… boutique right now with Jade, her best friend and her maid of honor." He stopped at a stoplight and his eyebrows suddenly crunched together as he turned towards Tori. "You and Jade should meet some time," he randomly stated and kept looking at his friend in the passenger seat.

Tori raised her eyebrows and slowly nodded. "Um… okay. Why should we meet? Any specific reason?"

Robbie shrugged and turned his attention back to the street. "Just because. Even though you and me lost contact over the years, I still consider you to be a very important person in my life. And so is Jade." He bit his lip and stepped on the gas pedal, muttering under his breath "Besides, Jade could use some socializing."

Tori frowned. "What?"

Realizing that Tori had heard the last part, Robbie glanced her way and lightly shook his head. "Nevermind. Just talking to myself," he nodded and forced a smile to appear on his face. "So, tell me. Are you excited about your new job?"

**…**

"Hurry up. We still need to go to the bakery."

Jade sighed aggravated, ripped the door of the car open and shot the redhead in the driver's seat a glare. "Don't rush me. I just want to pee, I don't want to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy."

Cat raised her eyebrows and held her hands up. "Okay, okay. But don't forget to hu-"

Jade didn't let her finish, quickly jumping out of the car and slamming the door shut behind her. After they were done in the boutique, Cat just _had _to go into another shop, after seeing "these shoes that are to die for" and of course, she dragged Jade with her. They spent an entire hour in the shoe shop, with Cat trying on a gazillion of different shoes and ending up buying none of them. As if the ultimate boredom of shopping and the urgent need to use the bathroom hadn't been enough to frustrate Jade to no end, Cat then revealed to her in the car that they would need to make a quick trip to the bakery, to talk about the wedding cake. Given that her bladder was almost on the verge of exploding, she urged Cat to drive home so that she could use the bathroom. Cat had grumbled something about a strict schedule but eventually gave in, only agreeing to make a trip to her apartment if Jade would _promise _to hurry and come with her to the bakery.

So here she was, fumbling with the keys and on the verge of peeing her pants. When she finally managed to turn the lock, Jade burst through the door and made her way straight to the bathroom.

Jade paused in her steps however, her eyes moving up and falling on a brunette woman just coming out of the bathroom. Her brown eyes found Jade's and for a few seconds, the only thing the two women did was stare at each other, until Jade found her voice, her urgent need shoved to the side for the moment. "Who are you?"

Jade watched as the woman grabbed the door handle of the bathroom door a little tighter in her hands, a few stuttering sounds falling out of the brunette's mouth. "Uh, I… sorry. I'm Tori."

"Tori. Oh, you're Robbie's friend?"

Jade's eyes narrowed as she observed Tori. Pearly white teeth tightly bit down on her plump lip, her face completely blank of any make up and black rimmed glasses neatly placed on the bridge of her nose. She nodded, her bottom lip managing to escape the prison between her teeth. "Yeah. I, um… Robbie and Cat are letting me stay with them for a couple of days until… until my apartment is ready for me to move in."

A faint smirk played on Jade's lips. "Until your apartment is ready for you?"

"Yes, um… the heating isn't really working properly and the landlord wants to fix it before I move in." Tori nodded again, reassuring Jade that she was in fact, telling the truth. "And you, you are Jade, right? Cat's best friend?"

The suspicious look returned to Jade's face as Tori waited for her to answer with a small smile and raised eyebrows. "I am," she confirmed, crossing her arms over her chest and letting her eyes roam Tori's face, "How do you know that?"

Tori's hand finally let go of the door handle and she shrugged her shoulders, lightly smiling at Jade. "Robbie told me about you. Plus, the picture in the living room of you and Cat kinda helped me to recognize you."

"Ah. Well, that explains why you didn't think I was a thief or something."

Tori laughed and nodded her head. They stood there awkwardly for a couple of seconds before Robbie came out of the bedroom, a smile lighting up his face when his eyes fell on the two women. "Oh! You two met already?"

Tori smiled at him and nodded her head. Jade opened her mouth but Cat's voice ringing through the apartment stopped her from saying anything. "Jade, what's taking so-" She came bounding through the door, stopping short when she saw Tori and Jade standing in front of each other. "Oh," Cat's eyebrows shot up and a bright smile appeared when she fixed her gaze on Tori. "You must be Tori! It's really so nice to meet you."

"Yeah, it's a pleasure to-" Tori stopped talking as Cat gathered her in a big hug and let out a laugh. "Oh, okay." Her own arms wrapped around the little redhead, her hands lightly patting her back.

"I'm Cat," Cat happily said as she pulled away from the hug.

"Yeah, well that's so nice. Now we all know each other. But I," Jade stepped forward and placed her hands on Tori's forearms, gently shoving the surprised brunette away from her blocking position of the bathroom door. Their eyes met for just a few seconds before Jade looked away and let go of Tori. "need to use the bathroom." The brunette stumbled a little, pushing into Robbie, her eyes watching as Jade disappeared into the bathroom.

"Wow," Tori breathed out and caught both Cat's and Robbie's attention. Her hand lifted and pointed to her own eyes, which were still fixed on the door. "Her eyes are really nice."

Robbie's eyebrows shot up, his eyes flying to his fiancée who barely could keep her laugh inside, her lips pressed together and eyes sparkling. When Tori realized what she just said, her eyes widened and flew to Cat. "Um, I'm… sorry. I really just," she stumbled over her words, only increasing Cat's amusement. Tori's mouth snapped shut and she shook her head, the amount of embarrassment she was feeling getting the best of her. "She just has really nice eyes," she blurted out again and then quickly turned around, walking into the living room.

She cringed when she heard Cat's quiet giggle behind her. "Oh my God. Just shoot me."


	4. Chapter 4

"…and then I stuttered out how nice her eyes are."

Only thinking about her weird slip up earlier that day caused Tori's cheeks to redden and the snort that sounded through the line didn't really help to ease her embarrassment. _"You're such a loser."_ Tori could only imagine the massive grin that Trina must be sporting in that moment. "_What happened then?"_

"Nothing. I went into the living room, _completely mortified_, and as soon as Jade came back out of the bathroom Cat dragged her out of the apartment." Tori sighed, squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead. "Robbie thankfully didn't say anything about it and neither did Cat when she came back home."

Tori had been so relieved when neither of them had addressed her about it. She really wouldn't have known what to say and she can just hope that Cat and Robbie wouldn't mention it tomorrow. This weird feeling she got when she had looked at Jade, the massive pull she felt towards the other woman when she looked into her – really pretty – eyes, was definitely something completely new to her. She never felt that way towards anybody, especially not on the first meeting.

"_Well, don't worry about it. It's not like you did something bad."_

"Yeah, I know. But… 'She has really nice eyes'? Why did I say that? It just bubbled out of me. That was so _stupid_."

Trina laughed at her sister's obvious embarrassment. _"Yeah. But hey, as long as she didn't tell that Jade girl, you shouldn't be too concerned. Although it would be so funny if she would confront you about it."_

Tori released a loud groan at Trina's words and threw her head back. "Cat probably thinks I'm an idiot now," Tori whined, pulling her blanket tighter around her body.

"_No, she doesn't. Don't worry so much, sis. She probably forgot about it already."_

**…**

Meanwhile, only one room further down the hall, Cat frowned and put the bridal magazine down, turning her body towards Robbie. "Is Tori gay?"

Robbie froze, knitting his eyebrows together and turning his eyes towards Cat. "Uh… I don't think so? You don't think that just because of the comment about Jade's eyes right?" Cat raised her eyebrows and bit her lip, continuing to look at her fiancé with curiosity radiating out of every pore. Robbie sighed and turned back to his phone. "I don't know. She was never interested in girls when we went to school together."

"Huh." Cat turned away and fixed her eyes on the wall across from their bed. "Maybe I'll ask her tomorrow," she mentioned casually.

"What?!" Cat flinched at Robbie's outburst and looked at him with wide eyes. Robbie quickly put his phone down. "You can't ask Tori if she's gay."

"Why not?"

Robbie pushed out a loud breath and shook his head. "You don't ask people if they're gay. It's not… not…" He fished for a fitting word, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth. "It's not the etiquette," he finally spluttered out. Cat's mouth stood open as she looked at her fiancé for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter. "It's not the _etiquette_?"

"It's not! She might feel uncomfortable with you asking her. Especially since she only met you today."

Cat slowly nodded and then shrugged her shoulders. "Well then you ask her."

"No," he squeaked out, almost offended, and caused Cat's amused smile to widen. "No one will ask her. Not you, not me. If she's gay she has to come out by herself, not being forced out by a small redhead."

Cat sighed. "_Okay_. I won't ask her." Curious eyes flicked over Robbie's face. "Does it make you uncomfortable that Tori might be gay?"

"No," Robbie sighed and looked away from Cat, "No, of course not. It's just, I know what you are thinking." He paused and turned to shoot Cat a pointed look. "And if Jade knew what kind of ideas settled into your head, she would kill you with her bare hands."

Cat's smile abruptly fell and she looked down at her hands. "I just think it's time for her to…" She trailed off when she couldn't find the right words, her hands wildly waving in front of her. An exasperated sigh flew out of her mouth. "I think she shouldn't be alone anymore."

Robbie briefly closed his eyes and shook his head. He understood Cat. Hell, he wanted to see Jade happy again too. It had been way too long since he saw her really smile, that kind of smile that made her eyes sparkle. To hear that kind of laugh that made her nose crinkle. But Jade showed no interest in dating and if he was completely honest, he didn't think Jade was anywhere near of being over Amelia, even three years after her death. "She still loves her," he softly said and watched the sliver of sadness that always arouse whenever Lia was mentioned, wash over his fiancée's face.

"I know she does. But Robbie, Lia won't come back. She won't." She sadly shook her head. "I want Jade to be happy again."

"Me too. But you can't force anything on her." Robbie shifted closer to his fiancée, put his arm around her small body and rested his chin on top of her head. "She didn't let Amelia go. Believe me, I _understand_ you and I know that Jade really has to move on some time but…" He sighed quietly, Cat snuggling into him. "She just… she misses her."

"It's not healthy." Cat furrowed her eyebrows at her own words and quickly corrected herself. "I mean, it's not_ healthy_ in a way of… shutting everyone out and… being alone all of the time. She just goes out to work, buys herself some food so that she won't starve and visits Aiden and us. That's all she does and I don't think… that that's so good."

"Had I known that Tori would stir up such worry in you, I wouldn't have let her come here," Robbie joked and heard Cat sigh.

"The worry was there before Tori came. It's just…" Cat pulled away and looked at Robbie with a small smile on her face, lightly shrugging her shoulders. "Wasn't it cute? Tori getting all flustered and blushing? I thought that was cute."

"Well, _cupid_," Robbie spoke up, smiling and raising his eyebrows, "Keep your arrows away from Tori and Jade. And don't set your hopes too high on Tori's… sexuality. When we were still in school she often got into pretty awkward situations. It's just who she is. A lovable, little klutz."

Cat shrugged and picked the magazine back up. "If you say so."

**…**

The next day, Cat got a slight glimpse of the klutzy side of Robbie's brunette friend.

The loud clank of the ceramic cup as it crashed down on the kitchen floor, red shards flying everywhere as the cup broke, made Cat flinch and Tori's mouth fall open. "Oh my God! Cat, I'm so sorry." Tori quickly crouched down and started to collect the broken pieces, her cheeks turning almost the same color as the red cup she just destroyed. "I'm so clumsy. I'll buy you a new one, I promise."

After blinking a couple of times, Cat shook her head and let out a laugh. "Don't be ridiculous. You don't need to buy a new one. It was just a cup. Accidents happen." She kneeled down too and began helping Tori.

"Still, I'm sorry. It's just… you know when I'm nervous I get all clumsy and I talk about stupid things. I'm just… I'm horrible." The brunette shook her head and got up, throwing the handful of red shards in the trash. Cat did the same, then shot Tori a comforting smile. "Why are you nervous?"

Just realizing what little information she let slip, Tori's eyes momentarily widened before she let out a defeated sigh. "I don't know," she whined and plopped down on one of the kitchen chairs, "Everything is just so new and… strange."

Cat's smile stayed firmly on her lips as she took a seat across from Tori. "You don't have to be nervous. You're not alone." Cat's hand softly squeezed Tori's arm. "You have Robbie and you have me. We're going to help you settle in."

"That's really nice of you." Tori smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "You don't even know me."

"So? Then we'll get to know each other." Cat winked at her and raised her eyebrows. "And we can start today. First information: Jade comes by every Sunday. Sooo, that means today."

With a smirk on her lips Cat waited for Tori to react. She nodded slowly, her lips pressed together. "Oh. She comes by every Sunday?"

Cat nodded. "Yeah. It's kind of a tradition. We started it… a couple of years ago." Tori saw something flicker over Cat's face for a brief moment before the redhead concealed it with a smile. "We cook together."

"That's nice." Tori nodded uncomfortably. The eye thing from yesterday had been humiliating enough for her. What if something like that would happen to her again? She'll shoot herself, she's sure about that. "When is she coming?"

"Oh, pretty soon I guess."

And just an hour later the doorbell rang and signaled Jade's arrival.

Tori stayed in the kitchen with Robbie as Cat jumped up and went to open the door. She could hear their muffled voices mingling, then, the black-haired woman stepped into the kitchen, followed by the redhead, and Tori feared that the loud thudding of her heart might be so loud that she'd hear it. She went to Robbie first, giving him a quick hug and then turned to Tori, shooting her a light smile. "Tori," was her simple greeting accompanied with a nod.

"Hey. Nice to see you again."

The smile turned into a smirk as she nodded her head. "Yeah. We'll see about that."

**…**

Thankfully, the day had gone by without much awkwardness. They cooked, or more Jade and Robbie did, while Cat and Tori just settled for chopping vegetables and doing the easy things, given that both of them weren't really the best cooks. Getting to know Jade however, for what Tori almost had a desperate urge to, had proven to be much more difficult than Tori had imagined. Tori had never encountered a person quite like Jade. She was so different. Almost a mystery. She hadn't talked very much the whole day besides quietly murmuring to Robbie about what ingredients to use, cracking a joke now and then or talking to Cat about the wedding. She _did _ask Tori about her decision to move to New Jersey and the fact that the brunette was hired as a vocal coach seemed to interest her. But that was about all conversation that went on between Tori and the black-haired woman and it irked Tori quite a bit that it bothered her so much. She really wanted to get to know her, for which reason, she wasn't so sure yet. Jade just captivated her from the very beginning, something about her just seemed… interesting.

The apartment was dimly lit, the evening sky already splattered with sparkling stars. Robbie had retired to his office – which also happened to be Tori's makeshift bedroom – saying he had to prepare something for work, leaving only Tori and Cat. Tori quietly stepped into the living room, her eyes falling on Cat sitting on the sofa, neatly placing a stack of light pink envelopes and some kind of cards on the coffee table. When Tori came closer, Cat looked up and a soft smile immediately appeared on the smaller woman's face. "Hey Tori."

"Hey. Mind if I sit with you a little bit?"

Cat shook her head and scooted over on the sofa, patting a spot beside her. "Not at all. Come here." Tori smiled in thanks and took the place next to Cat, crunching her eyebrows as she let her eyes wander over the things on the coffee table. "Oh, are those your wedding invitations?"

"Yep," Cat cheerfully said and brightly smiled, "It's time for us to send them out."

The invitations were pink, the same color as the envelopes, the letters printed on the paper in a fancy looking swirly font. Tori watched as Cat took one of the envelopes and carefully put one of the invitation cards into it. "Can I help you with that?"

The redhead looked up, shrugging her shoulders. "You don't have to. But if you want to, feel free."

Tori got to work as soon as Cat finished her sentence, mimicking Cat's actions. They began talking about anything possible, like Tori's old life in Los Angeles, about their families and about everything that came to mind. Soon, the living room was filled with laughter and for the first time since she got here, Tori didn't feel out of place or afraid of saying a wrong word. After a while, Cat left Tori to put the invitations in the envelopes and settled for writing out the addresses on the already finished ones.

"Aiden West," Cat smiled at Tori and waved the already mailable invitation for Aiden in her hand, "That's Jade's brother."

"Speaking of Jade," Tori started casually, her eyebrows furrowed as she placed another invitation in an envelope. If Jade wasn't the big talker, maybe Tori could get some information out of Cat. She _is_ her best friend after all. Her mind traveled back to the dinner and settled on the image of a ring glinting at Jade's left ring finger. "Is Jade engaged or married or something?"

The question seemed harmless enough to Tori but when she saw Cat freeze and that indescribable look appeared on Cat's face, she immediately regretted even thinking about asking. "Wh-Where would you get that idea?"

"The ring she wears," Tori slowly explained and carefully watched Cat's reactions, "I just assumed."

Cat nodded and turned back to the invitations, frowning. It was quiet for almost a minute when Cat finally answered. "She was engaged."

Tori's eyebrows knitted together. "Was?"

Cat only nodded her head again and busied herself with rearranging the already finished invitations on the table. A little voice in the back of Tori's mind told her that she should just keep her mouth shut and change the topic but the nagging curiosity got the best of her. "So… they broke up? Then why is she still wearing the ring?"

Tori noticed that Cat looked more than uncomfortable and as the redhead locked her hands in her lap and shifted her body towards Tori, she was surprised to see sadness overshadowing her eyes. "Her fiancée… Amelia… she died three years ago."

"Oh… Oh, I'm so… sorry. That was so insensitive."

A weak smile appeared on Cat's lips as she waved Tori off. "No, no it wasn't. You couldn't have known." It was silent, before Tori got the courage to speak up again. "How did she… I mean, what happened?"

Cat took a deep breath and straightened up, spending the next half an hour talking about how Jade's fiancée lost her life.

* * *

_A/N: So I think I should post a little 'warning' or whatever. There will be more scenes like the one in the last chapter with Amelia and Jade. I know some people don't like to read anything that has one of the two main people (in this case Jade) with someone else. But it's going to be like that so... yeah. There will be Jori of course but also a little... I don't know what to call them, Jamelia? That sounds kinda egyptian, ha. Nah, I'll stay with Amelia and Jade.  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hospitals were never something Cat Valentine liked very much. Of course they weren't something bad, people could come here and get better when they were sick. The doctors and nurses that worked here were there to help, not anything else. But that didn't stop Cat from despising hospitals. They were so white and sterile, the constant ringing of telephones and noises from machines Cat would never be able to know the names of, and worst of all, the always present thought in her head that death could linger around every corner._

_Cat simply hated to be in hospitals._

_Her cold hands were folded together in her lap while her teeth tightly bit down on her bottom lip as she stared at the white door in front of her. The thought of death being behind that door, just waiting for the right moment to strike, sent a shiver down her spine and made her stomach turn. It was quiet, so quiet, the only sound her ears were able to take in was the quiet murmuring of Aiden and Robbie. How they could be so calm in this situation was a mystery to Cat. She couldn't even sit still, let alone think about anything _but_ Amelia. Her entire body buzzed with tension and if they wouldn't hear something about Lia's condition soon, Cat was sure she would go insane. It had been half an hour already since Jade disappeared into the room, and neither her, the doctor, or Amelia's parents had come out once. _

_Something just had to be wrong._

"_I can't do this anymore." Cat shot up from her seat and caused Aiden and Robbie to stop their conversation and turn their attention on the small redhead. Her hands ran through her hair as she pushed out a deep breath. "I'm going insane! Why is no one coming out of there? Something has to be wrong!"_

"_They probably just… run some tests or… something like that," Robbie weakly said, trying to explain the lack of news they've been getting. He watched his girlfriend's eyes fill with tears as she shook her head. "Then why is everybody in there? If they'd just run some tests, then the doctor should be alone in there."_

_Aiden stood up and the look in his eyes betrayed his otherwise so calm exterior. They showed worry, fear even and now Cat knew that he had the same thoughts as her. "We shouldn't jump to conclusions, Cat. It's really not helping anyone." He tried to crack a small smile but the look in his eyes didn't vanish and only fueled Cat's fear. Nevertheless, she let Aiden grab her arm and pull her down so that she was sitting in her seat again. But not even five seconds later, she shot up again when the door to the room opened. The doctor emerged, softly closing the door behind himself. "How is she? Is she going to be okay?"_

_He stopped for a moment and looked at Cat with his lips parted in surprise, but then he smiled tightly and shook his head. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything."_

"_But you… you have to! Just… just tell us if she's okay," Cat's voice grew louder but the doctor seemed unfazed. "I'm sorry," was all he said as he quickly walked down the hall._

"He didn't want to tell us anything," Cat quietly said and shook her head. With her lip between her teeth and eyebrows furrowed, Tori listened intently to Cat. "I mean… it's understandable, they have their regulations but… he knew who we were. We were always there the first days after Lia had the accident. She was feeling better but when we heard her condition got worse, we were just as worried and scared as Jade or Lia's parents. I think he could have just told us. At least tell us if she's going to be okay or… not." Her voice slightly cracked at the last word and she cleared her throat before she smiled a weak smile and shook her head again.

"What… happened then?"

"After a little while her parents came out."

_Cat jumped up and quickly walked over to Jacob and Diane. "How is she?"_

_Amelia's father ran a hand through his graying hair and sighed. "Not so good. She caught an infection and the doctor put her on some medication to lower the fever and make her feel better but… of course an infection isn't really a win in her condition."_

"_It's treatable though, right?" Aiden stepped up behind Cat. "They'll get it under control." His voice was filled with strong determination but his eyes betrayed him once again. A shaky breath escaped from Diane at hearing his words and he immediately knew that it wasn't as easy as he wished it to be. "With her injuries," Diane shakily started and wiped at her eyes, "It could be fatal."_

_Her words were like a blow to the face to Cat. She faintly registered Aiden taking in a sharp breath and Robbie slumping down in his seat again, but she stayed where she was as her eyes filled with tears. "But she… she can't… it's not right!" Tears started to escape, her heartbeat started to increase and panic arouse in her body. "She's not dying. She can't be. She and Jade are getting married!"_

"_Hey, Hey, Hey," Robbie was up and by his girlfriend's side in an instant, gathering her in a tight hug and kissing the top of her head. "She's not dying. We have to be positive, okay? Lia won't die." _

_But the feeling that gnawed away inside of her told her otherwise._

"I knew." Cat took a shaky breath and lifted her hand to wipe her tears away. "I knew that… she wasn't going to make it. I just… I had such a… a feeling inside of me that… that told me that it wouldn't be okay."

Completely powerless, Tori sat and watched Cat close her eyes. She felt horrible for making her feel so… so sad but she couldn't bring anything out, not a word, not a sound. She just sat there and listened as Cat continued.

"She was one of the… _sweetest_ persons on earth." Cat let out a laugh and for the first time she turned to look at Tori. "Genuine, and… and funny." Tori smiled weakly as Cat took a deep breath and looked down at her hands, sniffling. "Amelia brought a light to everything. Jade… Jade was no exception." With a smile she looked back up, her teary eyes settling on Tori's. "She made her so happy." Her smile fell but her eyes stayed locked with the brunette's next to her. "Lia survived five hours. We all thought… that maybe she would get through it. But then everything just… crumbled. Fell apart."

"_No! Please, no!" Jade's screams bounced off of the white hospital walls and cut through Cat's eardrums. Two nurses dragged her out of the room, held her back, the doctor rushing past them with two more nurses."Please let me go! I need to be with her, she needs me!" _

_Cat couldn't do anything but watch. Her mouth fell open, a gush of air escaped her lungs and fresh tears formed when she realized what had happened. "No! Please," Jade sobbed, still trashing in the strong hold of the two male nurses. Cat's teary eyes began traveling around the room. _

_Lia's father with his hands shielding his face, catching the tears that were sure to fall. _

_Her mom sinking onto a chair, letting her head fall into her hands. _

_Robbie's and Aiden's shocked gazes fixed on Jade as they stood rooted to the spot._

"_Please don't let her die," Cat heard Jade whimper and Aiden snapped out of his reverie, striding over to his little sister and freeing her from the strong grasp of the two men. Her heavy body immediately fell into his, her breath coming out in short and loud gasps against his chest. "I want to see her," she began pushing against her brother but Aiden tightened his arms around her body, "Please let me back in. I need to make sure she's okay!" _

_Cat felt arms encircle her own body but she didn't look away from her best friend, she _couldn't_ look away. Robbie's head came to rest on her own and Cat could feel him, his chest unsteadily rising and falling as he cried, his arms lightly shaking. If she didn't already know it, this would have been the moment it sunk in._

_Amelia was gone._

"It was… the worst day of my life," Cat said after a while, her tears wiped away.

Tori blinked away the sheer layer of tears in her eyes and even though she really didn't know _what_ to say, she decided to speak up. "I'm so sorry. That's… it's horrible." The only death Tori had to experience in her life was that of her grandfather. They barely saw each other and never had a really good relationship with each other and yet, his death had her crying for three days straight. She can't even imagine what Cat must have gone through, what _Jade _must have felt like.

Cat nodded and smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "Yes, it is. I always asked myself why. I still do. Why her? I mean, she and Jade were… so happy and… they were about to get married. It's just so unfair."

Tori nodded, lips tightly pressed together. Cat took a deep breath, shook her head and sniffled one last time before she started to gather the invitations together. To see the redhead with tears in her eyes, the sparkle that Tori had come to see in just two days completely gone was a little bit off setting and Tori wished she'd never asked. But then again, at least she knew now. "So," At Cat's voice, Tori lifted her eyes from the pink envelopes to look at her, "Do you have a special someone? A boyfriend," She paused for a moment and raised her eyebrows, "or _girlfriend_?"

"Um… no, I don't." Tori shrugged her shoulders and shot Cat a tightlipped smile. Cat's face seemed to brighten up at her answer and the invitations were quickly forgotten.

"Oh really? That's interesting. May I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead."

Before Cat could open her mouth though, both women turned to the doorway when they heard Robbie's voice. "Oh, hey ladies," he chirped and walked into the living room. He shot a look at Cat before putting on a smile and turning to Tori, "I'm done now. So if you want, you can retreat into your splendid bedroom."

Tori laughed and motioned to Cat. "Great, but Cat wanted to ask-"

"No, she didn't," he quickly interrupted her and earned himself a glare from his fiancée. Tori's eyebrows shot up as she looked back and forth between the couple before deciding to leave them alone. "Okay… Well… Then I'm going to bed now." She slowly stood, sending Robbie an amused smile and bidding both him and Cat goodnight.

"See ya tomorrow, Toro," Robbie called after her and heard her laugh, and when he was sure the door to his office closed, he turned to Cat, his eyes narrowed into tiny slits behind his glasses. "You little sneak! I thought we agreed you wouldn't ask her."

Cat held her hands up. "I didn't."

"But you were going to," he argued and let himself fall next to Cat. He turned his body to face her and shook his head. "You promised, Cat."

"Nooo, I didn't promise you anything." She smiled and stuck her tongue out. Robbie sighed, then held up his pinkie finger. "Then promise me now. Pinkie promise you won't ask her?"

Cat puffed out a breath and rolled her eyes, but then, she locked her finger with Robbie's. "Yeah. Pinkie promise."

A content smile crept onto Robbie's face as he nodded, and leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes. "Can't promise though that I won't try and get Jade and her to spend some time together."

Robbie groaned, slapping his hands over his face. "You're _unbelievable_," he mumbled into the skin of his palms, "Just don't tell me your crazy plans." He sat up, raised his eyebrows and pointed his finger to his chest. "Because _I _want to live and not be killed with a frying pan by Jade West."

Cat only grinned and shook her head while Robbie stood up, kissed the top of her head and told her he'd go to bed.

She'd get Jade out of the house. If it so happened to involve Tori, well, then that's even better.

**…**

"_Hey Jade! It's Cat!"_

Jade rolled her eyes at the cheery voice coming out of the telephone and cradled it between her shoulder and ear. "Yeah, I know. What's up?"

"_I have a question."_

Jade stayed silent, clicking away on her computer as she waited for Cat's question. The line stayed quiet however, the only sound the quiet breathing of her redheaded best friend filtering through. "Well, what is your question?"

"_I was wondering if you could stop by Tori's place after work? Maybe help her a little bit? Her stuff from L.A. will be delivered today and she needs to let the moving guys in."_

Jade's eyebrows crunched together. "Why me?"

"_Well, Robbie will be at the office all day and I have to organize some stuff for the wedding after work. Besides, her apartment isn't that far from your building."_

"Ugh! But I don't even know her that well!"

"_Then get to know her,"_ Cat argued briskly, obviously not wanting to take a 'no' for an answer, _"Please Jade. She just needs to let the moving guys in and then maybe arrange her furniture. That's not so bad, is it?"_

The thought of spending time with Tori, someone who she barely even knew, was a complete nightmare. She wasn't good with people, what was she supposed to say? Sure, she spent her entire Sunday with the brunette, but Robbie and Cat had been present. It was different being alone with her. "And she can't do that alone?"

"_She can. But…"_ There was a pause in which Cat drew in a deep breath before loudly exhaling. _"She's struggling with settling in. Imagine yourself in her shoes. All alone in a strange city, not really knowing anybody. A little bit of company won't hurt her."_ And with a pointed tone Cat added, _"And neither will it hurt you."_

After spinning around on her desk chair two times and heaving out a loud sigh, Jade finally agreed. "Yes, okay." She sat up straight and rolled the chair closer to her desk again, grabbing a pen. "Give me her stupid address."


	6. Chapter 6

When Jade arrived at the address Cat had given her – which really wasn't that far from her own apartment – three bulky men were already loading a heavy looking sofa out of the large moving truck. With a sigh, Jade got out of her car, locked it and made her way to the entrance of the building, squeezing past the movers and trudging up the stairs. When she arrived at the top, Jade found herself having two doors on either side of her. Figuring that the door that stood ajar would lead her to Tori, she hesitantly stepped up and gave the wood a light knock.

"You don't have to knock," Tori said, standing in the middle of the still pretty empty living room, her back to the door as she tried to get one of her boxes open. Jade nodded, more to herself than to anybody else. "Hey," she hesitantly called out and waited for the brunette to turn around before she stepped over the threshold, "Need some help?"

Tori looked at her full of surprise, her mouth slightly open and her eyebrows pulled down. "Jade." Jade smiled tightly and raised her eyebrows, stepping further into the room. Tori didn't say anything else for a good couple of seconds, silence seeping out of every corner and Jade started to regret ever agreeing to come here. She _knew_ it was a bad idea. "Is this… not a good time or…"

Tori shook her head, her eyes losing the surprised glimmer and a smile making its way onto her face. "No, it's… it's good. I just really didn't expect you here, that's all."

"Oh," Jade mumbled and frowned at the brunette, "So I take it you didn't know that Cat called me and asked me to help you a little bit."

Her eyes widened, her mouth fell open and Jade let out an amused breath through her nose at the sight. "No! I'm sorry, she really… shouldn't have, um… you don't have to stay," Tori offered, rapidly shaking her head, "I'm totally fine. You don't need to help me."

Jade pursed her lips, her eyes leaving Tori to look at the cardboard box behind her, which the brunette had been struggling to open mere minutes ago. Walking closer to Tori, Jade motioned her chin towards the box. "Can't get it open?" The prospect of spending time with Jade simultaneously sent a wave of excitement through Tori's body, as well as a huge moment of unease. She didn't want to say anything out of line but knowing her own klutzy nature, she probably would do just that.

"No. My coffee maker is in there," Tori watched Jade approach the box with the word '_kitchen_' neatly written on it, "At least it should be. I think…" An amused smirk graced Jade's face at hearing Tori's words. She pulled her keys out of her pocket and quickly proceeded to cut the duct tape with her house key. "There you go."

Tori smiled gratefully. "Thank you." Tori reached for the box, but a loud rumble from the doorway caught her attention. "Miss Vega," one of the men holding the sofa up wheezed, "Where do you want this?"

"Oh, um just put it somewhere here in the middle. That's fine." Jade and Tori watched them carry the heavy piece of furniture into the living room, carefully putting it to the floor. They disappeared just as quickly as they came, probably needing an oxygen mask before they carried up anything else. Jade's brows furrowed as she turned back to Tori. "Why do you even need your coffee maker? Didn't you say you'd stay with Cat and Rob until your apartment is finished?"

A quiet breath left Tori's mouth and she shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, but… I don't know. I don't want to be… a burden to them or something. And my bed is here," she lifted her eyebrows and looked at Jade, "You know, at least the parts. I would have to build it together, but… you know."

Jade just smirked and shook her head. "I'm pretty sure you're not a _burden_ to Robbie and Cat," she turned to the doorway when a loud groan and some cursing sounded from the hallway, "Wow, you must have some pretty heavy stuff, huh?" She turned back to Tori and smiled at the light chuckle that sounded from the brunette. "But anyways. Believe me. Robbie and Cat don't have anything against it that you're staying with them. So just take your time with moving in."

"Well, if you say so." Tori smiled and watched Jade nod. A big sigh left her mouth as she looked around her 'soon-to-be- home'. "You really don't have to stay, Jade. I'm fine." Tori's eyes met Jade's and she smiled a reassuring smile. Jade didn't expect it would be that easy to get out of here and Jade didn't expect either that she wouldn't _want_ to go yet. At home, she would be all alone. Here, she had some company. And Tori really wasn't all that bad. The paler woman quickly made up her mind and smirked at the brunette.

"You couldn't even open a box," she teased, "I don't think I should leave you alone now. Who knows, maybe you'll need my help again."

Just then, the three men walked back inside, carrying something long, probably a part of Tori's bed. A loud groan sounded from one of them and Jade cringed. "Or maybe _they _will need some help."

**…**

"Looks good, if you ask me."

Tori's eyes traveled over the newly furnished room and nodded her head. "Yeah, it does." With a smile on her face, she turned to face Jade, the woman observing the room with her arms crossed. "Thanks for your help."

Jade's eyes snapped to Tori and a light smile broke out on her face. "No problem. It was kinda fun."

"It was."

"So, do you need a ride? Robbie drove you here, didn't he?" Tori bit her lip and nodded, contemplating Jade's offer. The woman was eerily relaxed, just like the last time, which Tori normally would have found pretty refreshing. But the knowledge of Jade's dead fiancée and Cat telling her that Jade still wasn't quite over her yet made Tori question how much of Jade's behavior was only a façade. "Tori." Jade raised her eyebrows at the brunette and Tori realized that she didn't answer her question yet.

"Um… I can take a cab, you don't have to drive me." She smiled reassuringly at Jade but the pale woman only furrowed her eyebrows and smiled at her, shaking her head. "Oh please. You really want to pay for a cab? No, come on," she swiftly turned around and walked to the door, then turned back around as she waited for Tori to follow her. "Besides, Cat will probably have my head if you don't get home safely."

"Oh. Okay, if you really don't mind." She slowly grabbed her purse, her bottom lip again captured between her teeth, and followed Jade out of the door, locking it behind her and walking down the steps until they've reached Jade's car. When they got in, Tori took a glance at Jade's hand, the ring sparkling in the setting evening sun. She wondered how Jade would react if she asked about Amelia. Would she get mad? Would she be okay with it? Or would she just refuse to answer? _Better I don't risk it,_ Tori thought and looked away and out of the windshield as Jade began driving. They drove in silence, the radio playing and the sound of the wind rushing into the car through the little gap of Jade's open window.

"So, you still have the week off, don't you?"

Tori turned towards Jade when her voice reached her ears and smiled. "Yeah, I do." It surprised her a little bit that Jade remembered that little info she shared at dinner on Sunday, and Jade seemed to sense Tori's surprise, glancing over at her and smirking faintly. "Do you think I didn't listen to you? I'm very attentive."

Tori smiled, a little embarrassed, and turned to look to the front again, while Jade asked "What are your plans? Going to do a little sightseeing?"

"Oh… well, I think I'm just going to get my apartment ready so that I can move in. The heating should work now, at least that's what my landlord said. I forgot to check," she paused and frowned, making a mental note to check for the heating first thing tomorrow. "But maybe after that. Why, do you have any recommendations? _Must sees_?"

Jade chuckled, her eyes staying on the street. "No, not really. I was just curious. I don't go out that often."

Tori tilted her head and let her eyes wander to Jade again, hesitating for a second before asking "No? Why not?"

Jade's smile dampened a little but if Tori hadn't looked at her closely, she didn't think she would have noticed the little change. The pale woman shrugged her shoulders, her fingers tightening around the wheel the slightest bit. "I don't know. I wouldn't know what to do or where to go. I don't like big crowds of people. So I just stay in."

Tori nodded, deciding to prod Jade into telling her a little bit more. "There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not really the party animal either." Jade chuckled again and took a left turn. "So, what do you do then? In your spare time, I mean."

Jade sighed and stretched her neck from left to right before sitting up straight again. "Not so much. At the moment I have all hands full with Cat and Robbie's wedding." She rolled her eyes and took a quick glance at Tori. "I swear, that little woman can be so difficult sometimes. The cake for example. First she wanted strawberry because, you know, it would be pink and _it would be so fitting with the entire color scheme_!" Tori giggled at Jade's impression of the bubbly little redhead. "Then she said that she'd rather have something not everyone has at their wedding. She tried some kind of… carrot, vegetable cake." Jade wrinkled her nose at the memory of the odd taste and shook her head. "Let me tell you, that was disgusting."

"I can imagine," Tori said with a laugh and watched Jade nod. "Well anyways, now she's stuck between choosing either strawberry or lemon. I can already hear my phone ringing in the middle of the night when she wants to hear my opinion on it." Jade heard Tori laugh again and took the turn onto Cat and Robbie's street. She quickly maneuvered the car to the free parking spot directly in front of the house and turned to Tori. "See? I brought you home safely. Better than any cab driver could have done."

Tori smiled, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Yeah. Thank you." Her hand hovered over the door, not yet opening as she fixed her eyes on Jade. "And thanks again for helping me. I really appreciate it."

Jade nodded, raising her eyebrows. "Yeah, you should feel special. I don't do that for just anyone."

"I definitely owe you," Tori told her with a smile and opened her door, "Bye Jade. Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too. Bye."

Tori pushed the door shut and walked around Jade's car to get to the entrance, waving one last time. And only when Tori opened the door with the spare key Robbie and Cat had given her for the time being and she was safely inside, did Jade drove away.

**…**

_01.05 am._

The red numbers her alarm clock was projecting to the ceiling were almost mocking her, just like they did every night. Sleep didn't want to come once again, what a surprise. It's been like this for the past three years and frankly, Jade resigned to the fact that her body would just get enough sleep so that she wouldn't fall asleep on her desk at work. She wasn't sleep deprived, not really, she just couldn't seem to fall asleep that easily.

Thoughts of her day with Tori began invading her mind. Not that she would ever admit it to Cat, but she was actually pretty thankful that she pushed her into helping Tori. The redhead was right, the company was good for her. She had fun and Tori seemed pretty damn okay in Jade's eyes, which really wasn't an easy accomplishment. Befriending Jade had always been a hard thing to do. She was pretty picky with people, not just anyone could make her talk to them openly. Aside from Cat, with whom Jade grew up with, a lot of people found it incredibly hard to make Jade let them in. Even Cat had to fight through all of her walls sometimes.

The only person who didn't have to do anything but merely look at her to make Jade want to get to know her… had been Amelia.

_Her heart began to beat faster and her breath hitched when her eyes settled on hazel ones across the hall. The owner of those eyes was staring right back at her and Jade's fingers tightened around the door of her locker. As if never there in the first place, all her worries about the new school year and her part time job were blown away, pushed to the very back of her head and were replaced by rapid thoughts about the blonde girl with hazel eyes. A blur of people kept walking through and slightly disturbed their locked gaze, but neither one of them even thought about looking away._

"_Hey Jade! Look at my new outfit!"_

_Not even Cat's overly cheerful voice was able to bring her to stop looking into the eyes of the stranger across the hall. Only when a bulky figure completely blocked her sight of the blonde, did Jade reluctantly turn away. Instead of looking into those captivating eyes, Jade now looked into Cat's happily sparkling ones. Quickly scanning over the blindingly colorful clothes her best friend was wearing today, Jade nodded and resisted the urge to turn around and look for the blonde girl. "Pretty."_

"_I know! It's the perfect outfit for our first day back to school!" Her sentence ended with a happy little squeak as she shot Jade one of her brightest smiles._

"_If you say so," Jade chuckled and closed her locker just as the first warning bell rang._

"_Let's go!"_

_Jade sighed and followed Cat to their first period, but not before shooting one last look at the stranger across the hall, only to see that she was already gone._

**_…_**

_In quick steps Jade walked down the deserted hallway, only a few students lingering around at their lockers. Biting her lip and throwing a look behind her shoulder, she contemplated making a quick detour to the restrooms before she'd have to work at the café, but before she could finish her thought she heard a thud and a voice calling out._

"_Wait, be careful!"_

_Jade's eyes snapped to the front but her shins already touched something hard, causing her to lose her balance and fall forward. At the last minute she managed to steady herself, placing her hands on the crouched body she almost fell over._

"_Oh," she breathed out as she looked down at her hands, flatly placed on the person's back. The girl under her let out a laugh and Jade quickly straightened up. "Wow, did I hurt you?"_

_The girl gathered her papers and books together and got up, pushing blonde hair out of her face. When Jade's eyes met hazel ones for the second time that day, she recognized the girl as the stranger from this morning. "No, not at all." She smiled and took a deep breath, motioning to her open locker. "Sorry, I was having a little mishap with my locker. Everything fell out. Are you okay?"_

_Jade nodded but stayed quiet, her lips parted as her eyes stayed locked on the other girl's. Not knowing what to say, Jade simply held her hand out. "I'm Jade."_

_The blonde smiled again and placed her hand in Jade's, softly shaking it. "Amelia. Or Lia, if you want."_

Wow Jade, stop staring at her like an idiot, would you?_ Jade cleared her throat and shot Amelia a smile, pulling her hand back and looking around. Her eyes caught a slip of paper that must have slid across the hallway, so she went to pick it up, handing it to Lia with a smile. "Probably yours, isn't it?"_

_Lia nodded her head, taking it out of Jade's hand and shooting her that… _really_ pretty smile that made Jade's heart beat a lot faster. "So you… you just moved here?"_

_She knew she really should go now if she didn't want to be late for work, but the desire to get to know Amelia was overpowering every sense of responsibility. "Yeah, my dad got a job offer here so… we moved from Oregon." _

"_Oregon," Jade repeated, nodding her head. She opened her mouth but the ringing of her phone interrupted her. "Sorry," she shot Amelia an apologetic smile and fished her phone out of her bag, her eyes falling on her caller ID, only to see her boss's name flashing up at her. "Uh… I… I really have to go now," she looked back up at Lia and already began walking past her._

"_That's okay," Amelia smiled reassuringly and Jade just can't help but smile back._

"_I'll see you tomorrow though." She watched Lia nod and smile, then turned around to jog out of the school. _

_The new school year already kicked off at a good start._


	7. Chapter 7

"_So everything went well?"_

Jade sighed, narrowing her eyes at the computer screen. "Yeah. Her stuff is there now, fully arranged. With exception of her bed. It still has to be set up." She stopped talking for a moment, frowning. "Didn't Tori tell you that already?"

An annoyed and impatient breath, a rare sound out of Cat Valentine's mouth, sounded through the line. _"But that's not what I meant. I meant did you two get along?"_

"Uh… yeah? I guess."

"_What do you mean, 'you guess'? What's that supposed to mean?"_

Jade was slightly taken aback by Cat's weird reaction, especially hearing the pressing tone in her questions. Taking a moment, Jade let out a chuckle and asked her best friend "What's the matter with you?"

A silence stretched through the phone and if Jade wouldn't hear Cat's quiet breathing on the other end, she would think the woman had hung up on her. After she released a long sigh, Cat finally answered, her tone much softer and 'Cat-like' again._ "Nothing, I'm sorry. It's just that… you know…"_ She paused and Jade patiently waited, getting slightly suspicious but pushing it to the back of her mind. _"Tori and Robbie are very good friends and _you_ are _my_ best friend and you and Tori, you know… I just want you and Tori to get along and-"_

"_Okay_, Cat. Slow down." Jade heard Cat take in a deep breath and shook her head. "Don't worry, Tori and I get along just fine. I promise."

"_Really? She's nice, isn't she?"_

"Yeah, I guess. Tori is," Jade paused and leaned back in her chair, a slight smirk playing on her lips, "…amusing." Yes, that was exactly the word Jade would use to describe Tori. Amusing. The brunette's clumsiness and stuttering – as embarrassing as it might be for Tori – was pretty entertaining to Jade. She never met a person quite like Tori. So unsure of what to do, of what to say at first and then, completely defrosting when she realizes that she doesn't have to fear anything. It's quite charming, at least to Jade.

"_Amusing… I… That's a good thing, right?"_

"Yeah, it's a good thing. In fact," she trailed off, her teeth nibbling at her bottom lip. She hesitated for a moment, heard Cat's questioning voice through the phone and made up her mind. "Is she at her apartment again today?"

A quiet shuffling could be heard before Cat's confused voice sounded. _"Um… I think so. She wanted to go back today, yes. Why?"_

Even though knowing that Cat couldn't see her, Jade shrugged her shoulders. "I was thinking of seeing if she needed any more help after work," she stated casually and caused Cat to fall into a short silence.

"_Really?" _ The redhead asked obviously surprised, the smile that she must have on her lips clearly audible to Jade.

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

"_No,"_ Cat responded a little too eagerly, _"It's not a problem at all for me! The opposite, really."_

"Huh." Jade nodded, her eyebrows creasing as she grabbed a pen and began to play with it. It probably sounded really strange to Cat – Hell, it even sounded strange to Jade's own ears. – that Jade was willing to spend time with Tori without anyone asking her to. But there just was something about Tori that was… refreshing almost, and Jade felt comfortable just basking in that feeling. Plus, Tori was way less annoying than some other people Jade had come across in her life, which already was a big bonus in Jade's book. Slightly shaking her head, Jade again lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "Well, like you said, she's just settling in and what better way to help her than… to make sure she knows she's not alone, right?"

"_Right," _Cat agreed, a slight surprise still detectable in her voice.

"Okay then. Listen, I've got to get back to work."

"_Yeah, sure. See you later, alligator!"_

Jade chuckled and shook her head. "Yeah, whatever. Bye."

**…**

Tori puffed out a breath and stemmed her hands on her hips, her eyes running over the white wall in front of her before flicking down to the bucket that contained yellow paint. Her bedroom would be the only room she'd have to paint – _Thank God for that._ – the walls in the living room being light beige and a baby blue on the walls in her bathroom. The bedroom however lacked any color and Tori really hated having white walls. It made her think of hospitals and that was a thought she really didn't want to have swimming around in her head while she tried to fall asleep. With a sigh she picked up one of the paint rollers she bought and began dipping it into the paint. Lifting it back out of the bucket, Tori got ready to make the first brush against the naked wall, but the obnoxious buzzing sound of her doorbell stopped her.

Frowning, she put the roller back down and went into the living room, pushing the little button that would allow her visitor to get into the building. She opened the door and leaned against the doorframe as she waited for the person to come up, her eyebrows shooting up when a familiar person with dark hair walked up the stairs. "Jade," she exclaimed as a way of greeting and pushed herself off the doorframe. Jade's lips formed a light smile and Tori couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, it's me again." When she arrived at the top, she raised her eyebrows. "Want me to go again?"

"No," Tori smiled and stepped aside, holding the door open and motioning for Jade to come inside. "I was just surprised. Once again. I didn't expect you."

Jade nodded, crossed her arms and let her eyes roam Tori's attire – a grayish button up shirt with various missing buttons over a white tank top and gray sweatpants – before smirking at the brunette. "Oh, so that's why you didn't dress up."

Tori laughed and closed the door. "I was just getting ready to paint my bedroom."

"Oh. Need some help?"

"You… really don't have to," Tori hesitantly said, smiling and furrowing her eyebrows. Her eyes flicked down Jade's dark blue shirt and black jeans before looking back up. "I don't think you're really dressed for the occasion either."

Glancing down at herself, Jade frowned, then shrugged her shoulders. "I'll be careful."

Before Tori could object, the pale woman walked into the bedroom without a glance back. Releasing a sigh and shrugging her shoulders, Tori took a deep breath and smiled faintly as she followed Jade. When she stepped into the room, Jade was already bowed over the paint bucket, critically surveying the liquid color. "Yellow," she stated and flicked her eyes to Tori, raising an eyebrow, "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

Tori frowned, a little taken aback by Jade's words and not really knowing if she should feel offended or not. "What?"

Jade smirked and shook her head while she straightened up. "I was just teasing you. Don't worry." Tori slightly nodded her head and watched as Jade bent down to grab a paint brush. "So," she sighed and looked at Tori with her eyebrows raised, "How about I'll start with the edges."

Tori nodded and shot her a smile, Jade immediately getting to work. They were quiet for the most part but when Jade glanced up from brushing the wall and saw Tori messily guiding the paint roller across the wall, she stood up from her crouched position and walked over to the brunette. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

Tori turned her head, not stopping the up and down movement of her arm, and looked at Jade with a blank expression. "What do you mean? I'm painting."

"You use way too much paint. See? It's dripping all over you." She motioned with her hand to the yellow paint that steadily dripped all over Tori's clothes. Tori's hand stilled, her eyes looking down her body and her eyebrows furrowing. "Oh."

Jade sighed, walked closer and gently pried the paint roller out of Tori's hand. "Did you forget to buy a grid?"

"A what?"

Jade flicked her eyes to her, putting the roller down on the tarp that covered the floor. "A grid. It's that thing that you put into the paint bucket to roll off the excessive paint."

"Oh, that thing." Tori nodded slowly, her eyebrows furrowing. "Yeah, I didn't buy that," she admitted a little bashfully, a faint blush coloring her face. Jade smirked slightly and shook her head. "Well… it would have been pretty useful. It's not good to use so much paint for a wall," she explained while looking for something to use as an alternative to the grid, "It takes forever for it to dry and if you're unlucky, the walls will look really bad, with dark blotches where you used too much paint."

Jade's eyes traveled back to Tori when she heard the brunette let out an irritated breath. "Oh well, that's just great," she whined and threw her arms into the air, "That's so typical me."

Jade chuckled and got back to her feet. "It's not the end of the world, Vega. Let's just switch, I'll do your job and you'll do mine."

Tori let out a small sigh and looked at Jade with disappointed eyes. "Are you sure? I mean," her eyes flicked down to Jade's shirt, her hand motioning towards it, "Your clothes."

"Don't worry about that. Unlike you, I'm _amazing_ at painting." She smirked and turned away, already getting back to work. Tori slowly nodded and grabbed the small paint brush Jade had used earlier before casually asking "And why _are _you such an amazing painter, if you don't mind me asking?"

"My brother used to work as a painter when I was in high school," Jade absentmindedly answered, "Whenever I wasn't busy with school or with my own job, I sometimes helped him." Tori watched as the paint roller touched the wall, Jade's hand guiding it up and down in gentle and steady motions. Slightly beginning to feel stupid, Tori tore her eyes away and began painting too. Frowning, she asked "You helped your brother? Wow, lucky him. I don't think my sister would have done that for me. She could have broken a nail."

Tori laughed lightly, Jade glancing over at her with a neutral expression on her face. "My brother was busy enough as it was; the least I could do was help him." There was a pause in which Tori wondered what Jade was talking about before the pale woman continued, never stopping to move the roller up and down. "Our mother passed away when I was fourteen. Luckily Aiden was already legal and became my guardian. He raised me all by himself."

There was a sad undertone in her voice but other than that Tori could not find any sign of change in Jade's behavior, her face keeping that neutral look as if she were talking about the weather. "I'm sorry," Tori said gravely, lacking of words she could say instead. She watched Jade nod and licked her lips. "What about your dad?"

A breath left Jade's nose (Tori assumed it was supposed to resemble a quiet laugh) and the corners of her mouth lifted slightly. "He's not worth talking about." The curt dismissal of her dad was another thing that Tori added to the list she mentally kept of Jade. It seemed that with every word Jade said, with every little information she added to the list, Tori's interest in the other woman grew and grew. She was still a mystery, even though Tori got a little bit of a glimpse of Jade's life. For a short moment Tori considered asking her about the thing that interested her the most – Amelia and her death. But looking at Jade work, this calm look on her face, Tori decided against it. This was really not the time to pry into Jade's personal life, as much as Tori wanted to.

"So did you and Rob ever date?"

The sudden sound of Jade's voice and the randomness of her question took Tori off guard, especially since she realized she'd been staring at Jade for far too long now. Jade looked at her with a single eyebrow raised. Tori breathed out a laugh, willing the blush she felt coming to go away. "No. No, no, no."

"That's a lot of no's," Jade teased while bending down to dip the roller into the paint, "I don't think Robbie's _that_ much of a loser."

"No, it's not that," Tori quickly amended, shaking her head, "It's just… we were never really interested in each other. We were always just best friends. Just like you and Cat are."

Jade's tongue poked out and ran over her smirking lips. "Who says Cat and I were never _more _than best friends?"

Tori's eyes widened at Jade's words. The blush she was fighting so hard from breaking through was now impossible to stop and the laugh that left Jade's mouth only intensified her embarrassment. "_Relax_ tomato head," Jade laughed, shaking her head. "It was just a joke."

Tori's lips twitched into a smile. "Yeah. Sure it was. But I mean…" Her mouth stood open as she looked at an amused Jade and wildly waved with the paint brush in front of her. At last, she pushed out a breath and closed her eyes as if she were in pain. "Oh man. Just forget it."

Jade laughed again. "Whatever. Just get back to work, dork."

* * *

_A/N: Sorry I took so long. I'm a little unhappy with this chapter but I really hope you don't feel the same way.._


	8. Chapter 8

_**Friday,**_

_**December 28th, 2012**_

"_Hey sista, sista! Hope you had a nice flight, just wanted to check in with you. Anyways, give me a call when you get this. Love ya!"_

_Beep!_

Tori let out a quiet chuckle and tiredly plopped down onto her couch. Yawning, she ran her hands over her face. She let them fall into her lap and started to look around her apartment. Her suitcase from her Christmas trip to her family in L.A. was standing in the middle of the room, her jacket, scarf and hat carelessly thrown over it. With a sigh, Tori decided that unpacking could wait and so did calling Trina back because the thing she needed the most right now, was sleep. Spending roughly six hours next to a crying baby boy who didn't seem to take a break once sure did help to give her a headache. Just as she was getting up, her phone went off on the coffee table, vibrating wildly against the wood. Tori groaned but a smile appeared as soon as she saw who was calling.

Jade.

Over the last three month they had spent a lot of time together. Jade had helped her with the apartment and even after everything was done and Tori moved in, she came by a couple of times a week where they would just watch TV or cook together. They had formed a friendship, much to Tori's pleasure, and Jade had begun to open up a bit. Amelia's name didn't fall once however and Tori doubted that Jade even knew that Tori knew about her dead fiancée. But Tori accepted that – for the most part at least. She was still curious and when she saw a picture of Jade with a blonde woman – Amelia, she guessed – one time when she visited Jade, she had to stop herself from asking about her. Jade would come around, she told herself. If she really wanted her to know about Amelia, she would tell her.

Eventually. Maybe.

Without missing a beat, Tori snatched her phone up and answered. "Hey stranger."

A chuckle rumbled through the line, causing Tori's smile to widen. _"Hey. Are you back home yet?"_

"Yep. Just walked through the door about… ten minutes ago."

"_Had a good flight, I hope?"_

"Ah, well," Tori sighed and sat back down, "Not really… there was this baby and… whatever. How was your Christmas? I didn't hear anything from you aside from your text messages."

"_Oh. I didn't know if I should call. You were with your family, I didn't want to… interrupt you."_

Tori laughed and leaned back. "You wouldn't have interrupted. So, tell me. Did you have a good Christmas?"

**…**

_**Monday,**_

_**December 31st, 2012**_

"Hey Tori!"

Cat quickly tackled the brunette with a tight hug before pulling her inside and closing the door behind her friend. Tori laughed at Cat's excitement, unbuttoning her coat. "Hey Cat. How are you?"

"I'm good. Come on," she smiled brightly and didn't wait for Tori to take off her jacket, dragging her into the living room, where the party was already in full swing. "I want you to meet our friends."

Music was playing and Tori saw Robbie standing by the window, glass in hand and laughing at what some guy said before his eyes fell on Tori. Quickly putting his glass down, he strode over to her and gave her a hug before taking her coat and scarf from her, while Cat handed her a glass filled with… alcohol, Tori guessed. Before she could object, Cat pulled her with her again to introduce her to everyone. After meeting about ten people – some of them being colleagues of Robbie – they stopped in front of a curly haired man. "And this one here," Cat happily said, "is Darren. We went to high school together. Okay, well," Cat sighed and turned towards Tori, "Now you know everyone. If you need anything, I'm in the kitchen, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

Biting her lip and tightly clutching her glass, Tori watched Cat disappear before she turned back to Darren. He smiled at her and she shot him a nervous smile back. "So, you went to high school with Robbie. How was he like? A womanizer?"

Tori laughed lightly and began to share stories about an awkward Robbie in high school. Every once in a while she would pause and look around the room for any sign of Jade, then turn her attention back to Darren. "And you're a vocal coach, right?" He asked curiously. "How's that? It sounds really cool."

"Yeah, um…" She bit her lip and let her eyes roam around the room again. "It's great."

"Are you looking for someone?"

Tori snapped her eyes back to Darren, her teeth releasing her bottom lip. "What?"

Darren laughed. "You keep looking around."

"Oh. I'm sorry," she sheepishly said and shot him an apologetic smile, "I was just… looking for Jade. I thought she'd be here tonight."

His smile suddenly dampened and Tori frowned as he cleared his throat before taking a sip from his drink. Upon seeing the look on Tori's face, the corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile. "Jade doesn't really… come anymore. To parties or whatever."

Tori frowned. "What? Why?"

Darren shrugged and uncomfortably shifted his weight from his right to his left foot. "She just… avoids us for the most part since…" He trailed off, shook his head and took another swig from his glass.

"Since… what? Since," she paused, then carefully asked, "three years ago?"

His eyes moved from the floor to Tori's face, his eyebrows raised in surprise before he sighed and nodded. He lifted his hand, rubbing his neck. "Yeah. I guess she's… too scared of being reminded about Amelia if she spends time with us. I don't really understand it." Darren furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at his glass, his thumb gently running along the rim. "I mean, we could help her cope. But… she doesn't want that." He sighed, looked back up and sent Tori a weak smile. "We didn't just lose Amelia. We lost Jade too."

"I'm… I'm sorry," Tori pushed out in a lack of anything better to say. She knew Jade was pretty closed off and _obviously_ didn't really like talking about Amelia but… pushing her friends out of her life, people who just wanted to help her just seemed… wrong to Tori.

"Don't be sorry," Darren softly reassured her, "I mean…" Tori watched him pause and shrug his shoulders, "Robbie told me that you and Jade spend a lot of time together. That's… I mean, that's good. She seems to like you a lot if she willingly meets up with you." He pushed out a small laugh but Tori saw that the situation of not seeing or talking to Jade was nagging at him. "At least she's not alone. That's the most important part."

Tori returned his smile and nodded her head. Darren excused himself, leaving Tori standing alone with her thoughts about Jade. Amelia's death obviously didn't just destroy Jade. It destroyed her friends, Jade's relationship with them. It made her feel a little guilty that she was… _allowed _to spend time with Jade, while the friends she knew for so much longer than her were just pushed out of Jade's life by Jade herself. But maybe she could help them, Tori thought as she quickly crept out of the living room and grabbed her coat before disappearing out of the door.

**…**

She put a smile on as soon as the door swung open and revealed a confused looking Jade. "Oh… Hey. What are you doing here?"

The TV was playing in the background, some old movie Tori couldn't remember the name to. "Well, it's New Years Eve. I thought you'd be at Cat's party."

"Hm. Well you thought wrong."

Tori nodded slowly, her fingers tightening a little on her bag. A weird little silence broke out between the two until a sigh from Jade pushed it away again. "So, um… You can come in, I guess?" She shot Tori a questioning look and stepped to the side, the underside of the door silently scraping against the carpeted floor when Jade pulled it open wider. Sending the pale woman a thankful smile Tori walked into the dimly lit apartment. She stood there, her bag still tightly clasped in her hands while Jade softly closed the door behind her.

"Tori."

At Jade's voice, Tori turned around to face Jade, her eyebrows raised. Jade took a step closer, her arms crossed and her eyes still confused. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at Cat's party?"

"Um, well…" She trailed off, not really knowing what to say. She wanted to see her, make sure she was okay and not so alone on the last day of the year. "I heard you were alone tonight and… I don't know. I thought that maybe you wanted a little company." Jade's eyebrow raised at Tori's words but Tori couldn't really decide if she appreciated her being here or just wanted her to leave again. "I mean… Or maybe we could go back to Cat and Robbie. Together."

Jade looked at the clock hanging on the wall, shaking her head. "It's almost midnight."

"So? I don't think the party will end _exactly_ one minute after midnight."

She laughed quietly but Jade's face stayed void of emotion. "I'd rather stay in." Jade turned around and walked into the kitchen area. "But you should go back," she called over her shoulder, "Wouldn't want you to miss anything."

"Are you sure? Maybe…" Tori paused and began to bite her lip, taking tentative steps towards Jade's kitchen. "I'm sure it will be fun. I've met some of your friends," Tori saw Jade's back tense slightly, her hands stopping their movements for a few seconds before resuming their task of putting popcorn into a bowl.

Another two steps closer.

"They're really nice," Tori continued with a smile and put her bag on the sofa, but Jade didn't turn around and continued to stay quiet. Tori breathed out a long breath. "Look Jade. I just thought you shouldn't be alone tonight. It's supposed to be a happy day today. And… your friend told me they didn't see you in so long. I mean, it's only understandable that you miss Amelia but that's not a reason to-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Tori's mouth closed and Jade slowly turned around. With her eyes narrowed and glaring at her, Tori felt like she just shrunk two sizes. "How do you know about Amelia?"

"I… Cat… told me… a while ago," she stuttered out and began to nervously play with her fingers. This really wasn't the way Tori pictured the night to go. She and Jade were supposed to go to Cat's party, or even stay here and welcome the new year together. Jade wasn't supposed to get ready to scratch her eyes out just because Tori was so stupid to let Amelia's name slip. The raven-haired woman walked closer, making Tori feel like she was a little rabbit who was threatened by a huge lion. "Cat told you what?" Jade hissed out, her entire body tensing.

Tori had never seen Jade like this in the few short months they knew each other and she had to admit, for the first time, she was a little scared of her. "I'm-I'm sorry, Jade. I shouldn't have…"

As if the realization that she was completely overreacting suddenly hit her and the sight of a frightened Tori registered in her brain, Jade's scowling face relaxed, her shoulders slumped and a sigh left her mouth. In a much softer and much more familiar voice to Tori, she asked "What did Cat tell you about her?"

"Just… who she was. What had happened to her." Tori carefully surveyed Jade, watching on as she nodded and ran a hand through her dark hair.

"I'm sorry," Jade murmured in a low voice and looked up at Tori, "I didn't want to… scare you. It's just a sore topic for me." She tightly crossed her arms over her chest almost as if she wanted to shield herself from Tori. The brunette smiled weakly. "I can imagine."

"No," Jade argued with a bitter laugh, facing away from Tori, "You can't. No one who didn't go through something like that can."

A heavy and really uncomfortable blanket of silence fell over the entire room. Jade was right, Tori couldn't even begin to fully understand Jade's pain but that didn't mean that she couldn't try. "To lose someone you love so much," Tori eventually said, her quiet voice catching Jade's attention. Tori let out a shaky sigh. "I don't even want to think about how bad I would feel. But your friends… they miss you. They want to help you. It's been three years-"

"So what? What are you saying? Because it's been three years I should forget about her and stop missing her?"

Tori sighed. "No, of course not. It's okay if you still miss her but… you shouldn't… push everybody else away just because she's not here anymore."

Jade's eyes hardened again, the angry little flame returning. When she spoke however, her voice was still calm. "I'm not pushing anyone away. And even if I am," she paused and took a few steps closer until she was standing right in front of Tori, "Why do you care? I shouldn't concern you so much."

"You're my friend, Jade," Tori softly said and shook her head, "I may not know you for long but I care about you. I _worry_ about you."

Jade let out a short laugh. "You call yourself my friend even though you practically lied to me?"

Tori's eyebrows creased in confusion. "When did I lie to you?"

"All this time, you knew about Lia and not _once_ did you say anything."

"Well yeah, because I didn't want to scratch up old wounds. I thought that if you trusted me enough you would tell me about her eventually. If anything, _I _shouldn't be calling _you _my friend because you kept it from me!" The moment it left her mouth Tori wished she could take it back because she really didn't mean to say that. She knew how much Lia's death still hurt Jade, she could understand that Jade didn't want to tell her right away and found it completely okay, but something about Jade right now made her incredibly angry. Jade stayed silent so Tori kept going. "I just want to help you and so do your friends but _you_, you make that impossible because you… you… you just _hide_ from everyone."

"I'm not hiding from anything." The calmness that radiated from Jade was almost eerie and brought a stark contrast to the frustration Tori was feeling.

"Of course you are! You… You are hiding from _everything_! You hide from life!" The laugh that came out of Jade's mouth irked her even more. "You can't keep doing this! Shying away from anything and everything and hiding out in your apartment, just because you're too scared of letting other people in, letting other people get to know you!"

"Okay, I am not scared of letting people in! I don't _want_ them to know me. I don't need them."

"Yes, you do," Tori almost shouted, "I get that you miss Amelia, but you can't keep hanging yourself up on a dead person."

The pain Jade felt at Tori's words was almost too much, but she didn't let it show. Instead, her calm exterior broke and hot anger broke through. "Who even gives _you_ the right to talk about Amelia," she asked incredulously, seething. "You didn't know her, you didn't know _us_! So back off!"

With the scowl back on her face, Jade swiftly stormed past Tori, grabbing her bag off the couch before thrusting it into Tori's hands. "Jade-"

"Go. Get out now."

"But I-"

"Get. Out!"

There it was again, that really angry glare, but the little sliver of sadness on Jade's face made it impossible for Tori to feel scared. But it wouldn't be wise to stay, she probably would make everything only worse. So Tori sighed and reluctantly turned around, walking out of the door and leaving Jade alone again. But instead of going home or back to Cat and Robbie's apartment, Tori leaned her back against the door, and after a minute or two, she heard quiet sobs filtering through the door.

Outside, the fireworks started.


	9. Chapter 9

When Jade woke up, an all too familiar burning in her eyes was the first thing that registered in her brain. She groaned when a tiny sliver of light streaming through the tiny crack in the curtains hit her face and quickly rolled away to the other side of the bed, to the much darker and safer side, trying hard to ignore the splitting headache that was steadily pulsing through her brain. Her entire body ached, even though Jade was almost hundred percent sure that she didn't do anything other than watch TV last night. But then she remembered Tori. And her face buried deeper into the soft pillow.

She had been more than surprised when she opened her door and found Tori standing on her doorstep, that ever so cheerful smile on her lips and brown, hopeful eyes staring at her. Jade had let her in, not really because she had _wanted_ her be there but thinking that it couldn't do much harm.

Boy, how wrong she had been.

As Jade probably should have expected, Tori wanted to drag her to Cat's party. She had met her friends. Jade's eyes fluttered open. The thought of Tori meeting her old friends had sent a feeling of unease through her body. Who knew what they had told her? It wasn't that Jade really cared what Tori thought about her because, really, she didn't care what _anyone _thought of her. But the fact that they could have told her everything about Amelia had made her stomach tie in knots. It had been so refreshing to spend her time with Tori, knowing that she didn't knew about her past, knowing that she didn't pity her or, even worse, wanted her to move on. Jade liked Tori not knowing about Amelia. So when Lia's name slipped from Tori's lips… the feeling of comfort she had around Tori was blown away in an instant and then… the thing Jade hated the most happened.

Tori wanted to tell her to move on, something that Jade just wasn't able to do. If only people would just understand that, her life would be much easier.

Releasing something between a sigh and a groan Jade sat up, rubbed her red eyes and carefully pushed the heavy blanket from her body before slowly getting to her feet. Her throat felt raw from all the crying and sobbing she did after Tori had left and she winced as she walked by the window, the annoying stream of light shining directly into her eyes. The sound of her phone ringing stopped her just as she was about to step into the bathroom. She rolled her eyes because she knew exactly who it would be. Nevertheless, Jade walked into the living room, only to find her suspicion confirmed as she saw Cat's name flash across the screen.

"Morning," Jade languidly greeted her best friend, her voice low and slightly hoarse.

"_Good Morning, Jade! Happy New Year!"_

Jade made a sound in the back of her throat, then grudgingly wished the same to Cat. _"You didn't pick up your phone yesterday… or answered my texts," _Cat slowly said, a hint of worry in her voice, _"Was everything okay?"_

Jade sighed irritably and sank onto her couch. "Of course I was okay," she lied convincingly, "It was New Years Eve. The phone lines probably collapsed or… were overloaded or whatever."

"_Hm. Yeah, that could be." _She paused, probably contemplating if she could believe Jade or not. _"Well, anyways, we missed you yesterday. All of us."_

"Uh huh." Jade leaned back and closed her eyes, already knowing what kind of speech would come now and already knowing to block out every word that would come out of Cat's mouth. But when Cat quietly called her name again, her eyes reopened. "What?"

"_I'm really serious. We all missed you and… I mean… being alone on New Year's Eve, that's not very nice."_

Releasing a curt laugh, Jade sat up straight and glared at the black screen of the TV. "Oh, don't you worry. I wasn't completely alone. I had some company. Tori."

"…_Tori? So that's why she just disappeared? She was with you?"_

"Yep. We had such a _lovely _chat."

Not really knowing how to take Jade's words and cold, sarcastic tone, Cat cleared her throat uncomfortably. _"Really? Um… What happened?"_

"Why did you tell her about Amelia?"

It was a simple enough question but Jade had to wait a pretty long time before she got an answer. There was a sharp intake of breath and a long pause before Cat's voice sounded through the line again. _"I… I don't… I mean, she deserved to know."_

Jade frowned and shook her head. "She _deserved _to know? Why's that, huh? She's Robbie's friend, not… I don't know," Jade waved her hand in the air as she searched for something fitting to say. "My potential future girlfriend."

The long silence that stretched over the line and the continuous shuffling that sounded in Jade's ears made her eyes widen and her mouth fall open. "Oh my God," she quietly mumbled and shook her head, "That was your plan all along. You… you wanted me to spend time with Tori so… so that me and her could…"

"_Jade, no, I didn't-"_

"No," Jade interrupted her sharply, her eyes narrowing, "Don't you dare lie to me, Cat."

A pause again, then, a long tired breath. _"Tori… seemed to be… perfect for you and… I just wanted the best for you, Jade."_

"I can't believe you would do something like that," Jade pushed out bitterly and heard Cat call her name one last time before she had enough of the redhead and disconnected the call. Tears welled up, anger and sadness flooded her entire being and Jade's hand squeezed her ringing and vibrating phone before letting it fall to the couch. She should have seen it all along, the way Cat always pushed her to do things with Tori and how happy she had gotten when she realized that the two of them got along. It wasn't because Tori was Robbie's best friend that she wanted them to click. It was because Cat wanted them to get together.

The tears that she so desperately tried to keep in managed to spill over, staining her cheeks and burying old tears under new ones. Jade didn't want to cry, she _hated _to cry and she _hated _that she now cried over Cat, who was supposed to be her best friend, who was supposed to be there for her and understand her. And she hated even more that part of the tears that fell from her eyes… were for Tori.

The doorbell suddenly sounded in her ears like an echo and Jade closed her eyes, her mouth opening to release a gush of air before taking in a shaky breath. Again, the doorbell rung through the apartment and Jade opened her eyes and got up, slowly shuffling towards the door to buzz, whoever it was, in. Wiping her eyes and cheeks, Jade waited until she heard footsteps walking up outside in the hall before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

"Hello little sister," Aiden smiled and took the last two strides before he gathered Jade in a quick hug, "Happy New Year."

"Please stop saying that," Jade mumbled into his chest, closing her eyes as she breathed in the always comforting scent of her brother. She felt him tense for a short moment, then he pulled away and held her by an arm length. His brows furrowed and he looked at her worriedly. "Is something wrong?"

Pictures of Cat and Tori and Amelia rushed through her brain all at once, the disappointment she felt for Cat, the anger that was directed at Tori and the ever present pain of not being with Amelia piled up and up and up until she didn't think she could take it anymore. Her face crumpled, tears started to fall again. "I'm just… not okay," she almost whimpered and released a sob.

And just like always, the arms of the only person who was always, _always _there for her, tightly enveloped her and pushed her back inside the apartment. With words of comfort being mumbled into her ear, the sound of Aiden's voice soothing her if only just a little bit, Jade let loose and broke down, letting tears of frustration and anger fall.

**…**

She hadn't meant to hurt her so bad.

Actually, she hadn't meant to hurt her _at all._

But of course her big mouth got in the way and the name of Jade's dead fiancée – a shiver ran down Tori's spine every time she thought of the blonde woman like that. _Dead _fiancée. – just rolled off her tongue before she could even attempt to stop it. She had seen the anger in her eyes, hell, it radiated off her body in steady waves but then it vanished as quickly as it came and turned into genuine and raw hurt.

It turned into pain.

Tori shook her head and put her cup down, her hand supporting her tired head in its palm. How awful must it be, to feel almost nothing _but_ pain, every day of your life? It sent a sharp twinge through Tori's heart knowing that Jade probably knew _exactly_ how that felt and it hurt her even more to know that, because of her, the raven-haired woman now felt even worse than before. Tori had heard the sobs through the thick wood of Jade's apartment door, getting louder and more painful with every minute that passed by. After about an hour of just sitting in the hallway, her head against the door, Tori had contemplated to knock again, to apologize, comfort her, do anything to stop her pain. But Jade would have thrown her out in a heartbeat, if she had even bothered to open the door at all.

But with her cold coffee standing in front of her and the annoying voice of the radio host driving her out of her mind with his stupid New Year's resolutions, Tori felt guilt swamping up her brain. She should have at least tried, maybe Jade _would _have opened up. But she would do that now, _right now,_ Tori decided and pushed herself to her feet, turning off the radio and grabbing her keys and jacket before storming out of the door.

It wasn't a long drive from her home to Jade's – she practically lived around the corner – and the streets were surprisingly empty, which caused Tori to arrive at Jade's place in less than ten minutes. Taking a deep breath, Tori got out of her car and tried to encourage herself for what she was sure would be a tough time, trying to apologize to Jade. If she had learned anything about Jade in the past three months, it was that she could be pretty stubborn, especially if she was in a bad mood, and Tori talking about Amelia in the way she did yesterday probably didn't really put Jade in a very happy place right now. Tori smiled at an old lady who was so nice to hold the door to the apartment building open for her and quickly took the two flights of stairs that would lead her to Jade.

Reaching the top, Tori stopped abruptly, her eyebrows shooting up and mouth opening in surprise when a dark haired man stepped out of Jade's apartment. His bright blue eyes fell on her as he quietly closed the door behind him, his dark eyebrows rising too.

"Oh, hey. You're Jade's brother, aren't you?" The handsome man Tori already saw on a couple of pictures in Jade's living room took a step closer to her and smiled lightly. "Yeah, I am. What gave me away? Eyes? Hair? The strong preference for dark clothing?"

Tori chuckled and readjusted the bag on her shoulder, nodding her head. "Yeah, pretty much." His smile widened as he nodded, his eyes looking at the floor for a short moment before they snapped back up and the smile dampened a little when he heard Tori introduce herself. "I'm Tori. Is Jade home?"

Aiden sucked in a breath through his teeth before clamping his bottom lip in between them, craning his neck to look at Jade's door. "Yeah," he dragged out and turned back to Tori, "she's home. But… I don't really think… she wants to see anyone today."

"I-I know but… it's important."

Tori watched him nod slowly and release a sigh. "Listen, Tori… I don't want to act up as the big and protective brother but…" He paused and furrowed his eyebrows. "She told me about you and… about yesterday and she was really… upset. Now I know that you didn't mean to harm her but, you know it's… it's just really hard for her. _Still_."

"I know that and that's why I'm here. I want to apologize. I want her to know that I didn't want to hurt her, I really didn't."

His face showed uncertainty as he looked at Tori for a long time, his lips pressed together and his forehead creased. After what felt like an eternity he blew a long breath through his nose, shook his head and looked to the floor. "Well, if you wanna try your luck," he said with a sigh and stepped aside, his hand motioning towards the door, "I can't guarantee that she'll open the door."

Then, he sent her one last smile before walking past her. Only when she heard the door downstairs close, did Tori take a deep breath and slowly stepped closer, her hand lifting and knuckles hitting the door in three quick knocks. There was no sign of anyone opening the door and Tori got ready to knock again when she faintly heard soft footsteps inside the apartment. They stopped right in front of the door and Tori sucked in a deep breath when the door swung open.

* * *

_A/N: Nothing really important but: A couple of days ago I found a roleplay account with Dianna Agron as the face claim and Amelia as her first name. I just wanted to clear up that I didn't want to 'steal' anyones character or anything. I just love the name Amelia since 'The Princess Diaries' and I mean... who doesn't love Dianna Agron? I felt the need to clear that up. Feel free to ignore._


	10. Chapter 10

With eyes red and swollen, pale cheeks splattered with dried tears and hair a tousled mess, Jade lost a great deal of coolness that she normally carried with her, but the dangerous glare that was tossed Tori's way was still as sharp as ever. At the last second, Tori was able to stop the door from closing, her hands pushing against it with all her might and foot sticking between door and frame. "Please Jade. Let me in," Tori pleaded, trying to keep Jade from crushing her foot. Jade's grip on the door lessened a little but not enough for Tori to be able to get inside.

"I don't want to see you," Jade lowly pushed out, daggers shooting out of her eyes and piercing through Tori's skull.

"I know and I understand. I do." The brunette gave the door a slight push. "I was so stupid yesterday and I came to apologize. I'm really sorry for everything I said yesterday."

"Great. Then you can go now."

Jade made another move of closing the door but stopped when a hiss left Tori's mouth. Blue eyes looked at the sneaker clad foot jammed between the door and the doorframe before they flicked back up to the pained face of the tan woman, Jade's hands pulling the door back again to ease the tension for Tori's foot. "Let me in for just a couple of minutes," Tori said after pulling her foot back and shaking out the slight pain, "I promise I'll leave when you have enough of me."

Tori shot her what she hoped was a charming smile and could almost see the wheels in Jade's head turning and clicking. After a couple of seconds of carefully staring at Tori, Jade hesitantly pulled the door open. Relieved, Tori walked inside. "I'll give you five minutes," Jade told her after closing the door, arms defensively crossed over her chest.

"Okay," Tori breathed and smiled before a frown took over. "I really didn't want to hurt you yesterday, Jade. I know I overstepped my boundaries."

Jade snorted and shook her head as she looked away from the brunette. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Yeah." Tori nodded, gripping the strap of her bag a little tighter. "I really _am_ sorry. I… You were right, I didn't know Amelia and I… I shouldn't have acted like… like I acted." Tori pushed out an embarrassed chuckle but Jade's face stayed as hard as stone.

"Four minutes."

Tori's eyebrows shot up, her weight transferring from one foot to the other. "Oh. Yeah, um…" Tori didn't really know why her heart was pounding so_ hard_ in her chest, but she was almost sure it had something to do with Jade's eyes, which moved back to her face and harshly glared at her. A sigh was pushed past Tori's lips and after briefly closing her eyes for a couple of seconds, Tori started again. "Jade, I meant what I said yesterday. You are my friend and I care about you, so much. And of course I'm not mad at you for not telling me about Amelia. That just slipped out of my mouth but… I didn't mean it."

A muscle in Jade's jaw flickered, her eyes still flashing dangerously. "Three minutes."

"Could you stop that?" Tori's voice was strained as she frowned at Jade. "I'm trying to apologize to you."

"For what exactly?"

"For what-" Tori's eyebrows furrowed. "Didn't you listen to a word I said?"

"I did," Jade calmly said, her face relaxing a bit.

Tori looked at her warily and made a motion with her hand. "Then what-"

"God Tori, just go, alright?" Jade closed her eyes and turned away from her, waving her hand towards the door. She sniffled, a hand running through black hair and her feet slowly carrying her over to the kitchen while Tori stayed glued to the spot, looking after Jade with a deep frown on her face. In a last weak and desperate attempt Tori sighed and took a step closer to where Jade was standing. "Jade… I didn't want to… _destroy_ our friendship like that." Jade glanced at her but didn't say anything. "I'm sorry. I can't say that enough. Hurting you is really the farthest thing from my mind."

Jade stayed quiet but this time, she really looked at Tori. Her eyes flicked all over her face, then locked on her eyes in a strong gaze. "I have a question," she quietly stated and Tori nodded for her to go on. "Did you know about Cat and her stupid idea?"

Tori frowned. "What idea?"

Jade narrowed her eyes as she watched confusion flicker over Tori's face, wondering if it was genuine. She called her name and asked her what she meant and Jade's face softened as she realized that Tori really didn't have a clue what Jade was talking about. "Cat wanted to hook us up." Tori's frown only deepened, the confusion on her face almost comical. "How… How do you know that? I mean, did she… did she say that?"

Jade shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "Does it matter how I know about it?"

"I… I guess not." Tori's hands clasped together and her brows tugged down as she let her eyes travel over Jade's tired face. It kind of made sense, the way Cat always pushed them together. And truthfully, Tori really wouldn't have anything against it. Jade was interesting, beautiful and Tori would lie if she said that she _wasn't_ attracted to her in the slightest bit. But she also knew that her attraction for her was futile, seeing as the pale woman was still too attached to her fiancée. "You're mad at her," Tori stated and watched as Jade's face took on a whole new level of incredulity.

"Of course I am! I'm not a doll that she can just play with like this!"

"I'm sure she just wanted to help you. _But_," Tori accentuated and held her hand up when Jade's eyes flashed with anger again and her mouth opened to retort something, "I understand that you're mad at her. I would be too if I was… you know, in… in your situation."

Jade nodded, flabbergasted that Tori seemed to agree with her and didn't try to tell her that she was possibly overreacting like Aiden had tried to. Maybe she didn't do it, just because she didn't want to get kicked out by her, maybe she really understood her, Jade wasn't so sure, but it didn't really matter to her anyways. "Well… I'm going to go talk to her." With that Jade turned around, leaving Tori confusedly staring after her.

"What, now?"

"Of course now," Jade said as she came to a halt and turned back around to face Tori, "I can't _wait_ to hear what she has to say." There was a pause in which Jade's eyes traveled over Tori's face, contemplating something. "You should go now."

She was ready to turn around again but was stopped once again by Tori's voice. "Are we okay?"

Pursed lips and furrowed eyebrows didn't give anything away. "We'll see," Jade murmured before disappearing into the bathroom.

**…**

"Hi… Jade…" Cat stuttered out when her eyes fell on Jade standing on her doorstep. "Come on in."

Boot clad feet didn't make any sound as Jade stepped over the threshold, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her black jacket. Blue eyes fell on Cat's curly haired fiancé unsurely standing in the doorway of the living room. He cleared his throat, then walked closer and flicked his eyes from Jade to Cat. "I'll leave you two alone," he quietly said and walked past Jade, and into his office.

"Um… Do- do you want something to drink? Or eat? Come on, let's go into the kitchen."

Not one word had left Jade's mouth since she got here and that didn't change as Cat carefully led her into the kitchen, quietly asked her to sit down at the table and poured her a glass of water. The redhead watched as her friend took a careful sip before lowering the glass to the table. A tense feeling built up inside of Cat when the room stayed silent. She stayed glued to the spot, not having the courage to sit down across from Jade.

Eventually, after the most uncomfortable silence Cat had to endure in her life, Jade shook her head and gripped the glass in her hands even tighter to the point where Cat was scared it would break at any second. "Why did you do that?"

Jade's voice was quiet, _hurt_, and Cat felt herself being punched in the stomach at the thought that she was the one who caused her best friend such pain. The redhead breathed out a shaky sigh and looked at her hands. "Tori… she seemed… into you."

"She seemed _into _me?"

"Y-Yes, and… then I thought… that maybe you and her could…"

She left her sentence dangling in the air and shrugged her shoulders, not daring to look up at the woman sitting at the kitchen table. She looked like a sad little kid, Jade thought as she surveyed Cat with pursed lips and creased eyebrows, but her sympathy for the redhead was kept within limit right now. "Do you even know what you're saying?" Jade asked and narrowed her eyes. Cat glanced up. "You push Tori into this, into… into your little plan of forcing me into a new relationship and don't even feel bad about it. You _used_ her, Cat."

"What? No, I didn't use her. I wanted-"

"Yeah, I get it," Jade interrupted, waving her hand dismissively, "You wanted to play matchmaker. But you forgot to consider one thing. _I_ don't _want_ anyone else. And you knew that. But still, you pushed Tori and me together like you're a freaking fairy and we were some kind of stupid Disney characters! We're people, Cat! _Real_ people! You can't just _play_ with us like that!"

It was eerily silent after the last word left Jade's mouth until Cat's quiet voice broke through. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Or Tori."

"_Why_ did you do it then?"

Early on in her and Jade's friendship Cat had learned that a silent and calm Jade is even worse than a yelling and insulting Jade. And now, Jade silently sat there, her eyes storming with emotions, jaw tightly locked and breathing deep. Cat knew that, even though her friend was quietly sitting there and maybe even appeared calm to people who didn't know her that well, Jade was seething.

"I just thought… you know, you needed to… you needed to move on sometime and-"

"And you thought, 'oh, what better way to make Jade move on than to find a replacement for Lia'?"

Cat's eyes blinked rapidly, tears already starting to well up. "No! N-no, it wasn't like that!"

Jade's arm flared out, hitting the glass of water that stood on the wooden table and sending it flying to the floor. Cat flinched as the shrill sound of glass breaking reverberated in her ears before Jade's loud and angry voice almost made the walls in the kitchen shake. "How was it then, Cat?!"

"Not like you think! I just want you to be _happy_!" Cat's voice cracked as she almost screamed at Jade, tears now spilling over and running down her cheeks. Jade stood up and walked around the table, the shattered glass scrunching under her black boots as she walked to stand in front of Cat. "You want me to be happy, huh? But you know what you make me? You make me even more _miserable_! That's what you do!"

"What's going on here?"

Both pairs of eyes – angry blue ones and desperate brown ones – flew towards the source of the adamant voice and found Robbie standing in the entryway of the kitchen, his dark eyebrows tugged down. Jade sucked in a breath through her nose before turning back to the redhead. "Was he in on this too?"

Cat's wide eyes moved from her fiancé to her best friend. "No! No, he-"

"Don't freaking _lie_ to me!"

Cat flinched away. She squeezed her eyes shut, one hand lifting to muffle the loud sob that broke through her throat. Almost in an instant Robbie was by her side, part of his body stepping in front of her to shield her from Jade. "Will you tell me what's going on here?"

"Oh, gladly," Jade spit out, a menacing grin on her lips, "Your precious little fiancée wanted me to fall in love with Tori so that I would forget about Amelia."

"That's not true," Cat shouted from behind Robbie, tears still steadily streaming down her face, "I would never want you to forget about Lia! She was my friend! And Tori wasn't supposed to be a _replacement_ either!"

"No? What then? Did you think we would fall _madly_ in love with each other and live happily ever after? God Cat, _grow up_!" Jade's chest heaved up and down, her nostrils flaring and eyes flashing with an intensity that neither Robbie nor Cat had seen in a long time. "You're my best friend! You are supposed to understand and support me and not go behind my back just because you're sick of me being alone!"

"I'm not sick of you," Cat shouted in a shrill voice and dug her fingers tightly into Robbie's arm, "I _told_ you I want you to be happy!"

"Stop _saying _that!" Her nails dug into her palms, _so tightly_, and Jade turned around, resisting the urge to throw or punch something. Instead, she kicked at the shards underneath her, sending one particular big one flying through the door and into the living room.

"Jade, calm down," Robbie forcefully told his friend, not even blinking when Jade whirled back around and hotly glowered at him. "_Don't_ tell me what to do."

"Do you think Lia would like to see you like this?" His question made her tense, her nostrils flaring again as she took in a deep breath. "You're angry, I get that, but don't act up like this. We can talk about this. Calmly."

Cat sniffled behind him but Robbie kept his eyes on Jade, who ground her teeth together and didn't do anything other than stare at him. Eventually, she took a step forward, the glass crunching under her feet, and shook her head. "Stop using Amelia as your way of reasoning with me," she murmured lowly, "It's cheap."

After shooting one last look at Cat, the redhead being a silently crying mess, Jade made her way out of the kitchen without uttering another word and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

**…**

It was late, the sky already tinted a dark blue and twinkling stars hiding behind thick clouds, when Jade stood in front of Tori's door with her arms crossed and eyes a stormy shade of blue and green. "Jade, I… come in."

The woman completely clad in black shook her head and simply said "I talked to Cat."

The words hung in the air for a while, with neither one of them saying anything, before Tori slowly nodded her head. "Oh. What did she say?"

Jade shrugged her shoulders, her arms breaking the shield she held up in front of her body. "Not much. Nothing… worth repeating." She paused, frowning. "I wanted to apologize to you."

The words that left Jade's mouth made Tori's eyebrows crease in confusion and her lips form a puzzled smile. "Apologize. For what?"

"Cat shouldn't have dragged you into this. I mean, I…" Jade shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Cat and her crazy ideas. She's always been like that but this time… she just crossed the line."

Tori let her body fall against the doorframe, crossing her arms. "She just meant well. It may have been the wrong approach but… she didn't want to hurt you. I'm sure about that."

"I know," Jade sighed, running a hand through her hair, "but I'm still… mad. Disappointed."

Tori smiled weakly. "I know."

One corner of Jade's lips lifted in half a smile. Then, she took a deep breath, looked at her feet and shook her head. "Well, I just wanted to drop by to tell you that. I'll get going now."

Tori nodded but before Jade could go, the brunette pushed herself off the doorframe and hesitantly called after her. "Jade?"

Jade turned back around, raising expectant eyebrows. Taking in a deep breath and training hopeful eyes on Jade's, Tori repeated her question from earlier that day. "Are we okay?"

Tori's heart slowed down as she waited for an answer, an answer that would hopefully be a little more positive than just 'we'll see'. But Jade stayed quiet, her face full of hesitation and her bright eyes staring at her. She opened her mouth and Tori felt hope arising inside of her just to have it crushed again when Jade reconsidered and snapped her mouth shut. "Goodnight Tori," was all she said before she quickly flew down the stairs and disappeared into the snowy night.


	11. Chapter 11

_Amelia quietly approached Jade, smiling sadly when she saw what her fiancée was looking at. With her forearms leaning on the backrest of the sofa, she took a good look over Jade's shoulder, her eyes scanning over the picture of the younger versions of Jade and Aiden and their mother. "Is everything okay?"_

_Lia's quiet voice seemed to startle Jade, her body tensing up before she relaxed again. "Yeah. I'm fine." She frowned and shot a glance at the blonde behind her before sighing and turning back to the photo in her hands. "I wish she was still here. I would have loved to have her at our wedding."_

_Lia smiled and nodded her head, placing her hand on Jade's arm and softly beginning to stroke her sweater clad skin. "I wish I could have met her."_

_"Yeah, well," Jade sighed and put the picture down, turning her head and tightly smiling at Amelia, "You came two years too late for that."_

_A silence fell over them as Jade turned back to look at the picture, her smile falling. It's been over eight years but the memory of her mother was still as fresh as it could be. She remembered the time shortly after her father had left and nightmares started to plague her sleep, the only cure for them being the soothing sound of her mother's singing. And she remembered her mother getting weaker and weaker until the deadly disease finally succeeded and all she was able to do was stop fighting._

"_She's still here though. She will be at our wedding." _

_Jade snorted and craned her head to look at an encouragingly smiling Lia. "Oh really? You believe that?"_

"_Sure." Her arms wrapped around Jade's neck, chin coming to rest on her shoulder. "People we care about… they don't just completely disappear. Not even after death. They always linger around, protecting and looking out for the people they love. You can't see or hear them but sometimes… you can feel them with you. You never completely lose them." _

_Amelia placed her hand flatly over the spot on Jade's chest where her heart laid, her voice quietening down to just above a whisper. "They're in here," her fingers gently drummed on Jade's chest in perfect harmony with her heartbeat. Jade sucked in a deep breath and placed her own hand on top of Amelia's. "They stay there. Forever." _

Jade frowned at the memory, her fingers absentmindedly running over the skin where her heart laid underneath strong and shielding bones. When Lia died, in that sterile, white hospital room, Jade had felt her heart painfully accelerating, only for it to slow down to an almost complete stop when it finally sunk in that she wouldn't see Amelia ever again. She would never touch her again, never hear her speak or laugh again. It had felt as if Jade herself was dying too, and it still felt like that sometimes, even three years later. But she survived. How… she had no idea. It still hurt, every day, every minute she was separated from Amelia. She still remembered every little detail about her. It didn't matter that she was gone, something of her lingered and Jade could feel her everywhere she went. Lia was right. People you care about don't just… fade away completely.

But Jade didn't want her like that. She wanted to hold her, she wanted to kiss her, to hear her voice. She just wanted her to come back. Especially now, with the entire situation with Cat poisoning her brain. Guilt gnawed at her when she thought back to that awful Tuesday, Cat's scared and sad face burning into her mind and not leaving her alone. She hated the fact that she frightened Cat so much. It didn't matter how mad she was. Cat was her best friend and having had four days to cool off, ignoring every text and every phone call from Cat and Robbie, Jade realized how bad she really acted.

That's why she found herself sitting in the safe confines of her car, her eyes trained on Cat and Robbie's home across the street. She took a deep breath, unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of her car, gently closing the door and locking it. The thin layer of snow that covered the asphalt softly crunched under her feet, the little snowflakes that fell from the sky glittering in Jade's dark hair. Biting her lip, Jade lifted her finger and quickly pushed the button next to the plate that said _Valentine/Shapiro_, then waited with baited breath until Robbie's voice filtered through the intercom. _"Hello?"_

"Hey, um, it's Jade." She paused when Robbie confusedly repeated her name. "Yeah. Will you let me in?"

"_Uh, yeah, of course."_

Immediately after the words left his mouth the door buzzed and Jade pushed it open, silently walking up to Cat and Robbie's apartment. The door was already open when Jade got to the top of the stairs, Robbie standing in the doorway with a frown on his face. "Hey," he quietly said but his face stayed in its neutral state. Jade cracked a small smile as he stepped aside and held the door open for her, stamping off the snow of her boots before slowly walking into the warm home. "Before you get mad again," Robbie said and quietly closed the door, "Tori is here. We didn't think you'd-"

"I'm not mad," she assured him, shaking her head. It was Sunday and Tori usually came by ever since she moved to New Jersey, to join them in their 'weekly cooking tradition'. Jade already expected to see her here. A sigh left her lips. "I came here to… apologize. To Cat especially but… to you too, of course."

He tilted his head, staring at her with creased eyebrows, before lifting his shoulders in a slow shrug. "I'm not mad at you. I can understand you on one side. You just… took it a little too far."

Jade nodded, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. Finally, Robbie smiled at her. "Cat and Tori are in the living room." He walked past Jade and turned back to look at her, motioning with his head for her to follow him. She hesitantly did, her eyes immediately taking in the brunette woman sitting on the sofa, brown eyes lighting up with hope as they fell on her. Jade returned the smile Tori was giving her, although much weaker, before she turned her attention to a surprised looking Cat. "Hey. Can we talk?"

Cat quickly scrambled to her feet, her eyes wide. "Jade, I'm sorry. I already apologized to Tori and I-"

"Slow down," Jade interrupted and glanced at Robbie and Tori, both watching her, before bringing her gaze back to Cat. "I want to talk to you alone. Is that alright?"

Cat nodded, then quickly followed Jade into the kitchen. They're quiet for a long moment, Jade nibbling at her lip and Cat looking out of the window, watching the snow fall.

"I'm… sorry."

Jade's quietly mumbled words caught Cat's attention and she turned to look at her best friend. The pale woman turned her head to the side, looking anywhere but at the redhead standing across from her. "I've been so awful to you. You're my best friend. You always will be."

"I'm sorry too, Jade." Cat waited for Jade's eyes to meet her own, then took a tentative step closer. "I know how much you still love Lia." She bit her lip as Jade's gaze dropped to the floor. "And that's okay for me. I could never be sick of you or anything you do."

Jade nodded. "I know. I really didn't want to scare you, you know. I was just… so mad and… you really disappointed me."

The redhead looked at her feet in shame and immediately, Jade felt bad for her. She meant well, she knew that now. "But let's just forget about it." Cat looked up and Jade smiled at her in reassurance, resulting Cat's face to lighten up again. "Just don't do it again. That's all that I want from you."

Cat vigorously shook her head. "I won't. I promise."

"Good. So," Jade sighed and clapped her hands together, "what are we cooking today?"

**…**

_**Sunday,**_

_**March 31st, 2013**_

The snow melted, flowers began to bloom and birds were chirping wildly every morning again. The winter was almost completely gone – the occasional chilly wind still blowing around the city – and New Jersey was ready to welcome spring with open arms. Wedding preparations were done, everything was perfectly planned and today would be the day. Over the course of the last two and a half months, Cat and Jade's relationship had gone back to what it was before the big fall out, much to everyone's delight. Tori and Jade however… were still a little reserved with each other. Amelia's name didn't come over Tori's lips again, the brunette way too scared of what would happen between her and Jade if she talked about her again. They've been spending less time together, which bugged Tori, but she decided to give Jade the space she needed.

"It doesn't _fit_, Jade!"

The exasperated voice of one Cat Valentine rang loud and clear in Jade's ears, causing the pale woman – already completely dressed in her cream colored dress – to roll her eyes and turn towards the white folding screen. Cat's head popped out from behind it, a pout on her lips and eyebrows tugged down, causing her forehead to form a crease. "Try again," Jade calmly told her, shifting her entire weight to her left foot as she waited for Cat to disappear behind the wall again. But the shock of red hair stayed where it was.

"No! It doesn't fit!" Her brown eyes widened suddenly. "Maybe that's a sign!"

Jade scoffed. "A sign for what? That you stuffed yourself with too much pasta?"

"A sign that Robbie and I aren't supposed to get married today."

Although Jade was already expecting Cat to freak on the first opportunity that was given to her, she couldn't stop her eyes from rolling. Uncrossing her arms, Jade released a sigh and trudged over to her anxious best friend, walking behind the folding screen and taking a good look at the back of Cat's dress. She raised her eyebrows when her eyes fell on the zipper, the small piece of metal not pulled all the way down and therefore resulting in the dress not getting past Cat's hips. Quickly pulling the zipper all the way down, Jade grabbed the top of the dress and pulled it over Cat's hips with ease. A sound of surprise left Cat's mouth but Jade ignored her, gently pulling the zipper up and making sure everything fit perfectly. "Huh. Would you look at that," Jade teased, "It _does _fit."

She heard the redhead mumble a quiet 'thank you' and crossed her arms again, raising a single eyebrow when Cat turned to face her. "Are you sure I'm doing the right thing?"

Jade took no time in answering. "I'm positive. And you are too. You just have cold feet."

"But what if it's not just cold feet? I mean," Cat sighed and walked over to sit on the bed, her eyes trained on her fingers, "What if it's a mistake? What if we start fighting, what if something bad happens to us? It happens to so many people. _So_ many people are getting divorced nowadays and I… I don't want that. I love him too much… I don't want to lose him."

A silence enveloped the room. Cat's eyes lifted and looked at Jade, who attentively listened to every word that came out of the redhead's mouth. Her lips were pursed, a frown on her face as she stared at Cat. Eventually, she shook her head and walked towards the bed, slowly sinking down next to Cat. "You never know what's going to happen, Cat," she softly started and patiently looked at the scared woman next to her, "It's a part of life. Bad things… can always happen and you can't do anything about it. It's just the way it is. And I can almost guarantee you… that you and Robbie will have a _lot of_ fights." Cat's eyes widened at Jade's words, her mouth opened but Jade didn't give her a chance to say something. "But that's okay. It will be worth it, Cat."

A reassuring smile found its way on Jade's lips but the worry on Cat's face didn't vanish in the slightest bit. Sighing, the smile falling from her face, Jade decided to take a different approach. Her mind took her back to high school, a dark starry night sky and a bonfire quietly crackling in front of her.

"_You don't believe in love?" Amelia's voice sounded doubtful but a smile stayed on her lips as she questioningly looked at Jade. Jade took a moment before she answered, her tongue running over her lips and teeth biting at them as she contemplated her answer. "I think it's possible to fall in love," she brought out eventually and kicked a small stone towards the bonfire, "But it's futile."_

"_How so?" The blonde tilted her head and when Jade looked at her, she saw little specks of green shining through her hazel eyes as the light of the fire hit her face, illuminating her white skin. "You fall in love with someone. But you don't know if they love you back. And if they don't, well… then you can't do anything but try to forget that person because he or she just… doesn't want you and you have to accept that."_

_"But what if they do love you back?"_

"_Then it's great. For a little while. But like everything else, love has a timer. A time limit. It won't last forever. Eventually you'll lose that person you love so much and everything that will be left… is a hole. A hole you just can't fill." Jade's lips formed a faint smile before she looked away from Lia and focused her gaze on the wood that slowly burned away. For a while, the only thing that was heard was the quiet crackle of the fire and the distinct call of an owl. Then, Amelia found the words she was looking for._

"_I don't agree," she quietly said and saw Jade turn her head towards her out of the corner of her eye. "I think love is never futile. I think love can be timeless. Maybe you're right, love doesn't always last forever." Lia smiled and turned to look at Jade, who watched her intently. "But if you find the right person… I think it can be. It can be limitless, timeless, whatever you want. It can be beautiful. You just have to be brave enough to take the leap and… fall."_

_The way she said it, so resolute and with so much passion behind her words, Jade couldn't do anything but want to believe her. She wanted to believe that Lia was right, with everything she said. And in the very depth of her heart she wanted Amelia's words to be a request, a challenge. _You just have to be brave enough to take the leap and… fall.

_They smiled at each other and for the first time since her mother's death, Jade realized, she felt… fine. "Well, maybe you're right," Jade spoke softly and looked away again, "But how can I find that right person? How do I know?"_

"_You feel it," Amelia murmured and couldn't keep her eyes off of the pale girl next to her, "Believe me. You can't miss it." Jade's face took on a blank expression and when she turned her head and their eyes met, Amelia's heart began hammering in her chest, hoping Jade finally took the hint. Jade's lips parted, her eyebrows knitted and her eyes reflected everything Amelia was feeling. "I think I know what you mean," Jade muttered so quietly that Amelia would have missed it if she wouldn't be so concentrated on everything that was Jade right in that moment. Lia nodded, her eyes dropping to Jade's lips for a millisecond before she moved closer. Their eyes began to close when their breaths started to mingle and then, their lips-_

"_Jade!"_

"Jade?"

Just like back then, Cat's voice interrupted the moment.

Jade closed her eyes, shook her head, then opened her eyes again and forced a smile to appear on her face. Her heart ached but she ignored it, for the sake of Cat.

"Robbie… he is your right person, you know? You and him… I mean, you're _Cat and Robbie_." She chuckled a little and felt a wave of success when the smallest of smiles appeared on Cat's lips. "You love each other. That's the only thing that matters. Sometimes all you have to do is just… be brave enough, take the leap and fall. And I know that you _are_ brave enough."

A grin crept to Cat's lips and before Jade could comprehend what was happening, Cat swung her arms around her neck and pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered into dark hair and held on to her best friend for a couple of seconds before pulling away with a frown on her face.

"I have to pee now."

* * *

_A/N: No Tori in this chapter. But next one will be the wedding and I can promise you that there will be Jori. Of course I hope you liked this one too, despite the lack of Tori._


	12. Chapter 12

"You may now kiss the bride."

A little squeak escaped Cat's brightly smiling mouth before she threw her arms around Robbie's neck and let him pull her in for their first kiss as husband and wife. Everyone began to clap wildly, rising from their seats. A bright grin stayed firmly plastered on Tori's face as she watched her friends pull away from each other, a huge smile on both their faces, before turning to face their guests and slowly walking down the with soft pink flower petals strewn aisle. Without being able to control it, Tori's eyes strayed away from the happy couple and resettled on the woman in the cream-colored dress, slowly following Cat and Robbie, her arm locked with the best man's.

She looked stunning, almost stealing Cat's spotlight. A soft smile played on her lips, her eyes trained on the floor. But then, she looked up, blue meeting brown. Tori's heart accelerated, just like it always did when Jade looked at her. But just like all the other times in the last two and a half months, Tori felt her heart drop when Jade quickly averted her eyes and her smile dampened. Tori struggled to keep the smile on her face, trying not to let Jade's coldness get to her.

She had tried, tried to get on Jade's good side again, she really did, but that turned out to be harder than expected. Jade hadn't answered her question – a '_Goodnight, Tori'_ really wasn't an answer – but the avoidance she always threw into her face lately was a pretty good inkling as to what their status was: _not_ okay. They still saw each other though: on every Sunday at Cat and Robbie's place, at Cat's bachelorette party – although Jade didn't stay very long – and one time at the supermarket, in an awkward run in situation. A cord was struck in Jade, Tori got that, but she didn't even give her any chance to make it up to her.

And as it turned out, Tori seemed not to get the chance today either, as hours went by and the wedding party was in full swing now. Jade was quick on her feet, almost seeming to know exactly where Tori wanted to approach her, then quickly leaving there and letting one of the guests strike up a conversation with her. It was hopeless, Tori thought dejectedly and sank down on a chair, elbow propped up on the table and chin resting in her hand, a pout on her lips. Her eyes found the little arrangement of flowers standing in the middle of the table. She quickly reached out and took one of the flowers in her hand, feeling the soft pink petal between her fingers, when the stopping of music and the clear of a throat caught her attention.

Tori lifted an eyebrow when she saw Jade standing on the little stage, standing in front of the microphone and waiting for everybody to be quiet. "Hey," she awkwardly said and ran her tongue over her lips, "So… since I'm the maid of honor, everybody probably expects me to… make a long ass speech about Robbie and Cat or tell you funny anecdotes from high school, but-" She shrugged and shook her head. "I won't do that. So instead…" Tori sat up straight, watching Jade take a deep breath. "I'm going to sing a song."

Small cheers made the round and Tori softly smiled, locking her fingers together and resting her chin on them while she watched Jade walk over to the big piano. She had no idea that Jade could sing or played the piano, but she definitely was intrigued. Her ears took in Cat's voice and Tori flicked her eyes over to her, a bright smile on the redhead's face as she cheered her best friend on. Turning her attention fully back on the woman on stage, Tori bit her lip as Jade's hands started to glide over the black and white keys.

_When the rain is blowing in your face_

_And the whole world is on your case_

_I could offer you a warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love_

Tori found herself being completely mesmerized as soon as Jade had started singing, her lips parting at the sound of her voice. She didn't know what she had expected, but certainly nothing so… so beautiful.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_

_And there's no one there to dry your tears_

_I could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I've known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

Jade's eyes were closed, words streaming out of her mouth so effortlessly, so _beautifully_, that Tori had to remind herself to breathe. The entire room was quiet, everybody's attention on the beautiful woman, whose fingers were dancing over the keys of the piano, whose voice filled out every corner and made everybody's heart beat faster. Well... at least Tori's.

_I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue_

_I'd go crawling down the avenue_

_No, there is nothing that I wouldn't do_

_To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging on the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret_

_The winds of change are blowing wild and free_

_You ain't seen nothing like me yet_

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true_

_No, there is nothing that I wouldn't do_

_Go to the ends of the earth for you_

_Yeah, to make you feel my love_

_To make you feel my love_

The song ended, Jade's eyes opening as she played the last set of notes before the room erupted into wild applause. Tori jumped slightly, then blinked dazedly and began to clap, smiling at the little bow Jade made before she left the stage. Tori's heart didn't slow down though, in fact, it only beat stronger when Jade's eyes fleetingly met hers. There was no doubt anymore, Tori numbly realized, letting herself fall back in her seat.

She was falling for Jade West.

**…**

An inexplicable rush of energy coursed through her veins as she took in the rumbling applause, smiling slightly and bowing a little before making her way off the stage. She accepted the tight hug Robbie offered her, then moved on to Cat who practically jumped into her arms and almost tackled her to the ground. "That was so, so beautiful, Jade," the redhead mumbled into her shoulder, only squeezing her arms tighter around Jade, "Thank you so much."

To her surprise, Jade found herself looking into teary brown eyes when Cat finally pulled away. She smiled and sniffled a little, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I just haven't heard you singing in so long. I missed listening to you."

Jade chuckled. "See it as my wedding gift."

"Kay," Cat giggled, her eyes widening and a laugh bubbling out as she let Robbie pull her onto the dance floor. Jade watched with a smile but soon found her eyes catching a certain brunette woman across the room. She was animatedly talking to Cat's mother, a bright smile on her face. Jade tilted her head as she watched her. She had seen her looking at her, almost in awe, when she finished the song and she wondered just how right Cat's assumption had been. _"Tori… she seemed… into you."_ She liked Tori, no doubt, but really not in _that_ way. That's why she had gotten so mad at Cat, that's why she didn't spend time with her friends anymore. She didn't want anyone pushing her into a new relationship and if Tori really had feelings for her, well… then it probably was for the best to keep avoiding the brunette.

"Can I offer you a drink?"

Jade froze, then slowly turned to see Darren standing by her side, his hand holding a glass of sparkling champagne out to her. She gazed at him, then, after a moment gingerly took the glass he was offering her. Mumbling a quiet thanks, Jade turned away and lifted the glass to her lips, taking a small sip. They stayed quiet, both of them watching people swirl around on the dance floor. It was awkward, just like Jade had dreaded it would be. It had been her plan to dodge everyone and up to this moment, it had worked pretty well, hadn't she been so concentrated on Tori freaking Vega. "It was really sweet. The ceremony, I mean," Darren brought forward softly, his eyes still trained on the dance floor when Jade glanced at him.

"Yep." Jade nodded and took another sip, letting the tingling liquid swirl around her tongue before swallowing. Turning her head towards the man next to her, she saw him look to his feet, sighing, before he lifted his eyes to lock on her own. "How have you been, Jade?"

His voice was soft, almost drowning in the sound of other people's chatter and the slow music that just came on. Jade's eyes flicked over his face, then settled on his eyes again. Her shoulder lifted in a careless shrug. "I've been good," she simply said and watched his face fall slightly before a small smile appeared. "That's good. You were great up there." He motioned his hand towards the stage, letting out a light laugh. "Like always."

Jade allowed her lips to form a genuine smile. "Thank you."

Then it was back, that uncomfortable and tense silence, hovering over them like a heavy cloud. Jade hated it, so much, but she wouldn't do anything about it. She couldn't. It was too late now. She had pushed her friends away for too long, too much time had passed for her to crawl back to them. It was impossible to swallow her pride and admit that she missed Darren. It wouldn't be right, not for her and not for him because in the end, she would just end up hurting him. Again. "Well, I'll just… go now," Jade mumbled awkwardly, her feet already starting to carry her away.

"Wait."

Jade's eyes briefly closed before she turned around and raised her eyebrows at him. He shifted uncomfortably, his fingers tightening on the glass in his hand. His lips formed a hopeful smile. "Maybe we could meet up some time. Make some music? Or just go out for coffee."

"I don't… No, I don't think that would be so good." Jade watched defeat swamp over his face as he slowly nodded his head, his eyes suddenly finding his glass of champagne much more interesting. Jade sighed. "I'm sorry, Darren."

"Yeah." Darren frowned and looked up at Jade with creased eyebrows. "I… I miss her too. We all do. I know you… you want her back and I get that, I do." Jade took a deep breath, sucked her bottom lip in and bit down. "But you know… maybe we could… help you make it better. I miss you and it just hurts me that… that you obviously stopped caring about me."

"It's not like that," she argued tiredly, shaking her head. Cat's laughter sounded somewhere behind her but she didn't turn around, keeping her eyes on the disappointed man in front of her. "I just can't deal with it. I can't deal with you or anyone else because it's… it's a constant reminder of… of her and… to top it all off, you all seem to want me to forget her."

"That's not true," he softly murmured and tilted his head to the side, "We don't want that. We could never want that."

"But it feels like you do," her voice carried a tinge of exasperation, "You don't even know how tiring it is to hear everyone tell you to move on, if you just _can't_ _do_ it. It's not as easy as you all think it might be." A tired sigh left her lips and she lifted her hand to rub her forehead. "So just… leave me alone."

She walked away then, without waiting for a response from Darren, put her glass on some random table and pushed down the handle of the patio door, pushing it open and walking outside. Her mouth opened and took a large gulp of fresh air, a failing attempt to clear her head and heart from all the heaviness she was feeling. After a moment or two, she heard the patio door open again. She hoped it wasn't Darren or, anyone else who wanted to talk to her, really, but she didn't dare to turn around.

"It was a nice ceremony, wasn't it?"

Jade's eyes shifted from the little lights twinkling in the small trees towards the ground as she heard the slight clicking of heels coming closer. "It was," she agreed for the second time that day, nodding her head but not turning towards the other woman, her eyes lifting from the floor and fixing on a point somewhere in the distance. When the brunette came to stand right next to her, Jade turned her attention towards her. "What are you doing out here?"

Tori grinned and lazily lifted one shoulder. "What are _you_ doing out here?"

"Too crowded in there," Jade stated casually, locking her wrists behind her back and taking a couple of steps towards the railing of the little patio they were standing on. The music was even heard outside, the beats filtering through the white rimmed glass doors and disturbing the silence of the dark night. The park the patio overlooked, small trees decorated with strings of lights standing here and there, was peacefully quiet, the only sound the light rippling of the water inside of a small water fountain. Jade turned around, her hands running over the smooth railing she was leaning against while her eyes came to rest on Tori's calm face. "Did you want something from me?"

Tori's chest rose with the breath she took in. She shook her head, locked her hands in front of her and glanced at the white marble floor, her eyes running over the tiles before they lifted to look at Jade again. "I just saw you coming out here," she softly explained, "and I was hoping you wouldn't mind some company."

Jade's lips formed a small smile. She shrugged her shoulders, then turned back around to face the park. "I don't mind." She listened to Tori's steps as they carefully approached her until they stopped right beside her, tan hands coming to rest on the railing. They were silent, comfortable though, and kept their eyes in front of them. "The song you sang," Tori murmured eventually and brought Jade to turn her head towards her, "was really beautiful. I didn't know you were a singer."

"Yeah, well… There's a lot you don't know about me, Tori."

Tori weakly smiled and looked at her hands before lifting her head and looking at Jade. "I want to change that." Jade's forehead creased. Her eyes flickered over the brunette's face, then settled on the ever so hopeful eyes staring into her own. "I want to get to know you. See who you really are. What you like to do, what you don't like. Just everything." Jade breathed in and stood up straight. "I just want to be your friend," Tori added with a small smile and a shrug.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?" Jade stayed quiet, unsurely staring at the brunette. "Look, I promise you that I won't pry into your life or… tell you how to live it, I just… will keep my mouth shut about… about…" Tori trailed off uncertainly, her fingers locking in front of her body as she carefully flicked her gaze over Jade's face.

"Amelia?"

Tori slowly nodded, her lip clamped between her teeth. Jade released a sigh and closed her eyes, shaking her head. Never in a million years did she believe that Tori would be able to keep her mouth shut. She was just too… invested in other people's life, the need to help – even if that 'help' wasn't even appreciated – seemed way too powerful for her to keep out of Jade's business. "Listen, Tori… I'm not a fun person to be around, okay?" Tori's mouth opened to protest but Jade held her hand up. "No. I'm not. And I don't want to make new friends. If you haven't noticed, I don't even want my _old_ friends to hang out with me."

"But I-"

"No. No, let me just-"Jade sighed and raised her eyebrows at a frowning Tori. "Let me just speak now. We'll still see each other, you know, through Robbie and Cat but… we really should leave it at that."

Confusion was etched on Tori's face. "But why? I don't understand that."

"I don't need another person in my life that wants to tell me to move on."

"I won't do that! I _promise_ you." Jade shook her head and got ready to go into another round of telling Tori to stay away from her, when Tori continued. "I know you're still mad at me."

Jade sighed harshly. "I'm not exactly _mad_-"

"Yeah, but… I'm not your most favorite person right now," Tori interrupted her from saying anything else, her tone matter of factly, "and I totally get that. But… if you think I'm just going to let you push me away… then you're wrong."

Jade's expression turned to surprise at the brunette's words, even though she should have expected Tori to be persistent. Tori's voice turned soft when she next spoke. "I'll do everything to redeem myself. You won't get rid of me that easily."

And then she smiled, spun around and walked back inside, leaving Jade perplexedly staring after her.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Tuesday, **_

_**April 2nd, 2013**_

With her eyes staring into space, Tori let her fingers gently stroke over white keys, occasionally pushing down to create a slow melody. Not being able to control it, her lips curled upwards, into an absent smile, as her mind took her back to Robbie and Cat's wedding. Jade's voice still rang loud and clear in her ears, the way it floated through the air and managed to completely enchant all its listeners.

No. Enchanting _her._

Which was completely unacceptable.

Tori's smile got replaced by a frown, her hands stopping abruptly. Of course she would fall in love with someone, who had absolutely no interest in her, who would never return her feelings. With someone who, strictly speaking, didn't even want her friendship. But she wouldn't let Jade take away the hope of friendship too, even if she had to fight really hard for it. Love, a relationship… it wasn't an option and it probably would never be. But staying away from Jade wasn't either.

"Tori?"

The deep voice startled her and her hands pushed down on the piano keys, creating an unpleasant sound. Her eyebrows shooting up, Tori turned towards the source of the voice. She relaxed when she saw Andre, one of the music teachers, standing next to her, a curious look on his face. "Andre," she breathed out, chuckling lightly, "You scared me."

A happy laugh left his mouth as he leaned against the black piano and shook his head. "Where were you with your mind, huh?"

Tori sighed, smile falling and her hands reaching to put down the lid of the piano. In the course of the last seven months, Andre and she had gotten fast friends, with both of them sharing the passion for music. He was calm, always in a good mood and was always able to make her laugh. Tori knew she could most definitely trust him with anything. "I was just… you know…" She forced a smile and looked up to the ceiling, motioning her hand towards it. "Up in space."

He nodded, unconvinced, and took a seat next to Tori on the piano bench. "But everything's okay though?"

"Yes. Yes, don't worry." She turned towards him, one corner of her mouth lifting into a playful smile as she bumped his shoulder with hers. "You should know by now how weird I am."

"You're not weird," he assured her, his uncertainty erased for the moment.

"Thank you. Means a lot." She grinned and sent him a wink to which he laughed out loud. "Anyways, did you want something from me?"

Andre nodded his head and sat up straight, rubbing his hands together. "Actually yeah. I kinda wanted to check in with you about a rumor I heard making the round." His eyebrows playfully wiggled up and down but Tori only frowned. "What rumor?"

"Beck asking you out on a date."

Tori's face relaxed. "Oh." She thought back to the day the handsome acting teacher charmingly asked her out after one of her classes ended, only for her to decline. "Yeah. That's true."

"Ooooh."

"What 'Ooooh'? I said no."

Andre's grin dropped as he creased his eyebrows, tilting his head to the side. "You said no?" A nod. "Huh. Didn't expect that. Ladies usually go crazy over him."

Tori shrugged, collecting her music sheets and placing them neatly on top of the piano. "Yeah. He _is _really nice and good-looking and all but… he's just not really my type." If Tori was really honest, she didn't even know what exactly her type _was._ Back in L.A., before she had met Jade, she probably would have said yes in a heartbeat if a guy like Beck would have asked her out. But ever since meeting Jade, every other person just seemed to dull in comparison to the black-haired woman.

"Oh. Okay."

Tori smiled but a curious frown took over when a thought struck. "Hey, where did you hear this _'rumor'_? Hopefully not from one of the students."

"No, no." He waved dismissively, then shrugged his shoulders. "Hank told me."

Tori raised her eyebrows. "Hank? As in Hank, the janitor?"

"Yup. He told me." He grinned and bumped his shoulder into Tori's. "He always knows the best gossip. And he can remove coffee stains out of silk. That man's a hero, I'm telling ya."

**...**

_**Friday,**_

_**July 26th, 2013**_

"Happy Birthday!"

Jade immediately stopped in her tracks, frowning face looking up from her phone to settle on Tori Vega standing in front of her door, a blinding smile on her face. With narrowed eyes Jade stepped closer, flicking her eyes all over Tori's face before rolling them, pushing past the brunette and into the building. Gentle footsteps hit the carpet behind Jade, hit the steps up to her apartment until they stopped when Jade whirled around. "Why are you following me? I don't remember telling you to come in."

Tori just shrugged, still smiling and seemingly unfazed by Jade's angry words. "It's your birthday," she told her slowly, leaving the words hanging in the air between them as if they were enough explanation. A shapely eyebrow rose. "So?"

"_So_… birthdays are there to be celebrated."

"Not mine. It isn't." Tori's smile fell and, Jade couldn't lie, it did make her feel triumphant, if only in the slightest bit. She's always so… cheerful and happy, so carefree all of the time. Something Jade hadn't felt in a ridiculously long time. Cruel as it might be, it felt good to see Tori without that stupidly happy smile on her face. But her superiority was short-lived as another smile quickly followed and her brown eyes lightened up.

"Okay then. I get it. No celebrating. See? I'm a fast learner." Jade rolled her eyes and shook her head. "But at least let us two have a nice time, hm? Being alone on your birthday… do you really want that?"

Tori's raised eyebrows and smile urged her on to tell her what she wanted to hear, what Jade really wanted to say. No, she didn't want to be alone on her birthday. She had insisted that Cat wouldn't come over today, insisted that their weekly dinner would be enough celebration. And well, Cat does what she says but sometimes… sometimes Jade wished she would just ignore her and just do what she thinks is right. And yes, she kinda even missed Tori. She missed the way they spent their time together before Tori – or maybe even she herself – had ruined their newfound friendship. But after a moment of contemplation, Jade knew that she would never in a million years tell Tori the truth. "You know what," Jade eventually said with a sigh, turning around to open her door, "I do. I want to be alone." Her hand quickly turned the key in the lock, the door springing open. Jade turned around again, arms crossed. To find a big grin on Tori's face, however, was not what she'd expected to find. "Why are you grinning at me like that?"

Tori didn't answer. Instead, she took a couple of steps closer to Jade, until she was standing right in front of the confused looking woman. "You know what," Tori mimicked Jade's words confidently, "If you really wanted me to leave, you would have just walked inside and slammed the door in my face."

Without leaving Jade a chance to retort something – which she wouldn't even have been able to – Tori sidestepped her and stepped into her home. Turning around, that satisfied grin still plastered on her face, she saw Jade slowly turn around to stare at her with her mouth agape and eyebrows furrowed. "So, what do you wanna do? It's your birthday, you decide."

There was a large possibility that Jade would kill her right on the spot, Tori was aware of that, but just like she expected, Jade slowly closed the door, although the frown still on her face. "Why do you do that?" Her voice was surprisingly quiet and soft as she took a step closer to Tori. "Why are you so persistent?"

"I told you at the wedding. I want to be your friend."

Jade's face was full of doubt. "Why?"

Tori sighed loudly, her smile now finally slipping. "Why has there to be a reason? Why can't you just accept it? I'm not going to hurt you, I _promise _you. I just want to be somebody who… who…" She trailed off, taking a deep breath. "I want to be a person that you can trust. That you _know_ you can trust. I don't even want you to talk to me about anything but… I want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not going to leave. I gave you enough time now, I think and now it's time that I show you that I really don't want to hurt you or anything. I mean… the first few months after I moved here… we've had so much fun, didn't we? I just want that back. Just give me one chance."

A long silence stretched between them, with both of them staring at each other. Eventually though, Jade gave in. She rolled her eyes as her stone hard face shattered and walked past the brunette towards the kitchen. "'The Scissoring' is on tonight. It's my favorite movie. If you really want to be my friend," she paused, turning to look at Tori, "you'll have to watch it with me."

Then, after shooting Tori one last look, she turned back around and walked into the kitchen. And just like that, a grin found its way back to Tori's lips.

**...**

_**Sunday, **_

_**August 11th, 2013**_

_Her hand was cold in hers, so cold. Her entire skin was so pale, sickly, gone was its normal warm glow. Jade's fingers tightened around Lia's in a desperate attempt to hold on to her, to keep her here but somewhere in the back of Jade's mind, a cruel voice was whispering that it would just be a matter of time before she would slip out of her grasp. Forever._

"_Will you sing to me?"_

_Weak and so quiet, Amelia's voice brought a gut wrenching feeling to Jade. Her eyes were barely open, only a tiny crack gave away what beautiful eyes laid underneath, so warm and lively. With great effort, Jade swallowed the sob that was threatening to escape and shook her head. "I can't."_

_Lia's eyes opened wider, revealing dullness instead of the bright sparkle those hazel irises normally carried within them. She smiled, and although it was weak, Jade couldn't think of a more beautiful smile. "Of course you can, sweetheart."_

_Jade released a gush of air, her eyes closing momentarily. "I just want to hear your voice one last time," Amelia croaked out, followed by a shaky breath. Jade's eyes snapped open, Amelia's lips curled up in a soft smile. "Please don't say that. It won't be the last time, okay?"_

"_Okay."_

"_Okay," Jade breathed out, then, inhaled deeply and started singing. Her voice filled the room, slow and soft and only for Amelia. She sang and sang until she couldn't think of a good song anymore but she knew Lia was more than happy as her eyes fluttered open and a soft smile graced her lips. "I love listening to you."_

_Jade chuckled and lifted a hand to run through soft blonde hair. "I know you do."_

_Lia shakily exhaled and ran her tongue over chapped lips. "Jade," she whispered questioningly._

_Jade shuffled closer, gently pushing her hair back from her burning forehead. "What's up?"_

"_I'll never leave you. I love you so much. Don't forget that, please."_

"_I won't," she whispered, swallowing harshly as Lia's words really sunk in. A shaky sigh left her lips. "God, I love you so much."_

_Amelia's breathing suddenly became labored, sweaty brows creasing over heavy eyelids. Jade frowned, her hand shooting out to touch Lia's cheek. "Lia? Baby, what's wrong?"_

_She didn't answer, her eyes closing as her breaths came out in harsh gasps and the beeping of the monitor increased drastically. With panic arising in her body, Jade shot up from her seat next to the bed and hovered over Amelia. _

_The next thing she knew, a long beep filled the room._

Jade squeezed her eyes shut as that horrible, _horrible _noise played in her head, over and over and over again. Hands buried in hair, tugging, hoping to pry this loud noise out of her brain. Four years and that sound still haunted her on this day, mixed in with Lia's words echoing and bouncing off the walls in her head. _"I'll never leave you. I love you so much. Don't forget that, please."_

"Where are you now, Lia," she muttered into her hands before letting out a heart wrenching sob, "I need you." A sudden anger overwhelmed her brain and nagged away at her. She groaned and wiped at her eyes jumping to her feet and grabbing, once again, fistfuls of her hair. "Where are you?! You freaking lied to me!" Her voice carried loudly through her apartment, breaking through the silence. "It's been four years now, Lia," she almost whimpered and let her hands fall to her side, eyes flicking over the ceiling as if they hoped to see the blonde woman there. "Four… years and… and you left me. Even though you said you wouldn't."

She fell silent then and waited. She waited and waited even though she didn't know what for. Tiredly, she closed her eyes and let herself fall onto the couch, her only wish to be swallowed by the soft cushions or to fall asleep and never wake up again. She was going insane, being so alone, being so… dangerously vulnerable. In the very far back of her mind, a tiny, tiny part of her wished she would have went to Robbie and Cat despite today being the anniversary of Lia's death, just so that she wouldn't be alone. But she couldn't go there anymore, she was a freaking mess. Jade doubted she would have it in her to drive to their place without driving into the nearest tree. Besides, maybe Tori would be there and-

Jade's eyes snapped open all of sudden. Tori.

"_I don't even want you to talk to me about anything but… I want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not going to leave."_

Her gaze slowly moved to her little coffee table, her phone lying on top of it. She hesitated, already knowing that she probably really shouldn't do it, but something inside of her just screamed to call her. Jade wanted to see her. And most of all, she thought almost ashamed, she wanted a hug. So she plucked up all of her courage, inhaled a shaky breath and slowly grabbed her phone, dialing Tori's number.

"_Hello?"_

"Tori?" She sighed and closed her eyes when Tori's confused voice filtered through the phone. "Will you come over?"

* * *

_A/N: I hope you all had a great Christmas and since I probably won't update until next year, I wish all of you a Happy New Year!_


	14. Chapter 14

Watery eyes stared straight ahead, pale hands grasped each other so tightly that Tori was almost afraid that bones would shatter soon. Her mouth sucked in a slow breath but other than that, no other sound got over her lips. Tori didn't really know what to expect when she stood in front of the door but somehow… not this. The door had swung open and revealed a disheveled Jade, blank expression on her face. Wordlessly she had stepped away from the doorway and walked to the sofa, slowly sitting down on it. Tori had stepped in, quietly closed the door behind her and walked over to where Jade was sitting, she too taking a seat after a moment of reluctance.

Not a word had been spoken since then, not from Jade, not from Tori. But now, almost fifteen minutes in this heavy silence, Tori decided she couldn't take it anymore. "Jade?" Her voice sounded so loud to her own ears, Jade's name crashing into the quiet room, even though Tori was almost whispering. "Jade, do you… Can I do anything for you?"

Jade slightly shook her head and took another deep breath before she finally turned towards Tori. Her head turned slowly, her eyes settling on Tori's. "It was four years ago," she croaked out, softly, "Four years ago… She just left me all alone."

Tori felt her heart crack when the words left Jade's lips and a lone tear trickled down her pale cheek. Jade quickly wiped it away but it wouldn't take long until the next ones would escape. As if she was suddenly ashamed of Tori, Jade quickly turned her head away, to the other side, and shifted on the sofa, nails digging into the flesh of her hands. Absentmindedly Tori wondered, if Jade even felt the sharp sting of her nails or if she already was too far gone emotionally to feel physical pain. In a quick moment of courage, the brunette reached out and laid her hand on top of Jade's tightly fused together ones, softly running the pad of her thumb against her skin. Her hands relaxed instantly at Tori's touch, causing for them to limply lie in Jade's lap. "I don't know what to do, Tori." A shaky inhale. "Every day is just so… _hard _and… I just don't know what to do about it. With every year that she's gone… I relive that whole week over and _over_ again."

Tori stayed quiet, her entire attention reserved for Jade as her thumb continued its soothing motions. Teary eyes closed briefly, head slowly shaking from side to side. "I still remember everything so clearly and I just wish that I _didn't_. I just want to forget the way she just… slipped away even though I held on to her with all that I was, I… I just _hate _this day so much." A loud sob broke out of her mouth at the same time as her eyes opened again and a couple of tears trickled down her face. "But then again, it's… today… Today is the only day I'm _allowed _to be sad. I can mourn her today, cry for her, without being judged for it or having someone tell me to leave the past behind."

A sharp sting shot through Tori's chest, her eyebrows creasing. It's the day she's _allowed _to be sad. It made Tori feel sick to her stomach that Jade really felt like that, and even though she knew that Cat and Robbie were great friends to Jade and even though she knew, that a situation like this must be hard to handle, Tori couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of resentment towards Jade's friends. How could they let their friend, someone who was just so completely filled with grief, someone who just wanted to be understood, how could they let her think that mourning the one person she cared so much about was only okay on one specific day?

She shouldn't feel that way and Tori would be damned if she would get added to the list of the people, that _did_ make her feel like that. "Jade, no one can allow or not allow you to feel a specific way about something," Tori softly said and gave Jade's hand a light squeeze. The action had its desired effect as Jade slowly moved her eyes towards the other woman sitting next to her and, almost timidly, glanced up at Tori. "You can't control the way you feel about someone."

A light smile formed on Tori's lips in an attempt of spending the broken woman a tiny splinter of comfort. Gone was the small scrap of embarrassment in Jade's eyes, now replaced with something else; something like curiosity. "Sometimes… I mean, not even Cat understands that… I miss her, and that not just today. I miss her every day of my goddamn life. And as much as I may want to, my heart won't just stop missing her. It can't."

"Well, it doesn't have to." Tori shot her a soft smile. "No one expects that from you."

Jade's nose pushed out a gush of air as the corners of her lips lifted into a twisted smile. "_Everyone _expects that from me." Jade sharply interjected before another sound could leave Tori's open mouth. "And don't even _think_ about telling me that that's not true. I've heard it all a million times: 'Jade, it's been a long time. Maybe it's time to leave it behind you.' 'Don't you think Lia would want you to be happy, Jade? She'd hate seeing you like this.'" Jade shrugged Tori's hand off and let a bitter chuckle rumble in her chest. It always amazed Tori how fast Jade could switch from one emotion to the next in just a matter of seconds. "Even Cat is getting sick of it! Why else would she have gotten that idea about you and me?"

Jade looked at her with raised eyebrows, an angry little spark in her eyes, and Tori bit her lip, shifting uncomfortably while she listened to Jade. "I get that she wants me to be happy but it just doesn't work like that. She doesn't understand that though. And that's okay, I guess, but… I just hate that everyone keeps telling me things I already know." She ended her small rant with a deep breath and closed her eyes. Not really knowing what to say, Tori stayed quiet and watched as Jade shook her head. "Forget it. Just… forget it. I shouldn't have called you."

Tori's eyes widened. "No! No, you did the right thing." Tori bit her lip as Jade slumped against the sofa, her eyes running over her face, spotted with marks of dried tears. With a shrug, she said "I mean… you stopped crying. That's an achievement."

Incredulously, Jade turned her head, gaping at Tori before letting out a curt, humorless laugh. "Wow, you really are something, Vega." Only now, Tori started to realize how stupid her words must have sounded but thankfully, Jade didn't seem to mind. While releasing a tired sigh, Jade let her head fall back on the backrest and let it roll to the side so that she could face Tori. Her eyes fluttered shut. "Would you mind staying with me today?"

Leaning back on the couch, Tori smiled. "No. I'll stay as long as you want."

A smile – one of the smallest Tori had ever seen, but a smile nonetheless – made a short appearance on Jade's lips, before it vanished, just as quickly as it came. She turned away from her then, blankly looking into the room and Tori suddenly got the urge to ask why she called her. Why didn't she call Cat or her brother? But just as that thought came to her mind, the answer posed itself right away. Jade finally understood that she wouldn't judge. And while Tori wasn't so sure about Jade's brother, she definitely knew that Jade would have a hard time calling Cat, for the reasons she just told her. Biting her lip, Tori looked at her hands for a long moment before glancing up at Jade.

"Will you tell me about her?" She deliberately avoided saying Amelia's name out loud but even so, her heart nervously accelerated and her breath shortly stopped when Jade's blank face turned to look at her. Only a couple of seconds passed before she monotonously replied.

"I'd rather not."

"Figured," Tori murmured with a smile and nodded slowly, looking ahead.

"What about you?"

Tori frowned, turning back to see Jade still watching her. "What do you mean?"

Jade took a deep breath and shrugged one shoulder. "You're still single, aren't you?" She took in Tori's hesitant nod. "Why's that?" Tori's mouth opened but nothing came out as her brain tried to come up with a good answer. "I mean," Jade continued, "You have a good head on your shoulders and… you're nice and you go out of your way to help people, best example: _me_. People usually really like that. And let's face it, you're far from hideous-looking." Tori looked down at her lap, a deep blush coloring her face. Jade smirked and rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Well?"

"I… Um…" Letting out a loud sigh, Tori shrugged her shoulders and began playing with her hands. "I don't know. I guess I… haven't found someone I really could picture spending my life with yet."

Even though Tori wasn't looking at her, she could tell Jade was confused, if only by the tone of her voice. "So… you've never been in love?"

It took a while for Tori to answer but when she did, she looked up at Jade, hoping the blush was long gone by now. "I thought I was. About two years ago, I dated this guy… Ryder. I thought he was perfect at that time. He was handsome and charming and nice." She released a loud sigh, looking down at the couch. "Then he cheated on me. I was so disappointed and hurt. But when he came crawling back and asked me to forgive him… to start over… I realized that… I really wasn't in love with him at all. I could have forgiven him, I guess, but… he just wasn't worth it."

She lifted her head and weakly smiled at Jade, who just kept sitting there, staring at her with her eyebrows creased. "Hm," Jade hummed, her face relaxing, "That's a shame. Well, new city, new luck, right? Maybe you'll find that person who's worth it here."

_I already found her._ The thought popped up and raced through her brain before she could stop it and made her heart skip. Tori smiled, nodding. "Yeah. Maybe."

Jade's lips curled into a genuine smile. "Thanks for coming, Tori. I think… I just needed to get some things off my chest… I," She hesitated, smile dampening and eyes flicking back and forth between Tori's. "kinda feel better."

Tori nodded and shot her a smile of her own. "Anytime."

**…**

Hesitantly, Tori switched on a small lamp in Jade's living room, a warm glow filling the space, still leaving the room dark enough as to not disturb Jade. She was curled up on the couch, her gentle breaths making her chest move in a steady rise and fall, and her fingers softly curling around the edge of the blanket Tori had thrown over her body. She fell asleep half an hour ago, after the two women just settled for turning on the TV and watched reruns of 'Friends'. When her eyes had started to flutter close every now and then, Tori had softly whispered for her to lay down, to which she hadn't resisted and almost immediately, sleep overcame her tired body.

Tori cringed as Jade's phone went off, noisily vibrating on top of the wooden surface of the coffee table. Cat's face flashed up and after a moment of hesitation and a careful glance at the sleeping woman, Tori reached and snatched up Jade's phone.

"Hello," she hushed into the phone, "It's Tori."

"_Tori?"_ Cat paused. _"Oh, um… sorry, I must have… dialed the wrong number or something…"_

"Oh no, you… You called Jade's phone. She's just sleeping right now." Tori lifted her hand to her mouth, her teeth gently biting down on her thumbnail and her eyes keeping their steady gaze on Jade while she waited for Cat to say something. When nothing came, Tori frowned. "Cat?"

"_Uh… sorry I… sorry."_ The redhead cleared her throat before confusedly continuing. _"I just wanted to call and… see if Jade needs anything because… it's Lia's… you know, and…" _ Tori quirked an amused eyebrow and smiled while Cat rambled on, her eyes straying away from Jade as she took a seat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen area. Cat finally broke off, sighing loudly, before asking _"What are you even doing at Jade's?"_

"Um, well, Jade called me and asked me to come over. So…" She trailed off, once again listening to silence on the other end of the line.

"_Oh. I see…"_ But it didn't sound like that at all, her tone almost doubting. Suddenly feeling like she had to defend herself, Tori straightened up in her seat. "She just needed someone to talk to. I think I managed to distract her a little. And now she's sleeping, which is good, right? I mean… yeah."

"_Yeah sure, that's good. I was just surprised. That she… called you, I mean. Jade usually wants to be left alone on this day." _Tori's eyebrow arched at Cat's words. _Maybe she just wants to be left alone from all of your lectures and your lack of understanding._ So badly did Tori want to say that to Cat's face, make her understand just how hard of a time Jade went through on a daily basis _still_, but for the sake of Jade, Tori stayed quiet. _"Well anyways, is she doing okay?"_

"Well, as okay as she can be, I guess. Like I said, I think I managed to distract her from… what today is." Glancing over at Jade, Tori bit her lip. "Don't worry, she's fine."

"_Okay. Goodnight."_ A beat passed between them, before Cat asked _"Wait. Are you staying overnight?"_

"I… don't know yet," Tori admitted, running her eyes over Jade's sleeping form, "I'll wait until Jade wakes up and then… then I'll see."

"_Good idea. Well… Bye then."_

"Bye."

A quiet sigh left Tori as she hung up, the screen of Jade's phone turning black.

"Who was that?"

Tori's head snapped up, her eyes settling on sleepy blue ones staring at her from across the room. Putting a smile on her face, the brunette stood up and walked over to Jade, placing the phone back on the table. "Cat. Wanted to know how you are." Jade nodded, then snuggled her head deeper into the pillow. "I hope it was okay that I answered your phone."

"Yeah, yeah," Jade mumbled dismissively and closed her eyes again, "Not a problem." Tori nodded, more to herself, and bit her lip, watching as Jade took a deep breath. "You don't have to stay, by the way. I'm a big girl. I'm fine."

"Well, I don't mind, really."

As Tori took a seat on the coffee table, Jade's eyes fluttered back open. Her eyebrows dug down a little and her lips pursed as she stared at Tori intensely, her eyes almost boring through her head. She seemed to contemplate something so Tori stayed quiet, but couldn't help to bite harder down on her lip. "She was a really horrible cook," she stated at last, making Tori's eyebrows shoot up. Jade lowered the blanket from where she held it at her chin and swallowed. "Do you still want me to tell you about Lia?"

She didn't hesitate answering. "Definitely."


	15. Chapter 15

With a loud sigh, Jade slowly sat up and carefully swung her legs to the floor, having most of the blanket crumpled up on her lap. She stared at it, the gray fabric swallowing her up as her mind whirled around; Amelia was the only thing she could think about in that moment. Her eyes closed in an attempt to calm her pounding head, to sort out her thoughts and find a place where she could start. Already, even though she just agreed to tell Tori about Lia a mere minute ago, Jade regretted ever doing so. She couldn't even think of _what_ to tell her, but Tori probably didn't care as long as she told her at least _something._

"She almost burnt down the kitchen once," Jade started softly after she opened her eyes and looked up. She released a quiet chuckle, twining her hands together. When a corner of Tori's mouth lifted to smile at her, Jade continued. "I don't really know how she did it. She insisted on cooking and didn't want me to help her and sent me to the bedroom but somehow… all of sudden a small flame must have flared up in the pan." Jade shook her head, a heavy spark of sadness in her eyes but her mouth pulled up in a smile. "I was in the bedroom and didn't see it but it kinda got bigger and Lia panicked, jumping to the sink but then… the edge of a kitchen towel caught on fire and well…"

Tori's mouth fell open, her eyes wide. "Oh my God. What happened then?"

"Well, you know… the cloth was burning and Amelia yelled for me and when I came into the room the counter there-" She pointed over to the kitchen area. "-was like, _lit_. I mean, it wasn't really _threatening_, it was still a relatively small flame but… sure a sight to behold. We managed to extinguish it pretty quickly though. We ordered pizza that night, just to be sure."

A laugh bubbled out of Tori and Jade smiled slightly as she watched the brunette. "Wow. She didn't try cooking after that again, did she?"

Jade scoffed. "Oh, yeah she did. And again, there was… more fire than there should be when you're cooking something." Jade frowned and shook her head. "I didn't _let_ her cook after that anymore. She was a little firebug, though totally unintentional." The memories rested heavy on her heart but in a way, it felt good to talk about her. It felt good to remember her today like that, when she was still alive and healthy, not lying in a hospital bed, slipping away. "But… she was a great baker."

"Really?"

"Yep."

_If there was one thing Jade loved to do, more so than making music, it was watching Lia. She didn't quite know why she did it so often, she couldn't pin down what exactly captivated her so much about her girlfriend, but one thing was for sure: it was one of her favorite things to do. Her lips curled into a faint smile as she rested her chin on her arm perched on the backrest of the sofa, her eyes not straying away from the sight in front of her, which was absolutely lovely. The blonde shuffling around in the kitchen was completely oblivious to those blue eyes that watched her, her own hazel ones steadily cast downward to watch her hands prepare the cookie dough. Not much time went by until Amelia was satisfied and round chunks of the dough were neatly placed on a cookie sheet. Jade smirked at the satisfied sigh that left her lips as she put the cookies into the heated oven. It was then when their eyes met. _

"_You are staring again," she commented and held Jade's gaze, a hint of a smile appearing on her lips._

"_I'm not staring."_

"_You only _look intently_, then?"_

"_I'm observing," Jade shot back with playfully narrowed eyes. An amused smile crept to Amelia's lips as she lowered her gaze to the counter, getting ready to clean up. "After all, I have to be on the lookout in case you decide to burn down this place… _again_."_

_Amelia's gaze shot up and it was her turn to narrow her eyes. "That was one time. And it was an accident."_

_Jade's eyebrow quirked up and she shook her head, standing up from the couch and making her way over to the kitchen. "_Two_ times, sweetheart," she teased, the amused smile now on Jade's face._

"_Yeah, and both times I tried cooking for you." She raised her eyebrows as Jade came to a stand in front of her with her arms loosely crossed. "So technically it's all your fault."_

"_Oh yeah. That makes so much sense." Jade tilted her head and smiled at the almost bashful smile on Lia's lips, for a short moment bringing her back to their high school days. Sighing loudly and glancing at the oven, Jade shook her head. "You know, I still don't understand how you can't cook a decent meal, but then again, you're such a genius little baker."_

"_Yes, well," Lia said with a sigh and shrugged while turning back to the counter, "The stove doesn't like me very much. But the oven, well… the oven is my friend." _

_Jade watched as she nodded as if to confirm her statement, smirking and then letting out an agreeing hum. "I see. Well, tell your friend to hurry up." She moved away from the counter, calling over her shoulder "I'm hungry."_

"I still don't know how that could be," Jade softly murmured, looking to the side, at nothing at all.

"So, you always cooked then?" Jade's eyes darted back to Tori, having almost forgotten that she was even there, that she told Tori all of this. Jade shrugged her shoulders and leaned back. "Yeah, pretty much. Was definitely safer that way," Jade chuckled. "Breakfast sometimes posed a little problem though."

Tori smiled and creased her eyebrows, shuffling on the coffee table to get more comfortable. "Why?"

"Well, I liked to sleep in on the weekends and stuff, while Lia was always an early riser. I was always a little anxious that she would try to make pancakes or whatever. Thankfully she never did. After that second time she stayed away from the stove for the most part. Probably was pretty traumatic for her," Jade laughed and again, her gaze strayed away from Tori. "She stuck to eating cereal or waited for me to wake up, but sometimes… sometimes she came into the bedroom and when she knew that I was already awake and was just lying in bed for the heck of it… she made sure that I'd get up."

_Bright rays of sunlight streamed through the window, curtains long drawn aside. But Jade's eyes stayed shut, her breathing even and her mind set fully on the intention of staying in bed for as long as possible. Her ears faintly took in the slight shuffling as the door to the bedroom opened and Jade knew exactly – or rather dreaded – what was coming now. The bed dipped, but Jade refused to open her eyes. _

"_Wake up," a quiet voice sung, a warm hand gently caressing black hair, "Wake up, Jade."_

_A groan rattled in Jade's chest and as if she was afraid that Lia would pry her eyes open, she tightly squeezed them shut and rolled onto her stomach. "No, shut up."_

_But just like always, Jade didn't get rid of her fiancée that easily as Amelia climbed on top of her and straddled her, hands rubbing her back. She leaned down, murmuring into Jade's ear "It's a beautiful day today. You're missing it."_

"_What's so beautiful about it? Have you left the house yet?"_

_A beat passed between them. "No…"_

"_Then how do you know it's going to be beautiful?" Jade mumbled into her pillow, still keeping her eyes shut. "It could end up being _horrible_."_

_Again, Lia leaned down. "A day I get to spend with you could never be horrible."_

_Despite herself and the overly cheesy words that left the blonde's mouth, Jade's lips curled into a big smile. "You're disgusting."_

_A laugh reached Jade's ears and she felt her back being patted as Lia scrambled off of her. "Come on now. Rise and shine, you pretty thing."_

_Another groan left her mouth but when she was sure that Amelia was gone, she threw off the blanket and slowly peeled herself out of bed. _

"I always pretended to hate it. But I actually loved it when she did that." Jade fell quiet then, eyes shifting to her hands. "I miss that. Sometimes-" She stopped, frowning, and shook her head, but Tori urged her on.

"Sometimes what?" The brunette softly asked and leaned forward. "Come on, you can tell me."

Strangely enough, Jade really did believe that. She didn't know why, but somehow she had that inexplicable feeling that she could tell Tori absolutely _anything_ and that scared her, to some extent. Why did she never feel like that around Cat or even her brother? It made absolutely no sense to her that she was able to talk about things to Tori – someone she barely knew in comparison to Cat and Aiden – _so openly_, but would never think about admitting these things to anyone else. Deciding to just enjoy the fact that she had someone to talk to, Jade took a deep breath before continuing.

"Sometimes I… keep lying in bed after I woke up in hopes that… maybe she'll come in and wake me." She felt color rush to her face and refused to look up at Tori, embarrassed that she just revealed that little info to her. "Of course I know that that's completely… stupid and it will never happen but…"

"It's not stupid." Surprised, Jade looked up. Tori was looking back at her, her expression serious. "You miss her, Jade. There's no need for you to feel embarrassed about that."

"I'm- I'm not, I just…"

"You know, at first I didn't understand why you don't want to stay in contact with your friends. I was so confused because I thought… that if you let them, they would be able to help you." Tori shook her head. "But I get it now."

Jade blinked rapidly, pursing her lips as she shifted on the sofa. "You get what?"

"They want things from you that you just can't give them. And that's okay," she said and held her hand up when she saw Jade getting ready to say something. "You shouldn't feel pressured into thinking that how you feel is wrong. _No one_ has the right to tell you to stop missing Amelia, Jade. It's just… it's not right and I… I want you to know that it's okay. You can miss her whenever you want, for _as long_ as it takes. She was your fiancée. Everyone should just start understanding that it's not as easy for you as it might be for them."

The room fell silent and when Tori saw small pools of tears in Jade's eyes, she feared that she said too much or said something to upset her. But when a shaky breath rushed out of her mouth and her lips formed a weak smile, she knew that she did the right thing. "Thanks," Jade mumbled meekly, a word that Tori would have normally never have associated with Jade. But here she was, her head bowed, shoulders slumped and tears about to roll down her cheeks at any minute. There were so many different sides to her, both good and bad, and Tori wanted nothing more than to get to know all of them.

"You know…" Tori's eyes lifted from watching Jade's fiddling fingers, expecting to find her eyes on her, only to be proven wrong when she saw her looking into her lap. "For a while… after she died… I even blamed myself for it."

The sudden turn of the conversation and the shockingly honest ways Jade was starting to speak to her in, took Tori by surprise, a deep frown taking hold of her face. "Jade, that's-"

"I know," she interrupted, glancing at Tori for a short moment before lowering her eyes to her hands again, "It was completely irrational. It was an accident; I… didn't take any part in that. But I guess I… wanted to find someone to blame. And it was so easy to blame myself because… because then I would have had a reason."

Almost scared to know the answer, Tori timidly asked "A reason for what?"

"Joining Amelia." Jade lifted her head and looked straight at Tori, almost emotionless. "Wherever she is."

Tori had wanted to keep it light, make Jade tell her about how Amelia was when she had been alive, how their relationship had been, things like that. She didn't quite expect she would hear the things Jade was telling her right now, but instead of stopping her, change the subject or lead the conversation back to lighter things, Tori swallowed and decided to stay on this path. "You wanted to…? I mean…" She couldn't even say it out loud, the thought of Jade even _thinking_ about the prospect of suicide making her stomach tie in knots.

But Jade seemed unfazed by it, her tongue running over the front of her teeth while she nodded her head. "I did."

"…How?"

She tipped her head back and sighed heavily. "I don't know… Every possibility there is had crossed my mind. Jumping off a roof or… taking pills, cutting my wrist open." Her tone was nonchalant, as if all of this didn't even touch her at all. "I considered all of it," she admitted and dropped her head forward again, her shoulders lifting in a small shrug when her eyes met Tori's. "I just never went through with it."

Tori couldn't stop the next question to leave her mouth. "Why didn't you?"

Jade pursed her lips, her eyebrows creasing.

_Her hand shook as she lifted the knife to her left wrist, salty tears not stopping to flow down her cheeks. It would be so easy. _Just do it, Jade. You'll feel better._ Her mouth released a loud sob and just like that, the knife clattered to the floor, her hands grabbing fistfuls of her hair. She couldn't do it. She wished she could, _so badly_, but something was stopping her and Jade couldn't figure out what it was. Nothing held her back anymore,_ nothing_. Cat would be fine without her, she had Robbie now. And Aiden… Aiden would understand. But she just couldn't and deep down she knew the reason why. _

_Amelia._

_She would never forgive her for doing such a thing. She would never be able to forgive her that she left her loved ones all alone by pure choice. And she would be right. It's selfish, so, so selfish. If Jade would really go through with it, the only thing she would accomplish would be causing other people pain, _just_ so that her own pain would disappear. _

_But she longed to see her again. To feel her skin under her fingertips, hear her laugh echo in her ears, feel her breath against her lips. And while she knew, that there wasn't a guarantee that she would be there, that she would see her again, Jade knew that her misery would finally be over. She would do it, in a heartbeat. Her eyes would watch the blade cut her skin; they would watch the blood drip down her arm until they would close, forever. But Amelia seemed to stop her every time as if she was standing next to her. So Jade never did it. Every time she stopped, knowing, that this was not the right way. It would never be the right way and Amelia seemed to know that._

_Even in death, she kept her alive._

"I just couldn't do it," Jade simply said, shaking her head. "It wouldn't have been right."

Jade watched as Tori slowly nodded. The brunette sat up straight, her hands gliding over her legs until they rested on her knees, and her eyes looking at the vacant spot on the sofa next to Jade. At the sight of the slightly troubled expression on Tori's face, Jade felt the corners of her lips pull up in a weak smile. "Didn't expect to get so much out of me?"

Tori's eyes snapped towards her, her expression not changing. "No. Not really, to be honest." Jade looked down, nodding her head, and Tori softly added "But I appreciate it. That you trust me enough to tell me all of this."

Jade's eyes locked on Tori's as she pushed out a breath through her nose and her lips quirked up in a smile. "Well, I just hope it didn't shatter your image of me." Her tone was laced with sarcasm but Tori chose to ignore it, shaking her head.

"It didn't," she said confidently, "Nothing could."


	16. Chapter 16

Her neck dully ached, a hiss rushing out of her mouth as she tried to lift her head. Tori's bleary eyes took in Jade's still asleep form on the couch, blanket thrown over her again and hands grasping it up to her nose so only her closed eyelids were visible. "Oh _God_," she harshly whispered as not to wake her, and lifted her hand to her aching neck, trying to rub some of the tension out from spending the night sleeping on the small armchair standing in a corner in Jade's living room. The memories of how she fell asleep yesterday were merely a blur to Tori right now, her mind still way to hazy with sleep to really function properly. But one thing immediately popped into her head.

It was Monday.

The realization hit her hard and she hurried to scramble to her feet, ignoring the pain in her neck for the moment, her eyes frantically searching for the time. Her mouth fell open when the clock on the receiver read _10.30, _she already missed her first period of the day and she would _definitely _miss the second one too. Spitting out a quiet curse, Tori slipped her shoes on, ran a hand through her hair and then stopped, looking at Jade and biting her lip. She didn't quite know if she should wake her up, maybe she was late for work too. But after a moment of looking at her, Tori decided to let her sleep, looking around for a piece of paper and a pen, only to feel her frustration rising when nothing was in clear sight of her. Not wanting to leave without letting Jade know where she was headed, Tori grabbed her phone and typed in a message before sending it to Jade's number. When a quick vibration sounded and Tori saw her message displayed on the front of Jade's screen, she stuffed her phone into her jeans pocket, and with sending one last look at Jade, she took off.

She thanked the heavens that her apartment was basically just around the corner, but nevertheless, she probably broke the speeding limit at least three times in the ten minute drive to her home. Feet tripped up the stairs, hand almost breaking off her key as Tori stuck it into the lock, wiggling it and cursing when she chose the wrong one. When she finally managed to open the door, the brunette went straight to the bathroom, quickly brushed her teeth and hair, and then grabbed her things she needed for the day, not bothering to change but instead drowning her body in a cloud of deodorant spray.

She arrived at the school in record time, letting out a short '_Yes!'_ in victory before dashing into the school, only for her to run straight into the principal. "Ms. Vega." The short, dark-skinned woman cocked an eyebrow at her and tilted her head while she waited for an explanation for Tori's late arrival.

A long breath shot out of Tori's mouth, her face taking on a pleading expression. "I know I'm late and I am so, so sorry. It was kind of an emergency and I couldn't call and… I'm just so sorry; I promise it won't happen again, Helen."

Helen's face stayed expressionless and Tori mentally prepared herself to search for a new job. "Let's hope so. You better get going now; I believe you have a class to teach."

A relieved smile came to Tori's lips. "Yes, of course. Thank you." Tori only barely noticed the small smile and nod Helen sent her before she took off to her next class.

Almost five hours later and many curious questions about her absence earlier that day, Tori found herself sitting all alone in the teacher's lounge, glasses perched on her nose as she skimmed over the lyrics of a song one of her students asked her to give her opinion on. When she heard the door open, she looked up, surprised by who she saw coming into the room. "Thought I'd find you here," Jade said, the corner of her mouth lifting into a weak smile. The light shadows under her eyes gave away the strain she was put under yesterday, as well as her eyes did, still red from the crying she did.

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

Jade came closer, her hands tightening around the plastic cup in her hands. "I read your text this morning and I felt bad because… you were late because of me. I stopped by your place but you weren't home so I figured you would still be here."

"Don't feel bad. It's fine. I only missed two periods."

Jade's eyebrows quirked up. "I'm sor-"

"No, no, no. Don't be sorry. It's alright."

She nodded hesitantly, lip between her teeth and eyes flicking down to the papers strewn across the table in front of Tori. She looked back up and forced a light smile. "So you won't get detention?"

Tori laughed. "Let's hope not."

"Good," Jade mumbled with a smile and looked at her cup, her finger running over the white lid. "So um… you know, about yesterday…"

She left the sentence hanging and Tori found her interest piqued. "What about it?"

Piercing eyes shot up from the cup. "I… I actually didn't mean to tell you all of that… I mean, the thing about me wanting…" She stopped there and of course Tori knew that she was talking about her suicide attempts. She already figured that Jade would probably be uncomfortable with the idea of her knowing about it. After all, something like that wasn't really something you told everyone. Tori gnawed at her lip, nodding when she saw how expectant Jade was looking at her. "I know. But I don't see you any different now. Like I said yesterday."

"Yeah, I know. I just… wanted to ask you not to mention it to anyone. Not even to Cat. Especially not to Cat." Her forehead creased as she looked at Tori with pursed lips, waiting for a confirmation that she really wouldn't tell. But instead, she heard something different come out of Tori's mouth.

"Cat doesn't know about it?"

"No. And I'd like to keep it that way." All of sudden her tone became kind of cold, Tori thought, and her face became this hard façade again. It put Tori off quite a bit, so much that she wanted to ask what was wrong, but knew that she probably would just get a snappy answer. Or maybe she was overanalyzing things, like she always seemed to do with Jade.

"Yes. Of course. Either way, I wouldn't have told anyone."

"Good," she said again and after a moment she added, "I'm glad though. That I told you."

Tori's lips couldn't help but turn into a big smile at Jade's words which apparently made Jade slightly uncomfortable because she rolled her eyes and then looked away awkwardly. "Don't flatter yourself," she mumbled but Tori didn't let that dampen her excitement. Before she could say anything else, the door opened again and both women turned their heads to see Beck walking in, eyes cast downward at a slip of paper. He looked up, immediately coming to a standstill as his eyes fell on Jade and Tori, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Oh. Hey. Didn't think anyone was still here."

He smiled a half smile, coming closer and stopping when he stood next to Jade. "Um, yeah I had some work to do and decided to do it here." Beck smiled and nodded, then flicked his eyes from Tori to Jade, expectantly raising his eyebrows at Tori. Taking the hint, Tori said "Oh! Right. Jade, this is Beck Oliver. Beck, Jade, a friend of mine."

Beck lowered his chin in a polite nod, smiling at Jade. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." She shifted her cup into her right hand before she crossed her arms over her chest, turning back to Tori. "Okay, I'm going to get going now. See you around, I guess."

Tori smiled, trying not to let her disappointment of Beck's interruption and Jade's departure show. "Yeah, you know you will." Jade's eyebrow arched and a smirk lightly tugged at her lips before she rolled her eyes and turned, walking out of the door. Tori's eyes followed her, and even when the door shut behind her, her gaze stayed where Jade walked out only seconds ago. Her head tilted, her chest rose with a deep breath and she almost completely forgot that Beck was in the room with her until a clear of a throat brought her out of her trance. Snapping her head up at Beck, Tori found a pair of amused brown eyes staring at her. "What?"

"I'm really sorry," he said lightly and pulled a chair from the table, sitting down across from Tori, "I really didn't want to interrupt."

"You didn't interrupt anything."

But Beck's smirk didn't waver. "Had I known… I would have never asked you out."

Tori's lips parted, a hesitant laugh coming through. "Had you known what?"

"About your… preferences." Beck laughed and Tori's face suddenly felt warm, she figured a bright blush must stain her cheeks right about now. "Jade's a catch. She's gorgeous."

"Oh well, Jade and I aren't… she isn't my… We're really just friends," she finally stuttered out awkwardly, her face warming even more. She bit her lip and took her glasses off as Beck let out another humorous laugh. Tori's embarrassment obviously amused him greatly. "If you say so. You don't hide it very well though."

Tori placed her elbows on the table, her back hunched as she placed her hands on her warm cheeks. "What do you mean?"

"That you want her to be _more_ than just a friend," he explained, his expression blank, "Or do you like the door so much that you can't help but stare at it longingly?"

He stared at her, his eyebrows raised as he waited for an answer. His gaze made her feel as if he could look right through her and see everything she was feeling with just a single glance, and it made her so uncomfortable that she had to avoid her eyes. Instead she looked down at the table, eyes running over every swirl and nick in the light wood. Reluctantly, and not knowing how to talk her way out of it anymore, Tori mumbled "Am I making it so obvious?"

She heard Beck suck in a breath through his teeth and looked up just in time to see him lean back and smile. "Just a _little_ bit."

"Oh, great. That's really great." Beck's words made her all queasy inside. It's not like she _wanted_ to make it so obvious. If she could she would make her feelings disappear completely, it would be the best for her, and of course the best for Jade too. Tori just hoped that Jade wouldn't become aware of her growing feelings for her, or who _knew_ what would happen between them.

Beck's eyebrows furrowed. "What's so bad about it?"

"Everything is bad about it," she whined, closing her eyes as if she were in physical pain and burying her hands in her hair, "She doesn't return my feelings. And she never will."

"How do you know that?" Tori didn't bother to open her eyes at Beck's voice, only sliding her hands out of her hair and placing them over her eyes. "I mean, you never know what might happen if you don't let her know how you feel."

Tori pushed out an exaggerated sigh and let her hands fall from her face. "She can't know about it. Never. She's… still in love with someone else and… that won't go away anytime soon."

"Oh," he simply said, all lightness gone from his tone, his voice suddenly grave. "That really sucks."

"It does. But…" Tori sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "At least she's my friend. It's better than to not have her at all, right?"

Beck looked at her for a moment before he smiled and nodded his head. "I guess so."

**…**

_**Sunday,**_

_**August 18th, 2013**_

Jade's upper lip curled in disgust as she watched the fry dip into the blob of mayonnaise. The weight of her upper body rested on her forearms placed on the kitchen table in Cat and Robbie's kitchen, her eyes intently following the fry's way up to Tori's mouth. When the brunette's teeth bit off the tip, dunked in mayonnaise, a scoff escaped Jade's lips. "Oh my God. You are _so_ weird. I can't believe you ate that!"

Tori grinned and swallowed, then shook her head. "It's not that weird," she said with a laugh, "I don't know why everyone thinks it's so abnormal."

"It _is_ abnormal," Jade deadpanned, "Who dips French fries in mayonnaise?"

"I do." Tori took another fry from the big plate standing in the middle of the table and dipped it, again, into the mayonnaise, before leaning forward and holding it out to Jade. "Here, try it."

As if the food in Tori's hand was poisonous, Jade jerked back, her hands gripping the edge of the table. "No way!"

"Aw, come on! Just one little bite!" She leaned forward even more, even lifting from her seat to lean over the table but Jade turned her head away, out of Tori's reach. She let out a low laugh, then as quick as lighting, curled her fingers around the tan wrist and guided Tori's hand away from her mouth. "I swear if you make me eat that, I'm going to bite your finger off."

Tori retracted her hand, narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out, laughing when Jade playfully snapped her teeth together. Jade smirked and let herself fall back in her seat, watching as Tori popped the fry she had offered her into her mouth with a satisfied hum, before she sighed and stood up from the table. "I need to go to the bathroom now. Puke my guts out at your disgusting eating habits."

"Blah, blah, blah." Tori smiled at the laugh that came from Jade's retreating figure. "If you'd taste it you'd love it."

"Sure," she called over her shoulder before disappearing out of the kitchen. Tori's gaze shifted from the doorway to Robbie and Cat, both quietly leaning against their kitchen counter, and both of them looking at her, Robbie smiling and Cat frowning.

"What?"

"Jade is just in a really good mood," Robbie piped up before Cat could say anything. He walked towards the table and came to a stand in front of it, peering down at Tori with a bright grin. "You know whatever you do to make her be like that… keep doing it, Toro." He winked and then clapped his hands together. "And _now_... I'm going to set up my new Xbox!"

Tori laughed as she watched Robbie practically _skip_ out of the room, shaking her head before turning to Cat, her smile slightly dampening when she saw her still frowning. "Is something wrong?"

The redhead opened her mouth but when Jade came strolling back in, she quickly shut it again, curiously looking at her best friend. "Where did Rob disappear to?"

Tori got ready to answer but Cat beat her to it. "He's in the living room, setting up the Xbox. Maybe you could go help him?" She smiled at Jade and raised her eyebrows. "I'm not sure if he can do it alone."

"Yeah, sure. But you should have a little faith in your husband," she teased, "He might be a dork but I think setting up a games console is very high on his talent list." Tori watched as she smirked at Cat, not realizing that the redhead's giggle was kind of forced, before she walked into the living room to do what Cat had told her. Tori's confusion about Cat's behavior just grew when Cat peeked into the living room to make sure both Robbie and Jade were occupied, before quietly closing the door that led into the other room.

"Cat, what are you-"

"Are you and Jade a thing now?"

Tori stopped talking immediately, her eyebrows creasing when she replayed Cat's words in her head before incredulously asking "_What_?"

"Are you and Jade a thing now?" the redhead repeated, her face taking on a troubled expression. Tori didn't know what to say, neither did she know where Cat would get such an idea. A loud breath rushed out of Cat's nose before she continued. "I mean, you… you and Jade… I just don't understand why you were with her last Sunday!"

Tori's eyes widened in realization as to why Cat was acting this way. Last Sunday was the anniversary of Amelia's death. "Oh, that's what it is about?" Cat didn't say anything, but the way her eyebrows were drawn down and her arms were crossed over her chest, coupled with her weird behavior this entire day, Tori knew that this seemed to be a serious problem for her. "Cat, I told you that Jade called me. She didn't want to be alone."

"She could have called me," Cat huffed indignantly, the corners of her mouth drawing down in a deep frown, and now Tori realized what exactly the problem was. "You… You really don't have to be jealous," Tori started and slowly got up, "She just needed someone to talk to."

"So?" Cat shook her head and stared at Tori, seemingly waiting for something – Tori really wasn't sure for what – but when Tori stayed quiet, she uncrossed her arms and swung them up exasperatedly. "I'm her best friend, Tori! Why would she call you?"

"Well… It's nothing against you," Tori reasoned in a soft voice and walked over to the shorter woman, "She needed a little company and it was… She called _me_ because…" Tori stalled. Now would be the perfect time to tell Cat that she didn't think it was okay how she handled Jade and her grief, that she should be more understanding. But the thought of Jade, probably not wanting Cat to know anything that they talked about, stopped her, so she tried her best to worm herself around Cat's question. "The most important thing is… that she's feeling alright, isn't it? I mean, she's pretty happy today. We should be glad about that."

The lines on Cat's forehead slowly weakened, the uncertain look in her eyes vanishing. With a sigh, she dropped her gaze to the floor and quietly said "Yeah. I guess you're right."

Relieved, Tori smiled. "Yeah. Now," she smirked and whipped her head towards the living room when Cat looked up again, "Let's go and see if we can help those two in there."

* * *

_A/N: I'm on such a roll right now, if you haven't noticed. Hope you're all still with me, I know the progress between Jade and Tori is pretty slow but I just want to keep it as real as possible. You can't just jump back from so much pain from one moment to the next. Also, I kind of started to ship Lia and Jade... But yeah, don't worry, _of course _the main focus stays on Jori. And it will pick up speed now. Exciting things (or not... I don't know if you'll find them exciting) are about to happen!_

_P.S.: I love getting your reviews! It encourages me and I really, really appreciate it! I always get so happy whenever I get a notification.  
_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Thursday,**_

_**August 22nd, 2013**_

She cringed at the sharp sounds that continuously flowed out of the boy's mouth, sounds, that could definitely make glass shatter if they were just a little higher. His voice painfully scratched at her eardrums, goose bumps rose on her skin, but definitely not in enjoyment. She risked a look to the right, her eyes taking in the almost horrified expression on Andre's face as he leaned back and almost cowered away from the singing boy. When a particular high note came up in the song and the boy tried his best to hit it, Tori couldn't help but close her eyes as a ringing noise appeared in her ears.

"O-Okay, that's enough!" The painful noises stopped suddenly and Tori snapped her eyes back open, turning to her left to see Helen, her face crumpled in discomfort. "That was… not good."

Tori slowly looked at the boy, just in time to see the expectant smile slip from his face. He looked confused, his shoulders slumping and his eyes - which were partly covered by the thick mob of brunette hair - flicking restlessly between the four people sitting in front of him. "What do you mean?"

Helen pushed out an exaggerated sigh, waving her hand towards Tori. "Ms. Vega, would you?"

"Oh… well…" Tori straightened up, a little taken off guard by the principal's request, and sucked in a breath. "It was… _interesting_," she started, glancing at Andre for a short moment to send him a glare when he snorted, "But… what you did wasn't really… singing, per se, it was… screaming." The boy's face fell even more. "It wasn't good. I'm sorry."

Helen nodded, looking unimpressed, and quickly turned her head to the left, where a coconut milk slurping man was sitting. "Sikowitz?"

The acting teacher took one last loud slurp out of the straw stuck in the coconut and released a satisfied gasp, before starting to speak. "Martin," he started, leaning back in his seat, only to be interrupted.

"My name is Bryan."

"Oh. I like Martin better." He took another sip out of the coconut, then stared at the round object in his hand for a few seconds before furrowing his eyebrows and snapping his head back up. "What was I saying now?"

An impatient sigh rushed out of Helen's mouth. "Long story short: you and this school? No. You can go home. Bye bye!"

The boy – Bryan – huffed and stalked out of the room without another word. "Well, that was the last one," Helen said with a quick look at the audition list, "We're done for today."

Not hesitating one second, the short woman shot up from her seat and hurried out of the auditorium, calling after her shoulder for the last one who left to switch the light off before she walked out and let the heavy black door fall shut behind her. "Well, that was somethin'," Andre sighed as he rubbed his forehead.

"Ah, yes," Sikowitz spoke up, "As Confucius once said: It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop."

Tori and Andre exchanged a look before both of them curiously looked at the older teacher. "What… does that have to do with anything?"

Sikowitz turned to Tori and released the straw from his mouth. "Nothing. I just wanted to leave you two with some wise words before I go." Tori shot him an amused smile and watched the acting teacher hop to his feet and skip out of the door.

"You ready to go too?"

"Oh yeah, sure." They both got up and gathered their things before making their way out, Andre holding the door open for Tori before switching the lights off and following Tori into the hall. "Hey, wanna go and get some coffee?"

Andre shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Sure." He opened his mouth to say something else but stopped suddenly, looking at something past Tori. "Can we help you?" Tori frowned and turned to look who Andre was talking to, only to freeze, her eyebrows creasing and lips parting.

"Ryder?"

His dark figure was leaning against the wall and his mouth was forming a lopsided smile, one, Tori found really charming once. Now it just made her sick. "Hey Tori." He pushed himself off the wall and strode over to where she was standing, hands casually stuffed in the pockets of his black jeans.

"Oh, you two… know each other?" Andre confusedly looked between the two, his eyes staying on Tori when she turned her attention towards him. "Um yeah." She paused. "Listen, could we get the coffee some other time?"

Andre's eyebrows shot up but he slowly nodded. "Sure thing. See ya tomorrow then."

He looked at Ryder one last time before turning around, leaving Tori alone with him. She sighed and when she was sure Andre was gone, she turned to Ryder. "What are you doing here?" she asked slowly, internally rolling her eyes when that sickly sweet smile only got wider.

"I don't think that's the right way to greet your ex-boyfriend, is it?"

"Really?" She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows, leaning back a bit. "What would you prefer?"

Without missing a beat, he opened his arms wide and waited for Tori to step forward. But the brunette just squinted at him unbelievingly before letting her arms fall to her side and walked past him. The heavy _thump thump_ of footsteps behind her told Tori that he tried to keep up with her fast pace as she steered for the exit. "Tori, wait."

A gentle hand came to rest on her arm, making her stop suddenly, despite everything in her head telling her not to. She looked up then, at his handsome face which was, at the moment, contorted in a remorseful manner. "Don't you want to know why I'm here?"

She did. The confusion and curiosity of why he was here was really nagging at her but she wouldn't give him the impression that she cared. She didn't, not anymore. "I couldn't care less."

Her move of getting away was stopped, once again, by his hand. "I came here to see you, Tor," he explained softly, his head tilting to the side as his eyes pleaded with her, "I've missed you. So much."

Even if she wanted to, Tori didn't think she would have been able to stop the snort to come out. "Oh please," she scoffed while shrugging off his hand, "You couldn't have thought of something different to say? At least be more creative, if you already _have _to spoil my day."

"Tori." He sounded taken aback by Tori's tone, by her words, and surprise marked his face. What did he think how this meeting would go? That Tori would fall into his arms as soon as she saw him? "Look, I know I'm not your most favorite person but-"

"But?"

"But I was once, wasn't I? I want to become that person to you again." His blue eyes stared at her so expectantly that Tori felt almost obligated to do and say whatever he wanted her to say, but then she remembered who _exactly_ was standing in front of her. He cheated on her. And as many times as he said that he was sorry in the past, Tori knew that he really hadn't meant it. He would do it all over again, if he got the chance, Tori was sure of it.

"There's no chance in hell for you to become that person again." Again, she walked away from him and this time she at least made it up to the main exit until she felt his hand on her arm again. His touch suddenly made her incredibly angry; she whirled around and roughly yanked her arm back, glaring at him. "Would you just stop touching me? God!" With more force than needed, Tori pushed against the door and stormed into the parking lot of the school, aware of the annoyingly persistent man still following her.

"I just want another chance with you," he suddenly yelled out and caused Tori to stop dead in her tracks. Not believing what she just heard, the brunette slowly turned around. Ryder sighed, shook his head and again, stared at her remorsefully. "It's the truth. I really miss you. I know I made a mistake and I wish I could turn back time and undo what I did." _Liar. _"I was stupid. I was an idiot for letting go of such an amazing woman like you. I took you for granted and that was a mistake."

He fell quiet then, waiting for a reaction, but all he got was a blank stare. At last, Tori put on a smile and stepped closer to him. "You know what?" She roamed his face and almost scoffed at the smile that reappeared on his lips. "You're still an idiot."

"No, I-… Just go out with me? Grab some coffee?"

"No, I don't want to."

"But why?"

Tori's face took on an almost comical form of incredulity. "Uh, hello? You _cheated _on me."

"Yeah, I know but I changed. That's why I'm here, I want to show you that I'm different now and that you can trust me."

"What do you really want?" Tori suddenly asked and curiously looked at him. "I mean, we broke up two years ago and you mean to tell me that you came all the way from L.A. just because you suddenly realized you miss me?"

"You don't believe me," he stated gravely, nodding his head and convincingly playing the act of the guy who was just misunderstood.

"Of course I don't believe you!"

"But you can! I'm telling the truth, can't you see?" He suddenly grabbed her arms and bent his knees to be at eyelevel with Tori. His eyes darted back and forth between hers in an almost desperate way. "Please just give me one more chance to make it up to you."

Despite the fact that everything inside of her was struggling against it and she really didn't even have feelings for Ryder anymore, Tori did contemplate giving him a chance, if only just for a short moment. What harm could it do to just go out with him for coffee? There weren't any strings attached, she was free to go whenever she pleased and maybe she would be able to see if this entire 'I miss you' thing was really just an act or if it was actually true. But what then? What would happen after that coffee? Truth to be told, she didn't even want him to make it up to her _at all_, she just didn't want to see him anymore, not even as a friend. "I'm sorry, Ryder," she said, more softly this time, "It's over. Once and for all."

Defeated, his hands fell from her arms and he straightened up. Tori didn't bother to say anything else, just turned around and walked to her car, when Ryder's voice reached her ears again. "Is there someone else?" She stopped again, rolled her eyes and then turned around to see him standing where she left him. "That's it right? That's why you don't want me back."

Tori released an impatient sigh. "You're really not as irresistible as you think you are. I'm not dating anyone; I just don't want to be with you." She frowned and added, "And even if there was someone… it really wouldn't be any of your business."

This time, she actually made it to her car.

**…**

Something changed between them.

Something, whatever it was, shifted, the air suddenly felt different between and all around them. It was as if the huge wall that stood high between Jade and everyone else suddenly cracked, not completely broken down yet, but there was a gaping hole now, right in the middle of it. Maybe it wasn't visible for everyone though.

Just Tori… Tori could see it.

The way she talked to her, the way she _let her_ talk to her and just listened without any complaints, and the fact that this was the first time Jade didn't want to crawl into a hole and die on the day of Lia's death, showed Jade just how good Tori really seemed to be for her. Whatever it was – how understanding she was, that she managed to cheer her up like no one else really could, or just her general upbeat character – struck a chord with Jade, in the best way it possibly could.

Crouching down in front of the grey stone, Jade felt like an eternity had passed since she last was here. Flowers were blooming in vibrant colors all around the grave though, honoring her memory and her spirit that was just as colorful when she was alive.

"I miss you."

Jade smiled, her eyes running over the golden cursive writing of her fiancée's name. Her voice bounced off the walls in her head, saying that she misses her too, her smiling face and flying blonde hair burned as a clear image into her pupils. It may have been four years but Jade's memories were still as fresh as they could be. She would never forget her, she couldn't. "Sorry I didn't bring any flowers," she said, lips still forming a smile, "But this was rather spontaneous. I wasn't here in a long time."

Jade frowned and looked at her clasped hands. "I hope you can forgive me for that," she chuckled a little and looked back up. "I'm always… thinking about you." The all too familiar sting of tears arouse in her eyes and a shaky breath fought its way through her lips. "I don't really know how I survived so long without you. It's so… so hard, Amelia. God, you have no idea."

"But… there's Tori. She and Robbie went to high school together and she moved here last year, not really far away from-"She stopped suddenly, a smile replacing the frown on her face. "I don't really have to tell you that, do I? I mean if it's really true what you told me, you know, that people don't just vanish after death… then you probably know all that has happened, don't you?"

The noise of gravel scrunching brought Jade's eyes to lift from Amelia's stone to see an old woman walking by, wisps of gray hair escaping her messy ponytail and a bright red rose in her hand. After looking more closely, Jade recognized her from earlier visits to Amelia's grave. Almost every time she was here, Jade saw her, every time a red rose in her hand and every time that serene smile on her lips. "Would you look at that," Jade mumbled quietly, watching the woman walk down the path. "It's her again. She probably comes here every day. Who do you think she's visiting?"

Bringing her gaze back to the stone, Jade let her knees sink to the floor and placed her hands on her thighs, not really caring if her jeans got dirt on them. "Maybe her husband," she kept musing, "What do you think, hm?" Absentmindedly, she lifted her hand and reached out, her forefinger and thumb gently pinching a petal of a red flower. "I should probably come more often too. I don't know why I don't do it, to be honest." She frowned and shook her head. "Anyways. Tori. She's um… she's really helping me, Lia. I mean, she's always there, listening and… You would have liked her, I think. I'm actually pretty sure of it."

"It's the first time since you left that I actually feel… like I belong here." She retracted her hand, her eyes looking up again and looking at Lia's name almost in confusion. "Do you know what I mean?" A quiet laugh slipped out of her mouth. "_I_ don't even know what I mean. It's just that… she's not forcing anything on me. I like that. I don't have to pretend that I'm okay when I'm with her. She understands and doesn't make me feel like… like it's wrong to _not _be okay."

She smiled then, realizing just how much Tori meant to her. Starting out as that really clumsy and hilariously awkward woman, Jade would have never thought that she would have such a huge influence on her life. So quickly, her view on Tori had changed; instead of looking at her and seeing 'Robbie's old best friend from high school', Jade now knew Tori had become _her _friend. A friend Jade didn't even know she was looking for.

"But enough of me now. What about you, met Elvis yet?"


	18. Chapter 18

_**Thursday,**_

_**August, 29th, 2013**_

"_So, he still isn't over you?"_

"Of course he is." With great difficulty, Tori clamped the phone between her shoulder and ear while she tried to keep the water from over boiling. After turning the heat down a notch and making sure that the blubbering of the water calmed down, Tori grabbed the pack of uncooked noodles from the counter. "I don't know what he wants but I can't imagine him flying out here _just _because he misses me. I mean, we didn't see each other for two whole years and not once did he even send me as much as a text message. Not that I wanted him to, but still."

"_But what else could he want if not get back together with you?"_

"I don't know." She had thought about it a lot but just couldn't figure out a reasonable explanation for his sudden appearance. But what he said to her – and that he obviously wanted her to believe that he was still in love with her – seemed too ridiculous to Tori, even if it did end up being true.

"_Maybe he really did realize how great you are and that he made a mistake by sleeping with that slut."_

"Trina!"

"_What? She is a slut. I may not know her but… still."_

"Well," Tori sighed, ripping open the bag of spaghetti before letting them tumble into the pot of hot water, "Whatever he wants, I don't care. He kept calling me the past week, left voicemails, but I ignored everything. I'm definitely not going to start anything with him again."

"_Yeah, I hope so," _Trina warned in a sharp tone, _"Because otherwise I would see myself forced to decapitate you. I've never liked that sleazy scumbag."_

"I know. Sometimes I wonder what I even saw in him."

"_Yeah, you and me both."_

"You know, you of all people shouldn't be so judgmental. It's not like your boyfriends were all amazing."

An irritated sigh sounded from her sister and Tori smirked in satisfaction, her left hand grabbing the phone from between her shoulder and head to hold it against her ear and her right hand bracing on the edge of the kitchen counter. _"If you're going to be like that. Fine. I mean, we don't have to worry about you getting a crappy boyfriend anymore, do we? How's your crush doing? Jade was her name, right?"_

The smirk had abruptly left Tori's face; Tori imagined Trina carried one of her own right now. "She's not my _crush_," Tori amended sharply but Trina merely laughed. _"What is she then? Your one true loooove?"_

"She's my _friend_."

"_A friend with _really_ pretty eyes, wasn't that right Tori?"_

"Okay, that's enough. I'm hanging up now."

Trina's laugh came through the telephone one last time before Tori disconnected the call with an angry grumble, then she got back to making her dinner.

**…**

_**Friday, **_

_**August 30th, 2013**_

When she got home from work the next day, someone was already waiting for her.

"You know, you're starting to get pathetic."

"I'm not pathetic. Just persistent." She wanted to slap him, slap him until that stupid grin disappeared from his face. It would give her an insane amount of satisfaction to hurt him in a way, even if it was physical and only a simple slap, to make up for the hurt he had put her through by cheating on her. Even though the skin of his cheek would probably just sting a bit, it would be definitely worth it.

"How do you even know… First my school, now my own home. How do you even know where I live?"

Ryder simply shrugged his shoulders. "I have my sources."

Tori narrowed her eyes at him. "Stop with 'your sources' then. I told you to leave me alone." She didn't wait for a reply and went past him, jiggling the key into the lock, only to realize that the door was already open, so she pulled her key out and pushed the door open before walking inside. Before the door behind her could fall shut however, Ryder managed to get inside with her. Tori did her best to ignore him but when he followed her up to her apartment she turned around and glared at him. "Go. Away!"

"I will, if you agree to go on a date with me."

"What happened to that slut you cheated on me with? Go on a date with her! Go on a date with the Queen of England for all I care but leave _me _alone!"

Tori was surprised when he sucked in a harsh breath through his thin lips and his nostrils flared angrily. "God, just stop bringing up old stories! I made a mistake, I'm over it, why aren't you?"

Instead of answering his question, Tori just rolled her eyes and turned around, taking the last steps towards her apartment door and muttering what an "utterly stupid and conceited asshole" he was. But then, she suddenly felt her stomach dropping when two large hands closed around each of her shoulders and turned her around. To her surprise, a feeling very close to fear swept over her body when she looked into his eyes, and when Ryder's hands fell away from her, a breath she didn't even know she was holding escaped her.

"Oh, come on!" His eyebrows creased together in aggravation. "One date! That's all I'm asking for."

The uncomfortable feeling inside her only got bigger and when Ryder took another small step closer to her, she was almost on the verge of panicking. Nonetheless, she tried not to let her fear show. "Well and I told you already that I don't want to go out with you," she said confidently and hoped that her voice didn't give anything away, "I'm not interested in you. We're over. Please accept that."

Ryder's face relaxed, a sort of wonderment taking over. Funny, Tori thought, that he really thought he was so irresistible. "So, if you'll excuse me now, I have plans." She hoped her lie was convincing enough for him but even if it wasn't, she didn't really care if she was honest. All she wanted was to get away from him. As fast as possible. She turned then, hands trying to make quick work of finding the right key while she was aware of Ryder still standing behind her, watching her. When she finally managed to fumble the key into the lock, a satisfied smile crept to her face. But her victory was short lived, because just as she wanted to turn the key, a large hand shot out and long fingers wrapped around her wrist. Her breath caught in her throat, her wide eyes trained on Ryder's strong grip.

"I can't accept that," he gruffly pushed out, his grip tightening.

The panic Tori was feeling earlier rose up again. She felt her blood pound underneath Ryder's hand and let out a shaky breath. "Let go of me."

But all he did was chuckle dryly and take a step closer, his chest lightly pressing against Tori's back. "We are _not_ finished, Tori. Did you really think I would let you go that easily?"

In a small moment of courage, Tori jerked her hand out of his grasp and whirled around, doing her best to glower at her ex-boyfriend. "It's been two years, idiot."

"So? That doesn't mean anything, Tori. _I love you_. We could be so happy together if you wouldn't be so stubborn!" She yelped when he harshly grabbed her arms and yanked her forward.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

Terrified brown eyes snapped towards the saving voice and saw Jade standing just a couple of feet away, her face contoured in a scowl. "Jade," Tori couldn't help but breathe out, watching as the other woman's harsh gaze flicked from Ryder to her for a short moment. The fear in Tori's eyes must have been enough motivation for her to stalk up to them, coming to stand right next to Ryder. "This is none of your business, miss." His eyes didn't leave Tori once, his grip not lessening.

"Let her go," Jade calmly said but Tori knew from the look in her eyes that it was just a matter of time before she would explode. When Ryder didn't do as she said, Jade stepped even closer, placed her hand on one of his arms still clutching Tori and dug her nails in. "Are you deaf? Let her go before I throw you down the stairs!"

The angry lines on his forehead didn't vanish as he shifted his attention from Tori to Jade, but his strong hold relaxed, his hands falling away from Tori's arms. Jade didn't waste any time in stepping in front of Tori to shield her from him. "Now go. And don't you _dare_ lay a hand on her again or I swear I'm going to ram a pair of scissors into your most private area."

He seemed to contemplate, but Jade's glare that was casted on him seemed to do the trick. "Okay. No need to get violent, lady." With a smile he tried to hide his anger, his hands clasped together as he took a step closer. "I was just trying to talk to Tori."

"Yeah, I saw that. Now get lost."

His eyes darted behind Jade and tried to get a glimpse of Tori, meeting her frightened gaze. When his eyebrows tugged down again, Tori couldn't help but to grasp on to Jade's arm. "Tori," he murmured sullenly and lowered his chin in a nod before he turned and walked away without uttering anything else. Tori's heart still hammered in her chest but her grip on Jade's jacket fell away. Only when the door downstairs closed and Jade was sure Ryder was gone did she turn around, a frown of worry on her face. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

"No," she answered almost dazedly, her eyebrows furrowing together as her eyes found the floor by Jade's feet much more interesting than the woman standing in front of her, "No, he didn't hurt me. I'm okay. Thank you."

She didn't look up, instead turned around and turned the key. "No problem," she heard Jade say behind her and walked inside, leaving the door open for Jade to follow. "Who was that guy anyways?"

Tori whirled around, a shaky sigh getting past her lips. "Um… That was Ryder, my ex-boyfriend."

Jade's frown only deepened. "Your ex-boyfriend? What did he want from you?"

"He… He um…" She didn't know why her brain didn't seem to be able to form proper sentences right now, so she just let out another sigh and ran a harsh hand through her hair. Her arms still felt like they were being gripped, so did her wrist, the feeling of Ryder's fingers curling around it still so fresh in her mind; she almost didn't want to admit it but Ryder managed to shake her up quite a bit. "He wanted to go on a date but I said no… and I… I thought when he turned up at my school a week ago, he understood that I don't want him back… But apparently he didn't."

"He showed up at your school?" Tori nodded, then looked at the keys in her hands. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

Her eyes snapped back up. "Why would I have? Since when do I have to give account to you?" Tori's snappy tone brought Jade's eyebrows to shoot up and even Tori herself was a little surprised by her own behavior. But instead of apologizing Tori just looked away again, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. It wasn't like what she said wasn't true. She _didn't_ have to give account to anyone.

"You don't have to give account to anyone," Jade pressed out, seemingly reading Tori's mind, "I just asked because you really shouldn't be alone with him. He seemed dangerous."

"He's not. He's harmless."

"Didn't seem like that to me," Jade quickly shot back. Tori shook her head and closed her eyes. Ryder was never someone who got violent, especially not towards women. Especially not towards _Tori_. People could say what they wanted; say he was a conceited ass, that he was a cheater. He was all those things. But he definitely wasn't a violent person. At least, he never had been.

"He's not someone who gets violent." She opened her eyes again and walked to her sofa, sinking down, "I don't know what got into him."

"How long haven't you seen him, Tori?" The sofa dipped when Jade sat down beside her. Tori turned to look at her. "Two years, right? That's the boyfriend you told me about?" A nod. "People can change," she simply said and Tori knew that, of course, Jade was right. But despite knowing that, Tori couldn't stand the idea of Ryder becoming such a person, even if she didn't care about him anymore. "I'm sorry that I snapped at you," she mumbled bashfully, "I was just a little… I don't know. I guess I'm just a little…"

"Shaken?"

"Yeah." Tori nodded her head and let her eyes lock on Jade's, when she realized that Jade probably came for a reason, other than save her from her crazy ex-boyfriend. "Why are you here, by the way?"

Jade shrugged nonchalantly. "I was bored."

A quiet laugh fought its way out of Tori's mouth. "So you thought 'oh, let Tori entertain me'?"

Jade suddenly straightened up, her shoulders tensing and lips pursing. "No, I-…" Her body tensed even more and Tori frowned at her growing defensiveness, gaze flicking down to her crossed arms and hands that were tightly gripping her elbows. "I just didn't have anything to do and… I don't want to bother you."

Brown eyes snapped up in surprise at the woman's words. "Oh, no. You're not bothering me at all. Never. Don't think that."

Carefully, Tori watched the tension pour out of her body but while she visibly relaxed, there was still some sort of hesitance in her blue eyes. She nodded, slowly, glanced down at her lap before looking at Tori again. "I just thought that maybe it's getting a little too much for you."

Thoughts about Ryder suddenly vanished from her brain all at once as her mouth almost fell open at what Jade had just said. "No! It's not too much. _You_ are not too much," she told her pointedly, "I like spending time with you, you should know that."

A smile that made Tori's heart flutter was sent her way. "Well, I just wanted to make sure." Jade leaned back, her lips pressed in a thin line as she let her eyes run over Tori's face and upper body. Although she knew that Jade's looks didn't really mean anything – at least not in the way Tori wanted them to mean something – she couldn't stop her heart from pounding faster, louder, and just to be sure, she turned her face away from her as casually as possible, because there was a large chance that her face had turned a dark shade of red. "Are you really sure you're okay? I meant what I said. If you want me to, I'll make sure he won't be able to have any children."

"No," Tori laughed and looked at her hands, "I don't think that will be necessary."

She heard Jade release a quiet breath before hearing her say "Fine. If you say so."

They were both quiet then but Tori knew, even if she was still facing away from her, that Jade's attention was still on her. When a warm hand touched her arm, spreading a tingling over her skin, did Tori turn back towards Jade. She smirked faintly, her face partly illuminated by the setting sun streaming through the window. "Come on," she said and gave Tori's arm a squeeze before getting to her feet, smirk widening, "Movie night tonight. I think we can both use the entertainment. I'll even let you choose."


	19. Chapter 19

"Couldn't you have chosen a different one?"

"No! You said I could choose!"

"Yeah, but not _'The Vow'_!" She crossed her arms and fell against the backrest. "I mean… _why_?"

"_Because_ it's a good movie!"

"It's sappy."

Tori sank down next to Jade and raised her eyebrows. "It's romantic."

Jade squinted at her, thought for a moment and then said "Might be. But it's unrealistically romantic."

The previews were running on the TV already, but neither of the women paid attention, nor did Tori think about fast forwarding. "It's… it's not unrealistic." She craftily looked at Jade. "_Actually_, this movie is based on a true story. So there. What do you say now, huh?"

"Just play the damn movie," she mumbled with a smirk and turned her attention to the TV, watching as Tori skipped a couple of previews and finally pressed play. When the movie faded in, Tori tucked her legs under her and got comfortable, reaching into the bowl of popcorn standing between her and Jade. "I really can't believe this movie," Jade scoffed as the couple on screen began kissing in a car, just before a truck came crashing into them. "Why on earth would you stop in the middle of the road like that? Because of that stupid stop sign? There's not one single other car there, he could have stopped for a moment, then kept driving."

Tori quirked an eyebrow and turned her head towards Jade, only to see her staring at the screen with an expression of utter incredulity. "And how stupid is that chick? Can't she wait until they're at home? Or if she really wants to do it in the car so badly, if she just _can't _control herself, just tell him to pull over somewhere and not keep standing in _the middle of the road!_"

"Jade, it's just a movie," Tori laughed, shaking her head at her companion. At Tori's words Jade snapped her head towards her. "Didn't you say it's based on a true story?"

"Well… yeah, but… You know what, just watch the movie," she dismissed quickly and turned back to the screen, hearing Jade utter a quiet "Fine." before silence wrapped around them once again. But Tori knew it wouldn't last long, having already watched a couple of movies in the past with her, therefore she knew that Jade liked to comment on every bit that confused or irritated her. A short while later, Tori found herself proven right. "How stupid is she, just going out on her own like that? She should have thought about that for a second." Tori stifled a laugh as Jade made her voice suddenly go higher. "'Oh, wait. I can't remember what happened in the last five years. I can't remember my husband, I can't remember that I live here. Well, fuck that. I'm going to go out, in a neighborhood I can't remember I live in.'"

It carried on throughout the entire movie and while other people might have found it _very_ annoying to hear Jade's voice interrupting every five seconds, Tori found herself more entertained by Jade than the actual movie.

"Why are they all looking so uncomfortable when he says that she's his family? He's her husband, it's not like it's not true."

"She's such an insensitive bitch. Poor Leo."

"Oh well, now _he's_ an insensitive asshole."

"I would've punched him too."

"_I hope one day I can love the way you love me."; "You figured it out once. You'll do it again."_

"Seriously Tori, are you crying?"

"Why do they always choose blondes to be the slut someone cheated with?" she wondered at one point, "It's kinda discriminating."

"I don't like Channing Tatum's voice."

"I don't like his face either."

As soon as the credits began to roll, Jade jumped up from the sofa, almost knocking down the bowl of popcorn, and crouched down in front of the shelf that held Tori's DVD collection. "Now I choose a movie," she stated without giving Tori any chance to object. Her eyes scanned over the cases, eyebrow rising when she craned her head to look at Tori. "Kate Hudson fan, are we?"

"Yeah, I like her," Tori shrugged nonchalantly before she tilted her head and smiled at Jade, who had turned her attention back to the DVD's. "You know, this is the first time we are watching movies together-"

"What are you talking about? We've watched tons of movies together." She quickly plucked out a DVD case and shuffled over to the TV and DVD player.

"I wasn't done talking. I meant to say this is the first time we are watching movies together… in my apartment. Not in yours."

"Oh." She put the disc in and stood up, slowly walking back to the sofa and letting herself sink down. "Well, first time for everything." Leaning over Tori to snatch the remote, Jade quickly skipped through the previews. When the menu appeared, Tori's smile fell. "Oh. 'The Skeleton Key'." She could see Jade turn towards her out of the corner of her eye, her lips forming a smirk. "So?"

"Nothing, it's just… it's scary."

"It's not _that_ scary." Her fingers began to play with each other when she turned towards Jade with her lip between her teeth. Jade's eyes glittered – Tori would like to think it was mirth dancing in her eyes? – and her smirk only grew. "Why do you have it if you find it so scary?"

"Because it's a good movie."

Jade narrowed her eyes, a light laugh breaking through her lips. "But… you just said that it's… That doesn't make any sense! Why did you buy it if you never intended to watch it?"

Tori sighed as she shifted to get more comfortable. "Well, because I knew I would meet you and that you would pick this movie." Her hand quickly shot out, grabbed the remote and pressed play before she placed it back into Jade's hand and stuck her tongue out.

"Very mature," Jade murmured and chuckled, grabbing the bowl of popcorn from in between them, placing it in her lap and shuffling a little closer to Tori, before she slid down a little so that she could rest her head against the backrest. To Tori's surprise, not one single word left Jade's mouth throughout the entire first half of the movie. With a glance towards her, Tori saw her eyes fixed on the screen, dropping close every now and then, before snapping open just a few seconds later. Eventually, Tori concentrated completely on the movie playing, jerking and releasing a quiet gasp when a particular scary part came on.

A sudden weight pushed against her shoulder, making her freeze. Her heart pumped faster, her hands began to tingle and a sudden feeling of raging butterflies in her stomach made her breath hitch as her eyes found a mass of black hair; as she turned her head and lowered her chin, she felt it tickle her nose. Blue eyes were hidden by heavy eyelids, Jade's chest slowly rose and fell with every breath she took and released. The bowl of popcorn was on the verge of tipping over on her lap but before it could spill over, Tori reached for it while releasing a slow breath to calm her heartbeat, grabbing it off her lap and placing it next to her, all the while careful not to disturb her sleeping friend. She tried to keep her breathing at a calm level, trying to switch her mind back to the movie and forget the fact that Jade was leaning against her. It took a while until she adjusted to Jade's new position, sleeping against her shoulder, and finally managed to watch the movie again.

She jumped again, her heart accelerating not only because of the movie playing. Tori's quick movement encouraged Jade to move even closer, nose snuggling into Tori's shoulder and arm lazily draping over Tori's lap. A warm breath blew against Tori's neck and the arm over her lap wrapped itself around her waist and pulled Jade's body to snuggle closer into Tori. She almost didn't want to breathe, in fear that Jade would wake up, or worse, Jade would come even _closer_. Maybe if she'd move this way she could… no, that won't work. But if she maybe took Jade's arm… no no, that wouldn't work either. Again, Tori tried her best to make her heart stop beating _so fast_; her eyes widened when she thought that Jade might even _hear _how fast it was hammering inside of her chest. But Jade was fast asleep and Tori surely wouldn't do anything to wake her up. Instead she tried to focus on the movie, but when it was over, a new problem presented itself.

What was she supposed to do now?

The remote was lying on the other side of Jade but to reach it, Tori needed her arm, which was currently trapped between Jade's body and her own. "Crap," she muttered quietly, glanced down at Jade and then tried to reach over her with her other arm, stretching as far as she could. Her fingertips almost touched the small black object but just as she wanted to take hold of it, Jade's head fell from her shoulder and back against the backrest. The brunette quickly retracted her arm and sat back, keeping Jade from falling behind her. She stirred then and a few seconds later, her eyes dazedly blinked open. Tori watched as she blinked another couple of times, her eyebrows tugged together, before she finally lifted her eyes to look into Tori's. "Did I fall asleep?"

Tori put on a smile. "Yep." She thought for a moment and then said, "You didn't fall asleep during 'The Vow'. Wonder what that says about you."

"Ha ha," Jade said dryly, but smiled nonetheless as she sat up and stretched her arms over her head. "I guess I better get going. I would just fall asleep on you again." She stood up, stretched again and slowly grabbed her jacket from the arm of the sofa.

"Kay." Tori got to her feet and slowly padded after Jade. "I'll see you on Sunday then."

Jade suddenly stopped and before she opened the door, she turned back around to face Tori. "Right," she thoughtfully said, curiously observing Tori's face, "It's your turn to go grocery shopping this week, isn't it?"

"Um… yeah. I'll go tomorrow."

"Okay, then give me a call tomorrow and I'll go with you." She smiled and quickly turned, opening the door. Before she could walk out though, Tori stopped her with a hand on her arm. "You don't have to do that. It's my turn, not yours."

Jade shot her a confused look. "Do you think I'm letting you go out by yourself now? Who knows, this Ryder guy might ambush you."

"Oh- No, he won't do that! I told you he's not dangerous. You don't have to worry." Jade suddenly averted her eyes, pursed her lips and shifted from her right foot to the left. "I do worry though, deal with it," she sharply snapped and turned around. Tori stepped into the doorway and watched her walk down the corridor, when Jade called over her shoulder "And don't you dare not calling me or else _I'm _going to ambush you!"

**…**

_**Saturday,**_

_**August 31st, 2013**_

"I'm glad you took my threat seriously."

Tori bit her lip as she pushed the shopping cart down the aisle, her eyes roaming over the various groceries sitting on the shelves in the hope of finding the things she needed. Jade was strolling next to her, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her jacket and gaze cast steadily forward. "Yeah. Of course I didn't want you _ambushing _me." She turned to Jade, all the while pushing the cart in front of her, and shot her a pointed look to which Jade merely made a face.

"Just you be glad that I want to protect you. Not many get that privilege. You should be thankful."

Releasing a sigh, Tori took a left turn. "I am. Really. I just don't think I need a bodyguard."

Jade shrugged. "Better safe than sorry."

"Yeah, I guess. Ooooh!" Tori jerked to a sudden stop and turned to one of the shelves lined with cake mixes. "We could bake something! What do you think?" Jade, who had just realized that Tori stopped walking, took the three strides back to where Tori was standing. "Sure. Why not." Her hands left her pockets as she let her eyes scan over the different boxes of cake mixes, before reaching out and grabbing one, turning it over to look what they would need for it. While Jade was engrossed in the cake mix box, Tori took a quick look at her list but when she saw movement ahead of her, she glanced up, only for her to grab tighter on to that little slip of paper.

"I can't believe it," she mumbled quietly, her eyes staying locked with Ryder's. He didn't move a muscle; he kept standing there, a couple of feet away with his hands in his pockets, lips in a thin line and eyes kept on her.

Jade tore her eyes away from the package in her hand and turned to Tori, frowning. "What?" When Tori didn't answer, Jade followed her gaze until her eyes settled on Ryder. "You have to be fucking _kidding_ me."


	20. Chapter 20

"See? I _knew_ it! That freaking asshole."

Determined to give him something he wouldn't forget anytime soon, Jade shoved the cake mix back on the shelf and made a move to go over to him, but was quickly pulled back by Tori. "Jade, don't."

Unbelieving eyes snapped to the woman holding her back. "What? He's _stalking_ you! I'm going to kill that bastard!"

Again she tried to get to him, but Tori's fingers just curled tighter around her arm. "No, please. Don't do something you will regret later." She paused and glanced over to where Ryder was standing, only seeing his back as he disappeared around a corner. "Let me talk to him again."

"_What_? No way! He's-"

"He's not going to hurt me, Jade." Tori's hand fell away from Jade's arm and she tried her best to reassure Jade that she'd be fine, telling her that there are other people around too and that he wouldn't even think about doing anything, putting as much calmness as she could muster into her voice. Truth to be told, the last thing she wanted was to be alone with Ryder, but if Jade would come and talk to him with her, Tori feared that Ryder wouldn't say _anything._ "You just wait here and choose which cake we're going to make. Don't worry."

Before she took off, Tori sent her an encouraging smile and lowered her chin in a slight nod but Jade was still reluctant to let her go, her forehead creased with worry and her eyes storming with uncertainty. But she stayed where she was, reluctantly turning towards the cake mixes again as Tori jogged down the aisle and rounded the corner Ryder took just a couple of seconds ago, getting a glimpse of his retreating back.

"Ryder!"

He abruptly stopped at the end of the aisle and turned back around, blankly watching as Tori apprehensively approached him. "Why are you here? Are you stalking me now? What do you want?"

"You."

His low voice almost made her sick, her stomach churning while she tried to swallow the anxiety that was building up inside of her once again. "Ryder," she said exasperatedly, "Just tell me the truth."

His face kept the blank expression as he shrugged his shoulders. "I am telling the truth."

It probably had been naïve to think that he would just spill the truth in the middle of the grocery store, and Tori really didn't know what she really expected to hear, but his constant insistence that the only reason he was here was because he wanted her back gradually started to annoy her. Pushing out a loud sigh, Tori closed her eyes for a second, just collecting her thoughts, before opening them again. "Okay. So let's say you're telling the truth. Why now?"

His jaw was set as he looked away and pushed a loud breath through his nose. "Can't you just be happy that I want us to have another chance?" he gruffly spit out, starting to get slightly restless, confusing Tori. "No, I can't. Because I _told_ you that I don't _want_ us to have another chance."

Tori almost flinched when his raging eyes snapped back to her. "But it's _important_ for me, Tori." Out of fear, she took a step back. "Why is it important?"

A quiet curse was muttered under his breath while he ran a hand over his mouth and stubbly chin, his eyes moving away from her again and only now did Tori notice the way he angrily ground his teeth together. With all her might, she tried to fight the fear bubbling up in her chest and resisted the urge to yell for Jade. "Well, if you're not going to tell me… then… then I… I mean… I'm just going to ask you now to leave me alone because… you know, I… I'm seeing someone and-" She suddenly snapped her mouth shut when his eyes found hers again, getting angrier by the second. Haughtily, he looked at her with narrowed eyes before he pushed out a snort. "You're lying."

"No, I… I…" From her childhood on Tori had been a terrible liar and that obviously didn't change over the years. She thought that maybe Ryder would believe her lie and finally leave her alone but now, as he stepped closer and grabbed her arms again, she feared that it just made the situation worse.

"You _need_ to marry me!"

Her eyes widened, both at his words and out of fear; absentmindedly she wondered, where everybody was, why no one was shopping in this _goddamn_ aisle and could maybe help her, but just like yesterday, Jade came to her rescue again, just not so gentle this time. Tori's eyes watched her storm around the corner right behind her ex-boyfriend; the slight pain Ryder's fingertips caused by digging into her flesh suddenly disappeared as Jade pushed him away from her and almost made him stumble into the shelves filled with foods. In fear that Jade would seriously hurt Ryder, Tori grabbed her sides to hold her back from stalking over to him. She shot her a disapproving glare over her shoulder but obeyed Tori's wish to stay away from her ex-boyfriend.

"I'm not giving out empty threats, you know. Didn't I make myself clear yesterday?"

"Why do you always butt into our business, huh?" Tori's gaze moved from Jade to Ryder who advanced towards them. Her hands tightened at Jade's sides, just to be sure. He came to stand right in front of Jade, towering over her, but Jade didn't move an inch, keeping her strong glare steadily on him. "Who are you anyway? Her little girlfriend?"

"So what if I am?"

Determination, resolve and a little hint of deliberate provocation shaped her casual tone, her eyes reflecting exactly the same, which, Tori noticed, obviously began to affect Ryder. Confusion replaced every trace of anger on his face and his doubting eyes flicked to Tori. The brunette felt a possessive arm wrap around her waist, _Jade's_ arm, and she felt like she might pass out at any second, whether from fear or the close proximity of Jade.

"You're a _lesbian_ now?" His mouth stood ajar, his eyebrows creased together. He would never buy it, Tori thought, he knew when she was lying.

"Well, I guess you were just such a huge disappointment to her that she decided to switch teams," Jade innocently stated and piqued his anger again, his eyes flashing. Jade smirked and tilted her head at seeing his reaction. "What's wrong, little boy? Can't handle the fact that Tori found someone better than you?"

If life would just be a little like a cartoon, Tori was almost hundred percent positive that white steam would come out of Ryder's nose right in this moment. "Say something Tori," he pressed out while glowering at her. "Yeah," Jade said cheerily and turned her attention to Tori, "Say something, Tori. Who's it going to be? Me or him?"

When Tori tore her eyes away from Ryder to look at Jade, it was clear to her that the entire situation seemed to amuse Jade greatly. Her eyes twinkled brightly, one eyebrow cocked and lips lifted into a smirk. Swallowing, Tori turned back to Ryder. "Just leave me alone. I don't want to see you ever again. If there's a next time, I'm going to call the police."

He blinked a couple of times, then closed his eyes and pushed out a breath. "Fine." Tori's eyebrows shot up but she tried to put on a blank face when he opened his eyes again. "Fine," he repeated, "If you really want it that way. No need to threaten me."

She didn't know if it was an act or if this time, he really understood it. But everything seemed to drain from his face, only defeat visible. He hesitantly came forward but Jade took a step back and pulled Tori with her. "Okay, well…" He nodded and slowly stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. "Goodbye then."

He lingered for a couple of seconds before he shook his head and turned, disappearing out of Tori's life, hopefully for real this time and hopefully forever. When he was completely out of sight, Jade's arm, that was still keeping Tori pressed to her side, dropped. "Let's hope he understood now." The calming warmth that transferred from Jade's body to Tori's suddenly completely disappeared as Jade created a distance between them again by stepping a step back. "What on earth was that comment about how you need to marry him? I didn't think he was _that_ crazy," Jade scoffed while crossing her arms.

"I don't-… Wait, you heard that?"

Jade simply rolled her eyes. "Did you really think I'd just busy myself with the stupid cake mixes? I was behind that corner the entire time. Ready to lunge," she said, grinning, before frowning and cocking her eyebrow in displeasure, "You're a really shitty liar, by the way. You should work on that."

It was Tori's turn to roll her eyes, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Yeah, I know. Thanks for the tip."

"Oh, you know you're always welcome." Jade smirked and flicked her head down the aisle. "Now let's get back to the cake mixes. If we're lucky, no one stole our shopping cart yet."

**…**

"Thanks for doing this, Aiden. Robbie tried to fix it but I think he just made it worse."

"Oh, no problem," he said from his place under the kitchen sink, his voice muffled from its encasement of the cabinet, "This won't take long, I think. I already know what the problem is."

Cat nodded, listening as Aiden explained to her why the water wasn't able to drain off anymore and what he was going to do about it, all the while the clink of metal cutting his voice off here and there as he got to work. She let him work in silence for a few moments, watching him work, before curiously asking "Say… have you talked to Jade lately?"

"Yeah of course." His head appeared from under the sink for a moment as he grabbed a weird looking silver tool out of his tool box. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I don't know… I was just… wondering."

His blue eyes narrowed curiously and he tilted his head as he observed his sister's best friend. Cat shot him an uncharacteristically weak smile, which was all he needed to grow even more suspicious. "Is something wrong? With you and Jade?"

As an answer, Cat shook her head. "No. I just-"She hesitated but then blurted out, "Have you noticed how much time she spends with Tori?"

Aiden's eyebrows shot up. "Um… yeah. I did. I've only met her once for about… two minutes or so but Jade told me a lot about her." He shrugged, looking into his tool box before he leaned back to work on the sink pipe. "She's nice, isn't she? Tori?"

"Yeah. Yeah, she is but…" There wasn't anything she could think of to say, nothing to really explain her slight resentment towards Tori. She liked Tori. But the amount of time Jade spent with the brunette, time she could have also spent with her, made her doubt herself. Cat knew exactly what was wrong. She was jealous of Tori, of how much better she seemed to understand Jade. "I just find it weird. I mean, like… did you know Jade called her on Lia's death-day?"

"She did?" Aiden sounded surprised. "Huh. Why?"

"Tori said she needed someone to talk to. That she didn't want to be alone. So she called… Tori."

It was quiet for a moment; Aiden's hand appeared, patting the floor until his fingers closed around another one of his tools, the clank of metal soon sounding again. "But that's good," he said over the noise, "This is the first time since Amelia died that… Jade wasn't alone, soaking in her misery." His words weren't condescending in the slightest bit, nor did they carry any trace of malice. "I think it's great that Tori seems to have such an effect on her."

"Yeah, but I mean, don't you find it… doesn't it hurt you that she'd rather talk to Tori than to you?"

Cat heard Aiden sigh from under the sink. "Cat, I really don't think you need to worry," he tried to soothe, "Jade is your best friend, she always was and always will be. Just because she maybe prefers to talk to Tori about certain things, doesn't mean that she forgot about you." Almost in defeat, Cat sunk down on a kitchen chair, pouting. "Besides… Jade told me… that you wanted to hook her up with Tori. So therefore… shouldn't it make you happy that they're together that much?"

"No, I… I know it was wrong of me to push them together," Cat mumbled bashfully and lowered her gaze to the table, "Jade doesn't want to move on and I shouldn't have thought that I could make her regardless."

"Well," Aiden said, his voice strained as he put his strength into repairing the sink pipe, "Tori seems to do her good, for all I know. So that's all I care about." He grunted, then, the clatter of the tools sounded again. "And so should you. Try to understand her, push your jealousy to the side."

Cat watched him emerge from the cabinet, his eyes meeting hers and his lips forming a comforting smile. "Apparently it's Tori who she needs right now," he said and shrugged his shoulders, his smile widening, "And as long as she makes her feel better, why should we complain?"


	21. Chapter 21

_**Friday,**_

_**December 20th,**__** 2013**_

Months went by, almost in fast forward, and not one single word from Ryder had been heard. Tori figured it was a good thing, at least Jade's protective streak had calmed down enough so that Tori was able to go out by herself again. But even though there hadn't been another sign of her crazy ex-boyfriend, Tori had found herself on edge every time she was out alone and a weird noise sounded or someone who resembled Ryder came too close to her. More than once had she caught herself reaching into her bag, her fingers wrapping around the bottle of pepper spray her father had advised her to carry with her wherever she went. "There's no reason to be scared anymore," she had mumbled to herself ever time and willed her hand to let go of the bottle in her purse, "He's not coming for you anymore." But even that mantra she continuously told herself hadn't been able to stop her from worrying that Ryder would appear in front of her any minute, and this time, Jade wouldn't be there to give him a piece of her mind.

Only when her mother called her on a late November evening, had Tori finally been able to relax. Her anxiety immediately fell off of her when she heard that Ryder wasn't even in the same state as her anymore; her mother had seen him in town, hot on the heels of some redhead. _"So much for he loves me." _

Right now, she stood in front of Jade's apartment, raising her eyebrows when the door swung open and Jade didn't react the way she hoped she would.

"Oh God, what do you _want_?"

The raven haired woman groaned and threw her head back, but despite her obvious lack of excitement about the visit, Jade left the door open and walked away, plopping onto her sofa.

"Good afternoon to you too." Tori stepped in and closed the door behind her, shaking her head at Jade's attitude. She already encountered days like that, where Jade was acting like she didn't want her there but never explicitly told her to go away. She could have easily slammed the door in her face if she really didn't want to put up with her but seeing that she didn't do that, Tori took it as an invitation to stay. "I brought something for you."

"I don't want anything from you." The frown on Jade's face hardened. "Why are you here, anyways? I don't remember inviting you over." Tori rolled her eyes and walked over to the sofa. Hoisting up the big, white shopping bag onto the sofa next to Jade, Tori settled for not responding to the grouchy woman and kept her attention solely on unpacking the gift she had brought for Jade. When she was finally able to get it out of the plastic bag, Tori held it up for Jade to look at and brightly smiled at her.

"Tada!"

Jade's eyes were narrowed, her lips parted as she stared at the little Christmas tree in Tori's hands. The little decorations adorning the green plastic branches sparkled in various tones of blue and white. Jade imagined the little lamps fastened on some ends would shine just as brightly as Tori's grin, if she'd ever turned them on. It was a nice little gesture but unfortunately for Tori, Jade wasn't really the appreciative type. Especially not today. "I don't do Christmas," was all she said before she turned away and started flipping through the TV guide. Tori's smile abruptly fell and her eyebrows crunched together.

"What, but…" Tori paused, her confused eyes resting on Jade who didn't spare her a single glance, "You can't just say that you don't '_do_' Christmas!"

Tori's voice came out louder than intended and Jade turned towards her, raising an eyebrow. "Sure I can. And you already witnessed that last year, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did but," Tori sighed and put the tree on the little coffee table before sitting down next to Jade, "I mean… I wanted you to have at least… a _little_ bit of Christmas spirit. It's such a nice holiday. You shouldn't hate it so much."

"I don't," Jade stated casually, focusing back on the magazine in her hands.

Tori's forehead creased. "What?"

"I don't hate Christmas. Never said I did."

"But then why are you so adamant about not celebrating?"

A loud sigh was pushed past her lips and Jade rolled her eyes, putting the magazine down and turning to the confused brunette sitting next to her. "Because I don't have anything to celebrate. Sure, I could get a tree, I could hang up kitschy Christmas decorations, but I prefer not to. Why would I? I'm alone, I don't need all that stuff."

"But you're not alone. You have your brother. Don't you two spend Christmas together?"

"We do."

"That's what Christmas is all about," Tori smiled and playfully shoved Jade's shoulder, receiving a small glare in the process, "It's not about presents or decorations. _But_… decorating a little bit sure brings you in the right mood."

"Yeah. Well. Whatever you say." She picked the magazine back up, the conversation about Christmas being finished for her. She was just about to turn another page when Tori's next words made her freeze.

"Did Amelia like Christmas?"

Jade's eyes snapped towards Tori who looked at her intensely. This was the first time Tori really asked about Amelia again and even though the sound of her name coming out of Tori's mouth sent a twinge through her heart, it didn't bother Jade as much as she thought it would. She blinked and cleared her throat before looking down at her lap, nodding her head. "She loved it."

Tori smiled at Jade, putting her elbow on the headrest of the sofa and resting her head in her hand. "Hm. So did she manage to get you into the spirit?"

A faraway smile began to form on Jade's lips as she thought back on all the Christmases she had spent with Amelia and how amazingly happy she always had been. "Yeah, I guess so. She was just… _crazy _about Christmas. I mean, of course we had a tree. Lia loved to decorate it. Christmas songs would blare out of the stereo at every waking moment and she'd dance around the house and sing along." A light laugh bubbled out of Jade's throat, causing Tori's smile to widen. "Like I said, she couldn't really cook all that good but she sure knew how to make cookies. Her cookies always were _the best._ Seriously. And then there was…"

She trailed off, her smile slightly dampening, but Tori urged her on to continue. Jade took a deep breath. "Every Christmas she hung up a mistletoe right over there." Jade craned her neck and pointed her finger at the doorway which led to the little hallway. "That was probably her favorite tradition. She used every chance she'd get to get me under that thing. Not that I was complaining."

Tori waited for Jade to say something else but she seemed to be finished, her eyes staring straight ahead and her mouth set in a thin line. It had been a risky move on Tori's side to mention Amelia, with Jade obviously being in a bad mood today, but thankfully, she hadn't ripped her head off, even though Tori almost expected it. "That's really nice," Tori softly said and sat up straight, deciding to leave the topic of Lia alone for the time being. She was glad she got something out of Jade; Tori didn't want to ruin it by making her think she wanted to pry into her life. "So, you really don't want the tree?"

Tori's eyes watched her fingers gently pick at the little branches. Jade frowned at the pout on Tori's face, just looking at her for a moment before rolling her eyes. "Fine. You can let it stay here. I guess it's not that bad."

She cringed at the squeal Tori released, but then sat up straight and pointed a finger at the brunette. "But that will be all, understood? Don't you dare come here and bring me even more Christmas stuff."

"I won't do that. Promise." Tori grinned and Jade relaxed again, grumbling something along the lines of "Let's hope so," while leaning back on the couch, her arms crossed in front of her, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed in a sulking fashion.

"So?" Tori asked after a little while of silence, her lips still pulled up in a smile and eyes observing the other woman's face. Jade glanced at her warily. "So what?"

"Why are you in such a bad mood today?"

A long sigh rumbled through her throat and escaped her mouth. "It's just one of those days."

"What kind of days?"

Tori already suspected in which way Jade's words would go but she wanted to hear her say it. Talking about it helped, especially in Jade's case, as Tori had found out. "Days where… I think I should've just stayed in bed and should have tried to sleep through the entire day, in hopes that maybe the next morning I won't feel this way. That it will be different. Better somehow."

"Well," Tori sighed quietly after a small silence, smiling at Jade, "You did the right thing by getting up today. And I know the perfect thing that will cheer you up."

**…**

Bright lights shimmered in the trees, jolly melodies came out of the speakers scattered around the ice rink and the sharp sound of blades gliding over the ice immediately filled Jade's ears. "Ice skating?" She turned from the rink to Tori, looking at her with creased eyebrows. "You took me ice skating?" Her face crumpled in a way that made Tori feel like her idea was the most ridiculous thing ever thought of. "_Really_?"

"Yeah! Ice skating is fun!"

Tori's happy smile didn't do anything to sway Jade's disgruntled state. "I've never been," she stated monotonously and crossed her arms tighter over her chest.

"Oh really? Then we'll have to change that. Right now."

"Didn't you listen to me? I've never been ice skating. I can't do it."

Instead of letting Jade's bad mood get to her, Tori confidently kept smiling and raised her eyebrows at the other woman. "If you've never been then how do you know you can't do it? Who knows, you could be the next Peggy Fleming or Katarina Witt."

Jade looked at her confusedly. "Who?"

"Just come on now," Tori dismissed and grabbed Jade's arm, dragging the sulking woman after her. She heard her let out an irritated sigh, then "I don't have any skates."

Tori gave the bag in her other hand a little shake. "I've brought some for you."

"Oh yeah? Where did you get them? Did you lend them somewhere? You did, didn't you? If so, I'm _not_ wearing them. Who knows what disgusting people had their feet in them before me."

Tori let go of her arm and took a seat on a bench near the ice rink, pulling out the two pairs of skates she brought. "I didn't lend them," she reassured Jade, "They're my old ones. I got new ones for Christmas last year. And before you say anything, _no_, I don't want to kill you. They're still in great shape. Great for starters."

She tried her hardest to refrain herself from laughing at the expression that currently took a hold of Jade's face, a mix between irritation, indignation and wonder. "…Well, I don't think we have the same shoe size."

"We do-o," Tori sang with a big grin, "I checked."

"How long have you _planned_ this?!"

"Oh come on, you little scaredy-cat!" She stood up from the bench and thrust her old skates into Jade's hands. "I don't want to murder you. It will be fun, you'll see!"

"Yeah. _Fun_," Jade mumbled while plopping down on the bench, "I'm sure breaking every bone in my body will be _fun_."

"You're not going to break _anything_," Tori said and crouched down in front of her grumbling friend, her hand giving Jade's foot two quick pats. "Now, will you put the skates on or do I have to do it?"

"I can do it alone, thank you very much," she sarcastically replied, sending the brunette a glare. After watching for a moment as Jade pulled her boots off, Tori stood up and took a seat next to Jade, starting to take her own shoes off. When Tori securely fastened her skates, she turned back to Jade, cocking an eyebrow when she saw that she still wasn't finished as she fought with the clasp that would make sure the shoe would be properly fastened. "Here, let me help you with that," Tori offered softly and reached out, almost expecting Jade to slap her hand away. But she just sighed, placed her hands in her lap and quietly watched as Tori helped her with the skates.

"Okay," Tori said with a satisfied sigh and looked up at Jade, smiling. She stood up and held her gloved hand out to her. "Ready?"

With a quiet breath Jade grabbed Tori's hand and pushed herself into a standing position, then let Tori slowly lead her over to the rink. Tori's hand released hers as the brunette stepped onto the ice, turning around and resting her arm against the railing while sending Jade an encouraging smile. "Come on."

Jade would never admit it but as her eyes moved from Tori to the shiny white ice directly in front of her, her heart furiously began pounding in her chest. But never one to show her fear, Jade tightly gripped the railing and took her first tentative step onto the ice… and immediately realized just _how _slippery it really was. "Holy shit!" She didn't know how she got her other foot on the ice, but suddenly she was standing there, her body halfway slumped over the railing and Tori standing in front of her, smiling.

"Great! Okay, I'm going to show you how you have to move now. Look at my feet." With that she turned around, very quickly and _smoothly,_ Jade noticed with great wonderment, and skated a couple of feet away from her. While she watched Tori's movements, she tried to copy them but as soon as she tried to lift one foot from the ice, even just the slightest bit, she felt like she was falling off the face of the earth. Eventually she decided to take a different approach, using her hands and arms to pull her forward with the help of the railing.

"That's not how you're supposed to do it though," Tori laughed good-naturedly as she came gliding back.

Jade moved her hands a little farther up the railing and pulled herself over the ice once more. "It's how I do it," she grunted and took a quick glance at Tori, "Just go and do some flips or something. I don't want you to watch me. I'll get a hang of it eventually."

Tori laughed again. "Okay. If you say so." Shooting her an amused smile Tori skated past her, and once again, Jade was impressed as she watched her glide across the ice. She herself couldn't even properly _stand_ while Tori just made it look so effortless and graceful. In the span of twenty minutes, Jade managed to circuit the entire ice rink three times, with other skaters and Tori continuously whooshing past her while she still hung on the railing and pulled herself along. And while she already felt more secure on the slippery surface than before, Jade wasn't willing to lift her feet like Tori had shown her.

"What?" Jade snapped when Tori suddenly whooshed by her and came to a stop directly in front of her.

The brunette didn't let Jade's tone get to her, instead, she held her hands out in front of her. "I'll teach you."

But Jade just snorted. "No way am I going to let go."

"Trust me. Let go of the railing. At least with one hand."

"No, I don't want to! I'll fall! You just want to make a dumbass out of me!"

Tori slid a little closer. "You won't fall," she assured soothingly, her hands still outstretched for Jade to take, "I promise you. Just hold on to my hands and we'll go slowly."

Shrill laughter reverberated in her ears. Jade turned to see where it came from and saw a little girl, red hat hiding half of her dirty blonde hair, standing in the middle of the ice, pointing her finger and laughing at a man who was flatly lying on his back. Hesitantly, she turned back to Tori, her eyes flicking from her face to her outstretched hands. Taking together all of her courage, Jade slowly raised one hand and placed it in Tori's, her other one soon following.

"Awesome. I'm going to pull you with me now, okay?"

"No," Jade blurted out, making Tori suddenly stop and raise her eyebrows.

"No?"

"I mean… yeah, okay. But go slow."

"Of course." Tori's feet began to move and suddenly, Jade was pulled with her. Jade's eyes lifted from curiously watching Tori's feet to Tori's face; a bright smile stretched across her face as she maneuvered them around the arch of the rink. "You're doing great. Now try to lift your feet. Nothing's going to happen, remember, I won't let go of you."

Still a little wary of this whole ice skating thing, Jade let Tori pull her across the ice for a little while longer before she finally plucked up the courage to lift her feet like Tori had shown her, surprising herself by realizing how easy it really was. Her lips unwillingly formed a smile when Tori slowly let go of her hands and Jade found herself skating across the ice completely on her own, without needing any help.

But when a young man whooshed by her, Jade felt her left feet slip on the slippery ice and before she knew what was really happening, she closed her eyes while bracing herself for the cold impact.

But it never came.

Two arms had shot out and saved her from falling, holding her up and helping her stand securely on her feet again. Jade heard a quiet chuckle in her ear and opened her eyes again, pushing out a relieved breath. "I've got you," the brunette said with a breathy laugh, "Don't worry."

The sound of her heartbeat, so fast and strong, sounded in her ears and only grew louder the longer she was staring into Tori's eyes. Jade's fingers tightened on Tori's upper arms, maybe even bruising the tan skin underneath the thick black jacket, but as much as she tried, she couldn't figure out what was happening to her. Tori's lips formed words; Jade watched them move in such a slow way that it was almost seducing, but her ears couldn't hear what she was trying to say. Everything she saw, everything she heard and felt rushing through her veins was her name. Tori. Tori. Tori.

"Wh- What did you say?"

Finally, she snapped out of… whatever it was and looked up into a worried pair of brown eyes. "I asked if you were okay. Do you rather want to go home?"

"No, no," she said and moved herself away from Tori, "I just started to get the hang of it. We can't go yet."

Tori, who still seemed a little worried, cracked a small smile and nodded, slowly following Jade around the rink. The feeling Jade had a minute ago thankfully disappeared after a little while of skating around and goofing off with Tori, and Jade found herself immensely enjoying the time on the ice.

But as she went to bed that night and her eyes dropped shut almost an hour after midnight, surprisingly and most terrifyingly, the last thought she had wasn't of Lia.

It was of Tori.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Saturday,**_

_**December 21**__**st**__**, 2013**_

"Wow. It's so… Christmassy."

Aiden laughed as he followed Jade's gaze from the small Christmas tree in the corner, to the green and red socks with 'Aiden' and 'Jade' sewed on them hanging on the wall, and lastly to the Christmas lights fastened around the doorframe of his apartment door. "Yeah. Just like every year, little sis."

"But the lights are new." Loudly sighing, Jade let herself fall backwards onto Aiden's couch. "So I'm guessing we're _celebrating_ here?"

"Don't say it like it's some kind of disease. It's Christmas! Show some spirit!" A grin took a hold of his face as he sat down next to her, playfully punching Jade's shoulder. "We can do it however you want. But since your apartment lacks any trace of Christmas, I'd say-"

"Hey," Jade interrupted with a held up finger, "I _do _have a small tree."

"Really?" he asked, although it didn't sound like a question at all, raising skeptical eyebrows. Jade shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Tori brought it."

"And she's still alive?"

"Of course she's still alive. Don't be ridiculous." Aiden meant to deliver his words as a joke and actually thought Jade would regard them as such, but he realized that today apparently wasn't such a good day for humor. The way she sat there, all slumped, her arms crossed and eyebrows drawn together in annoyance, Aiden knew immediately that something had to be wrong with his sister. While Aiden learned over the years – mainly Jade's high school years – that the best way to get her to talk is let her be and let her deal with it on her own until she was ready to tell him about it, the constant worry he had for her ever since Amelia died had him tight in his grip. Fear had been nagging at him for years now, every time Jade wasn't feeling well. Even if Jade thought otherwise – and he wasn't sure if she did, or if she knew that he knew – Aiden knew that she had been suicidal. He had seen the enormous amount of sleeping pills she had thrown into the trash; more than once actually. Did he confront her about it? No, he didn't, and he hated himself for that every day. What kind of brother was he, just watching his own sister dangling on the edge of death, playing the guessing game at night while he wondered, tremulously, if she had gone through with it this time? But he couldn't talk to her; he just _couldn't_, because he just _knew _what kind of questions she would have thrown at him.

_What do I have to live for?_

_Can you promise me that it will get better?_

_Can't you understand me?_

He wouldn't have had any answers to her questions, except… except to her last one. _Yes. Yes, I can_, and that was probably the worst thing. He understood why she didn't want to live anymore, he understood that life got harder and harder for her with every day, and he understood that Amelia had always been her life source, that one person that always kept her emotionally charged up. He understood her. Without that source, how _could _she live on?

She managed though, for what Aiden would be eternally grateful. But still, every time Jade didn't act like herself or she got that… that _look_ in her eyes, Aiden feared that this time, she wouldn't manage. With that thought taking a hold of his brain once again, Aiden bit the corner of his lip and shifted on the couch. "You're… not really in such a good mood, are you?"

Jade didn't look at him as she sighed irritably. "I've felt better."

"Is it because of Lia?"

"God, I wish," she scoffed and shook her head, training her gaze on a spot up at the ceiling. Jade's answer made Aiden's eyebrows crease in confusion. "What does that mean?"

Jade's eyes rolled before her eyelids closed and hid them from Aiden's sight. "Nothing. I'm just feeling a little… under the weather."

"I see," Aiden mumbled thoughtfully, getting back to nibbling on his lip before he let his attention stray from Jade; his eyes took in the small box still filled with a couple of Christmas decorations he meant to put up. "You could help me put the rest of the decorations up," he offered suddenly and turned back to his sister, just in time to see her snap her eyes open while she turned towards him.

"Now why would I do that?"

"Because."

Pushing out an annoyed breath, Jade sat up and started to look through the box, freezing when her hands fell on a little plastic object. Aiden watched her fumble it out, freeing it from the red tinsel that had wrapped itself around it. "A mistletoe? Why do you need that? Do you have someone to kiss?"

She raised an eyebrow at him while he shrugged his shoulders. "Nope. But it came together with something else, I think. It was cheap, so I bought it."

Jade nodded and lowered her gaze to the mistletoe in her hands. Aiden wondered what was going on in her head in that moment, as her fingers gently stroked across the green object. "Can I have it?" Her quiet tone broke through the silence. Aiden's eyes snapped from her hands up to her face, still lowered as she looked at the mistletoe. He slowly nodded. "Sure. Take it." He paused, then asked "Why do you want it?"

His sister shrugged. "It reminds me of her." Finally, she lifted her head and softly, almost sadly, smiled at him.

And there he saw it. The small flicker in Jade's eyes, telling him that a part of Jade would always be missing.

**...**

Robbie looked up from his phone when a horn was honked two quick times, a smile appearing on his face as he watched Tori's car approach. He lifted his hand in a wave and as Tori came to a stop, he quickly opened the passenger side door and jumped in, escaping from the biting cold into the warm confines of Tori's car. "Oh dear, it's cold," he exclaimed, rubbing his hands together before fastening his seatbelt.

"No one our age says oh dear, Robbie." Tori let out a laugh and stepped on the gas pedal.

"I do. And-"He stopped suddenly and shifted in his seat when he felt something hard underneath him. Reaching for the object, he grabbed it off the seat and held it in front of him. "Oh, I sat on your phone."

"My pho-" She glanced at Robbie. "Oh, that's Jade's. She must have forgotten it yesterday."

"Jade's…"

"Yeah. We were ice-skating."

"That's nice," Robbie cheerfully said as he put Jade's phone into the small compartment in the car door, "You two had fun?"

"Yeah, we really did. She was in a really bad mood at first, a little prissy about going onto the ice," Tori laughed, "But when she realized that it wasn't really that hard and that it actually is _fun_… she had a really good time. So did I."

Robbie's smile faltered a little when his eyes took in the look on Tori's face. Her head was tilted as she concentrated on the street in front of her, her lips curling into an almost dreamy smile. _"Is Tori gay?"_ Cat's words from over a year ago suddenly appeared in his head and Robbie wondered if he really was that dense. He thought about it for a long time now, but always pushed it to the back of his mind again, thinking that it probably was just imagination. But… it wasn't. The way Tori looked at Jade, the way she talked about her, the ridiculous amount of time she spent with her. Those were signs, Robbie realized, almost shocked. Signs that Tori was in love. With _Jade_.

"Please be careful, Tori." He ran his tongue over his dry lips as Tori's eyebrows drew together.

"What, I'm not over the speed limit."

"No, I meant-"He sighed harshly and rubbed a hand over his face, his glasses almost falling off his nose. "I meant with Jade."

As he had expected, Tori's confusion only grew. "What do you mean, careful with Jade?"

"I know you have feelings for her."

The car suddenly fell silent, aside from Debbie Gibson belting out 'Sleigh Ride' on the radio. Robbie internally cursed himself for just squeaking it out like that; glancing at Tori, he saw that he obviously made her uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to… I'm just… I'm just worried, that's all."

"I'm not going to do anything to her," she said quietly, keeping her eyes straight ahead, "I don't want to take her away from anyone. I'm her friend and… I don't want to hurt her."

The tone of her voice pierced his heart, painfully slicing into it and making him feel even worse for being such an insensitive jerk. "No Tori, I know that. I'm more worried about _you_ than Jade."

She shot him a surprised glance. "About me? You don't need to worry about me."

"I've never seen you really in love," he suddenly said, watching Tori take her bottom lip between her teeth. "But whenever I see you with Jade, I see it. But it's just…"

"Futile," she offered wistfully, a sad half-smile playing on her lips.

Instead of agreeing or disagreeing with her, Robbie simply sighed and placed his hands on his thighs.

"Jade can be… very unstable. Amelia is still such a huge influence factor in Jade's life and I don't think that will ever really change. Don't get me wrong, I would be so happy for both of you. But… what Jade and Amelia had… was different. Special. And I want you to be aware of that because I don't want you to get hurt by building up false hopes."

Tori shook her head. "I'm not. I know where I'm at." She grew quiet when she spotted a parking spot not far from the jewelry store where Robbie wanted to get Cat's Christmas present, accelerating a little to make sure no one else would snatch it up. When the car was parked to her satisfaction, Tori shut the engine off and, with a sigh, slumped against the car seat. "I don't have a chance. How could I? How could I compare to such a woman," she pushed out bitterly, shaking her head, "I know Amelia is like some sort of… _goddess _in Jade's eyes. There's no room for anybody else."

A sharp breath rushed through Robbie's teeth. "It's not like that, Tori. They were… _so _in love with each other. You spent time with them and you just knew by the glances they would send each other that there was nothing but love and pure adoration between them. It's… That's what I meant with 'different' and 'special'." When Tori turned her head towards him, he sighed sadly and shook his head. "It's a love that no one believes exists until they've experienced it. Some never _will_ experience it. But Jade had it. And then she lost it. Can't you imagine her pain?"

**…**

Jade thoughtfully sucked in her lip, her eyes staring at the small Christmas tree on her coffee table, her fingers playing with the plastic mistletoe in her hands.

She shifted on the hard floor, stretched her back before letting it rest against the sofa again, and blew out a breath, narrowing her eyes at the tree as if it would start talking to her and answer every question she had, would she just stare at it long enough. But even _if_ it started talking… what would she ask?

What kind of stupid stunt her heart pulled yesterday when Tori had caught her?

Why she had felt so…weird?

How it was possible for Jade to have missed how nice Tori's eyes are, or how incredibly _soft_ her lips-

"Whoa!" Jade looked at the tree in shock, then laughed uncomfortably and shook her head. "Don't do this," she told herself, "This isn't good, Jade. Stop thinking about Tori in that way. No. Stop thinking about Tori _period_."

When she realized what she was doing, Jade let out a deep groan, squeezed her eyes shut and threw her head back. Now she was _scolding herself._ What was wrong with her? Why did she suddenly think about Tori in that way? She let her head fall forward again but kept her eyes shut, lifting one hand from the mistletoe to rub her forehead, maybe even rub out every thought she had about Tori. Maybe it was just attraction. That was probably all there was to it. After all, Tori _was_ very pretty and it had been a pretty long time since Jade had…well… _contact_ to somebody else. It was normal, a carnal instinct. Really nothing to worry about, she told herself, over and over again, until the sound of the doorbell pulled her out of it.

She got to her feet, glad that some kind of distraction would wait on the other side of the door, although a part of her already feared that it would be exactly the person she needed distraction _from, _and after pushing the small button and waiting for her visitor to come up, the sight of a brunette head made her heart plummet into her stomach. "Hey," she greeted a little out of breath, that big smile on her face, "I just thought you might miss this." Jade's eyes moved to Tori's hand which waved her phone at her.

"Oh yeah. I was wondering where I put it."

When Jade reached for it and Tori's skin brushed hers, she mentally scolded herself for having the urge to recoil her hand; this wasn't the first time they've touched and Jade sure as hell wouldn't start to make a big deal out of it now, now that her libido had decided to go crazy. "Do you… want to come in?"

Tori shook her head and Jade surprisingly felt her heart sink in disappointment. "No, no, I just wanted to give your phone back. I still have to pack. My flight goes tomorrow, remember?"

"Right. I forgot about that." Jade nodded, a little to herself, and took a deep breath. "Well, then. Have a good flight. And Christmas. A great Christmas, of course."

"Thank you. You too." She opened her mouth but then bit down on her lip, hesitating for a second, before reaching into her bag and pulling out a small square package, wrapped in blue Christmas wrapping paper with candy canes and teddy bears. "I um… have something for you. For Christmas." She handed it to her with a shy smile; Jade took it, frowning. "I don't have anything for you."

"Oh, that's okay. I didn't expect anything. I just saw this and… yeah. It's nothing special, so don't get too excited. But don't open it before Christmas! Santa will know it."

Jade's lips twitched into a weak smile. "Thanks, Tori. That means a lot to me."

Tori breathed out a chuckle, raising her eyebrows. "Don't thank me yet. You might hate it."

"I'm sure that won't happen."

With a slow nod, Tori took a step back. "I have to go now," she said, lifting her hand in a wave, "Bye."

"Bye, Tori."

Jade stood in the doorway until she heard the door downstairs close, only then did she get back inside and closed the door behind her. Glancing at the package in her hand, Jade sighed, shook her head and placed it on the table before slowly padding into her bedroom.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Wednesday,**_

_**December 25**__**th**__**, 2013**_

A thin layer of white covered the streets and sidewalks, glittering snowflakes kept fluttering from the sky and fell upon the young couple strolling arm in arm down the street, a white and brown dog running ahead of them, relieving itself on the nearest street lamp. Jade pressed her forehead against the cold glass of the window and closed her eyes as the soft sound of Christmas music filled her ears. It was a perfect Christmas night. But something was missing.

_She couldn't help but shake her head and chuckle at Aiden's cheerful smile as he bent down and placed a kiss on Amelia's grandmother's cheek, the older woman blushing and giggling bashfully as both of them were caught under the mistletoe. A comfortable feeling of warmth spread through her entire body when two familiar arms wrapped around her. Jade smiled softly and leaned back into the person behind her, releasing a content breath. "Merry Christmas, love," a husky voice murmured into her ear, almost drowning in the loud laughs that echoed through the Braverman living room._

"_To you too," Jade whispered and craned her neck, only getting a glimpse of the serene smile that captured Amelia's lips as the blonde rested her forehead against Jade's head, eyelids hiding those eyes Jade fell in love with a few years ago. They stood like that for a couple of moments, basking in everything the other one was; breathing, feeling and simply enjoying each other. After a while, Jade released a light sigh and turned in her fiancée's embrace, her eyes watching as those sparkling hazel irises revealed themselves. Without hesitation, Jade leaned forward and captured Lia's lips in a kiss, feeling them curve underneath her own. "I love you," she mumbled against her mouth after she pulled away a little and felt her mouth forming a grin as her eyes dropped to Lia's lips, seeing the corners pull up almost automatically at her words. Amelia's arms snaked around her neck, keeping their heads close together. _

"_I love_ you._"_

_Jade kept her grin for a moment longer before letting it drop, closing her eyes and groaning quietly. "I hate us for being so disgustingly sappy."_

"_We're not sappy," Lia argued with a shake of her head and a playful frown, "We're in love."_

_Jade hummed, her eyebrows twitching up. "I wonder how we'll be when we're finally married."_

"_Not much different than now, I suppose." _

"_How do you know? Maybe I'll drop the act as soon as you say yes and I'm going to show my real side. Make you sleep on the couch whenever you do something I don't like, stop listening to you when you talk, boss you around..."_

_Amelia cocked an eyebrow. "Don't you do that already? Boss me around?" She laughed when Jade sent a glare in her direction. "Kidding."_

_Jade groaned again, pulling Amelia's body flush against hers. "I swear, you'll be the death of me, woman."_

"_Let's hope not," she murmured with a smirk before letting her lips claim Jade's once again._

Blue eyes opened again, blankly staring out of the window and not realizing that even more snowflakes were falling now. If Jade had known back then that this would be the last Christmas they would ever spent with each other, she would have… she would have… Jade frowned. She would have done nothing different, probably. Everything was perfect. _They _were perfect and every time she would ask herself questions like 'What should I have done different?' or 'What should I have said instead of that?' or even 'Did I tell her that I loved her enough?' Jade always came up with a blank mind. In movies and books people always say that they have a feeling that they forgot to tell them something, or that they would have done so many things differently than they did. But Jade… She didn't think she'd do anything different, nor did she think that she should have told Lia something before… before she died. The only thing she would have done differently was that she would have stopped her from getting into that damn car, but that was pretty self-explanatory.

"Jade."

Jade blinked, flicking her eyes from the window to the glass of wine her brother held in front of her face. Taking in a deep breath, she lifted her head from the cold window and took the glass from his hand while muttering a quiet thanks. She took a sip, watching Aiden take a seat on the window seat across from her. "This is my third glass. Are you trying to make me drunk?"

Aiden shrugged. "Worth a try. Alcohol always makes you have a loose tongue."

Jade froze while taking a sip from the red wine and squinted over the rim of her glass at her brother. When she swallowed, the sweet liquid gave her a deliciously burning feeling in the back of her throat and she realized that she probably should really stop now because one more sip would probably be enough for her to start talking like a waterfall. Not taking her eyes off of her brother, she lowered the glass and placed it on the floor. "Why would you want me to have a loose tongue?"

"For a lot of reasons," he admitted without shame and released a sigh while turning to look out of the window. "What you were thinking about just now, for a start."

It wouldn't exactly take a genius to figure it out, so without much hesitance Jade said "About Amelia. About… our last Christmas together. Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do." A small smile crept to his lips before he let out a light laugh. "Lia's grandma and I were standing under the mistletoe together."

Jade nodded, not being able to fight off her own smile. "Yeah. She was such a nice woman. I wonder how she's doing."

"We could go tomorrow," Aiden offered lightly and ignored the way Jade's jaw clenched, "Together. They would be so-"

"No."

Although he had expected a reaction like that from his sister, he couldn't help but let out a tired sigh. "They invite us every year. I don't understand why you refuse to go. The Braverman's are as close to a family you have, besides me. Maybe it would make you feel better. Make you feel closer to Lia."

A bitter scoff left Jade's mouth. "You mean make me _move on_ more easily."

"No," Aiden immediately denied, frowning, "That's not what I meant." The short moment in which Jade had been willing to talk disappeared just as quickly as it came, wrapping the room in silence. Eventually, Aiden tried to change the topic. "There's still one present you haven't opened yet," he pointed out and motioned his wine glass towards his coffee table where Tori's present was lying, the wrapping paper still untouched. Torn between being curious about what Tori had gotten her and the feeling that she probably didn't even want to know, Jade let her eyes wander to where the blue package was lying.

"I'm going to open it…" she said hesitantly and added, without taking her eyes off of the present, "…eventually."

"What are you scared of?" She heard Aiden ask but refused to look at him. When she didn't give him an answer – she couldn't, she didn't even know what she was scared of, – everything fell quiet, the Christmas CD Aiden had put into the stereo having ended a couple of minutes ago. But when her brother next spoke, Jade's heart seemed to skip a beat. "You care a lot about her, don't you?"

She scoffed weakly, tiredly, and closed her eyes while resting her head against the wall behind her. "What are you talking about?"

"You really don't give me enough credit, Jade," he murmured softly, "You have a habit of pushing people away when you realize you begin to care about them more than you should. You try to close off your heart but you'll fail eventually. You did it with Amelia. Now you're trying to do it with Tori."

Blue eyes slowly opened, finding themselves staring into their spitting image. The lines around Aiden's eyes crinkled as he smiled at her; he stood up, gave her leg a squeeze before walking over to the table to grab Tori's present. "Just open it. I know you're dying to." He handed it to her, shooting her an encouraging smile before he walked into his kitchen, leaving Jade alone. For a long while Jade just stared at it, counted the amount of teddy bears and candy canes, ran her fingers across the paper, and drummed her nails on the hard square. "Stupid," she growled at herself before she quickly turned the package over and plucked at the Scotch tape, opening one end of the present, then, after taking in a deep breath, Jade tore it open and a black square box revealed itself. When she opened the lid of the box, a small blackish stone hanging on a leather band laid on a folded piece of paper. Frowning, Jade lifted the pendant and looked at it, letting it dangle in front of her face. Holding it into the light, Jade saw that it was more brown than black, and a key ring was fastened on the other end of the braided leather band. Jade glanced at the box, then placed the pendant on her lap and grabbed the slip of paper, unfolding it to reveal a cursive handwriting.

_Dear Jade,_

_If there is one thing I really hate, it's to see you cry. When I heard the story of this stone and what is said about it, my mind immediately went to you, in hopes that maybe, it could somehow help to make you feel better. If only just the slightest bit. _

_Merry Christmas._

_Love, Tori_

_The Apache Tear_

_According to an old legend, one day at a party the Apache men were ambushed by an enemy tribe. They fought bravely but were greatly outnumbered and were driven to the top of a high bluff. Their arrows gone, unable to fight and unwilling to be taken captive, they leapt from the cliffs to their death. Their women were understandably grief-stricken and wept over their bodies, and when their teardrops fell to the ground, they became stones, today known as the Apache tears. It is said that whoever owns one of these stones will never cry again, because the Apache women shed enough tears already._

_Apache tears are said to especially relieve grief and sadness, as well as help release negative energies and balance the emotional state. Also, they are considered to be good luck stones._

A little stunned, Jade lowered the paper and stared at the seat Aiden had occupied a few minutes ago. She didn't know what she had expected when she tore the blue wrapping paper off, but somehow… she really didn't expect to find something as thoughtful as this. Before she really knew what she was doing, Jade found herself holding Tori's present in her one hand and her cell phone in the other…

**…**

"So _Tori_," Trina said with a smirk and squinted at her sister across the table, "How's your lovely '_friend'_ doing?"

Before Tori could say anything, the confused voice of her father rang in her ear. "Why do you make air quotes around friend?"

Tori's glare at her sister intensified while Trina's smirk grew even more complacent. "Because Trina is a provocative, little _wi_-"

"Tori," Holly warned with a pointed look at her youngest daughter, "Don't finish that sentence." Taking in an irritated breath and looking down at her empty plate, Tori missed the curious look her mother was sending her. "But why _were_ air quotes around friend?" Tori looked up, just to see a smirk resembling Trina's growing on her mom's face. "Are you not telling us something?"

"No, I-"

"No no, mom," Trina interrupted her sister nonchalantly, "I was just messing with Tori. It's just her friend." But after a long breath, she added, "A friend with amazingly swoon worthy _pretty_ eyes."

It took all of Tori's willpower not to lunge over the table and wring her sister's neck, but when her phone vibrated on the table and Tori got a glimpse at the familiar name that flashed up on the screen, all thoughts about Trina were blown away. With hands as fast as lightning Tori snatched the phone up and shot up from the table, picking up and happily greeting the caller.

"_Hey… Merry Christmas."_

"Merry Christmas to you," she cheerfully said into the phone and hurried up the stairs, not even caring about the curious looks she received from her parents, and the knowing look Trina was sporting, "How's it going over there?"

"_Good." _There was a small pause and when Jade next spoke, her voice suddenly turned soft. _"I… I wanted to thank you. For your present." _

"You liked it? I wasn't sure if you would, and if you don't then it's totally okay."

"_No, I… I liked it."_ While Jade blew out a loud breath, Tori closed the door of her old room behind her and leaned on it._ "I feel really bad now that I didn't have anything for you."_

"Nonsense. I don't want anything. You liking the stone is present enough for me."

A deep chuckle made Tori's heart soar. _"Is that so?" _the woman on the other end of the line asked and just the teasing tone in her voice was enough to tint Tori's skin a deep red. For the first time since she knew Jade, she was actually glad she wasn't here, because the bright flush probably made her look like a tomato. Realizing she still didn't give an answer, Tori nodded. "It is. Knowing you're happy is enough," she softly said and immediately cringed at the mushy mess she always transformed into when talking to Jade. Desperately she hoped that Jade didn't notice, or would just choose to ignore the underlying tone her voice just had, but of course, this was _Jade_. That laugh that made her knees go weak sounded in her ear but the words that followed weren't those that Tori expected. _"Yeah, well… mission accomplished I'd say. I'm happy. Thanks to you."_

Fireworks exploded in front of her, a deep feeling of hope brewing inside her stomach and making her lips curl into a grin. _"I don't want you to get hurt by building up false hopes." _Robbie's words were still fresh in her mind and while Tori knew that they rang true, she couldn't help but relish this moment. The phone line crackled a little before a sigh was heard, followed by Jade's voice. _"Is it okay that I called you? Or are you missing important family time right now?"_

"No," Tori chuckled and slid to the floor. She tried to keep her voice just as quiet as Jade's, to keep the weird but comfortable level of intimacy they've had with each other since their phone call had started. "I was actually really glad that you called. My sister was getting on my last nerve. What were you doing?"

"_Oh, just… nothing. I think Aiden made me drunk, to be honest."_

Tori laughed quietly. "He made you drunk?"

"_Yeah. He bought really good wine, you know. I'd like to offer you some but… you're not here, so…"_

Tori smiled and shook her head in amusement before Jade asked _"Speaking of… when will you be back?"_

"My flight goes January 3rd."

There was a long pause, in which Tori could only hear Jade's quiet breathing. _"Oh… So you're staying in L.A. for New Year's too?"_

"Yeah. I guess we won't see each other until next year." The thought sent a pang through Tori's heart. Even though she knew 'next year' wasn't far away _at all_, it was still far away enough. Pathetic would probably be the right word to describe herself, Tori thought absentmindedly but forgot about it when a long sigh reached her ears. _"Tori?"_

"Yeah?"

There was a moment between the stillness of Jade and the second she began talking again, where Tori's heart almost gave out for a millisecond, only saved by the enormous feeling of happiness and hope Jade's words caused, her heartbeat going crazy inside of her chest.

"_I miss you."_

* * *

_A/N: Did this turn out good? I don't really know what I think of it yet, somehow it turned out how I wanted it to but somehow... it didn't. Anyways, this was a pretty quick update, next one will _probably_ not be up so fast, just to warn you ;).  
_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Wednesday,**_

_**January 1**__**st**__**, 2014**_

"You do know my dad's a cop, right?"

Ryder tilted his head and shot her a look, to which Tori only raised her eyebrows. "Of course I know that," he said softly and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "I don't want anything from you... I just want to apologize."

Out of everything, this was the last thing Tori would have expected to come out of Ryder's mouth. She already prepared herself to scream for her dad, or even Trina – her sister was in no way inferior to her dad – but as the word 'apologize' left his mouth and the look on his face somewhat resembled remorse, Tori's tense body relaxed a bit and she stepped to the side, although still a little wary, and motioned for the man to come inside. He did, very reluctantly Tori noticed. Not once allowing her eyes to leave him, Tori closed the front door and slowly sidestepped him to take a seat on the sofa. "Let me guess, this is just another one of your tricks."

"It isn't." His eyes glanced at his shoes before almost timidly looking up into Tori's. "I really _do_ want to apologize."

"You want to apologize?" She scoffed when he nodded his head. "For what exactly, Ryder?"

When he walked closer, his eyes straying away from Tori's, and he took a seat next to her, the brunette couldn't help but let the slight fear take over once again, causing her to create as much distance between them as it was possible on the red sofa. Tori carefully watched him take a breath, his elbows resting on his knees while he looked at his clasped hands. "I should have never… done what I did. I know I scared you and for that I'm really sorry."

"And you really expect me to believe that?"

He shrugged without looking at her. "Believe what you want. I know that I've been acting like an idiot and I really do regret it. Believe me or don't believe me. It's your choice."

Tori let a silence wash over them when Ryder stopped talking, she herself not knowing what to say. It was hard for her to figure out if he was serious or not, after all, he surprised her more than once with his behavior, so she really should expect him to lie. But then again, if he was telling the truth, she should at least give him a chance. Even if he didn't deserve it. "Why did you come after me?" This time he craned his neck to look at her. "And please don't tell me because you love me. I know you've been… _pursuing_ other girls after I didn't fall for you."

Ryder made her wait a long while, sitting up straight while pushing out a harsh breath and rubbing his hands together. Finally, he said something Tori really hadn't expected to hear. "I needed someone to marry me before the New Year started," he simply told her while looking at the ceiling. His confession, instead of clearing everything up, only confused Tori more. "You needed… That's why… _What_?"

"Last year in January my grandpa died."

Despite it being _Ryder_ that sat next to her, Tori couldn't help but feel bad for him. "Oh. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, don't be," he dismissed curtly with an annoyed raise of his eyebrows at the thought of the old man that passed away, "He was a really big asshole. He hated me."

"Oh, well then I guess the asshole gene runs in the family," Tori joked with a smug grin, to which Ryder only sent her a surprised glance. Blinking, he cleared his throat in discomfort.

"Anyways, he… he mentioned me in his last will, for whatever reason I'm not sure. Probably just to torture me," he mumbled the last part under his breath but Tori heard it nevertheless, causing her to roll her eyes and urge him on. "You have to know, that old man was _loaded._ I don't know where he got all that money from but who really cares. I would have gotten 2.5 _million_ dollars."

Tori leaned forward, intrigued. "You _would _havegotten?"

He sighed harshly. "There were some terms…"

"I see," Tori said, the outcome already dawning on her, "Go on."

"First one was, I had to have a steady job. Which I had and still have. Secondly, I had to sign a paper that, if I would have gotten the money, I would donate part of it to a good cause. Wouldn't have been a problem either. The last condition was…" He sighed and let his eyes wander to his ex-girlfriend. "I had to get married before the old year ended. That's where you… popped into my mind."

Tori snorted at the softness of his voice. "Wow. And what made you think that I would _marry _you?"

"It was worth a try," he defended himself with furrowed eyebrows, his face taking on an expression as if Tori had just insulted him, "I thought that maybe you'd still have feelings for me."

"Yeah right. Of course you would think that after you cheated on me with that blonde Barbie. Did you ask her to marry you too?"

Ryder rolled his tired eyes and clicked his tongue. "You were the first woman I asked and the only woman who I really could have pictured getting married to."

The insult that grew on Tori's tongue immediately died at Ryder's words, her face softening. "What?" she murmured softly, tilting her head to the side. The man next to her ran a hand through his dark hair. "You… you were the only woman who I could see in my future. You know, getting married to you, have kids. I just… I think you were the only person that… really loved me. Until I screwed everything up."

The only person that really loved him… The moment he said it, Tori felt bad for the guy next to her because she really hadn't been in love with him at all. Jade showed her what love was, what it felt like. Tori had never had that feeling before, the one that Jade continuously ignited inside of her, not even with Ryder. But she wouldn't tell him that. It would be cruel and now that she knew the real reason behind his creepy behavior towards her… Tori could understand him. At least a little bit. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Ryder loudly sighed and slapped his hands on his thighs. "So now you know. And I really hope… you will forgive me for what I've done to you."

Tori looked at him for a long moment, then, she slowly nodded her head. "Fine. Apology accepted."

A smile – not one of his arrogant and hurl-worthy grins but a real, genuine smile – found its way on his face before he looked away and straight ahead, a silence engulfing them. Then, his eyebrows suddenly creased and his head snapped towards Tori. "When did you start playing for the other team by the way?"

Tori's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"I was… pretty shocked actually when that chick introduced herself as your girlfriend." Tori felt a blush rising up her neck as Ryder eyed her curiously. "Or was that just something you made up to get rid of me?"

Tori's eyes involuntarily widened before she got a grip on herself and tried to do her best in keeping her cover intact. "No, it's… Jade is…" When she realized that her stammering only fueled Ryder's suspicion, Tori sighed and decided to… just tell the truth. "Jade is an amazing woman and she's so… perfect that… sometimes I don't really understand why she even bothers with me." Tori's eyes dropped away from Ryder's as a soft smile began shaping her lips. "Everything she does has me hooked on her. I've never felt so strongly about someone and… I… I don't care if she's a woman, I just know that… the way she makes me feel… that's how I want to feel every day."

When Tori lifted her gaze to Ryder again, she saw him staring at her with a blank expression. "So you _won't_ marry me." Eyes widening, Tori was relieved when Ryder began to laugh. "That was a joke." He stood up, his hands sliding up his thighs until they were clasped in front of him again, he turned to smile at her and nodded his head. "I'll get going now before your dad appears and cuts off my head." After a pause and a grimace took a hold of his face, Ryder added "Or Trina. Trina's probably even more dangerous than your dad."

He shot her another one of his smiles, the ones Tori actually liked, before he murmured a quiet 'goodbye' and then… he left.

…

_**Friday,**_

_**January 3**__**rd**__**, 2014**_

Anxiously, she held her phone in her right hand, her fingers feeling slightly numb with how tightly she wound them around the object. It had been a constant war inside of Tori on the entire flight home, the question if she should just call Jade and ask if she could come over still unanswered. If she would get over herself and just dial Jade's number, Tori was sure that Jade would be happy about it and would maybe even offer to come over herself. After all, she _missed_ her, Tori thought and couldn't fight the big smile that always appeared whenever she thought back to Jade's words. But then again, it seemed overly clingy and desperate… right? Couldn't she go one freaking day without seeing Jade? _But_ she didn't see her for two whole weeks; that should count for-

Tori flinched when her phone suddenly vibrated in her hands. Sighing, she opened up the text message from her mom.

_Don't forget to call when you are home, baby._

Without even bothering to text anything back, let alone call her mother like she requested her to, Tori flung her phone onto the passenger seat, her body slumping and lips forming a pout she had no control over. Neither her mom nor her phone were to blame for her frustration. Jade was. No… not even Jade was to blame. _Although_ she hadn't really called again after Christmas, not counting that two minute call yesterday afternoon where she wished her a happy New Year, but quickly made up some sketchy excuse of why she couldn't talk at that moment. Maybe she was reading too much into it, yes, she probably really was. Tori knew New Years Eve wasn't that easy for Jade, especially since she was alone on a day… where you really shouldn't be alone if you don't want to sink into a possible depression. But it just was _hard_, and it got harder with every day that passed and with every little sprinkle of hope she got.

Tori rolled her eyes at herself and sat up straight, buckled her seatbelt and then made her way home, _without _calling Jade. She should at least wait until she unpacked her things, had a little bit of rest and got something into her stomach. After that, there would still be time and even if there wasn't… then so be it. No problem. She could handle that.

Man, she really should stop acting like a lovesick puppy already.

When the familiar building she called her home appeared in front of her sight after what had felt like an eternity of driving, Tori felt a rush of relief running through her and a smile tugging at her lips. Of course she loved her family, but especially Trina could be a handful sometimes. Her mood instantly brightened, Tori shut off the engine and eagerly jumped out of her car, welcoming the chilly air that wrapped her body up the instant she stepped her foot onto the dark asphalt. She heaved her suitcase out of the trunk before locking her car and walking to the door, struggling to get the key into the lock. Slowly, Tori walked up the stairs and towards her apartment, but when a bright white rectangle spot on her otherwise dark brown door caught her attention, she froze in the middle of the corridor. Hand tightening on the handle of the suitcase, Tori took hesitant steps towards her door, suitcase rolling after her. The white rectangle turned out to be an envelope, taped to her door with Scotch Tape. Frowning, Tori lifted her hand and gently pulled it off of the door, turned it around and slipped her finger under the flap, opening it.

With a tilt of her head, Tori took out the white card with a smiling snowman on the front and a 'Merry Christmas!' printed above him in a swirly red font. But before she opened it, a barely noticeable weight in the envelope registered in Tori's brain. Curiously she took the card between her teeth and shook the small glittering thing out of the envelope and into her open palm. It was a silver necklace, a clef with a glittering stone dangling off of it. The card still caged between Tori's teeth, the brunette's mouth formed a small smile as she looked at the gift, already having an inkling who she had to thank for it. Tightly enclosing her palm around the clef, Tori used her other hand to take the card out of her mouth and flip it open.

_Music is what makes you move._

_Music is what makes you groove._

_Music can be good or bad depending on how it's used._

_Music can make you choose different clothes to wear._

_Music can make you change your hair._

_Music can make you choose new friends._

_Music can make you want to dance._

_Music can make you fight._

_Music can make everything alright._

_Music can take care of you when you're alone._

_Music can make everything feel like home._

_Music can harm and take away._

_Music can make you want to stay._

_Music is the only friend I have._

_Music is my Mum and Dad._

_Music is what keeps me alive_

_When I feel like I can't survive._

And really, as she read the next few lines, Tori found her suspicion confirmed and felt her smile widening.

_This is probably the lamest present you've ever gotten and I wouldn't even mind if you threw it away, as well as this hideous card. But maybe I have managed to put a smile on your face, which is really what matters to me. Merry belated Christmas, Tori. _

_Jade._

As she lowered the card and squeezed the pendant tighter in her hand, her teeth biting down on her lower lip in an attempt to muffle her huge smile, Tori was suddenly glad that she went straight home.

* * *

_A/N: Poem's not mine. Nor is it Jade's._

_I know you all probably expected _way more_ drama around the whole Ryder thing - I know I did - but at the moment I only have a couple of 'scenes' and scenarios in my head that I want to happen, the rest is still open and progresses as I write so... sorry if it's a little disappointing but I couldn't fit him in anymore._


	25. Chapter 25

_**Sunday,**_

_**January 5**__**th**__**, 2014**_

The arms that were keeping her own pressed to her sides squeezed her body tighter and tighter, up to the point where Jade actually thought she could hear her ribs cracking and feel her lungs explode. "Okay Tori, please let go now," Jade barely managed to press out, her mouth opening wide to take a large gulp of air when Tori finally released her out of her death grip.

"Sorry," she heard the brunette mumble and looked up to find a blush coloring the tan skin and a cheeky grin stretching across her mouth. "I just kind of missed you. A lot."

_I've missed you too. More than I should have. _She swallowed the words down, tried to put a smile on, even though she was sure she failed miserably as her lips twitched up into a weak curve, and tried to brush the heavy effect Tori had on her off of her shoulders. "Yeah. That's what my charm does to people."

Holy God. Internally groaning, Jade wished she could reach into her chest and somehow stop her stupid, stupid heart from pounding so hard just because of that stupid, stupid smile on Tori's face and that alluring sparkle her brown eyes held. And, man, that smell. Even if she had wanted to, Jade wouldn't have been able to stop her neck from turning as Tori walked past her and a subtle waft of her perfume climbed up her nose, once more making her doubt herself all over again. This shouldn't be how she felt about her friend. No one felt that sort of thing towards their friends, it was almost unhealthy. Only once did she feel like this, Amelia had been the only one who could ignite this in her. But Amelia had been her girlfriend, her fiancée, the love of her life. Tori wasn't. Tori was her friend.

Her friend. Only… her friend.

"Jade?"

Her neck almost snapped as she whirled her head towards Robbie. He stood in the doorway of the living room and looked at her with amused eyes. "Are you coming or are you staying in the hall today?"

Eyes blinked away the thoughts of Tori and instead rolled in their orbits. "Funny. Better go cook something, Shapiro." She walked past him into the living room but immediately froze when she saw Cat kneeling in front of the coffee table, her hands resting on a rectangle box. "Oh, please no."

Both Cat's and Tori's head turned towards her. "Please no what?"

"I am _not_ playing Monopoly," she defiantly said and crossed her arms over her chest while Cat's brows drew down and her head cocked to the side in confusion. "Why not?"

Jade's eyebrows shot up. "Why not? _Because _I won't play! You're a sore loser!"

An offended gasp rushed out of the redhead's mouth. "I am _not_!"

"Yes, you are," Jade scoffed and swung her gaze to Tori. "I'm telling you, Tori, you don't want to play Monopoly with Cat. Please say no."

"It's true," Robbie chimed in from behind Jade, nodding his head before lowering his voice so only Jade could really hear, "I tried to get that idea out of her head but she insists on playing."

"If Robbie and Jade don't-"

But Cat shushed the brunette and said "Tori already agreed. So ha! We're playing."

Pushing out a groan, Jade walked over to the sofa and fell down next to Tori, squeezing her eyes shut. "Fine. Then I'm on a strike as of now. Not cooking anything."

"That's fine," Cat said with an innocent shrug, "I'll do it. It's not that hard."

Jade scoffed at that and opened her eyes, watching Cat skip into the kitchen with Robbie begrudgingly following her, mumbling "I'm going with her. Maybe I'll get Monopoly out of her head."

"Tough luck with that," Jade called after him and smirked as the door fell shut behind him, only for her to realize that she was alone with Tori now. Her smirk dropped as soon as that thought nestled into her head. But maybe if she wouldn't say anything, if she'd just not look at her right now, then-

"Is Cat really that sore of a loser?"

She bit her lip as Tori's amused voice filled her ears, causing her heart to do a flip in her chest.

...Maybe it wasn't even Tori who caused that. Maybe she had some kind of heart condition. Yeah, that's probably it. She should probably see a doctor about that...

"Jade?"

Hesitantly she turned towards Tori. "Hm?"

Tori let out a small laugh. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes. Yes, um… I think there's just something Cat hates about-" The rest of her sentence flew out of Jade's brain when her eyes caught something glittering resting against Tori's throat, something awfully familiar. "You're wearing it," she noted with a hint of surprise in her voice, her eyes flicking up to Tori's. The brunette's forehead creased adorably, her hand grasping at the shirt she was wearing. "This? Why wouldn't I be wearing it?"

Jade's mouth pulled into a smile as she rolled her eyes. She reached out, her fingers gently lifting the clef hanging off the necklace from Tori's skin. "This, you dork."

"Oh." Tori's chin lowered so her eyes could look at Jade's hand holding the pendant. She looked back up. "Well, why wouldn't I be wearing it?" she repeated and Jade cocked an eyebrow, letting her hand fall away from Tori. She had bought it out of sheer remorse. The stone Tori had given her, which was now always keeping her car keys company, was a hard thing to top and Jade was very aware that a _clef_ for someone who loved music wasn't really the most creative idea. But it was all she could think of in such a short amount of time and apparently, it was good enough for Tori. "You don't have to wear it. If you're just doing it to avoid hurting my feelings, then stop. I wrote that I don't mind."

"I know. But you also wrote that you hope it would put a smile on my face." Tori smiled brightly and lifted her hand to the necklace, playing with the pendant. "And it did. It's beautiful and I love it."

Jade nodded and looked at her lap, trying not to let her joy at Tori's words show. "Fine then."

"So? You didn't answer my question yet."

"Oh, right. Cat and Monopoly… that's just… not a good combination." Her lips formed a smile as she looked up at Tori. "I mean, if you're lucky she behaves. But sometimes… most of the times, actually… she gets really irrational and sulky if she's not winning. But she loves playing it for some reason." Jade's fingers found her engagement ring on her left finger and began twirling it around, teeth scraping over her bottom lip. "You know, she actually dared to bring that game to my birthday once."

Tori chuckled. "Did you end up playing it?"

"_No_. Amelia could barely keep me from throwing it out of the window." Jade rolled her eyes while Tori giggled. "I swear, the _nerve_ that little redhead sometimes possesses…"

The twirling of her ring never stopped, causing Tori's eyes to flick down. After a little silence, she said "You've never told me… who proposed."

Jade looked at her with a frown. "What?"

"Who proposed? You or Amelia?"

"Oh." Jade looked down at her ring, then back up at Tori. "Amelia did."

"How?"

"_So, what are we going to get Robbie for his birthday?"_

_Jade sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. "I don't know. Something nerdy?"_

_With a frown taking a hold of her face, Amelia turned around to face her girlfriend. "Don't be mean. I'm serious."_

"_I am too." She smirked at the look the blonde sent her and stepped closer, her arms wounding around her waist and pulling her into her body. "This is all very serious business," she murmured quietly, her eyes dropping to inviting lips before she couldn't do anything else but lean forward to capture them with her own. But just as their lips brushed against each other, Lia jerked away, placed her hands on her arms and pushed Jade away from her. "Are you trying to seduce me?"_

_Jade's eyes darkened, a single eyebrow rose. "Is it working?"_

_Hazel eyes narrowed. "_No_. I want an answer from you now," she demanded in a firm tone but failed to obtain the desired effect as Jade smirked and moved herself closer again._

"_Oooh, are we getting dominant? That is so attractive," she purred, this time managing to steal a small kiss from the blonde who let out an exasperated groan. _

"_You are an incorrigibly vicious woman."_

"_Mhm," she agreed while nipping at Lia's jaw line, "And I love it when you get so…_ eloquent_ on me."_

_This time, Amelia let out a small laugh. "Stop it!" The hands on Jade's arms squeezed lightly while the blonde took a step back, creating a distance between them. "Seriously now, I want you to think about something."_

"_Why me? I'm horrible at giving gifts. I even get anxious when I have to give something to you. I never know what everyone wants me to get them."_

"_Just ask Cat when you see her tonight," Lia said and turned away from her, "She'll give you something. And I'll even go get it alone," she said and turned her head to look back at Jade, smiling and raising her eyebrows because she knew exactly how much Jade hated shopping, "You don't have to come with me. How does that sound?"_

_After a moment of thinking about it, Jade slowly nodded her head and watched as Lia picked up pen and paper from the kitchen counter. "Okay. Deal." Leaving Lia to scribble away, Jade turned to walk into their bedroom but stopped and turned back around when Amelia called her name._

"_Say, can you go to the store before or after you meet up with Cat? The fridge is almost empty." Jade nodded, flicking her gaze from the shopping list Lia was writing to the blonde's face, seeing her bite down on her lip in concentration. "Yeah, sure thing."_

"_Oh, and Jade," her voice stopped her again, "Do you know if we still have detergent?"_

"_Uh… I don't think so, no." Jade looked on as Lia nodded and probably put down detergent on the list before she folded the piece of paper and placed it on the counter, looking up at her with her lips forming a light smile. Jade shot her a smile of her own before spinning around again, taking a couple of steps towards the bedroom, before-_

"_Hey… Jade?"_

_Jade abruptly stopped, for the third time that day, turned around with a harsh sigh and raised her eyebrows. "Yeah?"_

_The way Amelia looked at her surprised her quite a bit; with her head tilted, a slight crease formed in the middle of her forehead and eyes curiously gazing at her. There was something, hiding in those hazel irises of hers, that Jade just couldn't seem to decipher, a glint she didn't think she had ever seen in their six years of dating. But even before Jade could open her mouth to ask what was wrong, four simple words burst out of the blonde's mouth and caused fireworks to go off inside of Jade._

"_Will you marry me?"_

"I seriously can't imagine what brought her to ask me in _that moment_." Jade smiled tightly, her eyes glittering happily with the memory of that day. "I probably should have asked but… in the end, it doesn't matter. She wanted me, forever, and I wanted her. So I said yes." Her chest lifted with a deep breath. "It wasn't romantic. Like, at all. But it was perfect for me. It was probably… the most perfect moment in my entire life."

Tori smiled, waited a moment, then reached out and gently took Jade's hand in hers. The brunette's touch made her bite down on her tongue and when her fingers lightly grazed over her ring, the turmoil inside of her almost got too much. "I've never really thought that that kind of love exists," Tori admitted quietly without taking her eyes off of Jade's ring, "Nowadays it's mostly just… superficial and everything revolves around sex and… you know. So many people break up and get divorces. But the way you talk about her, the way you _look_ while talking about her and… the fact that… you still love her _so much_ even though she's not around anymore is just so… so beautiful."

This wasn't okay. Tori shouldn't be saying this. Not when Jade's heart is contracting in on itself, not because of Amelia, but because of her. Because of _Tori._ What kind of person _was_ she? God, everything just felt so wrong, everything seemed to break down with just a single look of those brown eyes. Questions stumbled over questions in her head, she couldn't _see_ anymore, there were just so many things that were confusing her, _hurting _her, and before she had the chance to think about it, her mouth got ready to ask the question that plagued Jade ever since the day on the ice rink.

"Tori…" She took a deep breath, the feeling of Tori's skin against hers still heavily present in her mind. "Do you think… that someday I could… maybe… love someone else? Do you think… someone could come into my life and just… make me feel so good about myself that… that… I don't know, that… I could fall in love with them the same way I did with Amelia?"

Her entire body tensed and her heart slowed down as she eagerly waited for Tori's answer. But all the other woman did was bite her lip, flick her eyes over every part of her face in a restless fashion and… stay quiet. The fact that not one syllable left her mouth made her heartbeat quicken again. "Tori-"

"So, bad news, ladies," Robbie's voice interrupted her from saying anything further and made her retract her hand from Tori's. The curly-haired man came into the room, oblivious to the slight tension in the room. "I couldn't get it out of her stubborn little head. We're going to have to play Monopoly."

Yeah. That was kinda the smallest problem for Jade right now.


	26. Chapter 26

"I want to build a house here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure Robbie! Don't try to tell me what to do!"

"Okay, Okay."

Tori tried so hard to keep her attention on the game and the bickering of Robbie and Cat, but every other second she found herself glancing to her left, where Jade was sitting as stiff as a stone, the troubled frown not leaving her face ever since Robbie had interrupted them. Jade's question stayed unanswered, which obviously bothered Jade quite a lot. Tori on the other hand… what would she have said if Robbie hadn't saved her from answering? Of every person, did Jade really have to ask _her_ that question? She was the last one who would be able to answer that because _she _was the one person who fell in love with Jade. Would it have been selfish if she had told Jade that, of course, she could fall in love again? But who was Tori to tell her that it _wouldn't _be possible again? On second thought, it really was for the better that she didn't answer. Who knew what would have escaped her big mouth...

"Tori, it's your turn."

Without really grasping the fact that Robbie talked to her, she reached over and grabbed the dices out of his hand, threw them onto the board and pushed her token five spaces forward, landing on one of Jade's properties. Tori took a deep breath and turned to Jade, her pale face still wearing that frown as she stared at Tori's silver little dog. "How much do I owe you?" she asked in a soft voice and watched with her teeth biting her tongue as Jade took a glance at the card, mumbling the amount of money Tori had to pay before she finally turned her gaze towards her, light intense eyes meeting her own. They were dark, the green pigments in her eyes almost shoving away everything blue, pupils dilated as she looked at her, almost painfully. The realization that they weren't alone here and that Robbie and Cat probably watched them suddenly popped into Tori's head, so reluctantly, she turned away to collect Jade's money. Her entire body tingled and for a moment, she really thought she could hear the sound of crackling high voltage as her fingers touched Jade's, and she _swore_ she saw Jade swallow hard as she retracted her hand and sorted out the money.

Man, she would give anything right now if she could just. Go. Home.

**…**

_**Thursday,**_

_**January 9**__**th**__**, 2014**_

Jade absentmindedly bit down on her thumbnail and watched with empty eyes as Aiden flew around her kitchen, attempting to cook his special pasta. Every now and then, she had caught him shoot glances at her, his eyebrows creasing down when he saw her face still blank of anything. He found himself more than worried when he had called her a couple of days ago, only to hear _that_ kind of tone in her voice. After a little bit of questioning her, he had found out that it had something to do with Tori, what exactly it was, Jade hadn't told him. But really, he _knew_ his sister; he had been able to figure it out by himself.

"So," he spoke up after clearing his throat, "How's Tori doing?"

Her response was immediate. "Don't talk about her," she mumbled quietly and looked at the surface of the counter she was sitting at, "Just don't."

Aiden abandoned the wooden spoon in his hand and stepped closer, resting his elbows on the counter between him and his sister. "What's the matter, hm?" Jade rolled her eyes and shook her head, not that Aiden had expected anything else. "I don't _know_ how she is. We haven't talked since Sunday. Why are you so interested in knowing how Tori is?"

"I… meant what's the matter with _you_. I know something is wrong with you, no need to pretend, Jade." A tense silence stretched between them, uncomfortable and awfully _long_, but Aiden's eyes stayed glued to his sister's face until she finally cracked. "I think I…" She broke off and sucked in a breath, her body beginning to shift on the bar stool. Aiden leaned forward. "Just say it, Jade. You know you can tell me anything."

"It's Tori."

"What's with her?" The question was highly unnecessary, unless Aiden had forgotten how to read his sister overnight, but he asked nevertheless. He wanted her to tell him. He wanted to hear her say it out loud. He wanted her to accept it. But stubborn as ever, Jade shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

"I really like her." Aiden almost chuckled at the innocence of her statement but the way her lips began to quiver, tears ran down her cheeks and shaky puffs escaped her lips, told him that this was way more serious for Jade than he originally thought. But when a sob tore through her lips and she let her head fall into her hands, he couldn't stop his eyes from widening. "I don't want this, I don't _want _this!"

"Sweetheart, don't… don't cry." In an instant he was by her side and pulled her into a tight hug, her body trembling against him, sobs and tears and whimpers shaking through her like a tornado. Helplessly, even after all the times he was here to comfort his sister, he placed a hand on her head and gently stroked through her hair but Jade's sobs only seemed to grow louder. "It's nothing _bad_, Jade," he tried to reason with her and placed a kiss on the top of her head, "Quite the contrary, it's good. It's good, Jade."

"No, it's not," she murmured into his gray shirt when she finally managed to calm down a little, "It feels like I'm cheating on her."

"You're not cheating on her." He paused for a moment, trying to compose _himself_ too, before he said, "Amelia probably looks down on you from up there now and… and wants to hug you herself, and comfort you and tell you to stop crying."

"But she can't," she whimpered into his chest and this time, Aiden couldn't stop a tear from falling.

"No, but… you know what else she would do?"

"What?"

He took a deep breath, wiped the tear that escaped from his cheek and smiled a little. "She would tell you to stop being such an idiot and make the same mistake all over again."

Her brother's words made Jade freeze and tense all over. "What are you talking about? What mistake?"

"Remember what you did after Amelia tried to kiss you at that bonfire?"

_Jade sighed as she put in the combination of her locker, the lock clicking and the door opening with a quiet squeak. Taking a quick look across the hallway, she noted with great relief that Lia still wasn't there yet. _

_After Cat and her really poor timing on Friday night, Jade had done everything to avoid having any sort of contact with Amelia. Over the weekend Amelia's face flashed up on the screen of her phone more than once, the device vibrating multiple times with new text messages from the other girl. Jade had read them all but hadn't bothered to text anything back, nor did she answer any of Lia's calls. It was a cowardly and really stupid thing to do, ignoring her like that, but Jade didn't really know how she should handle this new situation. Cat had been an angel sent from heaven, at least in Jade's eyes, when she appeared in just the right moment to prevent Jade and Amelia from growing even closer. It's not like Jade didn't want the kiss to happen – because, oh _man_, did she want that – but she just thought it would be the best to keep their relationship on a platonic level. She was already _way_ too attached to the girl as it was. A kiss would have just complicated Jade's life even more._

"_Jade?"_

_The voice of the person Jade couldn't stop thinking about suddenly rang loud and clear in her ears. With much hesitation, Jade turned her head to the left, her eyes taking in Amelia standing right next to her. The frown on her face was enough to tell Jade that the blonde wouldn't want to pretend that Friday night didn't happen, but that didn't stop her from trying to avoid talking about it. "Hey. Good morning," Jade quietly said and shot the blonde a casual smile before turning towards her locker again and starting to gather the things she needed for her classes. There was only the sound of other people's chattering and slams of locker doors for a moment before Lia's perplexed voice registered in Jade's brain. "Good morning? That's all you're going to say? Good morning?"_

"_Yes. Why? Is it a bad morning?"_

_Glancing over at the other girl, Jade saw her narrow her eyes. "This is not funny, Jade."_

_Jade sighed and carefully put her notebook into her bag before turning her body fully to face Lia, her arms crossing over her chest. "What's not funny?"_

"_Why are you playing dumb with me? You've been ignoring me all weekend long and I…" She broke off, her eyes almost pleading with Jade as she shook her head. "I just want to know what's going on." With cold indifference swimming in her eyes and her body protected by the shield her arms gave, Jade stayed silent and nearly lost it when she saw genuine hurt appear all over Lia's face. "I felt… horrible whenever I called you and you didn't pick up. I thought I did something wrong. Did I? Did I do something wrong, Jade?"_

_Jade's eyes closed for a brief moment and she turned back towards her locker, shaking her head. "No. It's okay, Amelia, just forget about it. I'm not in a very good mood today."_

"_I didn't mean to freak you out," she abruptly said in a hushed tone so no one would overhear anything, "But it felt right and if Cat hadn't come along-"_

"_If Cat hadn't come along we would be in an even greater mess than we are right now," Jade interrupted and turned to her, her eyes intently locking with Amelia's. She saw the surprise etched on her face, mixed with the confusion she felt with Jade's words. "I don't unders-" But Jade wouldn't let her finish. "Listen. I wanted that kiss just as much as you did. But it wouldn't be right, Lia. It wouldn't be right for me. My life is already too much to handle for me sometimes, I don't need another complication."_

_The words rushed out of her mouth with a sharp edge, the hurt on Amelia's face doubling as they cut into her skin. "Oh, so… I'm a complication to you." Jade swallowed thickly when she saw tears well up but stayed silent. It had to be said. There was no way around it. Amelia took a deep breath, her lips pressing together as her eyes found a spot on the locker door beneath Jade's. "Well, um…" She shook her head and let out a strangled laugh, looking back up at Jade. "I really don't know what to say."_

"_It's not… it's not that I don't… care about you," Jade quietly mumbled, the pain in her heart almost too much, "It's… it's just me. I'm sorry."_

_Amelia only nodded, blinking away the tears in her eyes and praying that they wouldn't spill over. "Yeah. I'm sorry too." She swiftly walked away then, and Jade watched her until she disappeared around a corner. _

"You pushed her away." Aiden's quiet voice interrupted Jade's memory and she blinked, pulling away from her brother. "You hurt yourself and you hurt Amelia-"

"Yeah, thanks," Jade mumbled with a sniff and wiped her face, "No need to rub it in."

"I just want to make clear to you that… you shouldn't stop yourself from being happy, _again_. And you're hurting Tori too, I mean she-" he stopped abruptly, his eyebrows creasing. His sudden silence made Jade look up at him. "Wait… is… is Tori in love with you too?"

"I didn't say I'm in love with her!" Jade barked with a glare, to which Aiden only bit his tongue and lowered his head in a slow nod. "Right. Well… does she _like _you… in that way, too?"

Jade rolled her eyes. "Who knows. It doesn't matter anyway. I don't _want_ her to like me like that."

"Yes you do. And that's completely okay. It's not a shame to fall in love again."

"For me, it is," she hissed and turned to glower at her brother, making his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "Don't tell me it's _okay_ because it doesn't _feel _okay! And I'm going to push people away all I want! I don't need you to lecture me!" Then, she jumped off of the kitchen stool and stormed past Aiden, who stood still until he heard the bedroom door slam shut. With a breath rushing out of his mouth, he sank onto the stool Jade had occupied just a few seconds ago and thought back to the first time he had successfully made Jade realize what's good for her.

This time, he thought while biting his lip, wouldn't be so easy.

"_What's going on with you, Jade?" Jade rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen, Aiden following her. "You've been feeling under the weather for weeks now. I mean, at first I thought 'hey, she doesn't want to talk about it, Aiden. Just let her be. If something's wrong, she'll come to you'." He paused, shaking his head when Jade sat down on the couch, her lips pursed and her gaze resting somewhere across the room. "Is it about Amelia?"_

_It had been a wild guess on Aiden's side, having not seen the blonde in quite a long time, but when Jade's eyes snapped over to him and her face got this alarmed expression, he knew he hit the nail right on the head. He nodded to himself and sank down next to his sister. "I see. What happened?"_

_But Jade stayed silent, avoiding his eyes and crossing her arms. "Did you have a fight?" No answer. "Did you… oh, I don't know what teenage girls fight about! Come on. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help."_

"_You can't help," Jade pushed out sourly._

_Aiden frowned, then leaned in close. "Is it something upsetting? Are you scared of telling me? You know you don't have to be afraid of anything. I won't be mad or-"_

"_I screwed up, Aiden!" His eyebrows shot up and he sat up straight again when the words loudly bubbled out of her mouth. He watched Jade sigh and close her eyes for a moment, her hand lifting to rub her forehead. "I completely… ruined everything."_

"_How? What happened?"_

_Jade took a deep breath, straightening up but not meeting Aiden's worried gaze. "I said some things to her. Not mean things, just… I know it hurt her and I didn't want that but… anyways, she's mad at me now. Or… not mad, more upset and I just don't know how to approach her now and I just," she pressed her lips together, shaking her head, "I _miss_ her but I don't know what to do. It's driving me insane!"_

_She let her head fall into her hands and Aiden quickly shuffled closer, gathering his sister into his arms and leaning back with her. With her head coming to rest on Aiden's shoulder, Jade leaned into his side and closed her eyes, breathing in the calming scent of her brother. She felt his hand lightly stroking her arm and silence surrounded them for a while. Before she could stop it, it poured out of her. "I'm in love with her," she quietly stated after releasing a long sigh. She felt Aiden's hand stop its movements for a couple of seconds before his fingers picked their task back up. _

"_Then you shouldn't push her away," he calmly said, surprising Jade with his reaction to her words. She sat up, Aiden's hand falling away from her, and looked at him with creased eyebrows. She just admitted to him that she was in love with Amelia, a _girl_, if she wasn't mistaking. Sure, she didn't think her brother would mind but it still surprised her to some extent. Aiden innocently blinked up at her and when Jade didn't say anything, he sighed and sat up. "Jade, I don't know what happened but… you should fix it." He paused for a moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between Jade's. "Is she in love with you too?"_

_Jade found herself thinking back to the bonfire, Amelia's words about falling in love resounding in her head like she was sitting right next to her on the sofa. "Yes," Jade said, determined, nodding her head, "she is."_

"_Then I don't see the problem. Talk to her. Make it right again."_

"_I can't do that," Jade mumbled and shook her head, turning away from her brother. Aiden's eyebrows moved together. "Why can't you?"_

_Jade laughed, a sound that lacked any humor, and looked over at him. "I can't because… I can't _be_ with her, Aiden."_

_Aiden snorted and shook his head. "Why? Are you afraid what the people at your school might think? I'm pretty sure you-"_

"_No," Jade interrupted him sharply, "I couldn't care less what they think of me. It's… I barely have time. When I'm not in school, I'm working at the café. When I'm not working at the café, I'm doing my homework or do some studying. I barely have time for myself, how could I find time for Amelia?"_

_A twinge went through Aiden's heart when he heard Jade's reasoning of why _exactly_ she thought she couldn't be with Amelia. The bad coincidence that was nagging at him since Jade began working as a waitress only doubled when he realized that Jade couldn't live her life like she wanted to, just because she was helping him raise money for them. "Jade," he sighed, "that shouldn't… you shouldn't need to neglect your happiness because of a job. I told you, you don't have to work. I can handle it, we won't starve."_

"_You already have two jobs," Jade argued vehemently, "You raise me all by yourself. Of course I need to keep that job. It's the least I can do. We need the money and it's not a problem for me. I told you that more than once."_

"_But if that job keeps you from living your life the way you want it to," he said calmly, making sure to keep his eyes fixed on Jade's, "then it's not worth it."_

_Jade bit her teeth together and stared at Aiden for a couple of seconds before she looked away and shook her head. "I won't give it up," she said with definite finality, finishing the topic and ending the discussion with her brother. A long silence stretched over them before Aiden sighed and reached out to touch Jade's arm._

"_Fine. If you want to keep the job, keep the job. But I want one thing from you." He waited for Jade to look back at him before he continued. "I want you to talk to Lia. Tell her how you feel. _Be_ with her. She'll understand that you don't have so much time. I mean, she kept coming over and spent time with you by doing _homework_. I don't think she minds to keep doing that, Jade. She just wants to be close to you."_

"_But what if-"_

"_Don't think about what if's. You'll never know what will happen or if it will work out if you never even try it." The corner of his mouth lifted into a half smile, his eyes twinkling. "Lia is a really nice girl. She's worth it, don't you think?"_

* * *

_A/N: Surprise! Now was that fast or was that fast? This chapter just wrote it by itself so I figured I'd post it right away. _But_ please don't get used to it.  
_


	27. Chapter 27

_**Friday,**_

_**January 10**__**th**__**, 2014**_

A yellow shimmer of light shone through the thin cream colored curtains Jade knew hung in front of Tori's window and built a light contrast to the dark blue of the sky above. Jade's cold hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, her eyes not leaving the lit window of the house across the street and ears still taking in the humming of the engine, even though she turned it off minutes ago. But after another long while of sitting in her car, Jade realized that it wasn't the engine she thought she heard, but her heart, and now she could even feel it, the pulse point on her neck pulsing, beating, driving her insane. It was ridiculous how nervous she got even _thinking _about seeing Tori. What would happen if she actually managed to ring the bell and climb the stairs? Would she pass out?

Jade raised an eyebrow at the thought. Maybe that wouldn't even so bad. At least then she wouldn't have to talk to Tori. "Oh my God, Jade," she said while rolling her eyes, "Get a grip on yourself." She didn't _have _to talk to her. On second thought, she didn't even know why she was here in the first place. Maybe she should just turn back around and… no! She was here now, it was too late to turn back and she _would_ talk to Tori. Even if it killed her.

With this rush of determination, Jade swiftly opened the door and stepped into the cold night air, slammed her door shut and locked her car, before slowly making her way across the street.

But wait!

She stopped on the sidewalk in front of Tori's house. What would she _say_? An annoyed breath rushed out of her mouth and formed a white cloud in front of her. What. Would. She. Say? After another couple of minutes of just standing there on the sidewalk and her mind still blank, Jade's feet carried her to the door almost automatically. She would figure it out. She would just… let it come to her. Yes, that's a good idea. She would do that. Her pointer finger pushed the button next to '_Vega_', which was actually easier than Jade thought it would be, and then she waited. She waited and waited, shifting on her feet when the cold air began to creep beneath her clothes and seep into her skin. After what felt like an eternity, the door finally buzzed and Jade slowly pushed it open. _Here it goes._ She took her time on the stairs, taking longer than necessary to climb every single step, and when she finally reached the top and she knew that after taking a left turn, her eyes would immediately fall on Tori, Jade would have loved nothing more than to turn back around and run all the way back to her car.

But she didn't do that.

Instead, she took that left turn, and just as she had expected… there she stood. Wearing her pyjamas, slippers on her feet, arms crossed and eyebrows creased, she couldn't look more adorable. Jade swallowed, before slowly approaching her. "Hey," she breathed out and stopped right in front of her, eyes locked on hers. But Tori blinked and dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Hi… I didn't expect you," she softly replied and walked inside without looking at Jade. This really wasn't starting off the way Jade wanted it to. But then again, she didn't really have a plan for how this would go, so who was she to complain? Jade walked inside, her stomach tying in knots when she closed the door behind her and Tori turned around, like so often her lip between her teeth. God, she looked so… so sad. Was that Jade's fault? Was she the reason that that beautiful smile was replaced by such an uncharacteristic sad frown? She remembered that look. It was the same look Amelia had carried with her in high school. That look was the mistake Aiden had talked about.

"Tori…" She took two steps forward and felt her heart break when she saw the same sadness that was etched on her face, in the depth of those brown eyes. "I'm so… I'm-" _Sorry. You're sorry, Jade._ But it wouldn't come out. Why couldn't it come out? Instead her mouth spit out something entirely different. "Have you been avoiding me?"

Oh my _God_! What was wrong with her?

Tori's teeth slid away from her lip and her jaw dropped. Why did she say that? _She _was the one who didn't want to talk, refused to call or see her, not Tori. Although… Tori hadn't called either so… no, no, no! Tori wasn't the problem. She was. "I… I haven't been avoiding you. I don't… You know, I just…" Tori's hand found its way into her wavy brown locks while she looked away from Jade and shook her head. "I knew… I knew you wouldn't really be up to spending time with me because you were… so different on Sunday and I… I didn't want to bother you. I didn't mean to… avoid you." Jade stood frozen on the spot and watched with guilty eyes as Tori let her hand drop from her hair and began playing with her fingers, her head hanging down. "I'm sorry."

Jade's lips parted at the apology and her heart sunk at the sight of the sad brunette. She blinked herself out of her frozen state and dug her nails into her palms. "No, don't… don't apologize. You were right, I was… It was my fault, not yours. _I'm _sorry."

Although still not back to her usual self, Tori's eyes at least lifted to meet Jade's. "What was wrong then? On Sunday."

Jade should have expected that question. She should have laid out an answer for it beforehand. So much for letting it come to her. "I was… I was in a weird mood that day."

"A weird mood? What does that mean?"

"God, do we have to dwell on it now?!" Tori flinched and her lip found the imprisonment between her teeth again, making Jade instantly regret for reacting so abrasive. She sighed tiredly and took the remaining steps that separated them. Almost on its own, Jade's hand reached out and fingers brushed over Tori's bare arm. The action caused the brunette to shiver and Jade was surprised when Tori's arm jerked away; she immediately retracted her hand and curled her fingers into her palm. "Are you scared of me?"

Tori's gaze lifted from the floor. "No. I wasn't-… I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing, Tor," she softly pleaded and her fingers found Tori's arm again, but this time, Tori stayed still. The tan skin underneath Jade's fingertips sent a delicious warmth through Jade's body, her heart drinking this feeling up so eagerly. Jade's eyes were fixed on her hand and her nails lightly grazed over Tori's arm.

"You called me Tor."

"What?" Jade looked up to find a small smile dancing across Tori's lips.

"You called me Tor," she repeated a little firmer, "I was just… you never did that."

"Oh. Sorry, is that some kind of taboo or-"

"No, no, no. It's not. Don't apologize."

The sadness was washed away now and Jade felt her mouth tilt up at the sight of Tori's happy smile being back. But then, as if she just realized what she was doing, Jade's hand fell from Tori's arm and her smile dampened. She looked at her shoes and cleared her throat before looking back up at Tori. "I'm just a little confused right now. With… with life and… and please don't ask what I mean because I… I just can't tell you."

"Okay. That's fine with me." Tori nodded and the smile never left her face, thank God for that. They both stayed quiet then, but when Tori craned her head and looked at the TV that was quietly playing, Jade realized how late it already was.

"Wow. Sorry, you were probably getting ready for bed or something, right? And I just barge in and-"

"No, I was… flicking through the channels… sitting on the couch… being bored."

"Then I guess it was a good thing I came over, huh?"

Tori grinned and rolled her eyes at the cocky smirk on Jade's lips. "It's _always_ a good thing."

**…**

_**Monday,**_

_**March 31**__**st**__**, 2014**_

Time.

Time heals everything.

In this case, it actually seemed to have rung true. Over the last two and a half months everything and everyone found their right path again. It had been such a relief to Tori when Jade started to act normal again, or at least… partly normal. There had been a couple of times where… how should she put it… weird things happened to Jade. Sometimes she jumped at the lightest contact with her. Once, a glass had slipped out of her hands when Tori's arm brushed hers and afterwards the dark-haired woman had said that Tori bumped into her and that she really could try to be more careful of where she was going. Tori had simply cocked a curious eyebrow but refrained from saying anything, bent down and tried to help Jade pick up the shards, only to be quickly shooed away by the woman.

Simply put: She was still acting a little… wonky from time to time.

But that was okay. Let her act like she wanted to. Tori was fine with it if it meant that Jade and she could hang out regularly again, if it meant she could just spent time with Jade.

"So why are you giving them a clock?"

Tori used her foot to close the door of her car, while balancing Robbie and Cat's present in her one hand and a bouquet of flowers in her other one. "I've read on the internet that these kind of clocks- oh!" Tori could barely keep the box containing the clock from falling and paused, standing completely still. Jade rolled her eyes and walked over to her, grabbing the box out of Tori's arm. "Thank you. You wind it only once a year and that on the couple's anniversary. Apparently the traditional gift to give a couple on their first anniversary is paper and the modern gift is such a clock."

"Ah. I see." Jade pushed the doorbell and leaned against the door while eyeing Tori. "You and your gift giving skills. You're so creative with these kind of things."

Tori just shrugged and smiled following Jade when the door buzzed open. "Hey! My two favorite ladies!" Robbie said from the doorway. "Besides my lovely wife of course." Tori laughed and watched Jade playfully punch Robbie's shoulder. "Did you come together or do you just have perfect timing?"

"Came together," Jade said and took her boots off, "My car is at the auto shop. Happy anniversary by the way."

"Yes, from me too."

"Thank you!" He gladly accepted Tori's hug, took the flowers from her and closed the door behind his friend. "Go right ahead. Living room is where the fun's going down."

Jade was already gone and Tori quickly kicked her sneakers off and followed her, eyes immediately falling on Jade hugging the little bundle of red, then flicking over to Aiden who sat on the sofa, but stood up when he saw her. His smile was intoxicating and Tori wondered if that trait ran in the family. "Tori. Do you remember me?"

"Yes, of course I do," she said with a laugh and was surprised when Aiden's arms enveloped her in a tight hug. When he pulled back and noticed the surprise on her face, he chuckled. "Sorry. I'm kind of a hug person. Kinda hard to believe with a sister like that, huh?" He jerked his thumb in Jade's direction and winced playfully when Jade scoffed.

"I don't feel comfortable with people invading my personal space, so what? Not everyone can be like you and Cat." As an afterthought, she added, while running her eyes over Tori, "Or Tori."

Tori exchanged a look with Aiden, then said "I hug people because I care about them."

Jade crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side, striding over to Tori and her brother, but her attention solely stayed on Tori as she curiously squinted at her. "Are you insinuating something, Vega?"

Tori lifted her shoulders in an innocent shrug, the corners of her mouth tilting up. "No. Just that I care about you."

If she had just glanced to her right for a short moment, Tori would have seen a bright grin on Aiden's face. She would have seen that _look_ he sent his sister. And she would have realized that Jade didn't even notice him, as her playfulness suddenly dropped and her eyes softened. "I see," she murmured thoughtfully, but before Tori could really try to decipher what was going on with Jade yet again, a clap diverted her attention.

"So," Robbie piped up, "Who wants cake?"

**…**

The car ride back to Jade's place had been mostly silent, with the exception of the wind rushing in through the window, the radio playing and Jade humming along to a couple of songs. So now, parked in front of Jade's building, was Tori's last chance for today, to ask what had been going on with her lately. But when she turned to face her, everything that came out of Tori's mouth was "Are you okay?"

Jade's hand reappeared from inside her bag, keys now pressed into her palm. She didn't turn her attention towards Tori as she answered. "Sure I am."

Tori looked down at her lap. "It's starting again, you know." Out of the corner of her eye, Tori could see Jade freeze, then turn towards her. "_What_ is starting again?"

"Well… actually it has never really stopped." She slowly glanced up at a frowning Jade. "You're acting weird around me."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Listen… I'm tired. I'll go now. Bye."

Before Tori could even fully blink, Jade was out of the car. But this time around, Tori wouldn't let it happen again. She wouldn't let Jade shut her out, for whatever reason. She jumped out of the car and locked it as quickly as she could and jogged after Jade, barely managing to hold the door of the apartment building open, but succeeding. In the back of her mind she was actually surprised by how fast Jade was while she followed her up the stairs. "Jade, wait!" But she just kept going and going, until she stood in front of her apartment door and fumbled the key into the lock. "I said I'm tired, Tori."

"Yes, and I asked you to wait!"

Jade whirled around, abandoning the key in the lock, and glared at Tori. "Wait for what?!"

"I want to know what's wrong, okay?" she almost yelled, anger overshadowing the worry she felt for Jade. "You have these moments where… where you're acting all weird and I don't know what to make of it!" She paused and gave Jade a chance to speak up, but she stayed silent, her eyes looking at something off to the side, which only fueled her anger and made tears spring to her eyes. "Please just talk to me! I know what's going to happen if you don't, this is the same situation as two months ago!" This wasn't good. She should stop now before something entirely different shot out of her mouth, something she would most definitely regret. But Jade still wasn't looking at her and it was _killing _her. She was so… quiet. God, it drove her insane. Tori felt a tear roll down her cheek, but she didn't bother to wipe it away. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing but Jade. "Please… please. I feel like I did something wrong. Did I? Did I do something wrong?"

That's when it happened. Jade's wide eyes snapped to her and her mouth stood open but Tori didn't understand. What was happening? Why was she looking at her like that? What did she say? What was that look in her eyes? Was it pain? There were so many questions, questions she just couldn't answer, questions only Jade could answer. But she was silent. She stood there and Tori just _didn't understand_. Why would she-

And then, without forewarning, her lips were on hers.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: What can I say. Ridin' the wave of inspiration :P Also, I have no life at the moment._

* * *

Her head was screaming for her to stop, shrill warning bells rang in her ears but her heart was banging so furiously against her ribcage that all she could do was move herself closer to those soft and delicious lips and, _oh God_, they were kissing her back.

She wouldn't let it happen again, she definitely wouldn't do the same thing she did to Amelia. Tori didn't deserve it, she just _didn't. _Jade _hated _herself for how she always made people feel like they made a mistake, even though they didn't and Jade was the sole problem, even though they were absolutely _perfect_. But _why _the hell was she kissing her? That surely wouldn't help the situation. Not at all.

But she just couldn't stop.

Jade pulled away enough to let her teeth sink into Tori's bottom lip, the surprised breath the brunette sucked in almost pushing her over the edge. A pair of slim arms snuck around her neck, pulled her closer, which was all Jade needed to throw all of her doubts and restrictions overboard. Jade's hands slipped from Tori's cheeks, her arms wrapping around Tori's waist and, God, she was so… soft and warm, and when Tori's tongue hesitantly brushed over her lip, something exploded deep inside of her. A groan rumbled through Jade's chest, a fierce fire building in her lower belly, burning away _everything _in her mind. Feet stumbled over themselves as Tori's back collided with the wall, Jade caging her in and continuing to caress the brunette's mouth with her own. This was what she wanted, needed, craved. This was everything she thought about since the ice rink. And man, it was even better than she had imagined it. One of Tori's hands slid over Jade's hair until it rested against her cheek. Warm shivers ran up Jade's spine when they pulled away from each other, eyes closed and mind and heart drinking up the feeling of Tori's thumb brushing over her bottom lip.

"Jade…" Her eyes fluttered open when Tori breathed her name against her mouth but almost immediately drooped shut when she leaned in again, capturing Tori's bottom lip between her lips. A light sigh – of relief, almost – rushed out of her and her hands took hold of Tori's hips before she slowly broke the kiss.

"Please don't say anything now," she pleaded in a hushed voice, her forehead falling against Tori's, "Please."

And she didn't. She just stood there, with Jade leaning on her, her right hand joining her left one in cupping Jade's face, thumbs soothingly running over the skin just underneath her eyes. Jade could feel Tori's chest against her own, rising up and down with every slow breath. Up and down, up… and down. After what felt like ages – in reality just a couple of minutes – Jade released a long breath but kept her eyes closed. "There you have it, Tori," she said calmly, "_Everything_ is wrong."

That was all she said before she tore herself away from the brunette. Gaze kept on the ground, she took the couple of steps back to her door and turned the key around. Tori's voice, calling her name, reached her ears one last time before she walked inside and pushed the door shut. Loud knocks on the door and Tori's voice telling her to open up, made Jade realize what she had actually just done.

She had kissed Tori.

She had _kissed_… _Tori._

One of the worst things she could have done and she did it. She did it. She kissed Tori. But man, what a kiss that was. Her head was still reeling, fingers tingling, lips and tongue still tasting Tori. "Jade, _please_ open the door!" Three loud knocks. "Please, you can't… you can't leave me out here like that."

Oh, but she can… and she will. Because she was nothing more than a coward, just like she always had been. Closing her eyes and biting the inside of her lip, Jade let herself fall back against the door, the knocks vibrating against her spine and Tori's voice louder, clearer. "Please don't do this, _please_! Let's just talk about this! Please just open the door…"

Tori's voice suddenly faded away, then a thump against the door before one last time, Jade heard her. "Jade, _please_," she whimpered, God, she _whimpered_, and now Jade knew for sure that she screwed up once again. Tears gathered behind her closed eyelids, seeming to burn through her eyeballs. She bit back a sob and let out in a soft, pained whisper,

"I'm sorry."

**…**

"There you have it, Tori," she said calmly, "_Everything_ is wrong."

The warmth of Jade's body suddenly left her all at once, her arms limply falling to her side. Tori blinked confusedly, realizing that Jade actually walked _away_, she, she opened the door and even though she called out her name, she didn't turn around. Eyes widened when the door was falling shut and now, _finally_, Tori's feet set into motion and her body pushed against the door but it was already too late. Her fist pounded against it, again and again, but there was _nothing_. Nothing. "Jade, open up! Open the door! Don't do this, open the door!"

What had just _happened_? Jade had kissed her. Tori's brain still couldn't really grasp the fact that it really happened. It wasn't some kind of hallucination, it wasn't a dream, it didn't just happen in her imagination. It was _real_. "Jade, _please _open the door!" She knocked another three times, her heart pounding in her chest, joining the rhythm of her fist hitting the dark wood. "Please, you can't… you can't leave me out here like this!"

Jade wouldn't do that. How _could_ she do that? This wasn't fair, she didn't do anything wrong! She just wanted to talk to her, _understand_ her. Again, Tori banged her fist against the door. Stubborn woman! Why wouldn't she just open that damn door?! "Please don't do this, _please_! Let's just talk about this! Please just open the door!"

Her teeth bit down on her lip, so _hard_, tears began to fall; tears of frustration, of anger, of disappointment and despair. Why was she doing this to her? There wasn't a single sound on the other side of the door and Tori felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest, stomped on a couple of times, then neatly put back behind her ribcage. Hands flatly against the door, knees sinking to the floor and heart breaking to pieces, Tori let her body fall against the sturdy wood and tried it one more time. "Jade, _please_."

But once again… there was simply silence.

Salty tears ran down her cheeks, landed on her lips, dripped down her chin. Tori held her breath, she held it and held it until she couldn't take it anymore and let a full blown sob break free. So desperately she wanted to turn back time and undo that kiss, because this, _this_ was tearing her to pieces. Everything was gone, _Jade_ was gone, Tori just knew it. That kiss completely destroyed their friendship, and _oh God_, _why _in the world did Jade kiss her?

Tori squeezed her eyes shut and let her head fall against the door. So if this was the downside of being in love… then she didn't think she ever wanted to be in love again.

**…**

Cat rang the doorbell for the third time and waited, impatiently tapping her foot. After another minute passed and the door still didn't open she had enough and pulled out the set of spare keys she got from Aiden, letting herself into Jade's apartment building. The redhead had been so confused when she got a call earlier in the morning, Tori on the other line, begging her to go and look after Jade.

"_What? Why? What's wrong with her?"_

_Tori sighed. "Please just go and see her, Cat. Just make sure she's okay. Please?"_

Of course Cat had said yes, but when she had started to ask what had happened and why Tori called her instead of going over there by herself, her brunette friend had just hung up without uttering another word. It was very strange and Cat's curiosity and worry just increased when she knocked on Jade's door and she _still_ didn't open it. Taking a deep breath, Cat used the spare key.

"Jade?"

Cat quietly closed the door behind her but froze in the middle of the living room, her eyes running across the room to take in the mess. Pictures were strewn all over, shards of a broken vase were splattered around near the kitchen counter but there was no sign of her best friend. Wow. What the hell had been going down yesterday? Careful not to step on any pictures – as she crossed the room Cat noticed every picture was one of or with Amelia in it – Cat made her way to the little hall, wishing she would have demanded Tori to tell her what had happened, but that thought flew out of her head as soon as she saw Jade. She was sitting on the floor in the hall that led to her bath- and bedroom, her striking blue eyes set on Cat. "What are you doing here?"

Cat's eyebrows moved together at the croaky tone of her voice. "Tori called me and asked me to come and see you. She was really worried." A shaky breath rushed out of Jade's mouth and Cat was almost shocked when her eyes filled with tears. "Is Tori okay?"

"Um… I don't know, Jade. She just told me to come here." When Jade's eyes closed and she let her head fall against the wall behind her, Cat crouched down beside her. "Why? Why wouldn't Tori be okay? What happened?"

"I'm such a freaking jackass," she pushed out, together with a sob, and squeezed her eyes shut, "I can't do anything right, even if I want to."

"Oh Jade, don't say that. It's not true." Cat ran a soothing hair through black hair, feeling absolutely helpless. "What happened? Why are there pictures of Amelia everywhere?"

"I felt so guilty and… and I wanted to… I don't know, I just couldn't…" Cat frowned at the blabbering mess that was her best friend. This was so unlike Jade. Stuttering and talking incoherent stuff always had been _her_ strongest suit, not Jade's. This whole... _everything _didn't make any sense to Cat. What was going on? "Jade, just tell me what happened. I just… I mean, why did Tori call me? Does this have something to do with her? I just don't understand what's wrong."

"I kissed her," she said, barely audible.

"I mean, I can't help if-" Cat broke off, eyes wide, when Jade's words actually registered in her brain. _I kissed her._ "You… You kissed… You kissed… Tori?" All Jade could manage was a weak nod, before her lip started to quiver and the tears that collected in her eyes spilled over. Still shocked at the revelation Jade just threw at her, Cat slowly snaked her arms around the crying heap that was Jade and pulled her close. A gut-wrenching sob tore through her body and Cat felt her heart break into a million little pieces. Now she understood. She felt guilty. Guilty for kissing Tori. Guilty for… 'betraying' Amelia. Cat closed her eyes. What a mess. She couldn't even begin to imagine how Tori must feel right now. "Jade?" Cat felt Jade's body slump and let out a sigh. "I think you should talk to Tori."

"I can't," she whimpered, and Cat… Cat just couldn't take it. Her best friend didn't _whimper_. She was tough and strong and… she was _Jade_. Cat swore to herself four years ago that she wouldn't let her be so sad again and now… now look how far she'd gotten with that.

"Jade," she paused for a moment when she felt tears of her own well up, "I know this is hard but… you have to talk to Tori, she's… she's probably just as shaken up as you are."

"I didn't want to hurt her, Cat."

"I know. But… if you don't talk to her… you'll just end up hurting her more."

After a moment, Jade lifted her head from its place in the crook of Cat's neck. "But I-"

"It's Tori," Cat softly interrupted and tried to form a comforting smile, "She won't kill you."

**…**

"Hey Tori, you alright?"

Andre's large hand gave Tori's shoulder a small squeeze but the brunette kept her face buried in her hands and eyes closed. The quiet murmurs of the other teachers in the teacher's lounge were beginning to drive her insane and for the first time since she had known Andre, she wished he would simply disappear. Half of her night had been spent with leaning against Jade's door, hoping that maybe, Jade would have a change of heart and open up eventually. But nothing happened and after a couple of curious glances of Jade's neighbors, Tori had finally given up and dragged herself home. And at home… was everything so much worse.

"Tori."

Taking in a deep breath to prepare herself for another round of the question game – after having endured the same with her students, Beck and Helen – Tori lifted her head, let her hands plop to the table and slowly looked up at Andre. "What do you want?" she asked tiredly, not even bothering to hide her mood from him. He sank down on a chair next to her and leaned forward. "You don't look so good. Are you sick?"

"I didn't sleep well."

"Why don't you go home then? You don't have any classes anymore, do you?"

"No," Tori admitted hesitantly and looked down. She couldn't go home. The only thing she would probably do was curl up in a ball and cry. If she even managed to do that. "I have… something else to do… grading papers… and such…"

"Grading papers? You're a vocal coa-"

But Tori was saved by the bell, literally, as her phone started ringing. She quickly fumbled it out of her bag but froze. "Don't you want to answer it?"

Tori glanced up at Andre and forced herself to nod her head. "Yes. Of course." Her breath hitching, she accepted the call and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"_Hi… so I'm at Jade's right now_," Cat slowly explained, cutting right to the chase, _"And I think it would be a good idea if you'd come over and… you guys talk."_ The careful edge that laced Cat's tone made Tori think that she knew what had happened between them but that didn't stop her from asking.

"You know?"

"_Yes."_

Tori blew out a breath, ignored the curious look Andre gave her and nodded her head. "Okay. I'm there in half an hour."


	29. Chapter 29

With trembling knees and a tingling in her chest Tori slowly ascended the stairs, taking slow and steady breaths to calm her racing heart. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out, Tori. In and out. It wasn't that hard. But just the sheer thought of seeing Jade was driving her insane. What if she didn't even want to see her? What if she didn't know that Cat had called her? Oh God, what if… what if Jade hated her now? Tori's hand tightened on the banister as she stopped at the top of the stairs, taking in another deep breath. Bullshit. It wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything wrong. Neither did Jade. They didn't do anything forbidden. With that thought in mind, Tori took the remaining steps towards Jade's apartment, towards the door she camped out in front of half of the night. But this time, the door stood open. But instead of Jade, Cat was standing in the doorway, sending her a weak smile.

"Hey Tori."

The look on Cat's face suddenly made her want to burst into tears. What was that in her eyes? Pity? No, she wouldn't cry… yet. In and out, Tori. Just breathe slowly. "Hey," she muttered, lips forming the best smile she could manage right now, which was almost nothing more than a slight twitch of her lips. Cat reached out to touch her arm and pulled her into the apartment. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Both of them knew it was a lie but neither Tori nor Cat dared to acknowledge that out loud. While Cat closed the door, Tori took a good look around the room, pictures scattered around everywhere. Pictures of Jade and Aiden and a couple of other people, and of… and of Amelia. Mostly Amelia. Tori swallowed. "I um, should probably clean up a bit," Cat said quietly, her big brown eyes darting across the room, "Jade is in the hall."

Tori glanced to where Cat was pointing then back at the redhead. "In the hall?"

"Yeah, she's been sitting there the entire time. I don't know… I don't know why."

She should go there now. Talk to her. That's what she wanted. She wanted to talk to Jade, she wanted to understand what had happened, she wanted Jade to explain it to her. So why didn't she move? She tore her eyes away from the doorway that led to the little hall and watched Cat lean down to pick up the pictures, one by one. "I'll… I'll just help you with that real quick."

Everything was better than to have her heart crushed again and even though she knew she actually came here to talk to Jade, Tori kneeled down and picked up the pictures, just to prolong the inevitable. "You… don't have to. I'll manage."

"No, no, just… let me help you." Tori tried to hide her desperation in her voice but Cat seemed to notice. The redhead shuffled over to her and laid a hand on her shoulder, making Tori instantly stop and look up at her. "It will be okay," she assured softly but Tori had a hard time believing her words. What if it wouldn't be okay? How could Cat say that if she couldn't give her a guarantee for it? So Tori ignored her and bent her head, continuing to collect the photos. But after some minutes there wasn't anything to clean up anymore and Tori found herself standing on her feet, Cat putting her jacket on and getting ready to leave. The redhead's lips formed a small smile as she turned to Tori.

"I'm going to leave you two alone now," she said and gave Tori's arm a squeeze before she slowly walked to the door, "If you need anything… just call."

"Thanks, Cat." And then she was gone, letting the door fall into the lock behind her and leaving Tori in the quiet apartment. Now was the time, Tori thought and hesitantly looked at the doorway that would lead her to the woman who took over her whole life. The fact that Jade was still there, in the hall, even though she must have heard that she was here already, only made Tori even more anxious. Why didn't she just come out here? Taking in another deep breath to brace herself for what was to come, Tori slowly walked towards the doorway. God, why was she feeling like her execution was just waiting for her there in the hall? Calm down, Tori. Just calm down. Easier said than done, especially when she caught sight of Jade, sitting on the floor, her head leaning against the wall and eyes fixed on a photograph in her hands.

Everything would be fine, Tori. Everything would be fine.

With a lack of anything better to say, Tori let out a simple "Hi," but Jade's eyes didn't lift to meet hers as she quietly responded. "You and Cat didn't have to clean up. I made the mess, I should be the one to take care of it."

Tori swallowed thickly, her throat suddenly so dry, and slowly sank to the floor next to Jade, gaze fixed on the pale woman. Her eyes were all red, face paler than usual and Tori could follow the path her tears took down her cheeks. Guilt bubbled up inside of her at the thought that she probably had been part of the reason for those tears. Rolling her lips in and running her tongue over them, Tori turned her head and her eyes fell on hazel ones, staring back at her from the picture in Jade's hands. A sad smile graced her face as Tori reached out and slowly plucked it out of her hands, a little surprised when Jade's fingers easily let go and let Tori have it. Her eyes ran over every part of her; her eyes, her nose, her bright smile, the bangs of her shoulder-length blonde hair messily falling into her face. "She was so beautiful," she couldn't help but say, her eyes not leaving the picture. And she was. Her beauty was radiant, the happiness she must have felt in the moment the photo was taken only intensifying it. Tori suddenly wished she could have met her, could have gotten to know her and could have experienced why Jade was so fascinated by her, why Jade's love for her was so… infinite.

"She was. Breathtaking to me."

They were quiet for a moment and Tori eventually tore her eyes away from Amelia and placed the picture next to her, a sigh from Jade following shortly thereafter. "I'm so sorry for doing this to you." When Tori turned to look at Jade, desperate blue eyes were already fixed on her. "I tried so hard… not to hurt you but then I… I… I didn't know what I was doing until it was already too late. My brain shut off and I couldn't-"

A loud sob hindered her from continuing and stray tears slipped from her eyes. "I couldn't handle it anymore and… and… and I-"

"You couldn't handle what anymore?"

"You!" Tori's lips parted but couldn't form any words as she looked into Jade's crying face, eyes pleading with her. "Please forgive me," she sobbed, her hand gently wrapping around Tori's forearm and tears falling harder, faster. "I need you to forgive me."

With the feeling of heavy tears in her own eyes, Tori reached out and pulled Jade into her, her arms tightly wrapping around the shaking woman. "There's nothing to forgive," she murmured and rested her chin on top of Jade's head, "Everything is fine."

"I don't want this. I can't, I can't do this, Tori. I can't."

Tori's heart broke all over again, which she didn't even think was possible. With all her might she tried to keep the sob in her chest from breaking out, but as much as she tried, she couldn't stop her tears from falling. "I know. I know that. It's okay."

Jade's body was shaking with hiccups and tears and Tori felt her neck and collarbone getting wetter and wetter, the top of her shirt probably soaked already, but she didn't care and just pulled the other woman closer. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whimpered into her collarbone but who was she really apologizing to? To her? Or to Amelia? "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Maybe to both of them.

"It's okay," Tori whispered against dark hair, "Don't cry."

Tori held her. She held her and held her and held her, all the while trying to ignore the piercing pain Jade's sobs caused by stabbing into her heart.

Again and again.

**…**

After what felt like hours of crying and sitting in the hall, Tori finally managed not only to calm down Jade, but also her own inner war. Tears seemed to be all used up, for which Tori was thankful. She couldn't bear to see Jade cry anymore. After a while of sitting on the floor, Tori had managed to talk Jade into moving to the living room where they now sat next to each other on the sofa, a decent distance between them as Tori looked at Jade's face, and Jade looked at her coffee table. Eventually, after sitting in silence for far too long, Jade began to talk. "Nothing of this is your fault." She smiled a bitter smile and looked down, fingers picking at her nails. "I have a great talent for making people feel like they are the ones who screwed up. Make them feel miserable. That's my specialty."

"Huh." Tori nodded and switched her gaze from Jade to the coffee table. "Can't argue with that."

Another silence stretched through the room until once again, Jade's voice broke through it.

"Are you in love with me, Tori?"

Tori's eyes widened and snapped towards Jade who was now staring at the blank TV screen. Where was the point in lying? Jade had kissed her, she had _very_ eagerly kissed back… It really wasn't that hard to figure out. So Tori swallowed before quietly admitting it. Instead of shock or… even anger, Jade showed nothing as she simply nodded but still didn't look at her. "I see," was all she said before she grew quiet again. Tori shifted, clamping her hands together.

"Why did you kiss me?" A muscle in Jade's cheek twitched but nothing else happened. "Are you in lo-"

"No!" She spit out, all too quickly, snapped her head to Tori and unwillingly showed the swirling turmoil in her eyes. The brunette bit her lip, nodded and looked at her hands, nails leaving deep crescents in her skin. She shouldn't have expected anything else. Of course there wouldn't be a big declaration of love and everything would be good. Tori knew that. That didn't stop her heart from squeezing in on itself though. "I'm sorry, that… that came out pretty bad, didn't it?"

Tori didn't answer and didn't look up, even when Jade's hand hesitantly found her own, her thumb gently running over her skin and stopping her nails from digging into her skin even further. "I care about you a lot," she said, softly, "As a friend."

"That doesn't explain why you kissed me."

Her eyes peered up at the other woman in a timid glance when the thumb on her skin stopped moving and fell on a surprised and uncomfortable-looking face. "I, um… yeah. No, it doesn't. You're right." She stopped and Tori waited, waited for an explanation, preferably one that made sense, but nothing came.

"Well then? Why did you?"

"I… I don't know. I just… It just happened."

Tori's eyes fell shut. She knew she was lying. There had to be a reason. But she was just… way too exhausted, mentally and even physically, to start a life-long discussion with Jade, when she knew the outcome would probably just hurt her more. Tori wasn't up for that. She wasn't up for anything right now. "Okay," she tiredly breathed out and opened her eyes. "What now?"

The look that appeared on Jade's face sent a twinge through her. What was she going to say _now_? "I think… I think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

Tori didn't know what it was that crept to her face, a sad smile or already a grimace, but she definitely knew from the burning in her eyes that tears would soon come. Her mouth released a gush of air. "Right. Could have figured that out by myself."

"It's better that way… for you."

No. No, she did not just say that. "It's better for _you_, Jade. Don't put everything on me. It's okay if you don't want to see me but at least have the courage and tell the truth!"

"Tori-"

"No!" She ripped her hand from under Jade's and shot up from her seat. "I get it that you love Lia and that that kiss hurt you, but _you_ kissed _me_, okay? It wasn't the other way around, _I _didn't jump on you! If I did, I would have at least given you an explanation, I wouldn't have said 'Oh, well it just happened'! To put the blame on me now and wanting to punish me is-"

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey! I didn't blame you. And I don't want to punish you either."

"Yeah, well, not seeing you _is_ punishment for me!"

They both grew quiet after the heaviness of Tori's statement plunged down on them like a bag of cement, neither one really knowing what to say or do, neither woman knowing how to treat the other one. Tori bit the inside of her cheek and looked to the floor, she looked at the coffee table, to the side, _anywhere_ to avoid meeting Jade's vibrant eyes which were steadily fixed on her. "Fine then." Tori cursed herself for wanting to slap that calm tone out of Jade's voice. "What do _you _suggest?"

If only she knew. Her life took on a whole new level of 'complicated' and Tori just couldn't seem to figure out how to handle it. She didn't even know what she _wanted_ to happen now. Hell, she didn't know _anything_ anymore. "I don't know."

Out of the corner of her eye, Tori saw Jade nod slowly. Then, she sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you, Tori."

With a shrug of her shoulders, Tori mumbled "Okay."

"Okay?"

Jade's eyebrow cocked up when Tori looked back at her. "What do you want me to say, Jade?"

"I want to hear what you want."

What she wanted? She wanted her. That was all she ever wanted, all she ever _would_ want. But there was nothing she could do to get what she wanted. So with nothing coming to her mind and nothing to say, Tori swallowed her tears and quietly forced out "On second thought, I think distance would be the best idea."

She didn't wait for a reaction. She didn't wait for an objection because she knew that it wouldn't come. After all, this was what Jade secretly wanted and even if it killed her, Tori would give Jade what she wanted.

It was simple. Tori Vega would do anything for Jade West.


	30. Chapter 30

"So… Distance?"

Jade's forefinger wandered over the rim of her coffee cup while she looked at the black liquid that always managed to at least bring her a tiny bit of comfort. Not now though. "Yup. It's what she wants." She frowned at her own words, stopped her finger and shook her head. "No, it's what _I_ want. She's just going along with it to please me."

"How do you know that? I mean, maybe she's-"

"She said that it was punishment for her to be away from me." Jade glanced up from her cup and shot Cat a look. "I'd say that means that the whole distance thing isn't really her favorite scenario."

"Oh."

Jade slowly nodded, her eyes going out of focus when she thought back to the pained look on Tori's face. "I've hurt her. _Again_. I keep on doing that."

"But you don't mean to."

Jade scoffed, her head falling tiredly to the side as her finger picked its movement up again. "That doesn't make it any better for Tori. Or do you think just because she knows that I'm not doing it on purpose makes it easier on her? I don't think so." She wasn't even sure if she herself wanted to stay away from Tori. It would be the best thing for sure, if only to get a clear head and to avoid any more drama. Who knew what would happen next time? Maybe there would be another kiss, maybe this time she wouldn't be able to stop, maybe they would… go one step too far. Jade couldn't let that happen. It wasn't right for her and it wasn't right for Tori.

"Jade…" She looked up when Cat's hesitant voice called out. The redhead frowned, tightly grabbed her coffee cup in her hands and looked at a spot on the table near Jade's cup. "I don't think it was the right decision."

"Why do you think that?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "I know I shouldn't be one to talk because I tried to… you know, get you and Tori together but… believe me when I say this now, it's not my intention this time. I just can't handle you two being so sad."

"Get to the point, Cat."

"I think if… you stay away from each other… the situation will just get worse. You'll both be miserable and… your feelings won't go away, even if you don't see each other. Best thing to do is… deal with them, together."

"_I_ don't have feelings for Tori."

There was a short silence in which Cat stared at her confusedly with her head tilted to the side before she spoke again. "But if you don't have feelings for Tori, then why did you kiss her?"

"I- I don't… I did it because…" Jade stopped and let a breath rush out, rolling her eyes. Before she could keep stuttering for a possible answer, Cat spoke up. "Are you… Are you in love with Tori?"

"No! No, I'm not!" She sighed and tightly pressed her palms against the hot surface of the ceramic cup, dragging her teeth over her bottom lip. "I'm just… attracted to her. That's all there is. She's a beautiful woman and… that's because I kissed her. That's all." But inside of her, she knew there was far more than attraction going on. Something was twisting and screaming _Liar! Liar! Liar!_ over and over again. But she couldn't admit it to anyone, she barely managed to admit it to herself, for God's sake. Of course she knew the real reason why she kissed Tori. Why she almost didn't want to pull away anymore. She fell for her and that pretty hard. But Cat couldn't know that. Tori couldn't know that. Maybe her feelings would go away again. She just needed to wait a little while.

When Jade lifted her eyes to her best friend again, she knew that Cat didn't fully believe her. But she also knew that she wouldn't push it. She never did. "Okay… Then maybe it's better if you don't see each other, after all. Better for Tori."

"Right." That was what she had to keep telling herself. It was better for Tori. Sighing, Jade sat up straight. "Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go home."

For the first time since Jade showed up, Cat's lips formed a small smile. "Yeah, sure. You can stay in Robbie's office."

Jade sent her a grateful smile but when Cat stood up and left the kitchen, Jade frowned and looked into her cup, the only thought in her mind that _Tori_ once had stayed in Robbie's office too. Well. Forgetting Tori would be harder than she thought after all.

**…**

_**Saturday,**_

_**May 10**__**th**__**, 2014**_

Tori squeezed her eyes shut, fingers digging into her white, fluffy pillow, as she tried to fall back asleep. She groaned into her pillow when she realized that sleep wouldn't come and she would have to peel herself out of bed soon. Or wait… she didn't have to do anything today. If she wanted to, she could stay in bed all day, waiting for her heart to decay completely.

Man, she was so… _pathetic_.

Over a month went by without seeing or hearing from Jade. Well… aside from Robbie and Cat who she had asked on numerous occasions how Jade was, what she was up to. But they never told her much, both saying that maybe, she was a little too invested in Jade and that it was better if she'd just took care of herself before worrying about Jade. Tori didn't need anyone to tell her that, she knew how desperate and… pathetic she acted. She knew she should shift her focus on herself but she just… she just couldn't.

Love. How Tori _hated_ it.

Another groan vibrated in her throat when her ears heard the buzz of her doorbell. She buried her face deeper into the pillow, pulled the blanket tighter around her body, but after a minute or two, the buzzing started all over again and this time, it didn't stop. Who would be so annoying? After another minute, the person standing downstairs started to push the button in a rhythm.

_Buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. Buzzzzzzz._

"God, what is _wrong_ with people?!" Scowl in place, Tori angrily threw the blanket off of her and jumped to her feet, stomped into the living room and begrudgingly let the person into her building.

Whoever it was could get ready for something. But when Tori ripped the door open, the scowl fell and confusion replaced it as her eyes fell on her unexpected visitor.

"Oh my, you look horrible."

"Trina?"

Her sister cocked an eyebrow before pushing past her, suitcase rolling behind her. Tori closed the door, then turned to face her older sister. "What are you doing here?"

Trina left her suitcase standing in the middle of the room, head tilted up as she turned in a circle, eyes running over every part of the living room. "I am here to aid the zombie that is my sister." Tori frowned and absentmindedly glanced at Trina's ridiculous high shoes. "And don't take this the wrong way, but you look like you're in _dire_ need for my help." Tori looked up to see Trina's face lose her hard mask, a rare look of compassion and pity taking over. "What happened to you, Tor?" she softly asked and probably didn't expect the reaction Tori showed. Her face crumpled up and teeth bit her lower lip, pink turning white, a barely audible whimper reaching Trina's ears.

"I feel so horrible," she managed to bring out and felt a loud sob tearing through her, a feeling like she was being ripped apart taking over, only getting stronger when Trina's arms enveloped her and it began to feel like she would shatter to pieces if her sister didn't hold her up. God, she had to get a grip on herself. If even her sister thought it was necessary to come all the way from L.A. to New Jersey to cheer her up, how bad was she really depicted by the outside world? "I'm sorry," she mumbled after she had successfully managed to calm down, pulled away from Trina, sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"Why are you apologizing? For what? It's fine." Trina kept staring at her, then said "God, what did she do to you?"

Tori bit her lip and let her head hang in shame. What did Jade do to her? That was the question Tori didn't have an answer to. She really didn't think it would feel quite like this to be in love with somebody. Even if that somebody didn't return her feelings, _no one_ should feel like all their insides were ripped out of their body. Tori was a shell, that's all she was. And she hated it. Trina sighed. "Okay. Let's not talk about 'you know who' and do something to get you to perk up a little. What do you wanna do?"

Tori threw her head back and groaned, walked to her sofa and let herself fall down on it. "Nothing. I want to go back to bed."

"It's almost eleven o'clock," Trina sharply reminded and took a seat next to her, "You will _not_ go back to bed."

Tori turned to glare at her older sister. "You can't stop me from doing that."

**…**

Okay, so Trina _could _stop her.

"See? You look better already!"

Tori glared at her grinning sister and rubbed her head. She didn't think brushing your hair could be that painful until she had Trina yanking a brush through it. "You nearly pulled out every hair on my head!"

Trina's eyes widened in excitement. "Yeah Tori, come on! That's the spirit! Finally you're not acting like a dead zombie anymore!"

"A zombie is always dead. There's no such thing as an _alive_ zombie. They're undead."

"As if I care," Trina said with an eye roll and a dismissive hand wave, "All I know is that you don't _look_ like one anymore."

"That's _so_ offensive!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's get going." But Tori huffed and stayed where she was, arms crossed and pout in place. When Trina opened the door and glanced back to see that her sister wasn't following her, she turned and raised an eyebrow. "Come_ on_ now! Get moving! I didn't come here to let you decay in your apartment! Show me your city! Let's go to New York and shop! Take me to a freaking supermarket for all I care! But we _are_ going out now!"

"I can't believe you're forcing me to go out," Tori mumbled and grabbed her keys before following Trina out of the door, "What kind of sister does that?"

"The kind who cares."

Tori stayed quiet after that, slowly trudging after her sister, down the stairs and outside, where Trina suddenly stopped and turned around. "So? What are we going to do?" When Tori merely shrugged, Trina sighed. "Then I guess it's time for a little retail therapy."

Without uttering a single complaint, Tori let her sister grab her arm and pull her with her. Maybe she should loosen up a little and enjoy the time she had with her sister. After all, what's the worst thing that could happen?

**…**

Every muscle in Jade's body contracted, teeth chattering and skin shivering. What a way to wake up. Her head felt so cold as it leaned against the hard marble and she wondered if she could even still move her neck. Nails digging into her palms, Jade slowly lifted her head and straightened her neck out, a pained grimace taking a hold of her face. Well, at least she could still move it. But dang it, was she cold.

What did she expect. That's a given when you spent an entire night at a cemetery.

Jade stretched her legs out in front of her, her back popping as she straightened it out. Letting out a sigh, she took a look up, squinting into the bright blue sky. The sun was still hiding behind a thick cloud and did nothing to warm up her cold body. She should really go home. Into the warmth. But what would wait for her there? Jade closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing. Nothing would wait for her there but silence and utter solitude.

Which was exactly her problem.

Why was she feeling like this? She was always alone. She _liked_ being alone. Well, at least she liked it until Tori appeared in her life. It hadn't been easy, not seeing Tori for the entire past month. In fact, it was one of the worst things she could have ever endured. She missed seeing her stand in front of her door with a smile on her face. She missed watching movies with her. She missed her voice. She missed… everything. But what was she supposed to do? She couldn't just go and tell her that this distance thing _really_ wasn't working out and that she wanted… that she wanted…

Jade bit her lip. That she actually wanted her.

That she was in love with her.

She knew she had to accept it. After a full month of utter misery, Jade knew it was time to get over herself and just accept the fact that she was in love with Tori Vega. Aiden was right. It wasn't a shame to fall in love again. Lia would want that for her, wouldn't she? She would want her to be happy. Now it was just a matter of how to approach Tori. Maybe she didn't even want to see her anymore. Maybe not seeing her had done her good. Maybe she's totally fine without her and Jade would just destroy her again by showing up. But maybe she was just as miserable as her. Maybe she just waited for Jade to come around.

Jade blinked dazedly as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and slowly pulled it out to see Robbie's face flash up on the screen. After clearing her throat, she picked up. "Hello?"

"_Jade? Where are you?"_

Her eyes took a look around and spotted a woman and a little girl walking along the path across from her. "I'm… I'm at the cemetery." Jade frowned at his urgent tone. "Why?"

"_I think you should know… Something happened… to Tori."_


	31. Chapter 31

_A/N: Updating for several reasons. One, I wasn't really that pleased with the last chapter. Two, I felt bad that the update took so long to show up yesterday (even though that wasn't my fault). Three, I've been cyber-threatened so... I didn't have another choice._

* * *

"No- No mom, she's fine." Trina heaved out a sigh at the frantic voice of her mother. "No, you don't need to come here, everything is fine. I'm here, I'll take care of her. I promise." Crossing one arm over her chest and turning around, Trina got a glimpse of Robbie and a redhead approaching and quickly cut her mother off. "Look mom, Robbie just came. I'll call you later, okay? Don't worry about Tori."

After her mom hesitantly hung up the phone, Trina turned to the curly haired man anxiously standing in front of her. "How's Tori? Is everything alright with her?"

"First of all: Don't be rude. A 'hey Trina, nice to see you again. You look incredibly gorgeous' would be appreciated. And secondly: Tori's fine. She has a mild concussion and a broken wrist, but the doctor said that it wasn't that bad of a fracture and she wouldn't need surgery for it. A couple of scratches and a bruised hipbone, that was it." Robbie blew out a relieved breath and Trina shifted her attention from him to the small woman standing next to him. Smiling, she lifted a hand and wiggled her fingers in a wave. "I'm Trina, by the way. Tori's sister. You must be Cat."

Cat smiled. "Yeah. It's nice to meet you."

Trina nodded and opened her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by Robbie. "So, can we go see her?" He raised his eyebrows when Trina turned to glare at him. "I'm _sorry_, I am talking to your wife, Shapiro. God, when did you get so rude?"

Robbie's eyebrows drew together in indignation. "I am not rude! You are the rude one for-"

"Robbie!"

All three heads turned towards the voice and Trina raised a curious eyebrow at the dark-haired woman that quickly approached, a look of worry on her face. _Jade_. This had to be her. That evil witch. Well, at least her sister had good taste in women. "What's wrong with Tori?"

Trina watched as Robbie placed a soothing hand on Jade's arm and said "She's okay. She has a mild concussion, a broken wrist and a bruised hipbone. Nothing too bad." Jade let out a breath, the worry lines on her face easing a little. "What happened anyway?" When Robbie paused and turned to look at Trina, Jade's eyes moved to the brunette as well, only now acknowledging her.

"She got hit by a car."

Jade's eyes widened. "What?!"

"It wasn't that bad. That idiot behind the wheel was on the phone! Could have gone a lot worse, okay?" Jade nodded slowly and Trina tilted her head, squinting at her. "So you're Jade."

Jade frowned. "Yeah?"

"I've heard a lot about you," she said nonchalantly, watching Jade's confusion grow, "I'm Tori's sister Trina." Jade's face got even paler than it already was, the woman probably realizing in this moment that Trina knew all about her and Tori's… relationship. If that's what you could call it. Trina's face stayed blank as Jade cleared her throat and averted her eyes. "Well… Can I see Tori?"

Trina cocked a challenging eyebrow. "Do you _want _to see Tori?"

In the corner of her eye Trina saw Robbie shift closer to Jade, but her focus stayed solely on the frowning woman in front of her. "Um, Trina-"

"You and Cat can go see her if you want," Trina interrupted him, "Second floor, room number 212. Jade and I are going to have a little chat."

Jade glanced at both Cat and Robbie and nodded discreetly. The couple hesitantly made their way inside and when the doors behind them closed, Jade turned her attention fully on Trina. "So then? What do you wanna talk about?"

Trina shrugged her shoulders and held a manicured finger to her chin. "Oh, well let's see. How about the fact that you are completely destroying my sister? You'd like to start with that?"

"What? What are you talking about? I'm not _destroying _anything!"

The taller woman's eyebrows shot up. "Oh really? Well, what do you think your stupid kiss did to her? And you not wanting to see her? Do you think she liked that?"

Jade shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, but-"

"No!" Anger took her entire body hostage and she held a threatening finger up to silence Jade. "I don't want to hear any of your poor excuses. Look, I'm really sorry about your wife, okay? And I really, truly mean that."

Jade's eyes found the floor. "She was my fiancée."

"Oh. Right. Well, I'm sorry about what happened to her. But nothing could give you the right for treating my sister like that. For hurting her like you did! She doesn't deserve to be treated like garbage and I _swear_, if you hurt her again I am going to hurt _you._"

With a breath escaping her mouth and her hand running through her hair, Jade shook her head. "I will do my best not to hurt her again. I really don't mean to, I just… I don't know."

Trina nodded, pursing her lips while flicking her eyes over Jade's face. "You know, I really think you should stop saying stuff like that and start to figure out what you really want."

"I know what I want."

"And what is that?"

"Your sister," Jade said determinedly but Trina could not be convinced that easily.

"See Jade, and that is what I'm talking about. You _think_ you want my sister. And I'm not even saying that you're lying, maybe you do want her. But how can you be with her if your heart still belongs to someone else?"

Trina could see Jade crumbling, anger mixing with sadness. "So what? Yes, I still love my fiancée but Tori knows that! That doesn't mean that she loves me any less. It doesn't mean that_ I_ can't love _her_!"

Clicking her tongue, Trina shook her head. "Yeah, but I don't think Tori really deserves only half of your heart. It will just make her unhappy in the long run."

"_You _don't get a say in this, Trina! This isn't your life!"

"No, but it's my _sister's_!" She yelled and finally let her crossed arms drop, her patience slipping. "And I love her! If she gets hurt I get hurt too and I can't see her suffer anymore! I can't and I won't let you _make_ her suffer anymore! This isn't a game, Jade! You can't use her like she's some puppet just to make yourself feel good-"

"Okay, stop! She's my-"

Trina interrupted her sharply. "She's your _what_?"

"She's my… friend."

"Oh! Oh, she's your friend? Well, I think you lost that privilege over a month ago when you practically told her to screw herself!"

"I'm sorry," she said feebly and looked away but Trina… Trina was way too angry to stop now.

"You keep saying that to my sister but do you really mean it?"

Swirling blue eyes snapped back to her. "Yes! Yes, of course I mean it!" Both women grew quiet then. They looked away from each other and Trina wondered if she had maybe gone too far. Jade _did _seem to care about Tori, genuinely so. And who was she to say that Jade should forget about her dead fiancée before she let herself fall into Tori's arms? She had no right for that. But Tori suffered because of Jade. She felt miserable because of Jade. She cried almost every day _because of_ _Jade_. No, no, no. She didn't go too far. It was completely justified. "So, I guess that means you won't let me see Tori?" Jade quietly murmured and glanced back up at Trina.

Trina sighed tiredly. "Just go home, Jade. Or get hit by a freaking piano falling from the sky for all I care, just keep the distance _you_ requested from Tori."

And then Trina turned around and left Jade standing in front of the hospital, silently asking herself if sending her away really had been the right decision.

**…**

Tori dazedly blinked her eyes open and frowned at her unfamiliar surroundings. Her mind was completely fogged up but when she tried to shift, the sharp sting in her hip and the drumming in her head slowly reminded her what had happened. A cold hand suddenly touched her own and Tori tried her best to move her pounding head to see the person next to her. "Hey Tor," she heard someone say before she finally managed to turn her head.

"Robbie?"

He smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. "Yeparooni. It's me."

Tori groaned quietly, closed her eyes and lifted her hand to her head, only to open her eyes again when she felt her hand to be heavier than normal. A dark blue cast was wrapped around her hand, wrist and forearm and Tori flexed her fingers to feel a shock of pain running down the length of her hand and arm. "Your wrist is broken. They had to put it in a cast. But don't worry, no surgery needed."

"Thank God..."

"Yeah. Cat was here too a little while ago and Trina went to get some clothes for you. You'll have to stay here, at least for tonight."

"Was… Was Jade here?"

She timidly blinked up at Robbie and saw him nod slowly. "Yeah. She came right after I called her. But… she didn't come up here and then she was suddenly gone. I don't know where she went."

"Oh." Tori frowned and let her gaze drop to the white comforter thrown over her body. Of course they were still on that distance thing but couldn't Jade have made one little exception? She was in a hospital. The least she could have done was to see how she was. It must have showed how much it bothered her that Jade wasn't here because Robbie started to rub her arm and comfortingly said "Hey. I'm sure she will show up later. She was so worried about you. I don't think she would just leave without seeing you if she didn't plan on coming back later."

But hours passed, Robbie left and Trina came, the sun was beginning to set and there hadn't been a single sign of Jade. Tori waited, almost jumping out of her skin out of pure excitement when the door opened, only to be utterly disappointed when she saw a doctor or a nurse instead of Jade. And when visiting hours were almost over, Tori's hope slipped of seeing her and sheer disappointment and hurt overwhelmed her body.

"How could she not come?"

Trina sat frozen in her seat and helplessly watched her sister lose it, crocodile tears running down her cheeks even though her eyes were squeezed shut so tightly, and repressed sobs leaving her mouth over and over again. Never had she seen Tori like this and to some extent, it even scared her. But she was her big sister, it was her job to comfort her now. "Oh, Tori." Trina traded the chair for Tori's bedside and immediately, her little sister clung to her, crying and crying and crying. "I don't mean anything to her," she mumbled into her shoulder in a strangled voice, a loud sob following her words.

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Yes, it is. Why can't I be in love with someone who loves me back?"

Trina's eyes closed as Tori's words heavily settled onto her heart. God, what did she do? If she had known that seeing Jade meant so much to her sister she wouldn't have been such a bitch to Jade. Or… maybe she would have been but she definitely would have let her see Tori. "I don't even want to see her anymore." Tori's voice brought Trina out of her bad conscience. "_Never_ again."

Trina sighed and continued to rub her sister's back. "You don't mean that, Tori."

There was a pause, a sniffle and then "No. But I hate myself for not meaning it!" She should just tell her that Jade was here and wanted to see her. Just spit it out, Trina. But… maybe if Tori believed it she would get over Jade once and for all. That would be good, it would definitely be for the best. But she would be lying to her own sister. _That_ definitely would _not_ be good. Trina sighed and felt Tori's body getting heavier, the painkillers the nurse brought for her half an hour ago starting to really kick in now. She would tell her the truth now, before she fell asleep, tell her that she sent Jade away. At least then, Tori would have a somewhat happy thought before she went to sleep. "Tori… I need to tell you something. About Jade, actually."

"Hmmm…?"

"When she was here earlier… she was really worried about you. And you know, I actually talked to her. But-"

"You know what, Trina?"

Trina released an impatient breath at Tori's drowsy interruption. "What?"

"I don't want to love her anymore."

Trina chuckled weakly, the sound vibrating against Tori's ear from where her head rested underneath her sister's chin. "It's not that easy, baby sis."

"I know. I wish it was though. Like… a switch you can just flick. I wish something like that existed." Her voice was slurred and Trina knew it was just a matter of seconds until sleep would lure her in. "Yeah. You and me both, Tor. You and me both." She bit her lip at the thought and then remembered what she wanted to tell her. "So, about Jade-"

But Tori was already asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Sunday,**_

_**May 11**__**th**__**, 2014**_

Tori stared at her. Trina nervously pressed her hands together as she waited for a reaction but Tori felt not capable of doing anything but look at her older sister with her mouth hanging open. She actually had the urge to slap her but her behind seemed to be glued to the white comforter, her healthy hand tightly gripping the edge of the bed. This wasn't what she had expected at all. Tori had actually _believed_ that Jade didn't want to see her, only to find out that her... stupidly protective sister had shooed her away. When the fog of surprise in her brain finally cleared, Tori found herself able to react to Trina's confession. "I can't believe you would do something like that," she quietly muttered and felt a fresh layer of tears coating her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I just wanted to protect you from her."

Tori scoffed weakly. "Jade isn't some kind of monster. I don't need protection from her. She's not doing anything bad."

Trina shook her head and looked to the side, arms crossing. "She kind of _is_. She keeps hurting you to make herself feel better, Tori. Don't you see that?"

Trina's eyes pleaded with her but Tori shook her head and sniffled. "That's not true," she resolutely said, corners of her mouth pulled down and jaw moving from left to right as Tori tried to keep her tears at bay, "She may have hurt me but I know she doesn't meant to. She would never hurt me on purpose."

The hospital room fell quiet, the thick tension in the air heavily pressing down on both women. Finally, Trina sighed. "Okay. Maybe I'm wrong about that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forbidden her to see you. That was wrong of me, I'll admit that."

Tori nodded, hand running over the itchy comforter underneath her. "It was."

The sisters didn't speak another word after that. Trina grabbed Tori's bag she had packed for her yesterday and quietly walked out of the room with Tori in tow and down to Tori's car. The ride was quiet until Trina stopped the car in front of Tori's home, killed the engine and took a deep breath. When Tori finally managed to limp up the stairs and they were in her apartment, Trina broke the tense silence. "I'm sorry."

"No, you know… it doesn't even matter what you said to her. Fact is, she didn't come. That speaks volumes."

Trina sighed. "No, it doesn't, Tor. She didn't come because I told her not to. If you're going to blame anyone, then blame me." Tori heaved out a breath as she slowly let herself sink onto the sofa. Wincing, she lifted her legs up. "Why are you defending her? You don't even like her."

"I don't like what she did to you," Trina corrected and took a seat by Tori's legs, "There's a difference. Besides… you love her. And I think she loves you t-"

"_Don't _say that!" Trina's eyebrows shot up at her sister's harsh tone. "She's not in love with me. She told me so."

"Then she was lying."

Tori closed her eyes and lifted a hand to rub her forehead. "Just stop. My head hurts. Can you go to the pharmacy and get the pills the doctor prescribed?"

Trina stayed seated for a moment longer and watched her sister, before she sighed and got up. "Yeah, sure." Grabbing her bag, Trina opened her mouth but was interrupted by a loud, obnoxious buzz. Deciding to save what she was going to say for later, the older Vega walked to the door and pushed the button that would let the visitor in. Before opening the door, she turned back to Tori. "Do you need anything else? From the supermarket or something?"

Tori's response was immediate. "No, thanks."

"Alright."

Then, she opened the door.

**…**

_Jade slowly walked up to the dark wooden door and took a deep breath before lifting her hand to ring the doorbell. She didn't really know what to say to Amelia but after her talk with Aiden, she knew she had to do something. _

_The door swung open and Jade was greeted with the sight of Lia's mother. The woman smiled brightly, her hand pulling the door open even wider. "Jade! That's a surprise, come in!"_

_Jade smiled in thanks and stepped into the house, the warmth she always felt whenever she was here instantly enveloping her body. "Lia! Come down here, you have a visitor!" Diane warmly smiled but Jade's attention strayed away from her when the sound of a door opening and closing sounded from upstairs and soft footsteps padded across the floor. Amelia appeared around the corner, slowly stopping at the top of the stairs when she found Jade standing next to her mother. With furrowed eyebrows and parted lips – her face overly suspicious – Lia walked down the stairs without letting her eyes leave Jade. The look she sent her made Jade feel like a little mouse being cornered by a hungry cat, the feeling only intensifying when Amelia's mother left the two alone and Lia came to stand right in front of her. She just stared at her suspiciously and Jade swallowed, her mouth suddenly becoming way too dry to speak._

"_What are you doing here?"_

_Her voice was low and not so friendly, outlined with confusion and maybe even resentment. Jade swallowed again and licked her lips, taking a deep breath. "I really wanted to talk to you," she softly said and watched Lia shift her weight from her left foot to her right. _

"_About?" she pressed, still warily looking at Jade._

"_Well… about… us." Jade mentally slapped herself for her stupid stuttering and let out a sigh, trying to let go of all these nerves. "I wanted to apologize to you."_

"_You don't have to," Lia's eyes found her feet as she shook her head, "You made yourself pretty clear. You told me the truth. I don't see anything for you to be sorry for."_

_Lia's voice was quiet; the hurt her words were laced with seeped directly into Jade's chest, making her heart contract just a little bit more. Feelings. How much Jade hated them sometimes. "Lia, you don't-" She abruptly broke off and glanced towards the living room where Diane disappeared into. "Can we talk somewhere? In private?"_

_With her bottom lip sucked in, Amelia took a look in the direction of the living room, contemplating, the door standing ajar. She sighed and turned around. Jade almost thought she was going back up to her room but she relaxed when she saw her slip on some shoes and take her jacket from the coat rack. "Wait here," she told Jade with a sharp look before she went into the living room, quietly telling her mom that she would be out for a while. Only a couple of seconds went by when Amelia stepped back into the foyer, barely even looking at Jade as she walked past her and out of the front door, leaving Jade no other choice than to follow her. The clouds got darker, Jade noted as she and Lia began walking side by side without uttering a single word. It probably wouldn't be long until it would start to rain._

"_Well then," Amelia's voice cut through the silence, "You wanted to talk. So talk."_

_Jade was a taken aback by hearing such a cold tone out of Amelia's mouth, the girl that was usually so full of sunshine and happiness and everything that Jade was not. She cleared her throat, nodding as if to spur herself on and reached her hand out to wrap around Lia's arm. The blonde stopped short but kept her gaze on the ground. "I don't really know… how to start," Jade admitted a little sheepishly which caused Lia to glance up at her. Jade smiled a little but the blonde's face stayed blank. Frustration rapidly began to bubble up inside of her. Apologizing just wasn't Jade's thing and neither was admitting feelings to someone. She didn't _know_ how to do this and the way Lia was treating her – although she had every reason to – was not helping at all. Letting out a harsh sigh, Jade just told her the first thing that came to her mind._

"_I'm scared," she said and watched as Amelia's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Sighing, she said "That's the reason, Amelia. It has nothing to do with you or with what you did… or rather what you wanted to do…" She furrowed her eyebrows and looked away. "It's my fault. And I'm so sorry for… everything."_

"_What are you scared of?"_

_Jade bit her lip and looked back into Amelia's eyes, shining with curiosity. "Of you," she murmured, lightly shaking her head, "You make me feel… things… that I don't know how to deal with and I don't… I can't have them."_

_Amelia blinked and shook her head. "Because I'm a girl?"_

"_No. It's…" she trailed off and lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. Amelia patiently waited, frowning when Jade bit her lip and shook her head. "You won't be happy with me."_

_A short laugh left Lia's mouth. "How can you say that? Why wouldn't I be?" Jade watched as a raindrop fell onto Amelia's shoulder and stayed quiet as the blonde continued in a loud voice. "You can't just decide that I 'won't be happy' with you! How about you leave that to me?"_

_Anger quickly arose in her hazel eyes, something unusual when it came to Lia. "Don't you think it would have been a better idea if you had just told me that sooner? I mean, not that I would have understood it, just like I don't understand now, but we could have _talked_ about it!"_

_Jade blinked at her, then swallowed and looked at her feet. "I'm sorry." _

"_Yeah, I know that." She pressed her lips together and looked away from Jade, a tense silence once again settling over the two girls. Amelia sighed and shook her head before turning back towards Jade. "I don't understand what you want from me," she quietly admitted and Jade looked back up at her, "Did you want to apologize to me? Is that all?"_

_Jade hesitated, shifting from one foot to the other. "No… I have something else."_

_Her heart picked up speed as she watched Amelia nod. Should she just… come right out with it? Jade wished she would have practiced it beforehand, maybe then she wouldn't look like a complete idiot right now. She ran her tongue over her lips and she knew she had been silent for way too long now. Just say it, Jade. Do it. She won't kill you. It's not that bad, people say it all the time. Jade could see Amelia's patience was slowly slipping away and that was enough motivation for her._

"_I'm so in love with you," she suddenly blurted out, her heart going from beating wildly in her chest to almost a complete standstill as she waited for Amelia's reaction. But the blonde just stared; her lips slightly parted and crossed arms slackening. In movies the other person would say they love you back now, Jade thought, but Amelia surprised her by saying something completely different._

"_I thought I'm a complication to you."_

"_Of course you're not a complication. I mean, I did think that but I never meant to hurt you by saying that. And to be honest with you, I still think that maybe it _will_ be really complicated from time to time with you and me. But… it just doesn't matter because… I'll be with you. You're worth it."_

_She still looked a little wary, Jade noted, but her resolve was slowly cracking, spider webs splintering her surface until everything fell away and a really small smile appeared on her lips. She tried to hide it by looking down but Jade could see that her smile was only widening. Gathering every ounce of courage in her body and pushing all of the what if's and maybe's to the side, Jade took a deep breath. "I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. I love you." Hazel eyes lifted but instead of sadness or anger they showed something completely different. Something that Jade was sure showed in her own eyes as well. "I think you are my right person. I want you to show me that, no matter what… love isn't futile. I want us to be limitless. I want to take the leap."_

_The moment of courage, of the adrenaline rushing through her bloodstream slowly crumbled down after the last word left her mouth. Jade considered running away for a split second when Lia didn't say anything, just merely looked at her with raw attention, but that thought quickly flew out of the window. She wasn't a coward. She wouldn't run. Instead, Jade took a deep breath. "So what do you say?"_

_Time seemed to stand still, a steady tick tock sound of a clock getting louder and louder in Jade's head with every second that passed in which Amelia didn't say anything. But then, corners of lips lifted into a smile and arms uncrossed. "I say," she began, pausing briefly, "that I love you too."_

Jade exhaled deeply and stopped in front of Tori's closed door. She doubted Tori would be as easily convinced as Amelia had been. The brunette was stubborn, almost as stubborn as she herself. But she had to try, no matter what Trina said. It wasn't her decision to make, it was Tori's and if Tori didn't want to see her anymore, then she could tell her so herself. Lifting her hand to knock, Jade paused mid-air when the door swung open. But instead of who she hoped would stand in front of her, Jade's eyes fell on Trina. _Great._ Glancing past her, Jade got a small glimpse of the back of Tori's head before Trina stepped out into the hallway and pulled the door halfway shut, obstructing her sight of the younger brunette. "I'm not going away today," Jade quietly stated, "I need to see her."

When Trina simply stared at her for a long moment, Jade almost got ready to throw her body to the side and walk inside, but then, she pushed the door open again and motioned for her to go in. "I'll go now," she called out to Tori without taking her eyes off of Jade, "But you have company."

Tori turned her head, confused eyes meeting Jade's, before she turned back around without another word. Jade barely noticed Trina closing the door behind her as she hesitantly took a step further into the room.

"Knock Knock."

"I'm not home," Tori curtly dismissed, not looking up from whatever she was looking at.

"Really? Can I… leave a message then?"

Tori didn't react and stayed quiet. "Tori," Jade pleaded softly and walked closer, slowly approaching her. She kneeled down in front of her and tried to catch her eyes but Tori stubbornly kept her gaze down. Hesitantly, as if she was afraid Tori might slap her as soon as she touched her, Jade reached out and carefully placed her hand on Tori's knee. She felt her tense for a moment but when Jade gave a light squeeze, the muscle underneath Jade's thumb relaxed. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear it."

Jade's shoulders tensed at the harsh rejection that bubbled out of Tori's mouth, something Jade really wasn't used to. Not from Tori. What was she supposed to do now? _Just say what you wanted to say._ "I know that… I've hurt you. And I'm so sorry for that."

"Just save it. Leave me-"

"I need you."

Just as she had hoped, brown eyes snapped down to her. Tori's knee was tensing up again and all the brunette did was stare. Jade took a deep breath. "I've been such a bitch to you and… I mean… I can't promise you that I'll be perfect, not right away, but... I'll at least try."

Tori's face crumpled in confusion. "What? I don't know what you're trying to say."

"Okay. That's okay." Jade nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. She desperately hoped she wouldn't chicken out half way through, she needed to spit it out, if not for hers, then for Tori's sake. "Before I met you… You know, before we became friends… I was living my life without Lia as best as I could and I actually managed. I was content. I didn't need to be happy. But then you came. And I had a tiny splinter of my happiness back."

"Jade, please stop."

"I'm done in a second, please just listen to me." When Tori stayed quiet and her gaze stayed locked on hers, Jade continued. "Not seeing you was so, so hard and I just couldn't… I couldn't stop thinking about you. And, God, I'm so sorry for not visiting you at the hospital. I was such a coward but… I'm here _now_ and I want to tell you that… that…"

"That what?"

"That I… That I l-… That I-"

Tori's forehead creased. "Jade?"

_You love her, idiot! Say it!_ It was on the tip of her tongue, ready to be spoken, but it wouldn't get over her lips. So Jade settled for the next best thing. "I like you."

"You like me."

"I _kissed _you because… I like you."

"Oh." Tori frowned and looked at the hand on her knee. One eyebrow lifted and Jade could picture all those wheels turning and clicking in the brunette's head when finally, a _Ding!_ seemed to sound in her brain and Tori's head shot up, eyes wide and eyebrows almost touching her hairline. "Oh!"

Jade couldn't help but smile at the look on Tori's face. "So… Do you… Do you forgive me?"

She was going out on a limp, Jade knew that. If she were Tori she probably wouldn't forgive herself so easily either. When Tori just blinked at her with her mouth standing open, Jade knew she probably went too far too soon and should leave her alone so that she could think about everything. "You know what? Don't say anything. You already aren't, saying anything, I mean. So… that's perfect." She quickly got to her feet, nodded and rubbed her hands together. "I'll just leave you to think. Think about it. Or don't! Whatever you want. I'll just… go now."

She walked out and as soon as the door closed behind her, Jade dashed down the stairs. God, what an idiot she was! What was that? 'Do you forgive me?' That probably sounded like she _expected_ her to say yes, which she really didn't, actually, she expected her to kick her out as soon as the words left her. Stepping out of the building, Jade took a deep inhale of the fresh air and swiftly tried to steer straight for her car, when a voice calling out to her stopped her.

"Wait!" Jade turned around and watched Tori limping towards her as fast as she could with her injured hip and come to a stand a couple of feet in front of her, face still wearing the most adorable mask of confusion. "You… You can't just go now."

"Why not?"

"Because you… Because…" She trailed off and tilted her head the slightest bit to the left. She shook her head, eyes dazed. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Jade stepped forward until not even an arm length separated them, without allowing her eyes to break contact. Again, Tori shook her head. "No. I don't."

Jade came closer and closer and _closer_ until her nose brushed against Tori's and her breath hit Tori's mouth. "What are you doing?" Tori asked and simultaneously resisted the urge to step back, and the urge to lean forward and connect her lips with Jade's. "I'm trying to kiss you, if you don't mind."

A quiet breath left Tori's mouth. "Is your brain shut off again?"

Jade couldn't help but chuckle but instead of answering, she asked "So _do _you mind?"

"Do you know what you're doing?"

"I'm very aware of it, yes."

And those were the last words spoken between them, the words that peeled off Tori's hesitance and made a smile appear. This time, she didn't stop herself from leaning forward.


	33. Chapter 33

She tasted like coffee, just like the last time they kissed. But Tori knew that this time around, she wouldn't get a face full of door. The softness of those lips and the gentleness with which Jade was kissing her made her brain fly into another dimension and made her knees go weak, as cliché as that may sounded in her head. But then, an annoying sharp sting in her left hip pulled her back into here and now, reminding her not so gently of her injury. She pulled away with a pained hiss and shifted her entire weight to her right foot.

"Oh, oh your hip," Jade stuttered out, eyes and hand flying to Tori's hip bone, "I'm sorry, I should have… I'm such an idiot, are you alright?"

The worry in Jade's eyes as she looked up was so endearing that Tori almost forgot all about the pain and grinned at her. "Yeah, I'm alright." She braced her hands on Jade's shoulders and ran her tongue over her lips, the lingering taste of coffee in her mouth causing her heart to tingle. "It's not that bad. I'm the idiot for running down the steps like that."

Jade raised an eyebrow and lifted a single shoulder in a shrug. "True," she teased and smiled at Tori when she felt her right hand giving her shoulder a light squeeze. "Well, then let us two idiots get you upstairs now before we cause even more damage."

Without a complaint Tori let Jade lead her up the stairs but they stopped when Jade's eyes fell on the door, wide open. "You really shouldn't leave it open like this," she said and started moving again, "Who knows what kind of creeps live here."

Tori rolled her eyes. "Actually, I didn't have a choice. Trina has my keys and even if she wouldn't have them-" She paused and slowly sank down on the sofa. "I didn't exactly have the time to grab them, seeing as I had to get to you as fast as possible before you drove off."

"How romantic," Jade smirked and stood in front of the sofa with crossed arms, before she let the smirk slip and asked "What do you need for your hip? Ice or warmth? Do you even have a hot-water bag? I don't think _I _have one so-"

"Jade?"

Stopping her ramble, Jade worriedly frowned at the brunette. "What? What's wrong?"

Tori smiled, shook her head and held her hand out. "Nothing. Just come here."

Tori almost laughed at how nervous Jade seemed to be as she took her hand and let her pull her onto the sofa next to her. But she just smiled at her and ran a soothing thumb over the back of her hand. Man, she almost forgot how it was to feel happy. Before she could say anything however, Jade shifted closer and said "I'm sorry for leaving you out in the hallway after I kissed you. That wasn't right and I-"

"You already apologized for that, remember?" Jade looked up from their joined hands and slowly nodded her head. "Right. Well then, I'm sorry for making you unhappy. Trina… Trina said that you were feeling horrible because of me and I… I'm really not worth it."

"That's not true! You had your reasons and-"

"No. No, don't do that." Her hand hesitantly lifted and cupped Tori's cheek, fingers tangling in soft brown hair. "I wasn't the victim here. You were. I kept hurting you because I couldn't handle my own hurt."

Tori frowned and weakly shook her head. "You didn't mean to do that."

"No, but… that's just not the point. Just because I didn't mean to doesn't mean that I didn't do it. It still hurts that Amelia's gone but that's no reason for me to treat you so bad, especially since you make everything so much better."

Tori's heart skipped a beat, her lips tilting up. She hated that Jade felt so bad, especially since she didn't really blame her for anything. Nothing of this was her fault. After all, Tori had known what she would get into and she could have easily turned around, she could have left Jade behind in an attempt to protect herself from her feelings. But she didn't do that and she would never blame Jade for that. The dark-haired woman leaned forward, pulled Tori's head closer and ran her thumb over her cheekbone. "I'm gonna make it up to you," she paused to press a kiss against Tori's lips, "every day," a kiss on her cheek, "until you and I," a kiss against her chin, "can both forget," another kiss to her lips, "what I've done to you."

"I already forgot," Tori breathed, eyes fluttering close and lips seeking out Jade's once again.

"Well, I didn't," Jade murmured quietly before killing the distance between them, sighing when their lips moved against each other. They reluctantly broke the kiss however when they heard the lock turning. Both turned towards the front door, where Trina stood staring at them.

"Hello…"

Tori cleared her throat and smiled at her. "Hey, Treen. Got my medicine?"

Trina held up a small plastic bag and shook it a little while her eyes broke with Jade's and moved to Tori. "Yeah. You should take them now."

"I'll take them later. My head feels fi-"

"No, Tori, take them now," Trina argued sharply and stalked over to her sister and Jade. "You won't get better unless you take your medication _regularly_."

Despite knowing why Trina acted so irritated – the glances she kept sending Jade as she came back from the kitchen with a full glass of water giving her a slight inkling – Tori found herself growing more and more confused with every angry line that added to Trina's scowl. Without protest Tori took the pill Trina plopped into her palm and took a large gulp of the water. "So, I'd say… since that idiot who hit you with his car destroyed our sister bonding time-" She paused and although she was talking to Tori, she turned to Jade with a raised eyebrow, "-we should catch up on that _now_."

Tori flicked her eyes from Trina to Jade, then back to Trina. She knew that her sister was trying to get Jade to go, but fact was, Tori didn't want her to go yet. Not ever, actually, but that wasn't the point now. Clearing her throat again, Tori laid a hand on Jade's arm as she tried to get up, sending her a reassuring look to which Jade sunk back into the soft cushions of the sofa, before she turned to Trina. "Or, um… you could go shopping. You know, since that idiot hit me with his car and you were so excited about shopping in New York." She almost flinched when Trina's head shot to her, incredulous eyes shooting invisible daggers at her. "You could go now. I'm totally fine. And if I need anything I'll have Jade here with me."

Trina's mouth twisted at the thought. "How comforting," she spat, turning back to Jade to scowl at her, who in turn just held Trina's gaze and kept a straight face.

The younger brunette rolled her eyes at her sister's behavior. "You can take my car. It has GPS so you won't get lost. So? _Trina_?" When her sister turned her attention back to her, Tori sent her one of her own glares, the sister's holding a staring competition until the older one gave up with a loud sigh.

"_Fine_." Trina put on a face smile and glanced from Tori to Jade. "I'm gonna go then."

"Have fun," Jade said to her, earning herself a slow nod and a lingering look from the brunette.

"I will. You two don't have _too much_ fun though."

Jade and Tori stayed quiet until the front door fell shut behind Trina, Tori breaking their silence with a groan. "I'm so sorry about her."

"Don't be. It's fine, really."

"It's just… you know…" Tori shrugged and smiled, reaching her hand out to play with Jade's fingers. "She's not really your number one fan."

The laugh that fluttered out of Jade's mouth brought Tori's smile to widen. "Yeah, I don't blame her. But I have you for that, don't I?"

"Oh, definitely!"

Another laugh bubbled out of the paler woman. She gave Tori's hand a squeeze before getting up. "So I think after one _horrendous_ day of hospital food, I think I should cook something for you. What do you think?"

"Ugh yes, I'm starving!"

**…**

After scraping up the only decent food Jade could find in Tori's kitchen – which just so happened to be spaghetti and a can of tomato sauce – Jade made Tori change into her pyjamas before the two settled down in front of the TV, watching a sappy rom-com Tori wanted to see, of course not without a sharp remark by Jade here and there throughout the entire movie. When the sun was almost gone from the sky and stars came out, both Tori's wrist and hip acted up, the brunette needing to take one of her painkillers for it. Just like the first time she took one of those pills, Tori felt her eyelids fall shut sooner than she'd have liked.

"Hey. Are you falling asleep on me?"

Tori released a small sigh, eyes closed and head snuggling deeper into Jade's shoulder. "The pills are making me really sleepy," she murmured tiredly to which Jade chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed." Sliding her shoulder out from Tori and lifting her hand to keep her head from falling to the side, Jade got to her feet and used her free hand to grab Tori's hand. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

It took the brunette great effort to open her eyes but at least she managed to open them a tiny crack and let Jade pull her to her feet. She fell forward, into the other woman, and couldn't help but nuzzle her nose into the pale neck. "Okay. Careful now," Jade muttered into her ear and slowly led Tori into her bedroom, keeping a strong hold around her slim waist. It took Jade quite a while to entangle Tori's arms from her body, but when she finally managed and only Tori's hand was still tucked into hers, she pulled the blanket over her, frowning confusedly when she heard the brunette mumble incoherently. "What was that?"

Tori sighed again, this time more heavily. "Will you stay with me?"

Jade bit her lip and ran her free hand through Tori's hair. "I can't," she murmured regretfully, "I have to get to work really early tomorrow. But as soon as I'm done I'll come back. I'll come straight to you."

"Promise me?"

With a smile on her lips, Jade leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Tori's forehead. "Yes. I promise."

The corners of Tori's lips lifted into a smile, her head moving to the side to snuggle into the pillow. When Jade was sure she was asleep, she carefully pulled her hand from Tori's and tip-toed out of the room, closing the bedroom door behind her. With a satisfied sigh Jade walked back to the living room and turned the TV off before she went into the kitchen to clean up a little. After scrubbing off the small blotches of tomato sauce on the counter and everything was back where it was before, Jade stretched her back and let out a yawn. Deciding it would be best if she'd go home now and get into her bed, she slowly walked to the door and turned the lights off.

When she exited the kitchen however, her eyes fell on Trina coming through the front door, the brunette freezing and face hardening when she noticed Jade. "You're still here," she stated coldly and closed the door behind her. Jade crossed her arms and eyed the dozens of shopping bag surrounding the older Vega sister. "And you seem to have exhausted your credit card to the max."

Trina merely shrugged and lowered her shopping bags near the sofa. "What can I say? I like to treat myself." Jade watched as she mimicked her posture and lifted a questioning eyebrow. "Are you staying the night?"

"No. I just wanted to wait and make sure that Tori's okay. She's asleep."

"So I guess everything is good between the two of you?"

Jade could pick out the slight disdain in Trina's voice, not that it surprised her very much. "Yes. Do you have a problem with it?"

Trina shrugged. "Not as long as you can handle yourself."

Jade released an impatient sigh and rolled her eyes. "Why don't you stop talking like that for a change? I know you don't like me and I totally get why you don't, but I'm trying my best to make it up to your sister. Tori wants me here, okay? And as long as that's the case you should at least _try_ to accept me and Tori's relationship with me."

Again, Trina raised an eyebrow. "Oh, your _relationship_? Does that mean you and Tori are a couple or something like that now?"

"We haven't talked about that yet, but yeah. I'd like that."

Trina chuckled humorlessly. "Oh, of course you'd like that. And your dead fiancée? How do you think she would like that?"

Jade's teeth ground together at the mention of Amelia, but she wouldn't let her provoke her. After taking in a calming breath, Jade let out a bitter laugh and looked away from Trina. After a short silence, Jade made her way to the door. "By the way," she said and turned around, hand resting on the door handle, "Don't eat the food in the kitchen. _I_ cooked so it's _probably _poisoned. Just a warning for you."

With that, she pushed down the handle and left Trina standing alone in the living room.


	34. Chapter 34

For the first time since almost three months the sound of the doorbell buzzing in her apartment made a grin appear on Tori's face. She made an attempt to jump up from the sofa but was stopped by a harsh glare from her sister, who put the fashion magazine she was reading down to answer the door. Twisting her body so that her arm rested on the back of the sofa and she could have a perfect view of the door, Tori bit her lip in an attempt to muffle her growing grin when the person who caused it in the first place stepped into her sight. After Jade returned Trina's glare, her eyes moved to lock with Tori's and the soft smile Tori loved to see danced around Jade's lips.

"Hey you! You're late."

Jade smirked and walked towards Tori without taking her eyes off of her, ignoring Trina's grumbling as she retreated to Tori's bedroom. "How do you figure I'm late? I just said that I'd be coming over sometime after work."

"_No_, you said you'd come by as soon as you finished and _straight _to me."

Tori's eyes fell on a square box in Jade's hands with '_Mary's bakery_' printed on it in light pink letters as the dark-haired woman sat down next to her with a sigh. "And here I thought you couldn't remember anything anymore. You were out like a light after you took those painkillers." Jade used one hand to lift Tori's legs from their stretched out place, slid under them so that she could be closer to the brunette and placed the white box on Tori's lap. "I have a reason to be late though." Jade flicked her eyes to the box and raised her eyebrows, silently telling Tori to open it. Smiling confusedly, Tori lifted the lid of the box, eyes immediately lighting up when they fell on a delicious-looking piece of cheese cake. "Ooooh, that's so great! I love cheesecake."

Jade grinned and reached into her bag to pull out a plastic fork wrapped in a napkin, holding it out to the brunette, who eagerly snatched it out of Jade's hand and dug into the cake. "I'm glad. When I was younger and I was sick, Aiden used to buy me a slice of cheesecake from the same bakery."

Tori let out a hum of satisfaction and mumbled around a mouth full of cheesecake, "Really? Why's that?"

Jade shrugged. "I don't know. It was just something he always did. So I thought why not do the same for you?"

The muffled sound of Trina singing along to her iPod in Tori's bedroom suddenly reached both women's ears and caused Tori to laugh and shake her head. The brunette took another bite and swallowed this time before she began to talk. "I've never met such adorable siblings like you and Aiden, seriously."

Jade's face screwed up. "Yeah. Great, thanks."

Tori laughed. "I'm serious. It's so remarkable how amazing you two get along with each other. I guess the fact that you and he only really had each other to rely on has a lot to do with that, but… still."

"Yeah. I wouldn't know what to do without him. I think I would have come out a lot worse as a person if it wasn't for him." Jade chuckled but Tori frowned and shook her head.

"You're a good person, Jade."

Jade looked up from her lap, eyes locking on Tori's, but mouth staying firmly shut. At last, she simply nodded. "Yeah. Well, you have Aiden and Amelia to thank for that."

Tori smiled at the way Amelia's name rolled so easily off of Jade's tongue when talking to her, remembering a time, where she refused to talk about her at all. _Look how far we've come_, Tori mused to herself and lowered her head to hide her growing smile. Jade didn't seem to notice as her hand gave her thigh a squeeze. "But hey, you're one to talk. I mean, Trina fights like a lioness for you."

"Yeah. But she should really tone it down a little," she said with a sigh before taking another bite of the cake.

"She'll come around eventually."

Tori nodded and took a deep breath before putting on a smile again. She scooped up a piece of the cake and held the fork out to Jade, who leaned forward and gladly accepted Tori's offering. _Trina will come around_, Tori thought absentmindedly, smiling when Jade's fore- and middle fingers started to draw slow circles on her leg.

_She just has to._

**…**

_**Saturday,**_

_**May 17**__**th**__**, 2014**_

"Okay. I think I've got everything."

With her hands on her hips, Trina took a good look around and then turned to her sister standing in front of her when her eyes didn't catch anything that she might have forgotten to pack into her suitcase. She observed the younger woman's face for a moment before letting out a quiet sigh. "Are you sure you don't need me to stay? Who's going to take care of you now?"

Tori narrowed her eyes and smiled amusedly. "Jade is. You know that."

"Yeah, I know that. Doesn't mean that I like it though."

Tori's smile dropped. She had really tried to ignore Trina's verbal jabs at Jade. She had tried to keep her mouth shut. After all, if Trina saw how happy Jade made her, maybe that would change her mind and ease her prejudices. She bit her tongue _every time _Trina shot a glare in Jade's direction the past week, in turn loving Jade even more as she stayed quiet and simply ignored her sister's behavior. But it was impossible for Tori to ignore it now, now that Trina was on her way home again and she would probably tell their parents God knows what. "I'm really fed up with you, you know." Trina's face showed a splurge of surprise at Tori's tone which only angered the younger brunette even more. "I love Jade, okay? But of course I also love you and I can't say how much it hurts me that you don't accept our relationship."

"Whoa. I accept your relationship," Trina argued, "If you love her and she makes you happy, then… I guess I'm fine with it. I'll support you hundred percent."

Tori raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Really? I didn't see that much of your support the last couple of days."

"Well… yeah, because… she's not exactly trustworthy, Tori. Just be careful. I don't trust her."

"But you _can_ trust her."

"But I don't. And you shouldn't either, not so blindly."

"And you should have a little trust in _me_. I know what I'm doing."

"Do you really?" Trina narrowed her eyes at her sister. Neither one of them wanted to say goodbye to each other like that. But could Tori really accept Trina's horrible attitude toward Jade without even trying to turn it around? She didn't think so. "I mean, she's still so hung up on her fiancée. She still loves her, she even told me so. _Helloooo_, Earth to Tori! Don't you see the problem here?"

"For a fact, I _don't_. I don't have a problem with it. Jade will always love Lia. She can't just… cut her out of her heart."

"She's _dead_."

Tori's eyebrows creased, her body tensing. "So? You really don't have any right to judge if you don't know how it feels like to lose the love of your life, Trina. She went through hell these last couple of years. But now, she's… she's _happy_. Because of me. Do you know how good that makes me feel? Do you know how good _she _makes me feel?"

"No, I don't because all I've seen so far was that you felt absolutely horrible because of her."

"Then you should have opened your eyes the last few days. But you couldn't look past your stupid prejudices! You could have tried for me, Trina."

"I _don't _like her!"

"Well, she doesn't like you very much either but I don't see her giving you any attitude."

Trina's eyes closed as her hand lifted to rub her forehead and a sigh escaped her mouth. Looking back at Tori, she tilted her head to the side with pleading eyes. "Can we drop it? I get it. You love her, you don't like how I acted toward her, you trust her, blah blah blah. Can I just have a nice little moment with my baby sister before I fly back to L.A. and won't see her for months? Is that too much to ask?"

It was Tori's turn to release a sigh. "No. Of course not." Not resisting in the slightest, Tori let Trina hug her, her own arms tightly wrapping around her sister. A sudden sadness enclosed around her heart when she realized how true Trina's words rung. They wouldn't see each other, probably not until Christmas, and it really wasn't acceptable for them to part ways fighting. "Thanks for looking out for me," Tori mumbled into her sister's shoulder, feeling Trina's arms give her a light squeeze in return.

"Anytime, little sis." They pulled away, smiling and the fact that they were arguing merely a minute ago almost completely forgotten. Trina let out a sigh, smiled, and grabbed the handle of her suitcase. "I guess I should get going then. Robbie is probably getting impatient."

"Yeah." They walked to the open door in silence, once more pausing there to hug one last time. "Have a safe flight, Treen."

"Thanks. And let Jade take good care of you. Or I swear to God-"

"I get it," Tori interrupted before any threats could leave her sister's mouth. "Just um, one last thing… don't tell mom and dad anything yet. I mean, I-"

"No, no, don't worry. It's not my place to tell." The older Vega smiled, lifted her hand in a wave and then made her way downstairs and only when Tori heard the doors of Robbie's car slam shut and the engine roared to life, did she walk back inside, silently wondering where Jade was right in now.

**…**

Her sister completely_ hates _me."

Aiden let five small, red pillows tumble into the shopping cart and shook his head. "Oh, come on. Don't be so dramatic."

"I'm not." She hesitated and pushed the cart in front of her before asking the next question. "Aiden… You don't think that… Amelia would mind it when Tori and I-"

"No, of course not." Her brother took a hold of her arm to stop her and turned her to face him. "No, she wouldn't. Why? Do _you_ think that?"

"No… Not at all actually but… I just wanted to hear someone else say it, I guess." It really was the truth, which actually even surprised Jade herself. Amelia wasn't really a restraint between the two of them, even though Jade almost expected it. Never would she have thought that being with Tori would be so… easy. Easy. That's what it was. There weren't any doubts, there wasn't any hesitation from either of them because everything seemed to come so naturally with them. It was easy, simple as that. Jade stopped in front of a shelf full of blankets, all in different colors and protected by plastic wrappers. The ones in red caught her eye, her hand instantly reaching out to grab two of the packages.

"Red seems to be the theme," Aiden commented as he let his eyes wander over Jade's selection of pillows, blankets and candles in the shopping cart.

"Well, yeah. Red is the color of love and… it's supposed to be romantic so I thought since romance usually equals red…"

"So Tori's a romantic, huh?"

Jade sighed, letting her eyes travel over the store while she pushed the cart in front of her in case she'd see something she still needed. "I hope so. But considering her taste in movies I'd say yes." Pausing to look down at the contents in the shopping cart, Jade frowned. "Do you think she'll like it? Cat said it's a good idea when I told her what I want to do but do you think it's too kitschy? Or, I mean… ugh, I just don't know!"

"I'm sure she's going to love it, Jade," Aiden soothed and quickly added, "And I don't think it's kitschy. Romantic, but not kitschy."

Jade groaned. "But wait, isn't that one and the same?"

"No."

"I hate this whole romance shebang." They kept walking, nothing else catching Jade's eye, and when arriving at the cash register, both siblings started to put every item onto the conveyor belt. "Why do you even buy all this stuff?" Aiden asked as he put three big pillows onto the belt. "Couldn't you just have taken a couple of pillows and blankets from home?"

"I don't have that many pillows and blankets."

"You didn't have to buy so _many _then."

Jade glared at her older brother. "I want to keep her warm and comfortable. I _had _to buy so many."

Aiden smirked. "Considering you claim to hate romance so much, you sure do know how to pull it off."

"Just shut up."

**…**

A little while after Trina had left, Tori got up from watching reruns of 'Friends' when her doorbell sounded and wasn't all that surprised when her visitor turned out to be Jade. "You again," Tori said in a playfully bored tone and let out a long sigh.

"Oh, you're annoyed by me already?"

"Well, I can't say I was surprised that you came up the stairs," Tori teased with a smirk and crossed her arms, shifting her weight to the right side and leaning against the doorframe. Jade rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless as she came to a stop in front of the brunette. "I'm so sorry that I'm so boring. How can I make it up to you?"

Instead of answering, a grin stretched across Tori's face. The familiar and gentle strokes of a thousand butterfly wings beat against the walls of her stomach when Jade started to lean in, the loud rumble of fireworks replacing the little animals as their lips brushed against each other's and Jade's hand stroked her hip before slowly moving to her back. "I have a surprise for you," she quietly mumbled after she placed a gentle nip on Tori's bottom lip.

"And what's that?"

"I thought since Trina left and we can do whatever we want now without her having anything to say about it, we should have our first date."

An embarrassing and probably insanely idiotic and lovesick smile formed on Tori's face but her accelerating heartbeat and the returning butterflies made it impossible for the brunette to care. "Our first date?"

"Of course. If we're going to do it, then we're going to do it right." She pulled away and raised questioning eyebrows. "So? Am I allowed to kidnap you?"

There really was only one answer. "You certainly are."

* * *

_A/N: I apologize, I'm so horrible at writing fluffy and happy things. That's probably why I almost always kill someone in stuff I write._


	35. Chapter 35

The sun was already setting by the time they've reached the hill and Tori found her breath get stuck at the sight in front of her. She had wondered why she had to wait in the car for so long, now understanding what Jade had done up here for so long. Pillows in every size imaginable were scattered across a huge blanket, or maybe even a couple of blankets, Tori couldn't tell. Red candles and tea lights surrounded the makeshift bed, although not yet lit and a cooler with snacks and drinks stood on the left side, next to a small tower of stacked CD cases. A smile tugged at her lips and she gladly let Jade lead her over, crouching down and sinking into the soft cushions. Immediately after she got comfortable, Jade threw a red blanket over her legs, careful to cover every part of her lower half. Those blue eyes Tori loved so much never met her brown ones, instead restlessly flickered over everything around her before she bit her lip and took a seat next to her. "I thought we could… watch the sunset because in movies everybody seems to love those," she spoke up for the first time since they got up on the hill and finally turned to meet Tori's eyes, frowning, "I have wine, but I wasn't sure if you could drink it because of the meds you're taking so I've also brought other stuff. We have… water and sodas and also something to eat of cour-"

"Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"What's in there?" Jade followed her finger that pointed to a big black duffle bag. She reached over and quickly unzipped it, an old CD-player appearing. "I burrowed this from Aiden and… a couple of CD's too. I thought… it would be a little nicer than a MP3 player or iPhone or something. But if you want to listen to your own music or no music at all then just-"

Tori's laugh interrupted her and made Jade completely freeze. "Why are you so nervous? It's just me and you here."

"Exactly."

Tori smiled when Jade turned away in an attempt to hide the blush adorning her cheeks. Gentle fingers ran down Jade's back and made the pale woman hesitantly glance back at Tori. She groaned and let her head fall into her hands. "I'm sorry. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my entire life."

An adoring smile formed on Tori's lips, her hand sliding across Jade's back, her ribs, until her arm fully wrapped around the other woman's middle and her chin came to rest on her shoulder. "Don't be nervous. It's beautiful. Thank you for doing this for me."

Jade coughed and slowly lifted her head from her hands, frown still in place despite Tori's comforting words. When she craned her neck back to look at the brunette, Tori lifted her head from Jade's shoulder and tilted it to the side as Jade said, "If you hate it, say it. I just didn't know what to do for our first date since… I wanted to make it special and romantic but I just don't know how to _do_ romantic so… I chose to do probably one of the most clichéd things. Watching the sunset."

It still amazed Tori, even after knowing Jade for almost two years now and having seen many facets of the young woman, good and bad, how fast her moods and emotions were able to switch. She had gotten across so confident and flirty when she stood in front of Tori's door earlier that evening and now she was… so unsure of herself and ridiculously nervous. "I don't hate it," Tori softly told her and watched as the frown on Jade's face slightly lessened, "Just relax and don't worry about anything."

Jade sighed before leaning forward, hand finding Tori's cheek as her lips captured the brunette's in a long kiss. They parted with a slight smacking noise but instead of pulling away, Jade kept her hand on Tori's cheek and rested her forehead against hers. "I love kissing you," she randomly muttered before she slowly placed another kiss, this time nothing more than a brief peck, against Tori's smiling mouth. "Your lips are so… nice."

Tori chuckled, flicking her eyes to Jade's lips. "Nice?"

"Nice," she quietly confirmed and proved to Tori once again how fast she could change her behavior. "They're soft and so, so… kissable." Tori slowly breathed in when Jade's forehead left hers and two of Jade's fingers were beginning to slowly trace over her lips, blue eyes watching as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. The brunette swallowed, everything feeling so… intense all of sudden and- weren't they supposed to watch the sunset? Oh man, but who cared about the sunset. Jade was touching her and God, kissing her again. Tori's heart began to hammer so loudly in her chest as she felt her back gently hitting soft pillows and Jade's warm body covering her own. This was probably already her most favorite date she had ever been on and it hadn't even really begun yet. An awkward moan tore through her throat and left her lips, eyes squeezing shut as Jade's mouth moved to her neck, stopping there, a warm breath hitting her skin as she questioningly whispered, "Is this too much?"

Tori groaned when she felt a wet kiss against the hot skin of her neck and moved her head to the side to make sure Jade had more room. "God, no." Almost immediately after Tori gave her okay, Jade's mouth began to work on Tori's neck, eliciting sounds from the brunette that would later surely be a mortifying realization for Tori. Jade chuckled and flicked her tongue over the reddish mark she left on the tan neck, resulting for a shaky sigh to leave Tori's mouth. "Sensitive, are we?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Sensitive is good." Tori felt a small kiss on the underside of her jaw before warm fingers tugged her chin down, brown eyes fluttering open and meeting electrifying blue. "I should apologize. This is pretty inappropriate for a first date. But you _did_ tell me to relax."

Tori laughed quietly and lifted her hand to hold Jade's hair back from falling into her face. "That's totally fine with me. I wasn't complaining."

Jade raised teasing eyebrows. "Ah, I see. I didn't take you for the kind of girl who goes all the way on the first date though. That's pretty cheap, Vega."

"What can I say? Must have something to do with my date."

"Oh yeah, she's pretty hot. Don't really know what she wants with you."

Tori made a face at Jade, who teasingly smirked down at her. "You really know how to charm a girl."

Jade laughed and slowly pushed herself off of Tori, her attention moving to the cooler that stood on her side. "Do you want anything?" she asked and glanced back at her as Tori sat up, adjusting the blanket over her legs. Stretching her neck, she tried to get a look inside the cooler. "What do you have to offer?"

"Oh, well let's see. We have…" Tori carefully listened as Jade rattled off everything she had brought, from the wine she mentioned earlier to self-made sandwiches. She smiled in thanks as Jade handed her the Wahoo Punch she had asked for, took a sip before she bit her lip as a question swirled around in her brain.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot." Jade popped a grape into her mouth and raised her eyebrows at Tori.

"What did you and Lia do on your first date?"

She swallowed, then lifted her hand to her mouth as she coughed and cleared her throat before answering. "I took her to a drive-in theater. I didn't have a car though and Aiden needed his, so I had to take Amelia's."

"_Ready to go?"_

_Lia bit her lip and took one last look around her room before turning to Jade with a smile. "Yeah. I'm ready."_

_Jade nodded and held her hand out but much to Amelia's confusion, she retracted it as soon as she attempted to put her hand into hers. At seeing the confusion on her girlfriend's face, Jade explained. "First, I need your car keys."_

"_Why do you need my car keys?"_

"_To get us to our date."_

"_Oh, but I can drive."_

"_Ah, but you don't know where we're going," Jade teased with a smug smirk, choking down a chuckle when the blonde batted her eyelashes and stepped closer to her. "You could tell me."_

"You_ could give me your keys."_

"_But-"_

"_Don't be a baby, just give me the keys. I won't tell you where we're headed."_

_Lia groaned. "Fine."_

_A couple of minutes later, Jade found herself sitting in the driver's seat of Amelia's car and her blonde girlfriend in the passenger seat. They were quiet for the first couple of minutes with only the sound of the radio playing, but then a loud breath sounded from the passenger seat and Jade smirked as she waited for the long-awaited question. "Okay, _where_ are we going?"_

"_Not gonna tell you."_

"_Then give me a hint."_

"_Okay." Jade was quiet for a moment and felt the curious eyes of her girlfriend almost burning holes into the side of her head. "I think you're going to like it."_

_There was a short pause, then "That's not a hint!"_

"_But that's all you're going to get. Deal with it."_

_Huffing, Amelia turned to look out of the windshield again, a pout gracing her lips and eyebrows tugging down. After shooting a quick glance at her, Jade rolled her eyes. "Don't be so impatient. You're going to find out soon enough."_

_In the corner of her eye, Jade saw the blonde's head fall against the headrest before she turned to look at her with a sigh. "I love you."_

_But Jade only scoffed and kept her eyes on the road. "That's not going to make me tell you."_

_Amelia giggled. "It was worth a try." Jade shook her head and chuckled. "How long 'til we're going to be at the restaurant?" Jade's eyes narrowed at the second attempt of her girlfriend trying to figure out their destination and when she stayed quiet, refusing to utter a single word, Amelia sighed again. "Fine. Well… if I'm being honest I don't think you're going to take me to a restaurant. That would be boring, wouldn't it?"_

_Jade sucked in a breath through her teeth, raised her eyebrows and leaned her head to the side. "I don't know."_

"_Hm. So then… maybe we're going to a concert. You know, since we seem to drive out of town. Are we going to a concert?"_

"_Who knows?"_

_Lia pushed out a groan, followed by an exasperated breath. "Why did I agree to let you plan our first date?"_

_Jade's lips curled into a small smile. The answer was simple. "Because you love me."_

"God, she was so… impatient. She kept asking and asking and _asking_. But… I loved every minute of it, to be honest." One by one, Jade lit the candles around them as the dusk slowly turned into night. Tori watched her attentively with her lip between her teeth, wrapped the blanket tighter around her and pulled her knees up to her chest. "So did she like it? The drive-in theater?"

"Yeah, she loved it." Having lit every candle, Jade put the lighter away and slowly laid back on the soft cushions, shooting a look at Tori. "Have you ever been to one?"

Tori shook her head, then rested her head on her knees. "No. I don't think there are that many around anymore, are there? Though I would have loved if someone took me to one on a date. That would have been really cool."

Jade ran her tongue over her lips. "How was your first date with my favorite douche bag Ryder?"

Tori's lips curved up as she pushed a breath through her nose. "I invited him over and tried to make sushi. …It didn't work out."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I just… I tried to make spicy tuna rolls but they ended up looking like… tennis balls. And- don't laugh! And well, it was just pretty awkward. But we got together eventually, so I guess… my cooking skills weren't really that crucial."

Jade smiled, leaned forward a bit and tugged at Tori's shirt, urging the brunette to lie down beside her. She gladly did, snuggling into Jade's side when the pale woman wrapped her arm around her and pulled her into her body. Jade coughed again before saying, "On our next date I want you to make me sushi. I can't wait to see that."

"I'm not making you sushi," Tori laughed into her shoulder, shifting a little so that her left hand that was wrapped in the cast found a more comfortable spot between their bodies and her right hand came to rest on Jade's stomach. A light breeze blew over them, the shining lights of the candles lightly flickering.

"So are you saying there won't be a second date?"

"No! I'm saying that I'm not making you sushi on our next date!"

"But I want you to d-" A coughing fit prevented her from finishing her sentence, her head turning away from Tori as she lifted her hand to muffle her coughs. Frowning, Tori lifted her head from Jade's shoulder and patiently waited for Jade to calm down. When she did, Tori worriedly said, "Maybe this wasn't the best idea with you being sick. Do you rather want to go?"

"I'm not sick," Jade croaked out, rolling her eyes and clearing her throat before repeating herself. "I'm not sick. Just a sore throat."

"Are you sure, I mean-"

"I'm totally fine." Jade looked at her urgently and Tori knew she wanted her to drop it. So she nodded and kept her mouth shut, but still shook out the still folded blanket by Jade's side and threw it over Jade's body, as well as sharing her own blanket with the other woman, before resuming her position in Jade's arms. "Are you warm enough?" Jade's arms tightened around her body and Tori snuggled deeper into her side.

"Yeah. Very much so. Are you?"

"Yeah. It's perfect like this." They were silent for quite a long while and Tori found herself immensely enjoying listening to Jade's breathing, watching how her chest lifted with every breath she took in and sank down with every exhale. She really could get used to this, Tori thought as she closed her eyes, a smile appearing on her mouth when Jade's quiet voice filled her ears. "So about those spicy tuna balls…"

* * *

_A/N: Okay, I have something non-story related. I wrote a one shot - based on a dream I had and I really don't know _why _I had that dream in the first place. Let's just say Jade and Tori meet Titanic... - and I think it turned out pretty good, although I don't really want to post it yet because it kind of has no ending and I don't really know if it makes sense. So would anyone be interested in reading it for me and tell me how they like it? In more than two words if possible. If yes, just send me a PM or... something._


	36. Chapter 36

_**Saturday,**_

_**May 24**__**th**__**, 2014**_

"Jade? Jade… Jade, wake up."

Tori's soft voice did little to soothe the hard pounding in her head, maybe even making it worse. Jade rolled over in her bed, groaning as she buried her face into her big fluffy pillow but the groan only made her feel worse, uncomfortably scratching at the walls of her throat. "Jade." Her bleary eyes opened at the feeling of Tori's hand rubbing up and down her back. "What's wrong?" When she didn't answer, the prospect of the possible pain that speaking would create in her throat way too risky, Jade felt the bed dip even more before Tori's warm body pressed against her side and her hand rested on the spot between her shoulder blades. "Do you need me to take you to a doctor?"

"No," she croaked defiantly, coughing. She heard Tori sigh and felt her hand move into her hair. The gently strokes in which Tori's fingers massaged her scalp seemed to soothe her hurting head immensely and she found her eyelids dropping shut again, a tear spilling from the corner of her eye by doing so. She felt horrible all week long but today she just felt extra bad. Maybe she really shouldn't have sat by Lia's grave the entire night and maybe she shouldn't have planned her and Tori's first date somewhere outside but, well… what's done is done. "Can you bring me some aspirin?"

"I don't think aspirin will help much. You have a fever."

"Then bring me something against the fever," Jade demanded weakly before a coughing fit took over her body and she buried her face deeper into the pillow. Tori's fingers left her head, much to Jade's dismay, but when she felt Tori's body completely moving away and she heard the door to the bedroom closing, she desperately hoped Tori would actually get her something against the fever. Her head was still hurting _so much_ that she almost considered getting a sledgehammer to numb the pain. Okay… she didn't _actually_ consider that but still. Jade _hated_ to be sick. After a couple of minutes of lying in bed, her head exploding and eyes watering, the door finally opened and shortly after the bed dipped again. Jade shivered when two cold fingers slipped under the covers and gently danced down her bare arm. "Come on, let's fix you up. Sit up for me?"

It took her great effort as she propped herself up against the headboard, her brain rotating in her head and making her incredibly dizzy, forcing her eyes to close. Quietly, Tori reached out and used a tissue to gently wipe at her teary eyes, a concentrated look on her tan face when Jade finally found herself able to open her eyes again. She flicked her eyes to lock on hers, smiled quickly before the brunette looked at the tray she had brought with her. Jade closed her eyes again and opened her mouth almost automatically as something small and round touched her lips. She blindly reached for the glass of water Tori held out for her, took a sip and swallowed the pill before releasing a tired sigh. "I'm so sick," she admitted finally, after having denied it in front of Tori the entire week.

"Oh you don't say, Catherine Obvious."

Jade's eyebrows tugged down, Tori's words forcing her eyes to crack open again. "What did you just say?"

"I said 'you don't say, Catherine Obvious'."

Despite how crappy she felt, a corner of Jade's mouth lifted into a half-smile as Tori kept staring at her with her eyebrows raised and she realized it wasn't meant as a joke. "It's not _Catherine_ Obvious," Jade slowly explained, trying hard to keep her laugh in, "It's _Captain_ Obvious."

Tori's face scrunched up. "What?"

"The expression is _Captain _Obvious."

"It's… It's not Catherine?"

She didn't know if it was funny because of the fever or if it really was so hilarious to watch as the confusion seemed to almost overwhelm the brunette, to the point where her eyebrows were crunched together and her mouth stood agape. "_Who_ would Catherine be?"

There was silence for a little while as Tori thought about Jade's question and man, did she _think _about it. Jade had to bite her lip, hard, as Tori turned away from her, the overwhelming confusion still nagging at her as she wrecked her brain for an answer. Eventually, after Tori had seemingly questioned her entire life, she turned back to Jade. "Catherine could be a Captain."

It was enough to force the laugh she so desperately tried to keep in out, her eyes watering and throat aching with the intensity in which her body shook. Her laughing eventually turned into a full blown cough but that didn't stop Jade from chuckling after she had managed to calm herself a little. An overly adorable pout – Jade thought it should have been against the law to look so sickly cute – graced Tori's face, which only fueled Jade's amusement. "You're _such _a dork, I swear."

Even through the tears clouding her vision Jade could see the blush on Tori's cheeks and the way she tried to keep her lips from tilting up into a small, embarrassed smile. "Whatever, I'm just… You know what, just go to sleep! You're sick." Jade rolled her eyes but laid down anyway, cringing as she watched Tori pick up the tray, only for it to almost crash down as she tried to balance it on her broken wrist, her other hand picking up the glass of orange juice and placing it on the nightstand. She smiled sheepishly down at her. "If you need something else then just-"

"Lie with me." It bubbled out of her mouth, followed by a quiet cough, before she could even think about it. But she needed her with her now, even if that was whiny and childish and stupid. She felt horrible and Tori almost always made her feel better. Let her do her magic now too. She obliged, slowly crawling into bed with her after carefully putting the tray with the still half full glass of water and medicine she gave Jade to the floor. A sigh rushed out of Jade's mouth as Tori settled under the blanket, throwing her arm around her waist. Closing her eyes, Jade turned her back to the brunette, letting her pull her close.

Before she even knew it, Jade was asleep.

**…**

Tori was ripped out of the blissful state between sleep and waking by something sharp painfully colliding with her ribs. She groaned quietly and rubbed her side with her healthy hand, her eyes cracking open. After blinking a couple of times, Tori realized that Jade's elbow had inflicted the pain as the sick woman tossed and turned in bed, a thin, shining layer of sweat on her face and neck. Suddenly wide awake with worry, Tori sat up and let her eyes wander over Jade's restless body. "Jade?" She didn't respond, her blue eyes staying hidden beneath heavy eyelids. "Hey," Tori quietly said, gently trying to shake Jade awake, "Jade, wake up. Come on. I really think we should go to a doctor."

"I'm just cold," Jade mumbled quietly and Tori frowned. She didn't think she'd really be awake.

"You're cold? Should I get you another blanket?"

Jade nodded but her eyes stayed screwed shut. Tori quickly scrambled herself out of bed and walked to Jade's closet where she knew was another blanket. She took it out and tucked it all around Jade before quietly telling her that she'd be back in a minute. As soon as she walked into the living room of Jade's apartment she snatched up Jade's phone and called the only person she could think of right now.

"_Hey, little sister, what's up?"_

Tori released a relieved sigh at hearing Aiden's voice. "Hey Aiden, it's Tori."

"_Oh. Hey." _There was a pause before Aiden cautiously asked_ "Is everything okay with Jade?"_

"No," she said before quickly adding, "I mean yes. I don't know. She's sick and… with the flu and I think she has a pretty high fever but I don't know what to do so… I don't know, I thought maybe you could tell me. What to do now I mean. Should I call a doctor or take her to the hospital or-"

"_Tori, hey. Calm down." _She immediately grew quiet when Aiden's calming voice sounded through the line. Wow, was she overreacting? But what else should she do? She didn't know what to do in those situations and… better safe than sorry, everyone always said. _"Just um… How high is her fever?"_

Tori cringed in embarrassment. She didn't even think about taking Jade's temperature. "Oh, I didn't even check, I was just… worried because she- Whatever, I'm going to take her temperature now. I should do that, right?"

Aiden chuckled. _"Yes, you should do that. But don't be so nervous. It's okay. Everyone gets sick once in a while."_

She was already in the bathroom, raiding the cabinets in search for a thermometer. "I know, I just didn't know what to do… I'm sorry." When she finally found one she jumped back to her feet, the phone almost tumbling out of her hand, and made her way back into the bedroom.

"_No, don't apologize. It's fine. Better safe than sorry, right?"_

The brunette smiled at his words, but furrowed her eyebrows when her eyes fell on Jade snuggled up in her two blankets, seeming to be back in a deep sleep. "Um, I… I think she's sleeping again," Tori hushed into the phone and carefully climbed onto the bed, kneeling in front of Jade's still form. The thought that the fever might have magically disappeared arouse in her head but when she put the thermometer down, switched the phone into her hand that was wrapped in a cast and used her other hand to lie on Jade's forehead, she felt the skin underneath her palm burning up. "She's still really hot. Should I… take her temperature while she's sleeping?"

Tori felt like a small child while she asked Aiden for guidance but Jade's brother didn't seem to mind. _"You could. But if she's sleeping and you don't want to wake her then you can do it later. You can't really do anything against fever. You just have to sweat it out."_

"Okay." Tori nodded and bit her lip, keeping her eyes on Jade. "Then… I'm just going to wait now."

"_Do you need me to come over?"_

"No, I… I think I'm fine. I can handle it and if not… I'll just call you again, is that alright?"

"_Yes, of course. Don't hesitate." _

"Okay. Thanks Aiden."

"_Not a problem."_

With a long exhale she hung up the phone and placed it next to the glass of orange juice standing on the bedside table. It was just the flu. Just the flu. No need to worry so much. Tori flicked her eyes down to Jade, who still slept peacefully, the only indicator that she was sick being the sweat glistening on her skin. Tori didn't know how much time passed but she figured she must have been sitting with Jade quite a while as she stood up and looked out of the window. The sun was already setting and tinted the room in a faint orange light. Tori sighed and looked at the few cars that passed through the street, her stomach rumbling and asking for food. Deciding that Jade would be fine, the brunette slowly began to make her way out of the room.

"A-Amelia?"

Tori's feet froze on the spot when Jade's breathy voice reached her ears. She slowly turned back around to find Jade's hooded eyes resting on her. "Where are you going? Please Lia…" She held her hand out for Tori to take, "Come back here."

Did she just call her Amelia? Despite feeling a slight pang in her chest, Tori hesitantly walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, taking Jade's hand. Jade shifted uncomfortably, her breathing heavy, face glistening with sweat, but even though she obviously felt really bad, she managed to smile at Tori. "I'm so glad you're here, Lia," she croaked out and squeezed Tori's hand, "I'm not feeling so good. Please will you stay with me for a little bit?"

Jade's eyes were barely managing to stay open and Tori knew that she didn't just _call_ her by her fiancée's name. She thought she _was _Amelia. She was hallucinating. Her fever induced delirium reached its highest point and Tori contemplated if she should play along or should just leave the room and let her sleep it off. "Of course I'll stay with you," she eventually brought forward and was rewarded with a relieved smile.

"Good. I've missed you… so much. I'm so… I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm happy to see you too, Jade."

Jade nodded, closed her eyes and ran her tongue over her dry lips. Her sweating seemed to increase, which Tori figured was a good thing since it probably meant that her fever was breaking. "It's… I really, really… miss you, Amelia. You missed out on so much." She pushed out a weak laugh. "Robbie and Cat… they got married. They… they really are husband and wife now. Can you imagine?"

Tori smiled, her thumb soothingly running over Jade's knuckles. "Yeah. It's crazy though."

When Jade merely nodded and her eyes fell completely shut, Tori made a move to get up but was stopped by Jade's voice again. "Oh, no wait." She tightly held on to Tori's hand and caused the brunette to sit down again. Jade loudly exhaled. "I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I… There's a woman… she's… she's Robbie's old high school friend." Tori's eyebrows shot up. She was talking about her? "Her name is Tori and she's… she's so…"

"She's what?" Tori urged her on, eyes wide open as she waited for an answer.

"I'm… I'm in love with her. I'm so… in love with her."

Was it possible for a heart to explode with happiness? This wasn't at all the way she imagined Jade to confess her feelings but to hell with that. She was in love with her. She _said _it. Not really to her but… whatever. Everything that counted was… Jade loved her. "Don't worry though. I still love you too. So, so much. I love you." She took a deep breath, her eyes flickering under her eyelids as sleep lulled her in. "Always."

Tori waited a little while longer until she was sure Jade was definitely asleep before she slipped her hand out of hers and quietly left the room. But as much as she tried, the smile on her face stayed.

And didn't leave until she fell asleep next to Jade.

* * *

_A/N: I'm so sorry for taking so long but lately I haven't been in the mood to write for this. Like I said, I get distracted very easily and every time I sat down to write something for 'Find A Light' I ended up writing something completely different. I'm really sorry.  
_


	37. Chapter 37

_**Sunday,**_

_**May 25**__**th**__**, 2014**_

"No! It's Sunday, we have to go!"

"You're sick. Cat will understand."

"I'm _totally_ fine, Tori."

Tori pushed out an irritated breath, then pressed her lips together and looked away from the sick woman. She almost rolled her eyes when loud coughs spilled out of Jade's mouth but stopped herself by taking in a deep breath. Yeah. So much for being _totally fine_. "Jade, I'm telling you-"

"You know, _you_ don't have to go if you don't want to. I'll go by myself then."

This time Tori couldn't stop her eyes from rolling. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous," Jade huffed after clearing her throat. "I'm feeling better, so let's just go."

"Why are you so intent on going?" Tori shook her head as Jade left the living room without another word and followed her into the bedroom, where she began to rip out clothes from her closet. "Jade, I'm talking to you."

"I'm not talking to you though, _Tori_," she snapped sharply, turning to glare at the brunette who really had no idea how to deal with her right now. Tori's teeth took a hold of her lip, her eyes dropping to the floor. A sigh was heard. "Look. I just want to go. I feel better today so there's no reason for me to cancel. Got it?"

This time, it was Tori's turn to stay quiet. Her eyes lifted timidly when quiet footsteps made their way over to her, meeting Jade's blue ones very hesitantly. The two women stared at each other for a moment before Tori gave in with a small sigh. "I got it. If you're sure…"

With a nod, Jade turned away from her and dedicated her clothes her full attention again.

**…**

Tori bit the inside of her cheek and looked to the side when a string of vicious coughs tumbled out of Jade's mouth, the woman trying to muffle them into the inside of her elbow. "Sorry," she croaked out after her coughs subsided and Tori turned back toward her, lips pressed together.

Robbie cracked a smile at the sick woman sitting across from him. "No problem."

It took all of Tori's effort not to grab Jade right then and there, bundle her up in her jacket and take her home this instant. She bit her tongue, refraining herself from proposing even the thought of getting her home, when Cat stuck her head into the room, brown eyes settling on Tori. "Hey Tori, could you help me with something?"

"Yeah, sure."

Some weird sort of relief came over Tori as she got up from her seat on the sofa, leaving Jade alone with Robbie. At least she didn't have to witness Jade coughing out her soul, without being able to utter a single word because she knew exactly that Jade would just get mad again. So she gladly began to cut carrots when Cat asked her to, her attention focusing on the blade piercing through the orange vegetable and being careful not to get her cast dirty.

"She's pretty sick, huh?" Cat jutted her thumb in the direction of the living room, her eyebrows raised. Tori sighed, nodded her head and kept cutting carrots. "Yeah. I've been telling her to stay home but she refused to listen."

"Hm. Well, you can't tell Jade what to do, it's like talking to a wall." Cat giggled and shook her head. "That's just the way she is."

"I'm not complaining about that, I mean… I like that she's not doing anything she doesn't want but… she's pretty sick and I'm worried."

"Don't be. She's a tough cookie. When we were in high school Jade got through a protracted pneumonia. A little flu won't bring her down that easily."

She knew Cat's words were meant to soothe her worries but somehow knowing that Jade had pneumonia in the past only unsettled her more. What if this cough wasn't just the flu but something serious? What if she made a mistake by not dragging her to a doctor yesterday? But Aiden had said that it was _just _ a fever and maybe she was a little too overprotective and maybe she really should cut Jade some slack. If she wasn't feeling better until Wednesday, then Tori would most definitely get her to see a doctor.

"How is it going with you and Jade?"

Forgetting her worry for a moment, a smile made its way onto the brunette's lips. "It's actually going pretty great," she said softly, hand stilling and eyes looking down at the table. "I mean, I don't really know what I expected but it's… different. She's so different in a relationship. Affectionate and… softer, somehow."

Cat smiled and kept her attention on stirring the soup. "Yeah. Amelia used to say that, too."

At the mention of her girlfriend's ex-fiancée her smile dropped. Completely setting the knife down, she slowly nodded her head. "Right…" At the start of their relationship, hell, even before then, Tori had known that the deceased blonde woman would always be a part in Jade's life, and therefore also in hers. It had been okay for her, it still _was_ okay. They talked about Amelia, occasionally, and Tori actually really liked to hear Jade's stories about her and their life together. It made her envious sometimes, to hear about Jade and Lia's young love. She wished she had experienced a love like they had when she had been in high school. But it also made her hopeful that maybe… Jade and she would be just as happy as Jade and Amelia had been.

When Tori's silence stretched on for too long, Cat glanced over at her. "What's wrong?"

It was okay that Amelia was a part of their life. It was okay that Jade still loved her. It was okay that Jade still thought about her. But to some extent… it scared Tori. Her eyes lifted from the table and met Cat's worried ones. For a moment, she hesitated. Should she really tell Cat about her fears? Was that really okay? _She's Jade's best friend. Don't bring her into a position where she will probably feel uncomfortable._ No, it wasn't okay, she decided. So Tori forced out a smile, stood up from the table and grabbed the chopping board with the small pieces of carrots lying on it, bringing it over to the redhead. "I'm fine. Nothing's wrong," she told her but Cat's worry was unrelenting, her wide brown eyes only leaving Tori when the kitchen door opened.

"Do you need any help?"

Tori bit her lip when she heard Jade's voice, dumping the carrots into the soup when Cat told her that they had everything under control. But instead of hearing the kitchen door open and close again, Tori felt two arms slip around her waist, a warm body pressing into her back. "Do _you_ need any help?" Jade quietly murmured into Tori's ear and Tori couldn't do anything else but smile, leaning back into Jade's embrace.

"I'm good," she mumbled back just as quietly, slightly craning her neck to get a glimpse at the other woman whose eyes closed as she took in a deep breath. She buried her nose in Tori's soft hair, her arms tightening around the brunette.

"Thanks for looking out for me."

"It's no problem."

"I should appreciate you more," she mumbled into brunette hair almost regretfully, "You're just… perfect. You should know that."

With a sigh, Tori turned her head back to look into the soup, beginning to pull away from Jade. "No one is perfect, Jade."

"You are." Jade pulled her back against her body, then gently kissed Tori's neck. For a moment, Tori's heart stopped. This would be the perfect moment. Just three words. Three simple words tumbling out of Jade's mouth at this moment, without the influence of a fever, that was all Tori wanted. But disappointment slowly bubbled up within her with every short second passed and not one syllable left Jade's mouth. Instead, she felt another kiss against her neck, then another briefer one against her cheek before Jade's arms disappeared from around her.

When Tori turned around, she realized that only she and Cat remained in the kitchen, the redhead standing in the far end of the room with her arms loosely crossed and a soft smile on her face. "You're really cute together," she said which caused Tori to blush and smile. "But I know there's something bothering you." The redhead walked closer again until she stood right next to the taller woman. "What's up?"

Again, she hesitated. Again the same thoughts as earlier went through her mind. _She's Jade's best friend_. But this time, she crumbled. She was her friend too, after all. "It's just that… sometimes I'm scared that she's not really… seeing me. I mean… I would never want to replace Amelia. Her shoes are big ones to fill, I wouldn't even dream of trying to fill them out. But… what if Jade expects that from me? What if… I will disappoint her? I'm just afraid that when she's looking at me… she's not really seeing me. She's seeing Lia."

Cat frowned. "I'm sure she's not. She's seeing you. She fell in love with Tori, not Amelia 2.0."

"Yeah, I know but-" She broke off with a sigh, sinking down on a kitchen chair, her hand rubbing her forehead. She felt stupid for thinking like that but… it was just the way she felt. She couldn't do anything about it, as much as she wanted to. "I- Yesterday… Jade had a really high fever and… she kind of hallucinated. She thought I was Amelia." Tori glanced up at Cat. Her eyebrows were creased together as she sat down on a chair opposite from Tori. "She was telling… "Lia"… that she's in love with me. But that she still loves her too. And I mean, I know she does but… I'm just afraid that I'm not enough for her. That her love for me won't stand a chance in comparison to her love for Lia. Maybe she will… realize that and… and I…"

"She won't." Troubled brown eyes looked up into determined ones. "I know she won't."

"But-"

The kitchen door suddenly burst open and Tori and Cat turned to look at Jade standing in the doorway. Tori smiled at her. "Hey, what's-"

"I want to go home."

"What, but-"

"I think I'm getting a fever," she interrupted Cat, her eyes however, staying locked on Tori's confused ones, "I want to go home."

Cat carefully turned back to Tori, then flicked her gaze back to Jade as neither of the women dared to break eye contact with each other. After what felt like minutes, but in reality were just a couple of seconds, Tori blinked, then sighed and got up from the table. "Okay then."

**…**

"Jade?" No answer. "Aren't we… getting out?"

The woman in the driver's seat sighed loudly, forcefully ripped the key out of the ignition and jumped out of the car without another word, making Tori flinch at the loud bang that sounded when she slammed the car door shut. In her mind Tori began thinking about every little thing that had happened at Cat's that could have led to Jade's horrible mood but by the time she followed Jade up the stairs and Jade almost ripped the door out of its hinges, she came up with absolutely nothing. Was it something Robbie said or did? Jade's keys flew onto the coffee table with a loud clang as Jade walked into the kitchen area, got a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. Tori settled for standing by the door, watching Jade drink before she finally found herself able to pluck up the courage to approach her. "What got you so mad?"

She flinched when Jade forcefully slammed the glass onto the counter, a couple of droplets spilling out. Tori dared to walk closer until she stood on the other side of the counter, right across from Jade. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Did _I_?" Jade's glittering eyes challenged her to answer her but Tori felt herself being unable to speak. After a couple of seconds of silence, Jade pushed out a deep breath through her nose. "I _heard_ what you said to Cat. That I'm not... _seeing you_? Really Tori? You think that?"

She didn't answer, only looked down at her shoes which seemed to make Jade only angrier. "Oh, and wouldn't want to forget the part about you not being enough for me, right? God, what the hell is wrong with you? Did I ever give you a reason for thinking like that?"

"No-"

"Did I ever make you feel inferior to Amelia?"

Tori sighed shakily. "No."

"Then what in the world has you thinking that kind of stuff?!"

In a small voice, her eyes lifting from her shoes, Tori said, "Tell me how you feel about me."

Tori swallowed as Jade's eyes narrowed. "_What_?"

She repeated her previous sentence but all Jade did was stare at her as if she had two heads. A sigh escaped Tori's lips as she turned her head away. "You told me you love me yesterday."

Jade's response was immediate. "I don't remember that."

A scoff left her lips at that and she turned her eyes back on Jade, shaking her head. "And that makes it any less true?"

Blue eyes dropped to the counter. Brown ones filled with tears. The silence was ridiculously loud but neither of them could find the courage to break it. Would words just make everything worse right now? Would they make it better? Both of them weren't sure, both of them didn't want to risk it. But after two minutes, Jade couldn't take it anymore. Her quiet voice sounded. "So what now? Are you breaking up with me?"

"God Jade… I would wait forever for you, don't you understand that? It's just… I _know_ that I don't stand a chance, okay? I _know _that if Lia would magically come back from the dead you would forget about me in an instant. But I don't _care_. And call me stupid but that's the way it is. I _love_ you. And I can't… I can't understand why you… why you just can't say it back."

"You turn everything on me now? You know, I'm trying. I'm actually trying very hard. For you. For me. For _us_. Because I want you, I want us to work. I just…" Jade's hands let go of the counter, her mouth released a long sigh. "I'm sorry that I got mad at you. I'm sorry that I can't… say what you want to hear yet. It's… I just can't. Not yet, Tor."

Tori sniffled and wiped the back of her hand over her eye when Jade started to round the counter and her eyes pleaded with her. "But we've come so far already, don't you think? We're going to manage the last couple of yards too…"

"I'm sure we will," Tori mumbled and although she believed Jade's words, that they were definitely going to manage, she just… couldn't do this right now. Pulling in a shaky breath, Tori looked at Jade with glassy eyes. "I'm a little tired. I think, um… I think I should go home now."

Jade's hand found Tori's. "You can stay here, if you want," she offered softly, but knew it was the wrong thing to say when Tori shook her head. She took a deep breath, her thumb running over Tori's knuckles before she let go of her. "Do you want me to dr-"

"I'll walk. It's fine."

Jade sent her a hesitant nod before she watched her go to the door where she paused and turned her head one more time. "I'll see you tomorrow," she softly said, smiled, and was gone the next second.

* * *

_A/N: I don't know if the next chapter will be the last one or if there will be another one. I will definitely finish it, I can guarantee you that, even if it takes a little longer.  
_


	38. Chapter 38

_Her eyes slowly opened, blinking as she tried to get them into focus before she dazedly looked into the smiling face of… Amelia?_

"_Lia?"_

_The blonde's smile widened. "Hi."_

"_You're back," Jade stated softly, astonished at the sight of her fiancée lying next to her._

"_I never left you," she softly replied and lifted her hand to stroke Jade's cheek. She must be dreaming, Jade thought, or hallucinating or just turn completely nuts now, but when she felt the hand of her (dead?) lover move into her hair, everything felt so freakishly real. But this _couldn't_ be real, it _wasn't_ real. A wave of panic rushed through Jade's body. What the hell was going on?!_

"_You," she started slowly and watched Lia's eyebrows rise, "are _not_ real."_

"_No?"_

"_No…" Inhaling deeply, Jade held the breath for as long as she could, hoping that that might help her to make this strange…_ copy _of Amelia disappear, but when the need to breathe became_ _overpowering and the air she was holding rushed out of her mouth, the blonde woman still wasn't gone. Carefully – and she really didn't know why she was so careful. This wasn't real. Nothing could happen – Jade slipped her head out from under the woman's hand and sat up without removing her gaze from her. "Whoa, am I going crazy now? Is it finally happening?" When Amelia's face just showed amusement, Jade narrowed her eyes. "The pills. This is because of the meds I'm taking, right? I'm hallucinating."_

"_If that makes you feel better. Then sure, yes. Definitely the meds."_

"_Oh my God," she mumbled, tearing her gaze away from Lia and getting off the bed, where she started pacing the floor, hands in her hair. "I can't believe this. This isn't happening. What the fuck is going on?"_

"_Tori was way more cooperative when I met her. And she didn't even know me before."_

"_Shut up Lia, I-" _Tori?_ Jade froze, hands gradually falling out of her hair as her eyes, wide in shock, moved to the figure sitting up on the bed. "You met… what? Tori… You… I don't understand."_

_The smile on Lia's face was soft. "You don't know how easy it is to get into people's minds when they're sick or injured. The things doctors give people is some _heavy_ stuff."_

_Jade scoffed. "Yeah, no kidding." Wow, did stuff like this happen to people who take drugs? If so, how could they _like_ that? This was the freakiest, most confusing and scariest thing Jade had ever experienced in her life and she wanted it to stop. Now. But… what if this really was real? What if this person on the bed really was Amelia? She definitely looked like her. She talked like Amelia. Everything about her was just exactly like Amelia. The room had been silent for way too long now, but Jade really wanted some answers._

_If she was crazy then why not embrace it, right?_

_Carefully eyeing the other woman, Jade slowly sat down on the bed. For a moment she stared at her and didn't do anything else before she nodded her head. "So when Tori had that accident…"_

_Amelia nodded. "Yep."_

"_But Tori never said anything about…"_

"_She probably forgot it as soon as she woke up."_

"_Uhuh. Okay. So then… Why didn't you _appear_ when _I_ was nearly dying? That would have been nice but, you know, I'm sure _Tori_ needed that more than me."_

When I was nearly dying? What am I talking about?_ Amelia seemed to think the same thing, judging by the look she sent Jade. "Okay, first of all: You didn't nearly die. You have bronchitis, but you didn't die and you won't die. And Tori didn't almost die either, plus, she doesn't even remember it anymore. Just to get the facts straight."_

_Just like when she was still alive, Amelia managed to make Jade feel completely ridiculous about her jealousy. Ducking her head, Jade mumbled, "Well… you… You still could have come sooner."_

"_You're not _seriously_ mad at me for that, are you?" Jade didn't react. Amelia sighed quietly and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Well, I'm here now."_

_It made Jade look up, meeting hazel eyes again. She looked so beautiful, so, _so_… real and beautiful. They looked at each other for a long time before the soft smile dropped from the blonde's face and her hand retracted from Jade's."By the way: that stunt you pulled sitting by my grave all night? That was seriously the worst idea you've ever had. Do you know how hard it was for me to not being able to yell at you to go home?" She raised her eyebrows in an aggravated fashion and blew out a breath. "You and Tori sure are a handful to look after."_

"_To look after?"_

"_Well yeah. _Someone_ has to do it, you two are obviously too careless to look after yourselves." Jade chuckled at the wink she received and reached out to brush over Amelia's hand but frowned when she couldn't feel anything. "Why can't I touch you?"_

"_Because I'm dead, Jade."_

"_But you can-"_

"_I don't know how that works," she quietly admitted and looked at her hand, moving it to lightly brush against Jade's. This time, Jade felt something. "I'm not really an expert at this whole thing."_

_Jade wondered if anyone actually was an expert at… being dead. "So… is there… a reason why you came now? And not sooner? Or not at all?"_

"_Tori."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah. Oh." A loud sigh rushed out of her mouth. "Why do you do that to her? She's so perfect and patient with you."_

"_I know she is. Don't you think I appreciate that?"_

"_I _know _you do. But appreciate is not enough. Not anymore." Amelia shuffled a little closer to Jade and urged her to lift her head so that their eyes could meet. "I know you love her. And that's okay, that's… more than okay, actually. But you have to let her know."_

"_But-"_

"_God Jade, you're so… stubborn." She let out a sigh and shook her head. Her weight rested on her hand as she_ _tilted her head to look at Jade. "Tori is_ good _for you. Just let her in._ Completely._ It's not that hard." She smiled and shrugged her shoulder. "You've done it with me."_

"_That was different."_

"_No, it wasn't. You love Tori just as much as you love me. The only difference is… that I'm not here anymore. But Tori is. Don't fight it. Just let it happen. It's supposed to."_

_She was right. She was _so_ right. But still, it really wasn't as easy as she pictured it to be. There was still that one little hole, and while Jade knew that Tori would do anything to tend and heal it, she didn't know if she could really expect that from her. What if it would eventually be too much for her? She'd leave Jade, and every wound would be freshly ripped open. Jade didn't know if she could live through such a pain again. "I know what you're thinking," Amelia said softly, interrupting her train of thoughts. Jade timidly looked up at her. "She won't leave you. Stop thinking like that. It just makes you feel scared."_

"_I _am_ scared."_

"_You don't have to be."_

"_I love you though," she pleaded feebly, but she knew Amelia was right, everyone was right. She should have listened to Cat, to Aiden… to Tori._

"_I know. God, and I love you too, Jade." She paused, took a deep breath and cracked a sad smile, helplessly lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "And as long as I still have a small part of your heart… as selfish as that might be of me… I'm happy. But I'm setting you free. It's what I need to do. It's what _you_ need."_

_A sob fought its way through Jade's throat and tears began to spill. She wanted to wake up so badly from this. This was hurting her so much, she just wanted… she wanted… Tori. "You can't leave me, Amelia. You can't, you promised me not to leave."_

"_I'm not going to, love." The blonde smiled teasingly, hazel eyes sparkling. "Who else is going to make sure you won't do anything stupid? But it's time now."_

"_Time for what?"_

"_Time to let go."_

"_But-"_

_Jade's word got stuck in the middle of her throat when Amelia's smile turned sad. "Our time is up, Jade."_

_There was no space left to argue. It was true, there was no way around it anymore. So Jade stayed quiet and didn't put up a fight when Amelia made her lean back and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Now sleep tight."_

_And sleep she did._

Blue eyes slowly fluttered open, meeting the clear white ceiling. Jade's head was still spinning from the unbelievingly weird night she had, yet, she turned to her right, only to see the bed next to her was empty. Sighing shakily, she lifted her hands to run them across her tired face, trying her best to rub out the sleep she actually hadn't gotten at all. This dream… this dream was just the weirdest thing. Why did it feel so… real?

But she reminded herself that it _hadn't_ been real, as much as she wanted it to be. But that was the thing. Did she really want it to be real? The fact that she even questioned that made her feel completely horrible but she couldn't help it. Amelia was dead. She had been for a long time. And it took an awful long time for Jade to get over her, which actually she still wasn't, not really. But… was Tori right?

"_I _know_ that if Lia would magically come back from the dead you would forget about me in an instant."_

The small fight they had after coming back from Cat and Robbie two weeks ago had really put a strain on their relationship and hovered above them like a black, fat rain cloud. Spoken and unspoken words – mostly the unspoken ones – rested heavily on both of their shoulders and seemed to push and push until it would ultimately force both of them to their knees. There hadn't really been time for Jade to smooth the situation out either, with her cough getting worse and fevers spiking higher. Eventually she had gone to a doctor, who had diagnosed her with an acute bronchitis and a protracted flu, putting her on antibiotics. She hadn't really managed to really think about Tori's words but now… now she wondered if she was right.

She wasn't. Even if it was possible for Lia to come back, forgetting Tori… was just impossible. She loved Tori, not any less than she had loved Amelia, just like the blonde had said. _No stop, Jade!_ It was a dream, nothing more. She wouldn't believe in this weird, spiritual crap. It wasn't real. Death wasn't something anyone could just come back from. It was simply a trick of her brain to tell her that it was okay to love Tori. That's all. That was all it was.

_It was okay._

Talking to Tori, that was what she had to do now. It was way overdue. Kicking the covers off of her body, Jade swung her legs out of bed and jumped to her feet. Her ears took in a faint clattering from the other side of the door, and excitement and nervousness began to pull at her when she realized that Tori must be bustling around in the kitchen. Even though their relationship had been shaped with tension, Tori had taken it upon herself to take care of a sick Jade, trying to nurse her back to health as best as she could. How could anyone _not_ love this woman?

Taking one last deep breath to brace herself for what was to come, Jade pushed open her bedroom door and slowly walked down the small hall to the living room. When she got a glimpse of the kitchen however, her hand flew to her chest when she realized the person there wasn't Tori.

"Holy f- Jesus!"

Aiden whirled around, his face taking on a look of amusement when he saw his shocked sister in the doorway. "Not quite, no."

Jade rolled her eyes, let her arms fall to her side and walked into the room. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Checking up on you. Making my lovely and appreciative sister breakfast."

Jade ignored his sarcastic tone and took a seat at the counter. "Where's Tori?"

"At work." Of course, duh. Just because she was off sick didn't mean that Tori was too. She let out a sigh and stayed quiet while Aiden bustled around in the small kitchen. After a couple of minutes, a plate full of pancakes was shoved in front of her. Looking up at her brother, Jade saw him eagerly dig into his own breakfast. They ate in silence before Jade sighed again and spoke up.

"Aiden?"

"Yep," he said absentmindedly, most of his attention being held by his pancake.

"Do you believe in, like… spiritual stuff?"

"Spiritual stuff? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean," she sighed and picked at the edge of her pancake, "Do you think there are people who… are like guardian angels or who just generally look out for you? People you can't see?"

By now Aiden had put his fork and knife down and was looking at his sister with raw attention. "I… I never put much thought into it." He paused, then leaned forward a bit. "You mean dead people?"

"Yeah," she admitted hesitantly, gauging her brother's reaction. But his expression didn't change. "I mean… Have you ever had a feeling that maybe mom was guiding you in the right direction?"

"No," he said after a silence but then his face crumpled in confusion, "Or I don't know… Have you?"

"I… I guess so. I think I saw Amelia. No, I didn't _see_ her, I… dreamt of her. But it just didn't feel like a dream, you know? It was as if she was really there next to me."

"Hm. What did she say?"

This was one thing she absolutely loved about her brother. No matter how farfetched or absurd whatever Jade told him was, he'd always listen and take her serious. "She said that… I should let go."

"Of her?"

"Yes."

She tightly bit down on her lip when Amelia's words repeated themselves in her mind. _"Our time is up, Jade."_ Aiden leaned his head to the side. "And do you want that?"

The answer was suddenly as clear as a blinking billboard.

**…**

She couldn't wait anymore.

So Jade found herself standing in front of big glassy double doors, ready to walk through every single hall this school possessed in search for Tori. But first thing first, she would look in the most obvious place: the teacher's lounge. Pushing open the doors and walking into the artsy school, she walked through quiet halls with colorful walls and pretty lockers. Absentmindedly she wondered, how she herself would have decorated her locker when she was in high school and how Tori would decorate hers. Her ideas made her smirk.

When Jade reached the brown door with 'Teacher's lounge' written on it in small black letters, she lifted her hand and gave the wood three light knocks before pushing down the handle. The first person she saw was a strange man sitting at a table with a coconut in his hands and a straw sticking out of one of the coconut's holes. The straw was tightly captured between his lips and his eyes were locked on hers. When he lifted one hand to wave at her, Jade hesitantly smiled and gave him a curt nod in greeting. What a weird school.

She contemplated asking the coconut man for where she could find Tori, but when she looked to her left, her question was answered all by itself. Tori was standing with her back to her, a handsome man – the one Jade had met when she had visited Tori here the first time – standing next to her, both hovering over a piece of paper in Tori's hand.

"Tori…"

The brunette turned around at Jade's voice, eyebrows rising. "Jade? What are you-"

"I need to talk to you."

She looked at her for a moment before glancing at the guy next to her, then back at Jade. "Uh… Right now? Can't it wait until later?"

"No, no it can't."

The silence that followed was awkward and really, really uncomfortable as Tori and Jade simply stared at each other. When it got too much, the man next to Tori cleared his throat and carefully pulled the piece of paper out of the brunette's hands. "It's fine. You two can talk," he said, then quickly walked away and left the two women alone in the back of the room.

"I had a dream," Jade started quietly. She slowly walked closer until everything she'd say would only be heard by Tori. "It made everything… kind of… clear."

"Is… that why you came here?" She looked at Jade as if she had lost her mind. "Because you wanted to tell me about your dream?"

"No, no I…" Pausing, Jade pushed out a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. _Easy steps. Just start easy._ "I hate the way we are right now. I mean, we're both not happy and… And I… I absolutely hate it that I make you so sad lately. It shouldn't be like that, I should make you smile and laugh and blush not… frown and cry."

Her words seemed to make Tori slightly uncomfortable as she bit her lip and took a look around the room, shifting her weight from side to side. "Jade… maybe we should talk about this some other time."

But Jade didn't even think about stopping now. It had to come out now, there was simply no way around it. "You wanna know how I feel around you? I feel alive. I feel worthy of life. When I wake up and you're not there I get scared that everything was just a dream, that you were just a figment of my mind. But when I see you or hear your voice or touch you… I know that you're real and I'm so relieved because I can't see myself going on without you."

"Jade-"

"I love that you love me, Tori. I love that you never gave up. I love it when you wear your glasses. I love it when you don't wear your glasses. I love your name. It makes me feel warm all over. I love that I live for you, that I live for us. God Tori… I love you."


	39. Chapter 39

_A/N: Well, hello there! I'm so sorry for taking such a long time but I just couldn't... think, I guess. Anyway, last chapter you guys! I hope you liked it even though I put you through quite some torture. Thanks to every single person who read, _double _thanks to everyone who read _and_ reviewed. And well... this is the en__d. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

There was a kind of feeling in the air, something indescribable, something Jade couldn't figure out if it was a bad or a good thing. Tori had been quiet for almost a whole minute now and while Jade was sure it was just the initial shock the brunette was experiencing, she couldn't help but feel her bravery slipping as all eyes were suddenly trained on them. She bit her lip as she looked at the crazy man with the coconut, straw abandoned while his mouth stood open. The man with the fluffy hair was smirking while he leaned against the printer. A redheaded woman in the corner of the room was perched on the edge of her seat, eyes wide and lips parted as she waited for a reaction from Tori, almost as if she was watching a movie.

Jade cleared her throat and blinked a couple of times before she turned back to Tori. "You know, it would be incredibly nice of you if you wouldn't just stand there like a dumb wax figure."

That seemed to bring the tan woman out of her reverie. She shook her head, mouth funnily opening and closing before a squeaky "What?" escaped her lips.

"Okay, do I really need to repeat it? I mean, if I really _have_ to then I do it but-"

"No. No, you don't have to repeat it. I was just… you know." She let out an awkward laugh, nodding her head at Jade. Her eyes widened however when she realized that they weren't alone in the room. She turned her head, _slowly_, as if that would help make the people around them disappear, and took a look at everyone who was staring at them. A light blush rushed up her neck as a tan man with tight, black curls on top of his head grinned and rapidly nodded at her. "Um, we should- I mean… come on."

Cold fingers interlaced with Jade's as Tori began to pull her out of the room. Tori's steps were quick as she maneuvered them through the halls before they finally stopped in front of a… closet. Jade raised her eyebrows at Tori's attempt to pull her into the small room and kept her feet firmly placed on the ground. "It's the janitor's," Tori explained, still tugging on Jade's arm, "Come on, it's the only place where we can be uninterrupted."

"Well, the _janitor_ could interrupt us," Jade mumbled but caved in and let Tori tug her into the closet. A heavy smell of cleanser brought Jade's throat to tingle, a deep cough leaving her mouth. After she took a look around the tiny space, Jade's eyes fell on Tori, nervous as ever with her lip tucked between her teeth and eyes worriedly staring back at her.

"Did you really… mean it?"

"Of course I meant it. Why would I have said it if I didn't mean it?"

"I- I don't know… I just, it's so… so sudden, I guess."

"It's… it's not," Jade reluctantly said with a sigh, ran her hand through her hair and looked away for a moment before hesitantly meeting Tori's eyes. "You were wrong when you said… that I would forget about you if Lia would somehow come back. I could never… forget the way you make me feel, or how much I love it when you blush. How much I love… watching movies with you because you don't care that I interrupt it every few seconds. I just… Do you understand what I mean? You've grown to be one of the most important persons in my life, Tori. I mean it. I love you."

There was a grin that was fighting to break out on Tori's face but for whatever reason, Tori didn't want to let it out yet. "Well… that must have been some kind of dream, huh?"

Jade chuckled and shook her head. "You have _no_ idea, really."

Still seeming a little shaken by everything that had left Jade's mouth in the last ten minutes or so, Tori nodded her head, eyes flicking all over the room before she finally locked them with Jade's. "Okay, so… I have to get to class soon and I still need to… do a couple of other stuff so… maybe I could come by your place after work and-"

"Oh yeah, sure. That's fine."

"Good." And there it was, that grin, this time succeeding in fighting Tori's resistance and managing to make her whole face light up, eyes sparkling happily. She walked backwards, not tearing her eyes away from Jade as she fumbled with the doorknob, managing to open it after only a few failed attempts. "I'll see you later then."

Jade only nodded and sent her a smile but before the door closed, Tori hesitated, bit her lip while staring at Jade. In only a matter of seconds Tori launched herself back into the room, threw her arms around Jade's neck and connected their lips in a kiss that reminded them both of their first one, back in the hallway outside of Jade's apartment. It was blazing, electrifying, completely unacceptable. Even the way it should be.

"I'll see you later," Tori breathed against Jade's mouth, her smiling lips pressing one last peck to Jade's before Tori was gone, leaving Jade alone in the janitor's closet with not only the smell of the cleanser fogging up her brain.

**…**

_**Saturday,**_

_**July 26**__**th**__**, 2014**_

"Blowing out candles is good exercise for your lungs."

Jade shot her brother a look, her eyes slightly narrowed, to which Aiden's eyebrows shot up. "What? You're twenty eight already. _Twenty eight_! In two years you'll be thirty. That's pretty old."

"Well, I'll still be younger than you," Jade shot back with a smug smirk but eventually turned her attention to the cake in front of her where, lo and behold, twenty eight candles were waiting to be blown out. Rolling her eyes and taking in a deep breath, she blew out the small flames, again rolling her eyes at the cheers that broke out around her. "I hate you all," she mumbled while a smile threatened to take a hold of her lips.

"Aww, don't be such a grunch. You get delicious cake _and _awesome presents. What more could you want?"

Turning to her right, Jade met the soft gaze of her girlfriend, eyebrows slightly raised and lips forming a smile. Smirking, Jade leaned forward and gently placed a kiss on Tori's lips. A pale hand found a tan one, finally cast-less after so many weeks with that stupid thing, fingers intertwining with each other in a way that was utterly familiar. A loud squeal brought the two women to part, both heads snapping toward a grinning redhead who had her clasped hands tucked under her chin. "You two are so cute!"

"_So_ cute," Robbie agreed only halfheartedly as his eyes hungrily stared down at the cake, "But can someone cut the cake now? I'm starving!"

"It's my cake," Jade said, tilting her head to the side, "Who says you'll get to eat any of it?"

Robbie's eyebrows dug down and his mouth fell open in indignation. "Don't be so mean!"

"I'm the birthday girl, Aiden bought it for me."

"I didn't buy it, I baked it _myself_," Aiden boasted but looked down with a sheepish smile on his lips when Jade said,

"Oh sure. Who do you think believes that?" Jade smirked, then sighed and stood up from the sofa. "But you know what, Rob? I'm feeling really nice today. So you'll get a piece."

"Yes!" As if getting a piece of the cake was a victory to him, the curly-haired man pumped his fist into the air before he sat up straight, placed his hands on his knees and drummed his fingers. "Hurry! I'll wait here."

Jade rolled her eyes but smiled at his dorky behavior as she made her way into the kitchen of Tori's apartment. Before the door could close behind her, Tori slid into the room and leaned her back against the closed door. "This is okay, isn't it? Having them over?"

Placing the five plates she just took out of the cabinet on the counter, Jade turned around. "Yeah. If it wasn't you'd know it already."

"True," Tori agreed with a smirk and advanced toward the pale woman, wrapping her arms around her neck. "You would have already thrown them out."

"Yeah. And I would have thrown _you_ out."

Tori let out an incredulous laugh. "I live here!"

"So?"

"You can't throw me out!"

Jade scoffed. "You don't know what I can."

Tori giggled, stepped away from Jade and began to take out the needed cutlery out of a drawer. Jade watched her for a moment before she glanced down at her left hand and took a deep breath. She had been thinking about it for a while now. Ever since she told Tori how she really felt two months ago, actually. But something had always held her back, something Jade couldn't quite put a finger on. Maybe she just needed the time to really think about it. Whatever it was, now was the right time.

"Tori?"

"Hm?"

She was looking at a fork, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to polish away a water stain. "I have something for you… kind of."

Tori looked up, lips pulling into a confused smile. "For me? But it's your birthday."

"I know. But there's just something… I need to give to you." Jade sighed and looked at the ring on her left hand. Tori watched her slide the sparkling band off of her finger with furrowed eyebrows, staying quiet when Jade took her hand in hers, turned her palm up, placed the ring in the middle of it and closed her hand.

When she finally realized what it was that Jade was doing, her face relaxed. "Jade, no," Tori weakly argued but Jade wrapped both of her hands around Tori's closed palm.

"It's you and me now."

"But it's your… only connection to her. You shouldn't feel forced to give that up."

"I don't feel forced. I'm doing it for you. It's not the only connection, I have so many memories of her. But she isn't here. _You_ are."

Tori swallowed when Jade's hands fell away and opened her palm, looking down at the ring that lay there. It wasn't just a ring. It wasn't just the fact that Jade took it off. It was a promise that she'd stay, that she had made her decision and that she chose Tori.

"I want you to keep it somewhere," Jade quietly muttered but Tori's eyes didn't lift from the gleaming object in her hand, "It's just… I don't know, maybe you think it's weird that I give you my engagement ring but I know it's time to take it off and… you know."

Brown eyes, glittering with a thin layer of unshed tears, met hopeful blue ones. "I don't even… Yeah, yeah, I'll keep it somewhere… Somewhere safe." Tori grinned and looked down at the ring, sniffling and wiping at her eyes with her other hand to make sure no tears would escape, before she looked back up at Jade. "Thank you."

Jade shrugged, a smile on her face and eyes adopting a happy sparkle. It was the most beautiful she could look; so happy, a smile instead of a frown, a laugh instead of a whimper.

"Jade! Tori! Stop making out and come cut the cake!"

Tori laughed and Jade quietly chuckled at Aiden's voice, taking the plates into her hands. But before they could leave the kitchen and would be surrounded by their friends again, Jade leaned forward and captured Tori's lips in a long kiss, only parting when another warning of Jade's brother came filtering through the door. "You know, I could _still_ throw them out," Jade mumbled against Tori's lips after kissing the corner of her mouth. A chuckle escaped Tori at Jade's offering but before she could get weak and _really_ consider Jade's words, she took a large step back, all the while taking the plates out of Jade's hands.

"Let's go, before they'll starve."

"Oh, don't tempt me."

**…**

_Everyone expects a happy ending._

_Yeah, don't deny it. In the deepest and darkest place of every heart, of every human being, no matter how pessimistic and unbelieving they may be, everyone secretly wishes there to be a happy ending to their own story. And really, I find nothing wrong with that. Why wouldn't we want to believe that everything is going to be okay? Why wouldn't we want to hope and wish and even expect there to be a light at the end of the tunnel? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, believe me, because as I tell you this, I will have encountered that there is hope, and there is always… always a little fleck of brightness in the dark. You just have to open your eyes and look for it._

_They say everything happens for a reason. God, I don't even know how I can say that stupid sentence without vomiting my guts out. I have heard it a gazillion times, again and again, from almost every person I've met in my entire life probably twice. And not once did I ever believe it. Yeah, I get it. God moves in mysterious ways. But seriously, what was the reason I had to grow up without a dad? I mean, what could the reason be, for a grown man to leave his family all alone, just because he couldn't handle his wife being sick? What's the reason for when a mother is taken from their two children much too soon? And what the hell is God's reasoning for letting an already damaged girl meet someone she falls hopelessly in love with, letting her be happy for a couple of years, just to damage her even more by taking said love away from her again? _

_It just didn't make any sense to me, and it still doesn't, to some extent. But everything that happens in your life, no matter if good or bad, is linked to each other. One thing leads to the other and you realize that, without a specific thing that happened in your life, you would have missed out on so much. Who knows if my brother and I would have had such a strong bond if our father hadn't left us? Who knows if my mother would have gotten better? Maybe death was the only way out for her, the only way for her to feel good again. And who knows if Amelia had transferred schools and we would have fallen in love, if all of that didn't happen?_

_Yeah, maybe it would have happened the same way. But maybe everything _does_ happen for a reason._

_Even Lia's death. _

_Would I have met Tori if Amelia had still been alive? I'm 100 % sure I would have. But I would never have fallen in love with her._

_As much as I loved Amelia, as much as I wanted her to be with me forever, I knew there had to be a reason that she was taken away from me – even if I didn't want to believe that for a long, long time. And I think… that reason went by the name of Tori Vega._

_When I first met her, in Cat and Robbie's apartment in front of the bathroom door, with her wearing these glasses that made her look _insanely_ attractive and with her lip tightly captured by her teeth, I would have never thought that this… brunette ball of nervousness would ever become such an important person in my life. _

_But she did._

_She became this… this bright streak of searing light that just… jumped into my world, and lit up every shadow there ever was. I wondered for the longest time, after Tori and I got together, if maybe I had been dead too, in some weird emotional way, and Tori was the one who brought me back. Ugh. This was so corny. But still, I like to believe it's kind of the truth._

_It's still hard at times, I can tell you that. We fight, a whole lot actually, mostly about little, unimportant things. There are times where I still need time for myself, just an hour or two. Trina, although she came to terms with me dating her sister, is still hot on my tail at times. But I don't really blame her, to be honest. As long as she protects Tori, she can dislike me all she wants._

_But those are just tiny bumps in the road. What relationship didn't have them? Being with Tori is perfect, in every way imaginable. Tori showed me how to love again. She gave me hope. Made me realize that life can go on. She restored the relationship with my friends._

_It was simple, really. Tori understood me when no one else did, made me smile when no one else could and fought for me even when everyone was ready to give up on me. The darkness is long gone now, instead every little nook is filled with bright colors. _

_I guess you could say… that I have found my light._


End file.
